


A Song of Their Own

by aMUSEment345



Series: Soundings [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-04 10:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 100,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMUSEment345/pseuds/aMUSEment345
Summary: Follows on 'Reverberations'. Morgan looked back and forth from one to the other. "Then I'd say there's a problem. A big problem." JJ and Reid... and Henry...are ready to plan their wedding, but circumstances are conspiring against them. Why can no one find Will? Who else is in danger? Fourth in a series.





	1. Chapter 1

_**A.N. This story begins a few days after the ending of Reverberations, following the engagement of JJ and Reid. In order, the stories, each of which follow on the one before, are: Her Voice, Echoes, Reverberations, and now, A Song of Their Own.** _

_**I'm glad many readers have enjoyed the stories enough to make them favorites, and I offer special thanks to those who have given me feedback and encouragement by reviewing. If not for you, the latter three stories wouldn't exist!** _

* * *

 

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 1**

_No matter how much you love your job, you can't love a Monday morning_ , thought Morgan as he entered the BAU. He nodded to Rossi and Hotch as he passed their offices on the way to his own. As was his custom, he detoured briefly to poke his head into Garcia's lair, and was surprised not to find her there. That brought his attention to the bullpen, where he noticed the remainder of the team in what looked like a huddle. His curiosity won out, and he headed to the stairs to investigate. His hand actually went to his weapon when he heard a shriek, but he relaxed when he heard it followed by laughter.

"Hey, everybody, what's up?"

He noticed Garcia give a subtle wave to the others. Apparently they weren't prepared to let him in on whatever had brought them together.

"Baby Girl, what's going on?"

"Nothing, Derek. We were just chatting about the weekend," she said as she breezed past him. "Morning meeting in five, everyone."

Morgan was a little put out, but shrugged it off. Grabbing some coffee, he joined the rest of them in the round table room. He couldn't help but notice the knowing smiles on the faces of Garcia, Reid, JJ and Prentiss.

Hotch called them to order. "We're coming off stand down rotation, so we'll be next up to go out. Garcia, what do you have for us?"

"Well, the first thing I have is the news that the jet is requiring a little more maintenance than was thought, so it's not ready yet. We're limited to commercial flights or more local cases until late in the week."

There was a little generalized grousing about that, but Rossi, who tolerated but did not love flying, breathed a sigh of relief. "I would much rather they take their time and give us a reliable flying machine than….." He interrupted himself. "Young JJ! What is that I see on your left fourth finger?"

All of the team except for Morgan smiled. He looked around at the rest and then at JJ's finger. His eyes went wide when he noticed the glint of the diamond. Then he looked at Reid, disbelieving.

"Pretty Boy! You did it!"

Reid blew on his nails and polished them on his vest for the benefit of his good friend.

"And she said 'yes'?" Morgan managed to sound both incredulous and pleased all at once.

JJ laughed. "And I said, 'yes'."

Unnecessarily, Reid pointed out to Morgan, "We're engaged."

Rossi and Morgan both got up to give the couple their best wishes. Morgan gave JJ a brief hug and then shook Reid's hand as he slapped him on the back.

"Congratulations, Kid. I have to admit, I didn't think you'd be able to pull it off….but I'm really happy for both of you."

"Thanks, Morgan. To tell you the truth, I wasn't so sure myself."

That brought a wide eyed look from JJ and laughter from the rest of the team.

Rossi gave JJ a warm embrace. "Congratulations, cara. You seem very happy."

She spoke into his ear. "I am. Very."

Rossi embraced Reid as well. As he did, he whispered into the young man's ear. "You'll be good to her, yes?"

"All of my life."

Morgan looked around at the rest of the team, who did not seem to be joining in the congratulations. "What, did all of you know already?"

Emily informed him. "I noticed as soon as I saw her this morning, and Garcia did as well. That's what we were excited about when you came in."

"Didn't you see them trying to squeeze the life out of us?" Reid felt like he'd barely survived their expressions of congratulations.

Emily was sitting close enough to the genius to whack him on the arm. "You know you loved it." Turning to Morgan, she said, "We took bets on whether you or Rossi would notice first."

"What about Hotch?" Morgan was looking at the unit chief, not believing he might have paid attention to a team member's jewelry. "Don't tell me  _you_ noticed."

"I've already offered my congratulations." The unit chief didn't elaborate on how he'd known about the engagement.

Reid and JJ looked at each other, smiling and recalling their conversation from Saturday night...

* * *

In an anticlimactic move, Reid helped JJ up from the kitchen floor and they finished the dishes together, took Casey out for a walk, and put Henry to bed.

"Somehow, I don't think this is how most people celebrate their engagement." Reid sounded apologetic.

"Well, we're breaking the mold, then. I wouldn't have it any other way." JJ was snuggling against him on the sofa. She held out her hand to admire the ring again.

"Is it too small, JJ? I don't know anything about these things."

She leaned back to look at him. "Spence, the size doesn't matter. It's what it means that's important. And, to me, it's even more special that it belonged to your mother."

That seemed to trigger something in her. She jumped. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven, why?"

"Talking about your mother reminded me that I should call my parents and tell them. But I don't want to call this late. I'll do it in the morning."

There was an odd look on Reid's face. JJ couldn't quite interpret it. She was distracted by his question. "How will we tell the team?"

"I have a feeling we're not going to have to say anything. What do you want to bet that Garcia is the first to notice? And Hotch the last."

Reid shifted in his seat. "Hotch already knows."

JJ was both surprised and confused. "Excuse me? Hotch knows?"

Reid opened and closed his mouth several times. "Hotch knows because he was with me when I went to see your parents."

Now JJ was completely at a loss. "You went to see my parents? With Hotch?" She paused to process. "When did this happen? Where was I?"

Reid picked up the hand with the ring and kissed it. "When we went out on that last case. It's why I volunteered. I knew we'd be relatively near your parents."

JJ was still not understanding. "But why did you go? Because I told you I was worried about my dad?"

The realization hit Reid suddenly. He'd known about her concern, but hadn't even considered it when he was in Pennsylvania. "JJ, I'm sorry. I completely forgot to ask him about that."

"Then, what?"

He looked a little uncomfortable. Maybe it  _had_  been a little old fashioned. "I wanted their blessing to ask you to marry me."

JJ almost laughed, but then caught herself. Here was her noble Spence, trying again to do just the right thing. "That was sweet, Spence. And probably a little challenging?" JJ knew her father well. And she remembered how intimidated Spence had been at the thought of having her parents visit and scrutinize him as her boyfriend.

"Hotch gave me a pep talk on the way there. Your dad didn't exactly make it easy for me, but he didn't chew me up, either. And he insisted your mom give her blessing as well."

JJ gave a raised brow smile to that.  _Maybe Dad is coming along. It's about time._

"So, they knew, but they didn't know when?"

He nodded. "So you can still surprise them with the happy news tomorrow."

* * *

The following day, Sunday, JJ and Henry went to church. Reid was inching closer to accompanying them, but still not all the way there.  _I guess I'd better get used to it in time for the wedding._

When they returned, Reid took Henry on a long-promised visit to the Air and Space Museum, giving JJ time to herself. She intended to journal, but wanted to call her parents first. She decided on a video link call this time.

"Hi Mom, Dad. How are you?"

"We're fine, Jennifer. How are you feeling? Has it been too much for you, being back at work full time?" JJ's mother was still worried about her daughter's recovery.

"I'm fine, Mom. I just called with some news." She could see her parents exchange a knowing look.

"What is it, Pumpkin?" She idly wondered if Reid knew about her father's pet name for her.

"Well, it might not actually be news to you." And she held her left hand in view of the camera.

Her mother's hands went to her mouth. "He asked you!"

Her father was smiling. "And you said 'yes'?"

They were both happy to see the radiance of her smile, the one Reid thought of as her sunshine smile.

"He asked me, and I said 'yes'!"

"Oh, my little girl, I'm so happy for you!" Her mother was gushing. "I wish I could give you a hug over this contraption."

JJ's father was more controlled. "He seems like a very good man, Pumpkin. I can see that he makes you happy."

"He does, Dad. He loves me, and he loves Henry…and we both love him." She made sure both of her parents were paying attention to her. "This is the right thing for me….for both of us. I'm sure of it."

Her father was nodding his approval as her mother moved on to planning. "Jennifer, there's a lot to do to get ready for a wedding. Have you decided on a date?"

JJ realized she and Reid had been too busy with their household to do any wedding planning. "We haven't even talked about that, Mom. I'll have to get back to you."

"And, Dad? Thanks for leaving him in one piece."

"Ah, there wasn't enough meat on him anyway."

* * *

JJ didn't think she would need her journal to remind her of the events of last night, but she wanted to put the words to paper to help her capture the moment, and process the emotions.

"It happened. I wasn't always sure it would, but it did. Spence asked me to marry him. And I, of course, said 'yes'! I'm sure that, in the annals of proposals, this won't be characterized as the most romantic. But I think that would be wrong. The man that I love more than I can express, and who loves me the same way, poured out his heart and gave it to me. Maybe I'm crazy, but the fact that he did this in the middle of our kitchen, kneeling in soap suds and being nipped by a puppy…..all of that just made the moment more powerful. It was so  _real._ It was my chosen life partner vowing to be with me through all the messiness of a life spent together. To me, it was worth more than a room full of rose petals and champagne.

He's given me his mother's ring. It's simple, but beautiful. I so respect the woman she was, who struggled every day of her life and managed to produce the love of mine, that I am honored to wear it. And I think Spence is very pleased with that. His mother was the most important relationship he had in his life, the most influential, the most lasting…and maybe the most heartbreaking. But he loved her, and I'm glad to have a way to help him remember her.

Henry was excited too. He thinks Spence is marrying both of us. Maybe he's right. The wisdom of the four year old is hard to beat.

My parents are very happy for me. I can tell they know this is a different relationship from the one I had with Will. Oh, and Spence went and asked permission to marry me! My own personal Sir Galahad. It was so sweet of him, especially since I think he was afraid of my dad. I think it may have helped bridge that gap a bit. At least Spence made it home intact.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you."  _There I go, having a dialogue with my journal again. Is that normal? "_ I remember! I forgot to say that I remember! I remember the night Spence first told me he loved me, and our first kiss. I'm feeling whole again. No, better than whole. Being in this relationship, making plans for a future together, feels larger than life.

I am so very, very happy!"

* * *

Sunday night found Henry and Casey down for the evening, and Reid and JJ in their usual spots on the sofa. She told him about her conversation with her parents.

"Mom's asking me about specific wedding plans made me think, Spence. I really think I should tell Will about this. I mean, he knew we were seeing each other, but not that we were to the point of thinking about marriage. And I feel like it would be disrespectful not to tell him."

Reid agreed with her. Will had been understanding about the fact that Reid and JJ were entering a relationship, and mature about acknowledging that his own romantic relationship with JJ had come to an end. Reid thought they should respond with the same kind of respect and openness. They would, after all, share responsibility for the little boy they all loved.

"It's been at least three months since we've heard from Will, since Fathers' Day. And I couldn't reach him when you were in the hospital."

"I think we're going to have to call his captain tomorrow to see if they can get word to him. To tell you the truth, Spence, I'm a little worried….more than a little worried, actually….that it's been so long. I'm not that familiar with deep undercover operations, but I'd always thought there would be  _some_  kind of contact."

"We'll try his captain tomorrow. If we're not satisfied, we can talk to Hotch about what else to do. Or to Morgan, actually. I think he was deep undercover for over a year before he came to the BAU. He can at least tell us whether this is unusual."

JJ kissed Reid's hand. "That would make me feel a lot better. Thanks, Spence." She gave him a grin. "Or should I say, thanks fiancé."

He gave the grin back. "You're welcome, fiancée."

* * *

After the Monday morning meeting, and the celebration of the engagement, JJ and Reid tried once again to reach Will. Failing that, they tried his precinct captain.

"Captain Proulx, this is Agent Jennifer Jareau of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. I have been trying to reach Detective William LaMontagne for some time now, without success. Detective LaMontagne and I have a child together, and I would like to be able to speak with him. I understand he is undercover, but it has been over three months since we've had contact."

"Agent Jareau." JJ could hear the same New Orleans drawl she'd become used to with Will. "Yes, I see your name and phone number on Detective LaMontagne's contact list. What is it you need to speak with him about?"

JJ was a little put off by this. She didn't think it was appropriate for Will's captain to pass judgment on the urgency of her message for him. She tried to resurrect her liaison skills to facilitate the process.

"There have been many things over these past three months, Captain Proulx, including a severe injury from an automobile accident. But more than anything else, Will's son needs to hear from him. I'm concerned about the length of time he's been out of touch. Is this typical?"

It didn't take a profiler to interpret the meaning of the few seconds Captain Proulx hesitated before responding. Clearly this wasn't the way things usually went, Proulx's reply notwithstanding.

"Agent Jareau, every case is different. As you know, Detective LaMontagne has gone deep undercover. That precludes him having frequent conversations with us. When he does call in again, I'll be sure to let him know you've contacted me. But understand that he may not be able to contact you."

"Captain Proulx, are you telling me everything? Is Will in trouble?" JJ couldn't keep the concern out of her voice.

"Don't you worry about him, Agent Jareau. Everything's under control." With that, he broke the connection.

Reid had been listening in. He didn't believe the captain's word any more than JJ did. "We need to talk to Morgan."

* * *

Morgan listened without interruption to the entire story….which didn't take long, as there was very little JJ and Reid actually knew.

"And he asked me to look after JJ and Henry. I felt like he was handing them over to me. Now that I look back on it, maybe he knew exactly now dangerous this assignment would be." JJ hadn't known about that conversation between Will and Reid, and was looking increasingly concerned.

"Morgan, can it be that he would be out of touch that long? That they couldn't even get a message to him when I was in the hospital?"

Both of the other agents were disconcerted by the look on Morgan's face. "JJ, when I was deep undercover, there were definitely days at a time that I couldn't break away. I couldn't have been in touch with anyone then. But only for days at a time. If it had been longer, if I couldn't be in touch with my team, they would have come for me. There's no point in an undercover operation if there's not information being passed back to law enforcement."

Morgan went on. "Are you sure the police haven't been in touch with him either? Is he working with any other agencies, and maybe communicating with them?" He looked a little uncomfortable with his next question. "Are you sure he's not just avoiding you?"

Reid and JJ exchanged a look. JJ responded. "Anything's possible, Morgan, but I don't think so. Will and I purposely parted while we were still friendly. We didn't want to let things devolve to the point that the problems in our relationship would hurt Henry."

Morgan looked back and forth from one to the other. "Then I'd say there's a problem. A big problem."


	2. Chapter 2

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 2**

"From what you're telling me, I'd say you need to kick this up a pay grade. They may have just been keeping you out of the loop before, but now it sounds like they're stonewalling you. I think we should take this to Hotch."

Reid noticed the subtle change from 'you' to 'we', and appreciated his good friend's willingness to get involved in their problem. "Thanks, Morgan."

The trio found their unit chief in his office. He looked up from his paperwork when he caught their movement in his peripheral vision. Hotch gave them his typical furrowed brow look. "Is something up?"

Reid spoke for them. "Hotch, we think we may have uncovered a problem, and we're having some trouble dealing with the police in the jurisdiction."

"Reid, you know we can't get involved unless we're invited in. What case is this?"

The young agent looked at JJ and Morgan before turning back to his boss. "It's about Will LaMontagne, Hotch."

That clearly took the senior agent by surprise. "Will?" He directed the comment towards JJ.

She explained. "He told us in June that he was going deep undercover. That was three months ago, Hotch, and we've heard nothing."

Reid took it up. "No contact at all. I tried to get word to him when JJ was injured, but never heard back. The police in New Orleans never committed on whether they'd actually gotten the message to him at all."

"Hotch, Henry asks for his father all the time. Will was good about keeping in touch with him. And now, nothing. I wanted to tell him about the engagement, so we called his precinct, and the captain put me off. Told me this was typical of an undercover operation."

"It's not, Hotch." Morgan was adding his thoughts now. "I spent almost a year and a half deep undercover. There's no way it's acceptable for an agent to be out of touch for three months."

Hotch had put his pen down, and was obviously trying to consider how, or even if, he should respond. He looked at each of his agents in turn, then gave a brief nod. "Let me make some calls. JJ, do we know if he was working with any other organizations?"

"It was a human trafficking case, Hotch, but he didn't say if it was international or entirely domestic. I don't know."

"All right. Let me put out some feelers. I think we need to try to fly under the radar for now, so I won't call the officials in New Orleans until I have to. It may take a few days."

JJ felt like she wanted to kiss him, but maintained her workplace propriety. "Thanks, Hotch. I appreciate this more than I can say."

Hotch was hesitant, but felt he needed to say it. "We don't know what we'll find here, JJ. You probably need to be prepared to hear almost anything, good or bad."

She returned his steady gaze as he continued. "Will may be fine…..or he may be hurt, or….."

"Or dead," she said, in a voice that was barely audible. Reid stepped closer to her.

"Or he may have lost his way with the people he was supposed to be investigating. He wouldn't be the first undercover agent to fall to temptation." Hotch watched her closely to be sure she understood.

She'd been looking at the floor, but raised her eyes to him again. "We were together for four years, Hotch. I know him pretty well. He wouldn't lose his way.  _That_ , I'm sure of." Almost under her breath, she added, "It's the  _only_  thing I'm sure of."

* * *

Reid found it hard to concentrate the rest of the day. The issue with Will was ever present at the back of his mind, but he was able to prioritize the work before him. What kept distracting him was the intermittent female chatter and laughter that filled the air. Garcia and Emily kept pulling JJ aside, apparently pressing her for more and more detail about the proposal. Reid noticed their covert looks in his direction every time they got together to chat. They were inevitably followed by a titter of laughter. Reid didn't begrudge JJ talking to them, but he began to wish that someone would ask him to tell the story, so he could assert his version.

The final straw came when Emily and Garcia both openly looked in his direction and together gave a loud, "Aww." Reid turned beet red and stalked off to find coffee. Morgan saw his reaction and decided on a break himself.

"Reid? Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," he said too quickly. Then he shook his head and put down his cup. "They," he pointed with a nod of his head, "have been talking about me all day. And laughing." His irritation was beginning to show. "What's so funny about me proposing to JJ?"

Morgan was filling his cup and had his face turned away from his younger friend. He got the smile out of his system before he turned around.

"Kid, they don't mean anything by it. They're just getting used to the idea, that's all."  _So am I_ , he thought.  _Pretty Boy an engaged man, who would have guessed?_

Morgan wasn't always the most sensitive with his colleagues, but today it came to him to do the right thing. "Reid, tell me about it. I didn't hear the story this morning."

That loosed the dam.  _The kid's just excited. And the ladies only want to hear the story from JJ._

Reid recounted the whole series of events, including JJ's lost and found memories, his visit to her parents, and the chaos of the kitchen in which he'd proposed. Morgan had a hard time keeping a straight face at the last bit.

"So, let me get this straight. You thought it would be romantic to propose to her in the kitchen, in the middle of washing the dishes?" He had trouble keeping the incredulity from his voice.

Reid looked a little embarrassed. "Well, maybe it wasn't exactly romantic, but it was right. I just knew it." He gave it a moment's more thought. "Do you think that's what they were laughing about?"

Morgan perched himself on the counter. "Reid, you have to admit it was a little unusual."

"Reid-like," the genius provided wryly. He knew how they referred to his idiosyncracies.

Morgan gave the tiniest smile. "Kid, no one is laughing at either of you. We're all just happy for you. The two of you look so excited that it's hard not to react to it. Let them have their fun. Enjoy it. It only means they love you. You and JJ both."

Reid had a resigned smile on his face. "I know. I guess I'm just not used to being the subject of discussion when the topic is romance." He gave Morgan a meaningful look. "That's usually you."

* * *

"Well, you made Emily cry….that's an accomplishment." JJ and Reid were headed to pick up Henry from his extended day program on the way home.

Reid was astonished. JJ hadn't sounded upset, and it didn't sound like an accusation. "When did I do that?" He'd barely spoken with Emily today.

"When I told her and Garcia about the proposal."

"All I heard was laughter." He was still just the tiniest bit put out about it.

JJ smiled at him. "You heard them laughing when I told them about the kitchen. But when I told them  _why_ you'd chosen that moment….well, Garcia started to cry and Emily… spilled a single tear."

" _Emily_  did? Wow." He was a bit placated now. "Was that the 'awww'?"

Now she laughed, realizing he'd been listening from afar to only half of the conversation. "No, that was about the ring."

He flashed a look in her direction and then back to the road. "So, they thought it was good?"

She leaned over and kissed his shoulder. "They thought it was utterly romantic, and beautiful. Right now, you're a hero."

He turned to her and smiled. "But don't let it go to my head, right?"

"Right."

Reid wanted to cover something before they were with Henry. "JJ….about Will…..are you all right?"

She was quiet for a moment, considering. "I think it's been niggling at me for a long time now, that he's been out of touch. There's just been so much going on in our lives that I couldn't pay attention. But I am worried, Spence."

Neither of them wanted this to dampen the happiness of their engagement. They'd come too far, and been through too much, for that. But, especially because of Henry, Will was a part of their lives, and what happened to him would very much affect them. JJ sought to put it into some perspective.

"I still care about Will, and of course I worry about him for Henry's sake. But, Spence, nothing can change how happy you've made me. I'm glad we went to Hotch because it feels like we're doing something about it. For now, that's enough for me."

Reid wasn't sure that was completely true, but was grateful to JJ for the sentiment.

* * *

"Henry, little man, how was school today?" Reid noticed that Henry didn't look like his usual sunny self.

"Boring, Uncle Spence. We learned "The Wheels On the Bus"…again."

It was early in the school year, and for the benefit of the new kids in the class, they were 'learning' old material. Reid sympathized with his godson. He'd been very easily bored in school himself.

"You know, Henry, they have to do that for the new kids. Maybe you could help them learn it." Henry brightened only a little at that suggestion, so Reid pushed further.

"Maybe it's time for me to teach you how to read. You know, so you'll understand what the words in the books say. And then you can know a _lot_  more stories." If ever there was a boy that enjoyed stories, it was Henry.

That got the desired response. "You mean it, Uncle Spence? Yay! Casey, I'm gonna learn how to read!"

JJ heard the response from the garden, where she was watering. "Are you sure you want to take that on, Spence?"

Reid stood up for the other male in the household. "Of course, Henry is so bright, it'll be a snap."

JJ smiled at her fiance's pride in the boy who carried another man's genes.

* * *

 

 By Wednesday, the jet was back in action and so was the BAU team. Garcia demonstrated her 'over the shoulder' aiming skills with the remote.

"Houston, we have a problem. Or rather, Houston has a problem." Photos of a pair of victims appeared on the smart board behind her. "We have here thirty seven year old Michelle Gill and her two year old daughter Melanie, both found bludgeoned in their home in west Houston. And here," bringing up another photo, "we have an unknown female…we'll call her Jane Doe….approximate age thirteen, strangled, found in an alley in downtown Houston."

"And why do we think these murders are connected?" Rossi voiced what everyone was wondering. "We have different locations, different means of death…"

"And what about the time frame?" This was from Morgan.

"Answering from back to front, the time frame is extended. The Gills' bodies were found two months ago, and as you can see, they had died recently. Jane Doe's body was found on Monday. They tried to call us in right away, but because of the jet…."

Hotch clarified, "and because of the extended time between the killings, it was thought we could wait the additional two days."

"So back to my question. Why do we think they're related?" Since Hotch was obviously aware of some of the parameters of the case, Rossi trusted that the relationship would be real, but still didn't see it.

"Ah, to quote the Bard, 'thereby hangs a tale'. One of the Houston homicide detectives, a Detective Ward, remembered a similar killing, also of an unknown pubescent girl, also dumped in an alley, about five years ago. He wasn't with homicide yet, so he hadn't worked the case, but he remembered it from the news. When he pulled the case file, he noticed a possible connection between the two unknowns."

"Which was?" Morgan was impatient.

"Which was that the alleys they were dumped in, although four miles apart within the city, were each backing up to an adoption agency."

"The same agency? Different branches?" Emily was already postulating.

"Different agencies, as far as anyone can tell. They ran into an electronic dead end in trying to find their origins." She paused for effect. "I did as well."

Brows around the table went up at that. Being able to hide from Garcia electronically implied some significant resources and expertise.

Reid sat up, now intrigued by the possibility of putting together a geographical puzzle. But he also wasn't entirely convinced. "So the connection between the two unknowns are the locations? Couldn't that just have been a matter of convenience in dumping the bodies?"

"What was the cause of death for the first unknown?" Emily was looking for another thread to connect them.

"Also strangulation."

Reid wasn't sure whether to pursue the geography or some other aspect of the crime. "Are they thinking the victims were killed by an employee of the agencies? Or a client?" He thought more. "Or that they had been placed through the agencies?"

JJ entered the discussion. "Is there overlap between the employee roster from the first agency and the second?"

Rossi chimed in. "Back to my original question once again. Why do they think the murders of the mother and child might be related to those of the girls in the alleys?"

Garcia had the answer for him this time. "Because Melanie Gill was the  _adopted_  daughter of Michelle. And yes, you guessed it, she adopted using one of the agencies in question…the second one, site of the newest unknown."

"Who found the bodies of the Gills?" Emily was wondering if there were other family members involved.

"Michelle's mother went to the house when she couldn't reach her daughter for two days running. It was unusual behavior, she said."

"Is there a Mr. Gill?" Reid inquired.

"Michelle Gill was a single mother, never married. She adopted Melanie on her own, even did the casework herself. She was an attorney."

Morgan reviewed what they knew. "So we have two young girls, both unknowns, both murdered and found in alleyways behind two different adoption agencies five years apart. We have a murdered mother and adopted daughter, and the daughter was adopted through one of the agencies along one of the alleyways. I don't know that I'm convinced about the connection. Is there any thing else, Baby Girl? Anything at all?"

"Why yes, there is, my Workout Wonder." Morgan rolled his eyes at the new appellation.

Garcia continued, content with having elicited his response. "To this day, there have been no missing person reports that would fit either of the two unknowns. The police have reached out to the surrounding states and even to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Nada."

"Which might happen if she'd been the child in an illegal adoption. No one would want to raise attention." The team all nodded at Rossi's observation.

JJ went back to a question Reid had originally asked. "So they're thinking this adoption agency had something to do with the latest Jane Doe?"

"Bingo, new fiancée. Especially since the agency seems to have gone into hibernation the day her body was found. They're wondering whether the whole operation was legal, and whether there's some background on her in their records."

Emily advanced the discussion. "And I suppose there is no record of the agency having registered for operation in Texas?"

"Your powers of precognition are impressive, Emily. You should think about playing the lottery." Garcia acknowledged the absence of registration records. "Nor have the Houston police been able to get in to look for any adoption records, legitimate or otherwise. They're waiting on a court order for that, and it seems to be slow in coming."

Hotch reentered the conversation. "We can continue the discussion on the plane. Houston is concerned that they have an unsub targeting people with a relationship with the agency or agencies. That puts a huge number of parents and children in the line of fire. They want our analysis of the situation, and want it ASAP. Wheels up in thirty."

As the team members gathered their things to get ready, Hotch called JJ and Reid aside.

"I just wanted to let you know that I've got calls in to several contacts in both New Orleans and several of our federal agencies. It may take a few days, but we should get some information fairly soon."

JJ was grateful..they both were. "Thanks, Hotch. It's just a feeling, but I think Will is in trouble. And I feel so much better knowing we've got your support."

As the team winged their way to Houston, JJ and Reid's thoughts were divided, between the case at hand and the one they feared was to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 3**

Houston was hot in September. And wet. Which made the discovery site for the body of Jane Doe a difficult place to be two days out. Rossi and Reid were finding little to help further the investigation. The Houston police had been unable to determine if the alley was the site of the killing or merely a dump site for the victim.

The team had discussed the implications of each on the plane. If the killing had taken place in the alley, it might mean that the victim had been nearby and therefore had some connection with the place. But it could also mean that the killer had taken her there, and might be more indicative of a connection between the site and the killer. If it was a dump site, the connection was likely only to the killer. If there was any connection at all…

"What we need is to get inside that building." Rossi was indicating the door of the adoption agency. The homicide detectives were to meet with a judge later in the afternoon, hoping for a court order.

"What we  _really_  need is to get in out of the rain. Come on, let's get back to the precinct." Reid was being practical.

Elsewhere, Morgan and Prentiss were having minimally more luck. The Gill residence had been determined to be the site of those murders, with evidence of both property damage and blood spatter confirming the suspicion. While the scene had been cleared after evidence gathering over a month ago, the mother of Michelle Gill had been too traumatized to consider bringing in a cleaning crew, let alone selling the property. Very little had been touched. It made for a fairly ripe atmosphere, but the two agents were able to get a feel for the crime.

Detective Ward of Houston Homicide had joined them. "It looked like the mother had been killed first. She'd been hit in the head with a blunt object, which was not recovered from the scene. The ME said the indentations in her skull were consistent with a baseball bat or something of that sort."

Ward was walking the room, remembering. "The baby," he was staring off with a pained expression, looking like he was seeing the scene all over again. He cleared his throat. "The baby also had her skull crushed, and then it looked like the killer placed her in the mother's arms." He was clearly upset with the mental image that had come back to him.

Morgan and Emily looked at each other. Crime scenes involving children were always the most difficult to encounter, and reliving them was a necessary evil in an investigation. But they sympathized with the detective.

"Was anything missing from the house? Did it look like it had been ransacked?" Emily sought to bring them to a more helpful subject.

"There's an office, and papers had been gone through, but Ms. Gill's mother couldn't identify if anything was missing. Except a laptop, which we still haven't recovered." He turned to look at both of them. "And there's a small safe in the master bedroom closet. From some of the blood spatter and from the marks in the carpeting, it looked like Ms. Gill had been dragged from the office to the bedroom and from there to the living room, where the bodies were found. The safe had been opened."

Morgan was processing. "So the unsub could have taken both the laptop and some items from the safe? And maybe even from the office files." He spoke to Detective Ward.

"I suppose you've already looked for any accounts attached to her name or social, to compare them with missing documents." It was actually a question.

"Done, and we've found nothing so far. It's got to be layered. There was obviously some money." He indicated the more upscale home in which they were standing. "The only paperwork that is  _obviously_  missing is anything and everything associated with the adoption."

"So how did you know she'd adopted from Guardian Care?" Emily was citing the name of the agency behind which Jane Doe had been found.

"Her mother knew it, otherwise we would have been stuck."

That struck Morgan as odd. "Wouldn't there have been court records of the adoption anyway?"

The look on Ward's face told them they'd just hit a key piece in the investigation. "There are no court records of the adoption."

* * *

"So, if the alleys were just dump sites, why are both of them behind adoption agencies? Wouldn't that still mean there's some connection between the unsub and the agencies?" Reid was discussing the issue with Rossi as they reentered the precinct. JJ and Hotch had just finished setting up when their two colleagues made an unexpectedly early return.

" _If_  there's only one unsub.  _If_  the two cases are connected. Which we still don't know for sure," was Rossi's reply.

"That was quick," observed Hotch.

"The scene wasn't helpful, it's been too hot and there's been too much rain for anything to be preserved, and it still wouldn't tell us anything about the unsub." Rossi sounded annoyed. "And we only made a quick pass at the scene from five years ago. That was enough for Reid to do his thing."

Rossi took his jacket off to cool himself in the air conditioning. "Ah, that feels better. The sooner we can get inside that adoption agency, the better. I think that's the thing that will give us a handle on whether the location of the body is important."

JJ was curious. "What, exactly, will we look for? We don't have a name for either of the victims who were found in the alleys. And apparently we already know that Ms. Gill adopted through Guardian Care." Morgan and Prentiss had phoned in the results of their field investigation.

Reid was already doing 'his thing', as Rossi had called it. He was setting up with a large map of the area and marking the locations of the two unknown bodies and corresponding adoption agencies. He planned to mark the Gill home, the Gill workplace and the locations of all of the other adoption agencies in the city as well. But that left most of his brain free to follow the conversation at hand, and it was he who responded to JJ's question.

"Well, for one, we'll look at the quality of the records. Information about birth parents, potential adoptive parents, actual adoptive parents, adoptees, home studies, court filings…everything associated with a legitimate adoption. We can have Garcia check some of them out against actual court records, to verify their accuracy."

JJ was listening closely. "So that will help us to decide if it was a legitimate operation. Which helps, I guess, but still doesn't tell us who the girls were or who might have killed them."

Hotch responded this time. "But if it's not legitimate, the very absence of records could be telling. Some of these adoption mills are highly sophisticated and difficult to break. But others are sloppy, conceived and run by the same class of criminal that tries to run a credit card scam. There's almost always something that trips them up. We'll have to hope this is one of those."

* * *

"Baby Girl, do your magic for me." Morgan had Garcia on speaker. He and Prentiss had rejoined the team at the precinct.

"Don't I always, my love? What do you want? Rabbit out of a hat? Clue out of thin air? Name it and it's yours."

Rossi had a ' _wouldn't that be nice'_ look on his face as Morgan replied. "Find anything you can with Michelle Gill's name or social security number on it. We need to compare it to the paperwork we still have, so we'll know what's missing." Then he threw Reid a look.

Reid closed his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. He knew what the look meant. There was no one else who could make the comparisons between Michelle Gill's electronic history and the paper files left behind as quickly as he could. Slowly, he nodded. "All right, I'll do it."

Hotch acknowledged Reid's offer. "But we may need to pull you off that if we find more paper than electronic records in Guardian Care."

"Speaking of the agency," Rossi injected, "what happened to the other one? The one where the first body was found five years ago?"

JJ had been assigned to look into the agencies. "That one was called Angel Wings, and closed five months after the body was found. By the way, the first victim was dubbed 'Angel Doe' because she was found behind Angel Wings."

She went on to share some of the rest of her investigation. "Guardian Care opened a month before Angel Wings closed, so there's some thought that it could have been opened as a replacement. But we are still having trouble finding records of any sort for either agency. Garcia's been trying since early today and has yet to come up with anything."

Emily was thinking. "If Guardian Care and Angel Wings are run by the same people, I wonder what they'll do now that they've abruptly closed without a replacement. Unless one of the other agencies in town has  _already_ been set up as the replacement."

She posed her questions to JJ. "What  _about_  the other agencies in town? Do any of them have a history? Are any of them new? What do we know?"

"Very little so far, but I've got Garcia on it."

* * *

As evening approached, and without anything pointing to true urgency with the case, Hotch dismissed the team back to their hotel.

This was the first away case they'd had since JJ and Reid had become engaged. The couple hesitated to ask whether it might mean a change in their room arrangement. Hotch was ahead of them. He pulled them aside to answer the question they hadn't asked.

"The Bureau looks upon married couples one way, and everything else, another way. So, for now, nothing has changed. Single rooms to all." He saw the looks on their faces. "Of course, what you choose to do from there…."

JJ was smiling and shaking her head at the same time. "We don't intend to be anything but professional, Hotch."

Reid supplied the addition, "Otherwise, we wouldn't be  _us._ " Which brought a rare work hours smile from their unit chief.

* * *

Their determination to be professional didn't preclude the couple from having some time alone together. They were in JJ's room, saying goodnight to Henry. Since the arrival of the puppy, their away case nights had been covered by either Garcia or Karen, Henry's long time sitter, coming to their home. Tonight, it was Garcia's turn.

"Henry, are you being good for Auntie Penelope?" JJ had heard about an earlier temper tantrum before Garcia put him on the phone.

He sounded subdued. "I am now." He couldn't see his Uncle Spence's smile. Henry might be capable of an occasional outburst, but he still had his proclivity towards honesty.

"What were you upset about before, Henry?" JJ was always concerned for her son, but never more so than when he had a problem and she couldn't physically be there.

"I wanted to bring Casey to the dog park to play with the other dogs, but Auntie Penelope said 'no'." He was confessing, but still wanting to defend himself. "Why can't we bring her to the dog park? She likes to play with the other dogs."

Reid responded. "Little man, we can bring her there another time. Auntie Penelope has to work, just like us, so she can't bring you there until we're home."

They could almost hear the pout over the phone. "Toby's daddy brings him to the dog park every night with his puppy. Why can't we ask my daddy to bring me?"

JJ and Reid shared a look. "Honey, your daddy is far away right now. We'll bring you and Casey to the park when we get home, okay?" JJ was torn, wanting to placate Henry but not wanting to deceive him, even by implication.

Henry was willing to concede only a little bit. "I want  _you_  to bring me. Not Uncle Spence."

JJ's eyes widened at that, and Reid looked away. He'd been anticipating that Henry might have some reservations about Reid stepping into his father's role, but was still caught off guard.

With a furrowed brow, JJ spoke again to her son. "Henry, why would you say that?"

"Because he's not my daddy!"

Reid looked back to JJ and shook his head. He didn't want a confrontation about this, and especially not over the phone. He indicated that he thought he should remain silent.

JJ took a moment to collect her thoughts, and mostly to calm herself. Her best guess was that there had been some kindergarten-level discussion after Henry went to school and announced that he and his mother were getting married to Uncle Spence.  _Peer pressure already?_

"Henry, did somebody at school say something to you about Uncle Spence?"

The silence on the other end of the phone spoke volumes. JJ pursued with, "Did they make you think he was taking your daddy's place? Did they make you feel bad about it?"

Still silence. Finally, Reid broke it. He knew his godson very well. In his own four year old way, Henry was upset about the issue at hand, but was also upset with himself for having hurt his Uncle Spence.

"Henry? It's Uncle Spence. Listen, buddy, it's all right. We'll be home in a few days, and we'll make sure you and Casey get to the dog park. You can even invite Toby and his dog to go along."

"Will you come with us, Uncle Spence?" It was a four year old's apology.

Reid was smiling again. "You bet, buddy. Now, can we read 'Little Star' together so you can get some sleep?"

"'The Cat in the Hat'** and then 'Little Star', Uncle Spence!" Henry was regaining some of his usual enthusiasm. JJ breathed a sigh of relief as she laid her head against Reid's arm.

"Henry! Have you been practicing?" Reid had only had time to spend one evening with the little guy and the famous rhyming book.

"Yup. I can only read some of the words. Wanna hear?" Now JJ was smiling again, and Reid was relieved. It turned out Henry could only 'read' the words that rhymed with 'cat', but Garcia confirmed that he'd gotten them all right.

"Of course, he's my godson," boasted Reid.

"Ahem. And mine," his godmother reminded.

JJ teased both of them. "I guess he comes by it honestly, then. Couldn't be my genes or anything."

Henry interrupted them by starting his prayers. JJ held her breath until she heard his usual prayer for Spence. It seemed all was right in Henry's world again, at least for the moment.

When they'd rung off, Reid pulled JJ into his arms. "That was rough on you, wasn't it?"

"On me? What about you?"

Reid brought her over to sit on the bed. "I guess I expected it to come at some point. So I wasn't totally surprised, but I have to admit it caught me off guard tonight. I did a lot of reading about four year olds while you were in the hospital, JJ. I needed to understand what Henry might be going through. Remember, he was having the nightmares so frequently then."

JJ remembered. She'd been taking Henry to see his pediatrician when they'd been struck by the drunk driver. Henry still hadn't been to the doctor, but the nightmares had been coming less frequently, so they'd decided to wait them out.

Reid continued. "I doubt he's even thought of the word 'stepfather', unless one of his classmates supplied it to him. My bet is that one of the other kids made him feel like he was  _supposed_  to be upset about his mom marrying someone who wasn't his dad, so he thinks he should be, even if he doesn't understand it." Reid put his arm around her. "Life is awfully complex for kids these days, I guess. Even the young ones."

_Spoken by one who survived the most complex young life I've ever heard of._ "Spence, we've been engaged less than a week, and haven't even had time to even think about wedding plans. I wasn't planning on having the 'stepfather' talk with Henry for a very long time. Now it seems like he's gone ahead and started the conversation without me. How did we go from, 'Yay, we're getting married' to 'he's not my daddy'?"

Reid was silent for a few moments, thinking, remembering. "JJ, can I tell you about something that happened while you were in the hospital?"

She had no idea where this was going, but nodded. "Of course."

He pulled her back so that he could lean against the headboard and she, on him. And then he told her about the night Henry had come out to visit with his Uncle Spence long after the little boy should have been in bed. How he'd been shocked to learn that Spence didn't have a little boy of his own. How he'd offered to be that little boy. Even retelling the story was emotional for Reid.

JJ didn't understand. "But how could he think you had a little boy? He's known you all his life."

"I read about it. Kids that age are constantly trying to create order in their world. For Henry, all kids should be with their parents…hence our problem tonight. Likewise, all adults should be parents…or maybe teachers. But not childless bachelors. So he just assumed…."

"And when he found out you 'needed' a little boy, he offered himself?" JJ was tearing up thinking about the compassionate heart of her little one.

Reid squeezed her against him. "He did. And I hope he will again. Because when he does, I'm going to take him up on it."

* * *

** The Cat In The Hat by Dr. Seuss


	4. Chapter 4

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 4**

The following morning brought a few minor successes. Houston PD had been granted its court ordered access to Guardian Care. Prentiss and Rossi would accompany the Houston detectives to begin the investigation there.

Garcia had been able to create an electronic profile of Michelle Gill's financial and other legal records, so Reid would be at that crime scene, comparing the electronic trail with the paper files. Hotch wanted to see the scene for himself, so elected to accompany his youngest profiler there.

Morgan and JJ planned to pay visits to the other four operating adoption agencies in the city. Even in a larger city, the adoption community tended to be close knit. It was likely one of the other agencies would know something about the two that had closed. And, for all they knew, one of them might have opened as a prospective replacement for the one so abruptly closed.

Before they could disperse to their various assignments, Detective Ward joined the team in the conference room, waving a piece of paper. "We've got a DNA match."

"We have an ID?" Morgan asked, but knew enough not to expect much. He was right.

"No, just a match with the first unknown's unsub…excuse me, with Angel Doe's presumed killer," he corrected himself. Over dinner last night, he'd learned that the BAU felt it important to keep the identity of the victim prominent during an investigation, even when that identity was only an assigned one, as in the cases of Angel Doe and Jane Doe. Even the use of such names helped to keep things personal, and keeping things personal kept the investigating teams motivated.

He continued. "There's a match between the DNA found on the body of Angel Doe and the DNA found on the body of Jane Doe, presumably from the person that killed them. It looks like we're dealing with a single unsub here."

"For the alley killings." Rossi felt the need to be specific. "We don't have anything yet that conclusively ties those to the killing of the Gills."

"Agreed," said Ward. "We'll keep open minds about that. To tell you the truth, I hope they're  _not_  related. It's hard enough to protect adolescent runaways….," he saw Emily open her mouth to correct him, and did it himself. "I know, we don't know that they're runaways. But it's hard enough to protect them. If we have to start thinking that every adoptive child and parent is at risk….well, I don't want to start thinking that."

"Nor do we. But it's best if we find out. Everyone, we'll convene by phone in two hours. Good luck." Hotch dismissed his team, along with the HPD officers.

* * *

"Michelle Gill did all right financially, Hotch. She had a number of annuities, CDs, a substantial individual retirement account, and a college fund for her daughter. She'd been practicing law for the past ten years, had apparently made some wise investments."

"What kind of law, Reid?" Hotch held his own J.D., and was familiar with the many directions a career in the legal field could take.

"Garcia researched her yesterday. She worked for a medium sized firm in downtown Houston, mostly handling divorce cases. Garcia also uncovered some independent work in family court, and I've found some records in her personal files that indicate she'd done some pro bono work for juvenile court."

"Once you've done the first pass on the files, go back and look at the family and juvenile court records. Find out if any of them had to do with adoption cases. I'm going to take another look around. I want to get a better idea of what the unsub was looking for."

* * *

Rossi and Prentiss were in the middle of a mess. Not only had Guardian Care been closed abruptly, but the place had been torn apart. The many empty file drawers gave notice that there had, indeed, been paper records. But they'd been removed, leaving only scraps of paper behind. The several PCs in the office had sustained substantial physical damage.

Rossi whistled through his teeth. "Well, if we needed evidence that the killing in the alley was connected with the agency, I think it's just been handed to us."

Prentiss was nodding in agreement. "We need to get these computers into the lab. Maybe the hard drives survived the attack." Turning her attention to the few uniforms who had accompanied them, she directed, "Bag up any loose papers. We'll need to go through everything. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to find something in what they've left behind."

* * *

As they headed out to the first adoption agency, Morgan turned to JJ. "Anything from Hotch, about Will?"

She explained that Hotch had put out feelers and was waiting for some responses.

"What does your gut tell you, JJ?" Morgan was a big believer in instinct.

She looked to him and then away again. "That Will's in trouble. He tried to prepare us for the idea that he might be out of touch for a while, but this is much longer than I thought. And he's very attached to Henry. He wouldn't go this long without trying to reach him unless he couldn't help it."

He took his eyes from the road long enough to flash her a sympathetic look, and she smiled in acknowledgement. He decided to change the subject.

"Congratulations again on the engagement, JJ. I think Reid is going to need some lead weights in his pockets to keep him on the ground. He's flying pretty high about it."

She chuckled at the image. "We're both very happy, Derek." She stared out the windshield, reflecting. "If you'd told me a year ago that Spence and I would be engaged….."

That made her teammate laugh. "Yeah, I didn't know Pretty Boy had it in him. But I guess I can see it. He's a good man. And I mean that….a man. He's really not the kid who joined the team all those years ago anymore, is he?"

"No, he's not."

"I've seen the change in him. He's 'settled', in a way. He's definitely calmer than he used to be. I can see your influence in that." He watched her smile in agreement. "And he seems happy, JJ. Happier than I've ever known him to be." Morgan's voice belied his gratitude that JJ had done that for the man he looked upon as a kid brother.

She was unexpectedly moved by that statement. Her eyes were filmed as she responded. "Thank you, Morgan. I'd like to think that I…well, Henry and I…have given him some happiness in his life."

Morgan gave her a sideways look. "You know you can't marry him because you feel sorry for him, right?"

JJ corrected him. "I do feel sympathy for the boy who grew up without the love of a family, but that's not why I'm with him. I'm with him because he brings joy to my life, because he values what I value, because he loves my little boy as his own…and because I feel like he is my true life partner, in every sense of the word. Everything that comes before us, good or bad, we'll face together."

She cut herself off. She hadn't meant to get quite so 'flowery'.

JJ caught the look on Morgan's face at her words, but couldn't quite interpret it. She thought she saw approval, tinged with just a little bit of envy.

"Do you think it will ever happen for you, Derek?"

"Me?" He tried to deflect. He wasn't used to having such a serious conversation with JJ, and he was especially not used to displaying any vulnerability. "Don't you know I'm the ladies man of the team?"

She rolled her eyes but then looked at him steadily, and he gave in. "I don't know. I hope so, I guess. Someday."

* * *

At the scene of the Gill murders, Hotch had found something. Or rather, he'd  _no_ t found it. The BAU team often found that local law enforcement were astute observers of the crime scenes they analyzed, only rarely missing something in the evidence before them. But the BAU were trained to profile, to develop the expectations of what to find. It was those expectations that helped them to see when an expected finding was missing. And that was what Hotch was doing now.

"There are no pictures." Reid looked up from his perusal of the files at Hotch's statement.

"No pictures?"

"Of the child. No pictures of Melanie Gill. There are pictures of Michelle in the living room, in the hallway, and even here in the office. But no pictures of her daughter."

"Any sign of obvious removal?" Reid was thinking of outilines in the dust of where a picture frame might have been, or an interruption in the pattern of hanging photographs.

"Nothing in the dust, there's been too much time passage and reaccumulation to see anything there. But there's a space at the end of the hallway where there could have been an additional photograph hanging."

Reid was impressed, but cautious. "We'll need to ask her mother. For all we know, she may have taken it. The scene was released by HPD over a month ago."

Hotch was on the phone to HPD to verify that the police had not confiscated any photos, and to see if it was known if Attorney Gill's mother had taken anything. "Absent that information, we'll talk to the mother."

* * *

Not a single one of the hard drives from Guardian Care had survived intact, but the computer lab at HPD thought they might be able to recoup information from one of them. They promised whatever information by the following morning.

Emily was on the phone with Garcia, reporting the situation. "Garcia, do you think you might be able to help if we brought you out here?"

"Oh, how you flatter me, my brunette buddy. But my specialty is software, not hardware. If they can recover anything, have them send it to me. I may be able to help, but can do it from here."

Rossi had a different question. "Garcia, can you find any mention of Guardian Care….or, for that matter, Angel Wings, in court records here? Try family court, and juvenile court. Adoption hearings can take place in both of them, I think."

"I'll get right on it, back in a jif."

* * *

"This even  _sounds_  like a more legitimate operation, doesn't it?" JJ was referring to Adoption Services of Houston.

"Agreed. Those other two names are too…smarmy….for my taste."

Inside, they found a small waiting room and a security-enhanced entry to the office proper. After they identified themselves as being from the FBI, the receptionist left her station to speak with the director of the operation, and then returned to buzz them in.

"Agent Jareau, Agent Morgan, I'm Joan Davidson, the director here. What can I do for you?"

Morgan explained the situation, asking for input about the history of the various adoption agencies in Houston. Tacitly, the teammates had agreed that Morgan would take the lead, and JJ be the conciliator, should one be necessary. Director Davidson brought them back to her small office and offered coffee.

"Well, you've come to the right place, then. We were founded over one hundred years ago, and were the only agency in town for a very long time." She chuckled as she reported, "We even look upon the two groups with fifty years experience as 'upstarts'."

JJ spoke up now. "What can you tell us about the agency called Angel Wings? Or the one called Guardian Care?"

"Well, I can tell you that they were fairly short lived. It's unusual to have as many long lived agencies as we have here in Houston. But it's also remarkable when an agency comes and goes in under three years. And that's what happened with Angel Wings. Guardian Care has been around a bit longer….although I've heard a rumor that they have suddenly closed." There was a question in her tone.

JJ confirmed the closure for her. "They seem to have shut their doors the day after the young girl's body was found in their alley."

It took a moment for Davidson to process that. "That's a lot like what happened with Angel Wings, isn't it? But I don't remember them closing right away after the murder of that poor young girl."

"No, they lasted a few more months." Morgan pursued his questions. "Did you ever meet anyone from either of those agencies?"

"Agent Morgan, the adoption community is a close knit one, as is necessary when dealing with such fragile young lives. We….the leadership, I mean….meet monthly, more often if there's been an issue. But we never once had representation from either of those agencies, not at a single meeting. And…"

It seemed like she was about to add something, but then thought better of it. Morgan looked to his teammate. Time for some 'JJ skills'.

"Ms. Davidson, we are concerned for the girls who've been killed, but also for all of the other children who've been placed through those agencies, as well as the parents who've adopted them. If you have something else to add…."

Ms. Davidson looked from one of the agents to the other, then apparently decided to share her concern with them. "I was going to say that…..there's a newer agency, one that's been open under a year. We haven't had them at any of our meetings either. " She added, before they could ask, "Children of Hope."

* * *

Reid was nearly done with his task, and had picked up his phone. "Garcia?"

"Speak, my gentle genius."

"Can you go through Michelle Gill's bank records and look for any large withdrawals, or any large checks…or even any large credit charges? Maybe go back about six months before the adoption."

"When do we think the adoption was? I thought we didn't have any records."

"Right. Well, go back three years. If we have Marlene's age right, it wouldn't have been longer ago than that. I think we need to find a money trail connecting Michelle Gill to the adoption agency. Or maybe to an individual who might have been using the agency as a front."

"Will do, in a jiffy."

"Wait….Garcia, how was Henry today?"

She'd heard the conversation between the little guy and the adults over the speakerphone.

"Like nothing ever happened." Responding to the silence on the other end of the phone, she added, "He's fine, Reid. He was just being a kid, in a weird situation."

"I know. I'm just worried about him, you know."

"I know, Godfather. Me too, but I assure you he's okay. Godmother signing off."

* * *

As though pointed by an arrow, Morgan and JJ's next stop was Children of Hope.

As they exited the SUV, Morgan warned, "You know about trusting your instincts, JJ? Mine are saying we should watch our backs. Be careful in there."

"I'm getting the same message. I'll be careful."

Inside, the setup was similar to Adoption Services of Houston. They waited while the clerk went to speak with a higher up. After waiting for an inordinately long time, JJ rose to peek through the window, into the dim hallway beyond. She could see very little. Suddenly she stiffened.

Morgan noticed the body language and the puzzled look on JJ's face and then watched her shake her head, as though trying to clear it.

"What's the matter?"

She was still shaking her head, now looking like she was trying to convince herself. "It must have been our conversation earlier. I think I have Will on my brain. If I didn't know better, I could have sworn I just saw him slipping out the back door."


	5. Chapter 5

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 5**

"What!"

"Ignore me, Morgan. I'm seeing things. The hallway was dark and I only saw the back profile of a male when he opened the door. He moved like Will. It was just an impression."

Morgan was sympathetic, and sought to reassure her. "Hotch is well-connected, JJ. If there's a reason to be worried about Will, he'll get a line on it." Morgan caught her eyes. "And then we'll all make it our business to help. We're a team."

She gave a slight smile. "I know. And I appreciate it. I just have to put it aside so I can concentrate on the case at hand. But it's hard, you know? I need to focus so I don't start seeing him everywhere."

He was nodding as the clerk finally returned to the window. "The director is tied up in a meeting. She can't see you now. I can give you an appointment for tomorrow afternoon."

JJ saw that Morgan was about to blow. His antennae were up about Children of Hope and he didn't like being put off. She laid a hand on his arm to calm him.

Pulling together all of her personal resources to try to be gracious, JJ spoke politely to the clerk. "Do you think we might have some information about the agency? If we can do our homework before the meeting, we won't have to take up so much of the director's time."

The clerk looked uncertain at that. It seemed a reasonable request, but they'd said they were from the FBI. She couldn't help but worry that her employer was in trouble. And she needed her job. Seeking to minimize the potential damage, she seized upon a solution that had the appearance of cooperation without really divulging much.

"I can give you this brochure. We give it to all of our clients."

JJ took it and thanked her even as Morgan was about to give a sarcastic retort. "We'll be back tomorrow." Then, feigning a recollection, JJ turned. "Oh, I forgot. Can we move the appointment to 9 AM? We've got something else in the afternoon."

The clerk was so relieved at having nearly gotten rid of them that she was willing to concede on the timing. "Okay, I'll move it to 9."

As they got in the SUV, Morgan let his anger explode. "Seriously? Seriously, they just turned the FBI away from their door. They may as well hang a 'guilty' sign outside." He turned to her. "How do you manage to stay so calm about this, JJ?"

"Parenting." She got the conciliatory chuckle she'd hoped to hear. "We got her to give in a little. We can try calling again in an hour or so to see if we can move it up to later this afternoon. She's so relieved not to be in trouble herself that she thinks she's on our side." JJ proved there was a science and technique to liaison services as well as profiling.

Morgan looked at her with a new respect as he drove them on to the next agency on their list.

* * *

"He's done already?" Rossi never ceased to be amazed at the speed with which Reid could go over material. He was greeting the genius and their unit chief as they returned to the precinct.

"Anything, Reid?" Emily was questioning him.

"Hotch may have found as much as I did, just from looking around the house." Hotch explained about the missing pictures of the adopted child.

"And Reid found something as well. Not something  _missing_  from the paper files, though."

"No, I found something  _in_  the paper files that Garcia  _didn't_ find electronically."

"So someone else is as electronically inhibited as I am?" Rossi had conceded to the use of the tablet for case presentations, but was only gradually becoming accustomed to keeping notes on it. He had a not-so-secret stash of paper notebooks in his office.

"Not really." Reid realized that could be taken as an insult and quickly corrected himself. He'd promised Rossi a free pass on his next opportunity to insult him, considering Rossi was the reason JJ was in the FBI...and, thereby, in Reid's life.

"I mean, these records  _usually_  are electronic….they're just missing electronically, but there's a paper trail."

Rossi didn't understand. Neither did Emily.

"Reid?" The genius often went on ahead of them in a conversation, and needed to be brought back.

He tried to explain. "There are paper records, mostly created by Michelle Gill, of a transaction. Garcia looked into it and found that every other such transaction has an electronic record. Except this one."

Emily was with him now. "What was it?"

"Michelle Gill owned a home on an island in the Caymans. It looks like it cost a whole lot more than she should have been able to afford. But we can't find a mortgage, or a loan of any sort. It looks like she paid cash….under the table."

Rossi whistled and Emily gave a slow nod. "She had another source of income, didn't she?"

"It looks like it." Hotch knew they'd need more than implication to move the case forward.

They'd reached the agreed upon two hour phone meeting time. Morgan and JJ called in with the results of their conversations at the adoption agencies. They still had two more to visit.

"The director at Adoption Services of Houston told us that the two agencies connected with the killings hadn't integrated into the adoption community here. They didn't attend meetings, didn't really interact with the other agencies at all. She thought that was odd."

JJ filled them in on the visit to Children of Hope. "I'm thinking we might be able to get in there this afternoon, with the right impetus behind us. Hotch, do you think you can help?"

"I'll make a phone call and see if I can push up your appointment. It sounds like we need to get in there."

JJ hadn't mentioned her 'sighting' of Will, having dismissed it as a trick of a very distracted mind. But Reid heard something in her voice.

"Everything all right, JJ?"

"Fine, Spence, just a little frustrating, you know?"

* * *

Morgan and JJ continued with the agencies, while Hotch made a phone call. His imperious tone convinced Children of Hope to move the appointment for the FBI up to 4 PM.

Emily and Rossi set out to meet with the mother of Michelle Gill while Reid stayed behind to make a detailed review of the case records of each crime. They'd been so separated by time or circumstance that no one had yet been able to adequately look for connections. And Reid was always skilled at discovering that which was hiding in plain sight. This afternoon proved no exception.

"Hotch." The unit chief immediately turned his attention to his youngest profiler. An excited Reid always meant something significant to an investigation. But the experienced agent had learned to pay special attention when Reid spoke with that quiet, insistent voice.

"The girls. The ones in the alleys. It's true they weren't sexually assaulted, at least not recent to the killings." This had been part of the case material given to them by the police. "But, Hotch, they weren't virgins, either. They were thirteen years old, and they weren't virgins."

Reid went on to explain how his review of the medical examiners' reports had indicated prior penetration in both victims. Apparently the police had only sought to learn if they were sexually assaulted at the time they were killed.

"The ME doesn't conclude anything, but he notes healed trauma in the genital area. He postulates that there's been trauma to the anal area as well. And Jane Doe had evidence of scar tissue on her frenulum." He had to explain that the term indicated the tissue that connected the tongue to the mouth. Trauma there was often indicative of something being placed forcefully into the mouth.

"I think these girls were abused, Hotch."

* * *

If the absence of 'hinky' behavior was any indicator, thought Morgan, the several remaining adoption agencies were beyond suspicion. So he was very focused in on Children of Hope when he and JJ returned for their appointment that afternoon. Director Doreen Robinson was meeting with them.

"Agent Morgan, Agent Jareau." She'd obviously taken the time to memorize their names, and was proceeding as though this afternoon's appointment had been her idea. JJ took the lead. "Ms. Robinson, what can you tell us about Children of Hope?"

"Well, what would you like to know, Agent?" JJ noticed that she spoke, not with a Houston accent, but with a familiar drawl _. Just like Will's._

Morgan couldn't remain silent. "For starters, why is it called Children of Hope?"

"Why Agent Morgan, I should think that would have been obvious. We connect people who are longing for a child with children longing for a parent."

JJ was more measured in her tone. "Can you tell us when you were founded?  _Where_ you were founded?" She realized she wouldn't have thought to ask that second question if not for the accent.

Director Robinson was smiling an administrative smile. "We opened our doors here in Houston a year ago, Agent Jareau. I've been the director the whole time."

JJ pushed. "And do you have connections with any other agencies? Here or elsewhere?"

Morgan thought he knew what his partner was thinking, but wasn't certain. The accent hadn't had quite the same effect on him.

Robinson studied JJ for a bit before responding. She had a fixed smile on her face, but it didn't reach to her eyes. When she broke away to look down at her desk, Morgan caught the rapid back and forth movement of her eyes, a classic tell-tale sign of dissembling.

"Agent Jareau, if you are wondering if we have a connection with the agency that recently closed after the unfortunate circumstance of that young girl's death, the answer is 'no'."

Both agents noticed that she hadn't quite answered the question put to her, but decided not to push her into a verbal tug-of-war. They were now certain that there was more to know about Children of Hope, but it was unlikely they would learn it from this conversation.

Morgan wasn't quite done, though. "Where do you get your referrals from, ma'am?"

Smile still firmly in place, she replied, "Many of them come through word of mouth, Agent Morgan. We have a reputation for being easy to work with and have accomplished many successful adoptions. Of course, we also advertise near medical facilities that offer infertility treatments…..as do most adoption services."

JJ had a thought. "Do you work with the local Department of Child Services? Do you place their children?" She was thinking about the thirteen year olds who might have been 'in the system' as older children, and not adopted as infants.

"We specialize in infant adoptions, Agent Jareau, but do help the Department from time to time."

JJ was pushing. "Do you have an upper age limit on a child for adoption?"

Robinson again answered tangentially. "It is very difficult to place children beyond early school age, Agent Jareau. The Department usually uses the foster care system for that, and hopes for adoption later. There's no need for us to be involved in those types of cases."

Satisfied that they'd gotten all they would from the director, and certain that they needed to investigate independently, JJ and Morgan excused themselves and left.

* * *

The team regathered at six. Prentiss and Rossi reported on their meeting with Michelle Gill's mother.

Rossi sounded a little disgusted. "It was a classic case of 'I see nothing'… because she didn't want to. Otherwise she'd have had to admit that her daughter was operating on the sleazy side of the law."

Emily attempted to clarify. "It turns out she was aware of the house in the Caymans, but "didn't remember" (making finger quotes) to tell the police about it. She also forgot to tell the police about the several vacations she'd taken there. We think she'd become accustomed to a lifestyle, and was afraid of losing it."

"Didn't she realize that her daughter might have been involved with something that got her killed?" Reid was sure he would never be able to understand how some people thought.

Hotch had seen this before. "When you get morally lost, it sometimes seems better to deny everything and hope it all goes away. And, of course, it never does."

Morgan started reporting on their conversation at Children of Hope. "It's pretty obvious she's hiding something, but not so obvious what it is."

JJ supported his conclusion. "She didn't answer a single question directly, but made a point of telling us they had no relationship with Guardian Care. And we hadn't even asked her that specifically."

Morgan pulled out his phone. "Garcia's World of Wisdom, how may I be of assistance?"

"Baby girl, we need something,  _anything_  on Children of Hope." He was aware she'd already looked into the adoption agencies. "Tax records, court records, incorporations, anything. And look into their director, Doreen Robinson. There's something she doesn't want us to know, and we need to find out what it is."

"And Garcia?" JJ wanted to move on her hunch. "Look to see if there are any records of operation in New Orleans. For Children of Hope or Doreen Robinson."

She explained about noticing the accent. Which made Morgan give her a look encouraging her to tell the rest.

JJ looked from him, to Reid, and then to Hotch. "I don't think it was real, but…..when we were waiting for the director, I took a look down the hallway there. It was dark, and I couldn't see well. But there was someone going out the back door…..and, for a second, I thought it looked like Will."

She had everyone's attention now, but none more so than Reid.

"JJ?"

She was shaking her head dismissively. "I don't think it was real. I'm just a little distracted."

Reid's face was tinged with worry for what his fiancée was experiencing. He also trusted her instincts and thought she might be dismissing them too readily, but kept that thought for a private discussion.

Morgan's phone went off again. "Baby Girl? You're on speaker."

"Sorry, Derek, I haven't gotten anything more on the agency yet. But I have got other news."

"Go ahead."

"So, the Houston lab just sent me what they were able to salvage from the destroyed computer hard drives. There's not much readable on them, but I do have something."

They were all listening intently. "There's a list of names, followed by three columns of numbers. But next to the name "Gill", the columns are empty, except for the last one. That has just the letter 'C'."

Reid was curious. "Garcia, are the numbers sequential?"

"No pattern that I can see. They're on their way to your tablets, so you can look for yourself."

Each of them called up the document, but they all found themselves waiting for Reid's analysis.

"This isn't code or numbering. This is amounts. The columns add up across, to the final one."

"And each of those numbers in the final column is five figures, ending with a round figure," Morgan observed.

Emily added, "Between 18000 and 35000. Could these be records of payments for adoptions?"

"It's the right ballpark, I think. Although $18,000 seems a bit on the low side." Rossi and his second wife had looked into it.

"So what does the 'C' mean, next to the name 'Gill'?" JJ thought she already knew the answer.

"Compensated." Reid felt sure of his interpretation. "I don't know exactly what Michelle Gill was doing for Guardian Care, but I think she was paid well enough to afford that house in the Caymans. And I think she may have also been paid with a child."

* * *

They brought dinner in and discussed the status of the case…or cases…..over the meal. That was the problem. Was it a single case, or were there two cases?

Hotch introduced the dilemma. "We were asked to come to Houston to assess whether the Gill murders and the murders of the two young girls found in the alleys were related. So far, what have we got?"

Emily started. "We can tie the Gills to the second adoption agency, and we know that Michelle Gill had a hidden source of income, possibly for work done for the agency."

"But we haven't been able to conclusively tie her  _work_  to the agency...just the adoption…which it looks like she didn't have to pay for." Reid was continuing.

JJ took it up. "We have two isolated, short-lived agencies that were located immediately adjacent to where the bodies of two young girls were found, five years apart. And each closed shortly after those murders."

Morgan added his thoughts. "And we have another agency, still in business, that seems as isolated…and uncooperative….as the two that closed."

Rossi stated the most frustrating thing. "And we still don't have the link between the agencies and the murdered young girls. Should we rethink this? Could Houston have a serial killer on its hands…. _and_  trouble in its adoption community?"

Hotch didn't think so. "There are too many arrows pointing at the agencies. And if the girls were abused, as we think….it's too much coincidence to find the bodies of chronically abused children in proximity to two different adoption agencies. It's not impossible that there's a serial, but if there is, it is someone attached to those agencies."

JJ still had something niggling at her. "Hotch, is it too much to think that there's an element of trafficking here? Could an adoption agency be a front for that?"

Reid shot up from his seat. "Of course! Why didn't I think of it before?" He'd been spurred by JJ's statement, but was thinking of something else.

Garcia had been attending their meeting over the phone. "Garcia, can you look at offshore records of adoptions? Specifically the Caymans, but really, any Caribbean island country. Look for anything under the names of Michelle Gill, Guardian Care, Angel Wings or Children of Hope."

"On it."

Reid turned to the group. "What if that's where Michelle Gill made her money? What if the adoptions took place outside the US?"

"Or weren't really adoptions at all?" Rossi thought Reid was on to something. "Maybe JJ's trafficking idea is on the mark."

"It could explain why there's been no way to ID the bodies of the young girls." Morgan was buying on to it as well.

"I have it!" came excitedly through the phone. "Well, sort of, anyway. I couldn't find anything under Michelle Gill's name in the Cayman court system. But I did find multiple adoptions arranged by a Marcia Green. Each of those adoptions coincides nicely with the dates on a round trip plane ticket bought by Michelle Gill. Every time."

* * *

The plane trip back to Quantico was subdued, most of the team lost in thought. It was never easy to return without bringing a case to fruition. They hadn't been able to conclusively tie the deaths of the young girls to the adoption agencies, but they _had_  uncovered evidence pointing to a potential conspiracy to feed children into devastation. The BAU had done all within its purview, and now it was time for other agencies to take up the case.

JJ and Reid were seated at the back of the plane, holding hands, silent. They knew each other's thoughts were full of concern about the children at risk, those who had died, those who might still. They were worried about Will. And they were planning for their first conversation with Henry since his emotionally charged rejection of Reid over the phone.

"He's probably already forgotten about it, JJ."

She shook her head. "Not Henry. He's got a memory like an elephant. Especially when I  _hope_  he'll forget about something. But you're right, we probably shouldn't bring it up if he doesn't. It might make it seem like we're angry with him about it."

"Maybe we should each get some time alone with him, give him a chance to get it out on his own."

"Agreed. He's more likely to talk, and listen, if it's his idea. Maybe..."

Their conversation was interrupted when Hotch sat down across from them. He put his elbows on his knees, leaning forward.

"I've heard back from several of my contacts. It looks like there is a major investigation out of New Orleans, dealing with human trafficking. They were able to tell me that there are both domestic and international components. That means that Homeland Security and the FBI are already involved."

He studied them closely to gauge their responses. "If Will is involved in this, any official inquiry we make has the potential to jeopardize the entire operation. There could be major repercussions for it, and for Will, and his career, if that happens." He intensified his gaze. "I want you to spend some time thinking about this. I'm not saying we shouldn't proceed, but you need to give consideration to all aspects of it. Take a few days and let me know." With that, he left them alone to absorb his words.

JJ was conflicted.  _What do I do? Leave him in danger, if he is? Hurt his career, if he isn't?_

Since Hotch's departure, she'd been staring straight ahead, but now turned to look out the window, into the darkness. In the reflected glare, she could see Reid watching her. He could see the helplessness in her eyes. She watched his reflection nod a reassurance to her. His hand around hers tightened as he made an unspoken promise to her, that they would find a way to do the right thing.


	6. Chapter 6

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 6**

"Mommy!"

Thud. Reid and JJ were awakened by a little blond missile flying into the space between them. They'd gotten home late, after Henry was asleep, and Garcia had transferred him back into their care.

"Baby! Give me some lovin'." JJ was smooching and snuggling her son as she said this, prompting a cascade of giggling.

"Mommy, I'm not a baby."

"You're  _my_  baby, buddy."

"Give it up, Henry. You'll be your mommy's baby for your whole life." Reid surprised himself with nostalgia about his own mother's endearments to him, lasting up until the day she died. He reached over to give Henry a hug as well.

"Did you have a good case?" Henry had begun to ask this each time they returned. They doubted he understood what it meant, as it was rendered in the same tone as "did you have a good trip" usually was.

"Well, we didn't get the bad guy this time, buddy, but we will." Reid was uniformly honest with his godson.

Henry looked like he was pondering that for a moment and then decided that the adults might need cheering up. "I have a great idea, guys! For breakfast, we can have….."

All three took up the chorus. "Chocolate chip pancakes!"

* * *

"How can I know what to do, Spence? How can I know what's right?"

They'd made a point of having this conversation in the car last night, so there'd be no chance of little ears overhearing.

"Hotch is right, JJ. We need to take some time with this." He'd picked up on her using "I", and made certain to change it to "we". Either decision was a huge leap into a great unknown, and he didn't want her thinking she was making it alone.

Reid tried to help by thinking aloud. "It's possible it just became too big an operation. He may not be able to get word out through his usual channels. You know how it is, JJ. The more people involved, and especially the more agencies, the worse the communication."

She was aware of the paradox. "Just when we need the communication to be excellent." She turned to face him as he drove, now a little more encouraged to think that Will might have been having trouble reaching them because of the  _good_  guys. "Homeland Security always tightens things up, whether or not it's necessary. They never want anyone talking to anyone else. Maybe that's it."

He was glad to hear some brightness in her voice. "It could be, JJ. I know it's frustrating, but we may need to wait this out a bit longer."

Reid paused a moment before acknowledging the elephant in the car. "JJ, do you really think you saw him?"

She'd known this question would be coming, but still wasn't sure of her answer. "I don't know. I managed to convince myself that I was just seeing things, you know, having him so much on my mind. But now, now that we're thinking there might be a trafficking aspect here…I'm not so sure anymore."

He turned briefly to look at her, then took her hand, fingering the ring. "I'm not so sure, either. You have pretty good powers of observation, my lady. You may well have seen Will in Houston." He paused for emphasis. "Do you remember where most of the evacuees from Katrina ended up? What if the adoption agencies moved with the storm? What if those two kids moved with the storm?"

JJ's eyes had gone wide. "Did you say anything to Hotch?"

"He knows. He'll pass the word along. He told me we should leave it alone."

At that, they shared a look. Maybe they would, and maybe they wouldn't. Reid turned his attention back to the road.

* * *

"Wow, I think I need to go grocery shopping. Look at how empty this refrigerator is."

"Want us to come with you, JJ?" Reid was determined not to have their household defined by traditional gender roles.

She made a face at her two men, who were engaged in a game of tug-of-war with Casey.

"No thanks, I'd like to come home with some vegetables in my cart, not just junk food."

Reid made a 'who, me?' face at Henry, who laughed. "Mommy, we eat vegetables. We  _love_  french fries!"

"I saw that!" JJ was referring to Reid's 'high five' of Henry. They'd obviously rehearsed the french fry retort.

"Seriously, I can go by myself. You two probably could use some 'guy time' anyway." She passed a meaningful look to Spence, who caught it and nodded.

"Bring us back some chocolate chips, Mommy. Please?"

* * *

While JJ was out, Reid gave Henry another reading lesson, this time introducing the concept of phonics. He was gratified to find his godson a quick study.

"You're gonna love this, Henry. When you use phonics, you can sound out all the words, and when you say them out loud, you'll know what they are. All those letters will mean something to you and, before you know it, you'll be reading stories to yourself."

Henry didn't seem as excited about that as Reid had expected.

"Something wrong, little man?"

"I like it when you and Mommy read stories to me."

Unexpectedly touched, Reid gave Henry a quick hug. "We'll still read to you, little man. It's one of our favorite things to do at bedtime. But if you learn how to read yourself, you can have stories any time of day."

That brought the smile back. Knowing that JJ had given them this time alone for a purpose, Reid decided to test Henry's response. "Hey, do you want to bring Casey to the dog park when Mommy gets home? You can invite Toby and his dog too."

Reid watched as Henry's facial expression moved from excitement to youthful regret _. I don't want to hurt you, little man. I love you with all my heart. But we have to deal with this. Even if I haven't a clue exactly how to go about it._ At that, Reid offered a prayer for guidance.

He kept Henry on topic. "What do you think, Henry? Should we go to the dog park?"

Henry busied himself with some blocks so he wouldn't have to look at his godfather.

"I guess."

"You don't sound very excited about it. I thought you wanted to go."

Without a word, Henry released the block he'd been holding and climbed back up on the sofa next to Reid. He put his too-short arms around his godfather and squeezed.

"I love you, Uncle Spence."

Reid had to swallow before he could speak. "I love you, too, Henry. Always. No matter what." It was an utterance of forgiveness.

Henry relaxed his arms and leaned against Reid.

"Uncle Spence," Reid caught the big blue eyes looking directly into his, "why do daddies leave?"

Reid pulled the boy to him, hiding his inability to find his voice.  _Henry, you've asked that question of the wrong person. I've been asking it all my life. Still waiting for an answer._

Moments passed before Reid could speak. This was the kind of question he'd punted to JJ in the past, but he was feeling a new responsibility as a prospective step-father. He prayed again.  _If there's guidance headed my way, now would be a good time._

"My man, I'm not sure I have the answer to that question. What I do know is that some dads leave because they have to, and some leave because they want to. Do you know why your dad left?"

Reid held his breath waiting for the answer. "Because he had to?"

Expelling the breath, Reid agreed. "Right. Because he had to. He had important work to do, Henry. And when he's done with it, he'll be a hero." Reid honestly believed what he was saying, so Henry believed it too.

"When he's done, will he come home again?"

_Ah, the crux of the matter._  "He'll come and visit you again, Henry. Maybe even for a long time. And you can go and visit him. But he won't live here together with us."

"Because Mommy loves him in a different way?" Reid recognized that Henry was simply quoting JJ without having a clue what it meant.  _And neither do I, buddy._  Most of the ways of the human heart were still an enigma to Reid. He knew only that he loved JJ, and wanted a life with her.

"That's right, Henry. Because they both love each other in different ways now."

Henry wasn't done. "And will you be my daddy too?"

"Were you talking with the kids at school about this, Henry?"

He nodded, looking almost guilty. Reid wanted to reassure him.

"It's okay to talk about it, little man. It's not a secret. But did one of your friends say something that made you feel bad?"

Henry's face and lack of response belied the answer, so Reid pushed ahead as though he'd responded.

"What did they say, Henry? It seems like it made you feel bad."

The little guy looked like he was readying for an explosion. "Kenny said I'll be a step-son. He said I'll have a step-father, not a father. I want a real father, Uncle Spence! I don't want a step-father!"

Henry was distressed, and Reid held him close. "Henry, you'll still have your dad. You'll have both of us. He'll always be your father, and I'll be your step-father."

The boy looked like he was slowly absorbing that, so Reid went on.

"Henry, little man, you do know that you are already my godson, don't you?" He continued when Henry nodded. "Do you know what that means?"

Henry was shaking his head a very confused 'no'.

"It means that I'm supposed to look out for you, and if ever your parents aren't around to take care of you, I'm supposed to do it. Or Auntie Penelope, since she's your godmother."

Satisfied that Henry was following him so far, Reid continued. "So when I'm your step-father….which I will be, after we get married…..it won't be much different at all. In fact, you can even still call me Uncle Spence, if you want. The only difference is that your mom and I will have told everyone in the whole world that we love each other….and you." As he spoke the last few words, he touched Henry's chest, in the area over his heart.

Henry was uncharacteristically quiet for a few moments, leaning against Reid, absorbing. His thoughts were distracted by the arrival of Casey, who leapt into Reid's lap.

"Uncle Spence, can we go to the dog park now?"

* * *

On Sunday, Reid went back to his place to give JJ her time alone with Henry. He'd filled JJ in on his conversation with her son, so they could be consistent with their messages.

He still maintained his apartment, but was gradually moving his things to the house. He would miss the place. It had given him many hours of solitude when he needed them, and had served his needs well. But his life had become too full, and he no longer fit into it.

Packing was proving to be slow going, because he couldn't put a book in a box without opening it. His speed reading saved him some time, but he was averaging only one box of books packed per visit _. At this rate, I won't be out until the lease is up in the spring anyway._

At home, JJ and Henry were just getting back from church. She'd been thinking about how to raise the issue when Henry ended up doing it for her.

"Mommy, why doesn't Uncle Spence come to church with us?"

JJ was only surprised that Henry hadn't inquired before. "He prays in his own way, Henry. He might come with us some day, you never know."

"Daddy used to come with us."

"He did, yes."

"So shouldn't Uncle Spence come with us now?"

JJ had been starting lunch, but put the sandwich materials down on the counter. "What are you thinking, Henry?"

"Well, if Uncle Spence is gonna be one of my daddies, shouldn't he do what Daddy did?"

JJ sat next to Henry at the table. "Honey, how do you feel about Uncle Spence becoming your step-father? Are you happy? Sad? Mixed up?"

He looked down at the table. "I don't know."

JJ waited him out. "Happy, I guess."

"You guess? Is there something that's making you unhappy about it?"

"I just miss Daddy. When can I visit him?"

_If I only knew, buddy._  "I'm not sure, Henry. He's on a very important case, and he can't talk to us right now. But I'm sure he'll call us as soon as he can." She gave him a moment, then pressed on. "Is it all right that Uncle Spence will be your step-dad? Is there anything you don't like about that?"

That didn't get a response at all.

"Uncle Spence loves you very much, buddy. He's teaching you to read, and he taught you magic, and he plays with you every day that we're home. Don't you like that Henry?"

"I taught Uncle Spence to wrestle!" Henry was a little off topic, but at least showing some enthusiasm.

"You did, indeed, teach him to wrestle. And he has a ball with it." JJ remembered the first time Reid had been enticed to get on the floor with Henry, his first time enjoying the pastime of 'little boys' of all ages.

A sudden insight presented itself to JJ. "Henry, are you worried that, if you love Uncle Spence like a dad, you won't love your Daddy as much?"

Henry actually burst into tears at that, catching JJ totally by surprise.  _How did I not know how emotional this has been for him? My poor little guy!_

She suppressed the tears that had come to her own eyes. "Henry, is that it?" He nodded without speaking.

"Come here, my little man." JJ pulled him onto her lap. She felt her own prayers for guidance being answered even as the words came to her mouth. "Do you remember the green guy who hated Christmas? What was his name?"

A small, sniffly voice responded. "The Grinch?"

"That's right, the Grinch. And do you remember why he hated Christmas?"

"Because his heart was two sizes too small?"

"Exactly. And do you remember what happened when his heart grew?"

"He loved all the Whos in Whoville?"

JJ was smiling and nodding at her very bright son. "And do you know anyone else who has a heart big enough to love a lot of people all at once? Because I do."

"Me?"

She squeezed him tight. "You. You have the biggest heart I know, Henry LaMontagne. Big enough to love Daddy and Uncle Spence just as much. And still room left for me, too."

"And Casey!" All was right in Henry's world, at least for the moment. And JJ prayed her thanks.

* * *

JJ had given Reid a synopsis of her talk with Henry when they spoke on the phone that afternoon, then recounted the whole thing for him after they'd put him to bed.

"You're quiet, Spence." JJ was sitting with her head against his chest, playing with the fingers of the arm he had around her.

"I'm just wondering how I would have felt about a new man in my mother's life. Not that anyone could have dealt with her at that point." She squeezed his hand as she acknowledged the challenges of living with Diana's schizophrenia. "But I can't help but wonder how I would have looked at another male figure after my own father walked out on us." He hugged her close for a second and kissed her temple.

"I know it's not the same thing at all, Will didn't walk out on you and Henry. I'm just trying to put myself in Henry's shoes, but they really don't fit me."

JJ had been wanting to pursue this subject, but didn't know how to bring it up. Now Spence had done it.  _Just like with Henry. Keep these opportunities coming, God. You're better at this than I am._

"Spence, what about your dad? Should he know about the engagement? The wedding?"

Reid hadn't been thinking in that direction at all. "JJ, he's out of my life. By his own choice. And now by mine."

She raised her eyes to look at him. His facial expression told her the subject needed to be closed, so she nodded her acquiescence.

"Speaking of the wedding," Reid was trying to change to a more agreeable subject. "Shouldn't we be making plans? What do you think….fall….Christmas…spring?" He thought of something. "How about October 28? It's the Feast of Saint Jude, the patron saint of hopeless causes. My getting married is probably one of those."

JJ pushed away and grabbed her favorite pillow for hitting him. "Stop! If you're a hopeless cause, what does that say about me?"

"That you're a saint for putting up with me. Seriously, when should we be thinking about?"

"Well, we're already in fall, it will be October next week. Maybe Christmas? It's awfully close, but I'm not really a fan of big weddings anyway, so it might not be too hard to plan."

"Where?"

JJ looked at him uncertainly. "I'd like to have it at our church, Spence. Are you okay with that?"

He was ready for her. "More than okay. In fact, I think I should start to go to church with you and Henry. On a trial basis, mind you." He wasn't quite willing to commit to organized religion yet.

"Rossi offered his home for the reception, you know."

"And we should take him up on it, don't you think?" Reid was being practical. Despite the danger of their jobs, they weren't exactly high-paying.

"Okay, I can check on….."

JJ was interrupted by the phone. Calls coming in after ten were usually to their cells, summoning them for an urgent case. This was the house phone. She took the call in the kitchen, returned to Reid after a few minutes, looking shaken.

"What is it?"

"That was my mom. Dad is in the hospital." She'd come close to the sofa, and Reid pulled her down next to him.

"Tell me."

"It's his heart. He's got an arrhythmia. Something called atrial fibrillation. Do you remember I was worried when they came to visit? They had to get back to a doctor's appointment for Dad, but they told me it was just a check up. I  _knew_  it wasn't! Dad hates doctors and hospitals. I  _knew_  they were keeping something from me."

"He was already having the problem then?"

"He had it on the trip. Passed out one day, and had to be taken to the emergency room. I guess his heart went back to normal by itself that time, but this time it's not. They're trying medicine, and if that doesn't work, they'll shock him."

"JJ, do you want to go?" Reid was prepared to do whatever was necessary.

"Mom said the doctors were reassuring. They said it wasn't immediately dangerous, and that the medicine is likely to work." She turned to him, torn. "I don't know what to do, Spence."

* * *

They ended up doing what everyone living in this century would do. They hit the internet. As with every topic, it was littered with blogs citing horror stories and dire warnings. Fortunately, Reid was astute at identifying reliable, well-researched sites. They learned that Charles Jareau was, indeed, likely to respond to pharmacologic intervention and, if not, to cardioversion. At absolute worst, he might eventually require a pacemaker. But there was no immediate threat to his life.

"I think I should go for a long weekend next week, Spence. I know he's probably okay, but I need to see him, you know?"

"I can come with you."

She reached up and kissed him. "We just got back into rotation. Hotch will have a problem if both of us are gone. I don't want him to be sorry he's got two agents in a relationship. If Dad is doing okay by Thursday, I'll just take Henry up with me on a road trip. You and Casey can hold down the fort."

Before they fell asleep, another thought struck JJ. "I think this rules out the Christmas wedding, Spence. I can't think about it with Dad in the hospital. And I want him well enough to walk me down the aisle."

Spence understood. "I can wait as long as it takes, JJ. I only need to know I have the love of the woman I love. And I do. So, spring wedding, here we come."


	7. Chapter 7

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 7**

Luck was on JJ's side, as the team was in town for the weekend. She'd felt bad asking Hotch for time off again, but he'd been understanding.

"Especially considering you managed to help solve the Silo case while you were still on medical leave, it's the least we can do. Please give your parents my best, and wish your father a speedy recovery." And so, JJ and Henry headed to Pennsylvania, leaving Reid and Casey at home.

Reid stopped by her office to 'visit' Garcia, but the rumbling of his stomach gave away his true mission.

"Go ahead, I baked them fresh last night. Oatmeal chocolate chip."

"Do you know what the word for stomach growling is, Garcia? It's great…one of the best words I've ever heard."

"So, I guess I'm about to hear it too?" She encouraged him with a smile.

"Borborygmi. Isn't that a great word? It's onomatopoeia. Which is nother great word." He was talking around a mouthful of cookie. "Borborygmi and onomatopoeia. Two of the best words ever. I don't know who invented them, but they're great words."

" _You_  don't know who invented them?" Garcia was teasing him. "I'm guessing JJ and Henry are on their way to PA." Reid was already displaying the restlessness of an upset routine. Rambling gave him away every time.

"Yeah, her dad got home from the hospital Wednesday, and she wanted to see him."

"He okay?" Garcia was aware of Charles Jareau's heart issue, but hadn't had a chance to speak with JJ for an update.

"The medication worked, at least for now. If he's lucky, that's all it will be. I guess a lot of people have recurrences, so he'll have to be followed. But for now, he's okay. She just really wanted to see him."

"Fathers and daughters." Garcia experienced her own bittersweet memory, but did not share it. "And fathers and sons. How did it go with Henry when you guys got home?"

Reid filled his co-godparent in on the conversations he and JJ'd had with Henry about fathers and step-fathers…and godfathers.

"I think we're okay for now. I've been doing a lot of reading…." He gave his shy smile to acknowledge her " _no kidding_ " look.

"I've been reading on child development, and child psych, and now on blended families. It looks like we can expect to visit the issue over and over again as Henry gets older and hits different developmental stages. So I want to be ready, when the time comes."

"Anything I can do to help, you know I'm there. I love all three of you."

"We count on it, Garcia."

* * *

Hotch and Rossi had plans, but the rest of the team decided on dinner and drinks together. It was Reid's first solo outing with them since he and JJ had become a couple.

After Reid filled them in on JJ and her father, talk turned to the wedding.

"So, Reid, are you and JJ making plans?" Emily passed around the bar menu as she spoke.

"We've been really busy. We were just starting to talk about it when she got the call about her dad, and haven't been back to it since. The only thing we decided was that it would probably be in the spring."

"Ooh, I love spring weddings." Garcia was excited.

"So, Kid, where should we have your bachelor party?" Morgan was half teasing, never passing up an opportunity to watch Reid blush. But he also wanted to help celebrate the milestone in the life of his good friend.

Reid's blush had risen from his neck and was slowly creeping up his ears. "Uh, I don't think I need a bachelor party. Thanks for thinking of it, but that's okay."

Emily was enjoying the blush as well. "Oh, no, every groom has to have a bachelor party, isn't that right, Morgan? With some 'entertainment'?"

The gulp was audible. "Oh, I don't think JJ would like that."

"She wouldn't be there. She'd be at her bachelorette party. Also with entertainment." Emily was smiling behind Reid's back.

His eyes widened. The thought had never occurred to him. "She wouldn't….you wouldn't….I couldn't…" He was sputtering.

"You guys! Leave him alone!" Garcia was laughing.

Morgan patted Reid on the back. "Only kidding, Pretty Boy. But I do think we should celebrate."

Emily was conciliatory as well. "Don't worry, Reid, we'll be good. We love you guys too much, and we're just happy to have something to celebrate for a change."

He was wearing his half smile, greatly relieved and genuinely touched. "Thanks, guys. So are we."

* * *

After months of living in his personally-coined 'blissfully chaotic' household, Reid almost didn't know what to do with himself in the quiet.

_It's funny, when they're here, sometimes I long for the solitude. And when they're gone, I can't wait for them to come back. I guess that's the human condition, always wanting what we don't have._

He settled on doing some of his philosophy work. At one point in his life, he would have been able to finish the degree work in a few short months' time, limited only by the schedule of the course. But now, his life was so busy that he'd actually fallen a bit behind. This would be a good time to catch up.

He started his reading, but found himself moving without his customary speed. He wasn't absorbing the material the way he usually did. Something was niggling at the back of his mind, but refused to be brought forward. Reid got up and made himself a pot of coffee.  _Maybe the caffeine will help me focus._

He was reading Nietzsche. The reknowned German philosopher whose most famous words were "God is dead." Who lost his father at age 5 and his faith at age 20. Whose subsequent writing continued to display his internal battle with faith and transcendence.

_Not unlike me. Except that my dad didn't die, he left. And my faith didn't disappear, it arrived. But I'm familiar with the battleground._

That niggling thing showed itself to Reid. Fathers. It seemed the concept had literally surrounded his small family unit lately. Henry's missing his own, struggling with what to do with a second. JJ concerned for hers. Himself, praying to assume the role in the right way. And, thanks to JJ's bringing it up, wondering if he was correct to keep excluding his father from the blessings entered into his life.

_But I'm not excluding. I reached out when Mom died, even if it was through a lawyer. And he didn't respond at all. Like it wasn't important. Like I was a part of his past, but not his present, or his future._

Reid was brought up short by his next thought. He'd spent so much time with his mother's journals, reflecting on the role she'd had in shaping who he was. He'd virtually ignored how much he'd been influenced by his father.

_He was gone so much longer than he was there. He wasn't even around to exert an influence on me. Except to show me how weak a man could be. Except to teach me abandonment._  He could feel the old resentment resurfacing.

Reid tried to return to his reading. As though on cue, he encountered Nietzsche's sentiment about fathers, "Whoever does not have a good father should procure one."

_Gideon_. The name came unbidden to his mind. The man who'd become an odd sort of father figure for him when he came to the FBI. Gideon had treated Reid like a protégé, but also like a surrogate son, complete with all of the dysfunction that can occur in such a relationship.

_He taught me so much. He was so intent that I learn. And then, when life got hard for him, he left. Me… the team… the job. He showed me how tough a man could be, and how weak. He left, and he never looked back. That's how important I was. Just as important as I was to Dad._

Reid uttered a silent prayer to learn from their behaviors without repeating them in his own life _. God, please don't ever let me do that to Henry. If ever I start to fail, please take me before that could happen. I love him too much._

The young genius, so astute in so many things, was still blind to the man he'd become. He'd already stood up to monsters, been steadfast in the face of adversity, and carried his godson through some of the most difficult times of his life. He couldn't see that he had, indeed, been shaped by his father figures, but by shedding their examples, and finding the man at the core of himself.

William Reid and Jason Gideon, the two men whose roles in his life had been more impactful for their absence rather than their presence. He didn't realize how thankful he should be.

But he  _did_  realize he wouldn't be getting any philosophy work done today. When Casey woke up from his sixth nap of the day, Reid and the dog he'd longed for since his youth went outside to play.

* * *

_Solitude is overrated._ Even as the thought came to him, Reid reflected on the irony. He'd been so worried that he wouldn't be able to adapt to family life because of his need for time alone. And now he craved the presence of Henry and JJ. Fortunately for him, they were due home any minute.

The minute arrived. "Uncle Spence! Casey!" Reid was grateful to still have top billing, and gathered Henry into his arms, even as he leaned over to kiss JJ.

"How was your trip?"

"Henry's a great traveler, especially when we've got what…'Captain Longjohns' to listen to in the car."

"'Captain Underpants'**,Mommy! "

"'Captain Underpants'. How could I forget?"

Reid was sympathetic, and put Henry down so he could massage JJ's shoulders. He whispered into her ear, "How about an early dinner and then a 'date' in the living room? We've got some wine."

She turned to look up at him with mock sincerity. "I knew there was a reason I loved you."

Sending Henry and Casey to the backyard to wear each other out, JJ and Reid made dinner together.

"So, how is your dad?"

"He looked a little pale, but otherwise, seemed okay. I think he's thrown by his heart 'betraying him', as he put it. He thought he'd be healthy forever." Her voice got smaller. "So did I."

Reid heard the wistfulness and put his arms around her from behind, his head resting on her shoulder. "He'll be okay, JJ. He's got you, and your mom. And he's responding well to treatment."

"I know, Spence. It's just a tough time of life, I guess. It will happen to all of us someday."

He was silent a moment, acknowledging, and remembering his mother's final health challenge. "Can we not think about that just now? I just got engaged."

That made her chuckle. "Now that you mention it, so did I. So let's just focus on the positive for a while, shall we?"

* * *

Henry and Casey both went down early, leaving JJ and Reid to their date. It was early fall, and the evening air was crisp, so they lit the fire.

"How is your mom holding up?"

"She's okay. Despite everything, my mom's pretty tough. She's been through a lot, losing my sister. So she knows life goes on." JJ put down her wine to settle in closer to Reid. "And I think talking about the wedding was a good distraction for her."

_Uh-oh._  He remembered Sandy's effusive nature when he'd gone to seek her parents' blessing, could only imagine how that would transfer to wedding plans. "What did you come up with?"

She heard it in his voice. "Don't worry, we only talked. I told her we wanted something simple, and small." She turned to face him. "Is that all right with you?"

"Whew!" He flicked the imaginary sweat from his brow as he said it, and she laughed.

"So, how did you spend your time?"

The delay in his response was telling. "Well, Casey and I spent a few good hours together, and then I tried to get some of my philosophy work done."

"Tried?"

He never could keep anything from her. "I had trouble concentrating. I missed you."

She studied him knowingly. "I'm glad you did, but there's something else. Spill."

He gave her a sideways glance and then looked away, shaking his head. "Is this how it's going to be, woman? You give the command and I comply?" His half smile belied the affection behind the reply.

"I know you, Spencer Reid. Something else is going on behind those eyes. Tell me what it is….please." She turned to face him fully, put his face in her palms as she spoke the words.

He looked at her, conflicted. She'd been his sounding board right along. He'd shared so much about his mother as he digested her life. In the process, they'd fallen in love. But all he'd shared about his father had been his bitterness. He wasn't proud of that part of his personality. Was it time to see if JJ could bring a different taste to that experience? Was it time to bare the rest of himself?

He'd fallen into her eyes again, as he had so many times before. He felt safe there. Enough to share with her those thoughts he'd had about his father, about Gideon. His fears of becoming as they were, of failing Henry and herself.

She listened without interruption, watching him, her hand on the back of his neck. When he'd finished, she remained silent for a while, absorbing. She leaned back against the sofa and they both looked into the fire.

"Spence." She was about to challenge him, and wasn't sure how he would receive it. But she loved him too much to let it go. He needed resolution to this conflict that haunted him. "I hear you. Gideon, your father…..they both taught you abandonment, didn't they."

He was silent as he played with her fingers.

"But you had another great teacher in your life. In those few days that I knew her, she taught me so much." He knew she was referring to his mother.

JJ continued. "Even though it wasn't my own mother, I felt like I was somehow changed by knowing her."

She saw the transient, appreciative grin out of the corner of her eye, as he squeezed her hand in acknowledgement. "And among the things I learned….among the things I remember you telling me about in those final days…was redemption. Forgiveness and redemption."

She turned to look at him straight on, to be sure she had his attention. "On that last day, she offered you a forgiveness you'd never granted to yourself. And she redeemed your relationship with that. And with the words she chose for you to see after her death."

Reid was listening intently.

"Spence, do you want to forgive your father? Forgive him for being who he is? For his weaknesses? Maybe that's why he's so much on your mind. Would it make you happy?"

His voice was thick when he answered her several moments later. "I don't know, JJ. I don't know that 'happy' is a word I'd associate with it. It might make me feel more settled.."

"Less afraid to take on fatherhood yourself?"

He looked at her. "Does it show that much?"

She gave him a gentle smile. "Only to me. Spence, it might help you focus on moving forward. Right now, you keep getting pulled into the past."

He drew her to himself and held her close. "I'll think about it, JJ. I can't make any promises. But I'll think about it."

* * *

**Captain Underpants series, by Dav Pilkey


	8. Chapter 8

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 8**

October passed in a blur. For Henry, school was in full swing, the 'boring' songs put away and the wonders of kindergarten enthralling him. JJ was filled with maternal pride in the advances her son was making. Reid, of course, took credit for the little guy's reading prowess, and exuded the same kind of pride over his successes.

"And to think, he's one of the youngest kids in his class. He won't even be five until next month!" JJ smiled to herself to think that her lover, who'd been closing in on middle school at the same age, was so excited about Henry's accomplishments.

"Speaking of which, Spence, Mom and Dad would like to come down for his party. Dad says he's back to normal, and his doctor doesn't have any issues with him traveling."

"Sounds great to me, JJ. Now that I know your dad won't eat me for lunch."

"Ha, ha, very funny. Well, here's something to scare you then. Mom wants to talk more about wedding plans." She watched him gulp.

* * *

Work was busy. There were only two away cases, leaving plenty of time for looking at older, inactive cases, which presented their own kinds of challenges. Others might look upon these cases as less emergent, but the BAU team knew that an unidentified, uncaptured predator was always an urgent problem.

JJ and Reid spent time on the Houston case, pursuing their suspicion that the shut-down adoption programs in Houston might have had roots in New Orleans. Hotch was aware of their investigation, and tacitly approved, even agreeing to having Garcia render assistance.

The biggest break in the case so far had come through good, old fashioned, persistent footwork. Houston PD detectives repeatedly visited sites where runaways and street kids tended to congregate, circulating pictures of the girl most recently found dead in the alley. On their fourth trip to a youth runaway shelter, they met two kids newly enticed off the street. Both recognized the girl in the picture as someone they'd known as 'Kim'. Neither had been aware of her murder.

At her request, JJ was permitted a video chat with the youths. She ran to Reid when she'd concluded it.

"Spence! They didn't know much about her. She told people she was "born on the streets." But they did remember one thing. They said she had an accent, different from theirs. They said she sounded like "one of those storm people". Spence, I think she was from New Orleans!"

"And when she said she was born on the streets, that may actually have seemed true to her. Some of these kids who are brought into the country through trafficking are so young they can't remember anything else. They only remember when they were tossed aside, on the street. Or sold into prostitution."

JJ shivered. The thought of a child living that experience was chilling.

"So, they still haven't tied the girls directly to the adoption agencies, and there is no significant paper or electronic trail from either of the closed agencies. And Children of Hope isn't about to share anything without a court order." JJ was listing the outstanding issues in the case.

"Which is not exactly forthcoming without being able to tie the agencies into this." Reid finished the thought for her.

Garcia had made a surreptitious raid on legally-processed adoption records, both sealed and unsealed, from all three agencies in question. Hotch couldn't officially know about it, since there'd been no judicial order allowing it. The courts took the sanctity of adoption very seriously, and protected the adoptees and their adoptive parents whenever possible.

Reid was practical when Garcia reported the absence of anything significant in the records.

"I'm not surprised, Garcia. They probably have an arm of their business that processes legal adoptions, just to appear above board. The information we need won't exist in any court records."

The BAU, as well as Houston PD, were convinced the agencies were at the center of the killings, and even more convinced that they had uncovered an arm of a trafficking ring. They remained frustrated at their inability to confirm it.

JJ and Reid, in particular, continued to harbor the suspicion that what they'd uncovered might be related with the case Will was working on in New Orleans. The linking of the most recent victim to that city seemed to point in that direction as well. Hotch alerted them about what would happen if they were proven correct. The fact that they'd been able to implicate Michelle Gill, the murdered adoption attorney, in potentially illegal international adoptions complicated things.

"Once it's determined to be an international case, the FBI may remain involved, but the BAU will most likely be out of it. Homeland Security will clamp everything down. The Houston case will be out of our hands." He knew they would be dissatisfied at being excluded, especially because of their concern over Will, and wanted them to be prepared.

JJ spoke up. "I don't have to be involved, Hotch, as long as I know he's okay. It's the not knowing that's so difficult. The having to lie to Henry and tell him that his daddy will call soon, when I'm not sure of that at all. So as long as Will's okay, Homeland Security can exclude me to their heart's content."

Reid knew the emerging profiler in her wouldn't agree when the time came, but nodded his agreement.

* * *

Halloween. All Hallow's Eve. The night before the Feast of All Saints. The Celtic feast of Samhain. Reid had been regaling JJ with information about his favorite holiday for the past week.  _I can't wait for it to be over._  Now he and Henry were out shopping for costumes and decorations. JJ took the opportunity to open her journal.

She revisited the happiness of the proposal, the concern about Will, and the confusion when she thought she might have spied him in Houston. Her journal went on to recount her visit to her parents in Pennsylvania, but she'd not written again since. Picking up her pen, she went back to a conversation she'd had with Spence.

"He's been thinking about his father. We've talked about William a few times in the past, and Spence has always been dismissive. He's still clearly so angry with him. Each time, he's asked if we could not speak of him again. And yet he's still thinking about the man. I can see how unsettled he gets when he does. He's not been able to forgive him. He was able to forgive the man who held him captive and tortured him, yet he can't bring himself to forgive his own father. How much easier it is to forgive those of whom we have no expectations!

For now, I'll give Spence the space he's asked for about this. But, even if he can't see it, I know he needs to let this go. And I know he won't be able to let it go until he's reconciled with his father...or, at the very least, forgiven him. It's a big part of why I love him. Someone else might have been broken by the life Spence has lived, but he hasn't. He's used it to teach himself understanding. He sees everyone as a frail human being shaped by the experiences of life. I know he'll get there about his dad as well. I hope. I'll give him time, but I won't give up."

JJ thought to herself, _I'm not trying to change him. I'm just trying to get him to remember who he already is._

"My men are out buying Halloween supplies. If we don't hurry up and get past this holiday, and if I have to listen to Spence talk about it for another week, I don't think there will be a wedding."  _Or maybe I can just put the duct tape to good use…"_  He just gets so into this holiday in a way that he doesn't seem to with things like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I know he told me he'd not celebrated them as a child, that his mother's paranoia would get in the way. Maybe Halloween is a holiday that can be celebrated alone. Or maybe his childhood focused him more on fear and darkness than on brightness and life. Whatever it is, I'll let him have his fun…as long as he doesn't scare Henry! But I think I'll need to pay special attention to the other holidays this year. Imagine, having your first Thanksgiving as an adult! Your first real Christmas!"

She closed the journal with a smile, already thinking about how to celebrate…

* * *

"Well, I can tell Henry's the Cat in the Hat. But what on earth are you, Spence?"

He didn't look happy. He was red from head to toe again, shades of Henry's second birthday party and his substitution for no-show Elmo. He'd given in to JJ's demand that they eschew the scary costume aisle.

"He's Thing 1, Mommy! Do you want to be Thing 2?" He was thrilled to be impersonating the star of one of the books he enjoyed reading.

Reid saw his chance. "Yeah, Mommy, do you want to be Thing 2?"

JJ was well practiced in resisting male pressure. She was having none of it. "No, thanks, I'll carry the flashlight."

"Bah, humbug," came from Reid.

"Yeah, bah, humbug!" came from little blond Sir Echo.

JJ had time to enjoy how much Henry was attaching himself to her fiancé before she reminded them, "I think you've got the wrong holiday, boys."

With that, the trio set out to canvas the neighborhood in search of tricks or treats. Despite his fascination with the day, Reid hadn't participated in this part of the tradition since before his father left the household. His mother had been too fearful of poisoned apples and candy.

After an hour of ringing doorbells and collecting loot, they returned home. Reid immediately pulled out a notebook and pen.

"What are you doing, Uncle Spence?"

"I'm making a map, Henry. We'll consider this year a reconnaissance mission. Now we know who gives out the best candy. I remember exactly what we got at each house. I'll plan out our route for next year so we can get exactly what we like."

"That's a great idea, Uncle Spence! Can we go to all the Skittles houses first?"

"Sure thing, buddy. And then the ones that gave Almond Joys, okay?" Unnecessarily, he turned to JJ and explained, "I love Almond Joys!"

JJ gave him her best ' _you've got to be kidding me_ ' look. "Are you turning this into a Halloween special ops event?"

She started for the kitchen, but stopped at the doorway.  _If you can't beat 'em_ …. "Which houses gave out the dark chocolate? Can we go to them too?"

* * *

_How can it have been five years since I fell in love with Henry?_ They'd be celebrating his birthday on the weekend, with JJ's parents, Garcia and Morgan, and a few of Henry's classmates. JJ and Reid were snuggling after getting Henry to bed.

"I remember you putting him into my arms, JJ. I was terrified."

"No kidding. I could see the whites of your eyes. I don't think you'd ever held a baby before."

"Never." He was thinking. "You remember what you guys called 'the Reid effect'?"

She looked a little guilty at that. "Well, you didn't exactly have a talent for being around kids or animals."

He raised his chin at her, looking very pleased with himself. "Well, I think that's changed."

She kissed him. "Indeed, it has." She was silent a moment. "I remember how you looked when you walked into that hospital room, Spence. Like you'd been through the wringer."

His voice was quieter as he remembered too. "I kind of felt that way, JJ. I'd been sure my dad had killed that child, and then found out that I was completely wrong. To tell you the truth, I didn't feel like I knew which way was up, right then. I just felt completely lost."

She reached her arms around him and hugged him, as she'd wanted to do that day. It hadn't been the right time in their relationship.

"But when you asked me to be Henry's godfather...well, that just put it all out of my mind. I never expected that at all."

She was grateful to learn that she'd managed to comfort him that day after all. "Who would have guessed we'd be together like this, seeing us in that room five years ago?"

He looked at her. "Guessed? No. Hoped? You bet."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, remembering, reflecting on what had transpired in the time since Henry was born. Then something occurred to Reid as he thought about the upcoming celebration.

"JJ, do you think we can just have a regular party in the backyard? No characters of any sort, no clowns, no nothing except fun and games?" Reid was afraid of being recruited as a stand-in again.

"Fear not, Spence. He's already told me he's 'too old' for those things now. He just wants some sports games for the kids to play. And pizza. And a dinosaur cake."

"He asked for a dinosaur cake?" Reid knew better.

"Okay, he asked for a brachiosaurus cake, but seriously, Spence, did you have to teach him the specific names? How am I supposed to make this cake?"

"Very carefully?" He ducked when a pillow came his way. "It'll be fine, JJ, he'll just be glad if it looks like any kind of dinosaur." He'd seen the pattern she'd downloaded from the internet. "When do your parents get here?"

"Friday night. Mom wants to go looking at dresses on Saturday."

He was just watching her, a small smile on his lips.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just picturing you in white, walking down the aisle to me."

That brought her smile too. "Well, if you can picture it, what does it look like? It'll make the shopping easier. Mom's looking forward to this, but I'm dreading it. I really don't care what I'm wearing, as long as the guy in the groom's suit is you."

They punctuated the sentiment with a kiss. Which led to another, and another, and...

* * *

Reid thought JJ looked exhausted when she and her mother returned from shopping. While her mother laid down to rest, he brought his fiancée out to the patio.

"Sit, I'll get you something to drink."

"Whiskey, straight up." At the look on his face, she chuckled. "Only kidding, Spence. But iced tea would be great."

He found her with her eyes closed when he returned a few minutes later. Putting the drink down, he started to back away.

"I'm awake." She sat up a little and patted the spot behind her on the lounge chair. "Sit with me."

He fit himself behind her and pulled her to rest back against him. When she took her first sip of the iced tea, her eyes widened. "Whoa…what's in that?"

"Iced tea…..enhanced." He'd started to massage her shoulders. "So, how did it go?"

"Well, we're still speaking. But apparently there are a lot of dresses that make me look fat, or short, or 'hippy', or…."

Reid had a moment of personal pride when he realized he knew exactly what to say.  _You have come a looong way, Spencer Reid._ "JJ, the dress has never been made that could make you look anything but beautiful."

She twisted her neck all the way around to look back at him. "Not just for that, but….I love you."

He leaned in to kiss her. "So, no dress?"

"I'm just going to humor Mom until they leave, and then I'll go and find something simple on my own. Really, Spence, I don't care. But if you do….?"

"JJ, the good thing about marrying a guy like me is that I have no preconceived notions of how my wedding should be. Especially since I never expected to have one."

She turned around and leaned back on him again, pulling his arms around her. "Well, you _are_  having one, and I am so very happy to be having it with you." She picked up each of his hands and kissed them.

* * *

"Yay! Chocolate chip pancakes!" Henry was enjoying his very favorite breakfast food on the day of his birthday celebration. JJ watched in maternal contentment as her little boy ate next to his grandfather and future step-father.

"Happy Birthday, my little man." Charles tousled Henry's hair.

"Thanks, Papa! Are you coming to my party?"

"That's why we came to visit you, Henry. We wouldn't have missed it for the world."

JJ stepped over and squeezed her father's shoulders as he sat at the table. Tears came and dissipated without falling as she flashed on her gratitude to have him with her, feeling well, so soon after his heart problem.

"We're glad you came, Dad. We always love having you and Mom here." And JJ meant that sincerely, despite her shopping woes.

After breakfast, JJ recruited her mother to help create dinosaur scales, while her father and Reid took Henry and Casey to the park.

"So, sir, you're feeling better? JJ was very worried."

He patted his chest. "My ticker has got quite a few more miles left in it, I'm told. It'll get me to the wedding and then some." He paused to change the subject. "Spencer, what have you learned about Will? Henry said something last night about his daddy not being able to be at his birthday party. What do we know?"

Reid expelled a sigh as he began. "All too little, I'm afraid. We know that he went deep undercover over four months ago. We  _believe.."_  Reid emphasized the uncertainty of the word, "that four months is too long for an agent to be incommunicado without there being a problem. But we also know that another unit or units of the FBI are working the same case, along with Homeland Security. Presumably, if there was something wrong, they would be working actively to solve the problem. If he was in trouble, they'd be working actively to get him home."

Charles was studying him. "But you're not quite certain." He was learning how to read his prospective son-in-law.

Reid looked to the distance, deciding. He determined he couldn't be anything less than honest. "I'm not. It doesn't feel right. And it wouldn't be the first time a government agency has left someone in a difficult position for the sake of a case. JJ agrees with me. We're doing what we can behind the scenes, but haven't made much progress so far."

"Why not bring it out into the open?" Charles was concerned for the effects on Henry and JJ if Will was left in danger.

"Because, if we're wrong, we could hurt the case, and Will's career, by interfering. So we're keeping it low key for now. But the uncertainty, the holding of the decision, is taking a toll on JJ. It needs to end soon."

Charles saw determination in Reid's face, and felt encouraged that the young man would look out for his daughter's best interests. "I trust you to do the right thing, Spencer."

* * *

"It was on clearance after Halloween, how could I resist?" Garcia was explaining her arrival in a triceratops costume. She'd heard about the dinosaur themed cake. Morgan had not been amused at the difficulty of stuffing the fabric and fluff that surrounded her into the front seat of his vehicle.

"I almost strapped her to the luggage rack."

"Derek!"

JJ was laughing at the teasing banter between their two good friends. "Morgan, can you help Dad and Spence organize the race and the basketball dunk?" There were eight five year old boys moving in variations of a scrum around the backyard.

JJ and Garcia joined her mother, who was putting the final scales on the dinosaur. "Penelope, it's so good to see you. I hear you will be Jennifer's maid of honor." She reached a hug around her daughter's good friend.

"Oh, I'm so happy they're getting married! I was rooting for them to realize they were in love."

JJ smiled appreciatively. It seemed the whole team had seen the dimensions of their relationship before they had.  _I guess we were too close for perspective. It was only when we moved apart a little that we could see._

Sandy tried very hard not to look Garcia and her costume up and down before she asked, "So, any thoughts about a dress?"

* * *

The party, if the chaotic state of the yard was any indication, was a huge success. Little boys were everywhere, running, squealing, rolling with Casey, laughing.

Reid was prompted to observe, "It's a perfect example of Boyle's Law. Little kids are like gas particles. They expand to fill the space available to them."

"So keep them in a confined space." Morgan wasn't used to being around kids. But the smile on his face as he spoke was consistent with the pleasure he'd shown in teaching the boys to shoot hoops. He and Garcia were enjoying some quiet time with the family after the party wound down.

Earlier, as they'd watched the boys feasting on pizza and dinosaur cake, Reid had seized an opportunity to have a private conversation with his friend.

He cleared this throat. "Ahem. Morgan, there's something I've been wanting to talk with you about."

Morgan gave him a sideways glance. "Shoot, Pretty Boy."

"Well, you know how JJ and I are getting married..."

"Yeah, what about it? You don't need to worry, we won't embarrass you. We were only kidding about the bachelor's party."

Reid was wearing his shy look. "I know. That's not what this is about."

"Well, what then? You're not having second thoughts are you? Because, Kid, if you are, you better move on to those third and fourth thoughts in a hurry. Any man would be lucky to get JJ."

Reid stared at his good friend. He'd never thought of Morgan noticing JJ 'in that way'. "No second thoughts, no. What I wanted to talk to you about...what I wanted to ask you, was...well, would you stand up for me? Would you be my best man?"

In retrospect, Morgan realized Reid's circle of friends was probably limited, so he shouldn't have been surprised. But he'd simply never given the topic any thought. He was caught off guard...and clearly touched at the request.

He found his voice after a few seconds. "Well, sure, Kid. I'd be happy to." He was still processing it. "It would be my pleasure. Yeah, sure." His grin was spreading. He gave Reid his trademark handshake/mini-hug/back slap to celebrate.

Reid was happy and relieved. "Thanks, Morgan. You're one of my best friends...and the closest thing I have to a brother. I'm really glad you'll be with me."  _Just in case I need someone to hold me up._

* * *

Later, after Morgan and Garcia bid their goodnights, the rest gathered with Henry in his bedroom for stories and prayers. His grandparents were amazed when Henry pulled out a first grade level book and read it to them himself. "Uncle Spence taught me!"

If Reid had any lingering doubts about his status with the elder Jareaus, the pat on the back he received from Charles at Henry's pronouncement erased it.

Just as prayers ended, both JJ's and Reid's cells sounded. They shared a look. It could only mean a case. Looking at the text, each saw it was from Hotch, and that it hadn't gone to the team, but only to them.

"JJ/Reid. My office 7AM .Must meet."  _It had to be about Will._


	9. Chapter 9

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 9**

They arrived to the BAU before Hotch, anxious to hear what he needed to discuss with them.

"If it was good news, wouldn't he have told us last night?" JJ was trying to read between the proverbial lines.

"It's possible there's just kickback from some of the inquiries we've been making. Maybe they found out about Garcia's snooping in the adoption records." Reid was trying to be practical...and also trying to distract JJ from her concern. But he suspected she was right.

"JJ, Reid, I hope you had a good weekend." Hotch always managed to accomplish his pleasantries without cracking a smile. He indicated they should follow him upstairs to his office.

"Have a seat."

JJ complied, but Reid, catching something in the unit chief's tone, stood behind JJ, positioned to offer strength or comfort, should it be needed.

"There's been a development regarding Will. You won't be needing to make a decision about whether to pursue the inquiry." He looked from one set of eyes to the other. "It's been made."

"What do you mean? We didn't cause him trouble, did we?" JJ was speaking.

"I think a number of things came together...the inquiries I made before, your recent investigation, and now, the Houston PD following some trails to New Orleans. Altogether it created too much ground noise for Homeland Security to ignore. So apparently the case underwent some internal review within DHS."

"And?" Now it was Reid. He'd seen Hotch's quick glance away from them.

"And, they were forced to admit they've got an agent from the task force missing." Hotch's head was tilted down, and he was looking up at them through his bushy brows. "Will LaMontagne."

Reid laid his hands on her shoulders as JJ stiffened in her seat.

"How long? How long has he been missing?" The quietness of her voice belied her upset.

"Apparently he'd told them there would be a long period of time where he would have trouble communicating, but that should have ended."

"How long?" JJ asked again.

"Ten weeks."

Reid closed his eyes, shaking his head. He felt JJ's shoulders slump and gripped them more tightly.

Both men admired her for her handling of the situation...and herself. Rather than expressing her feelings about how the various agencies had failed Will, she went into problem-solving mode.

"Where was he when they last heard from him?"

"He was in New Orleans. But they do think there's a chance he spent some time in Houston. Apparently the adoption agencies in question do have roots in New Orleans."

"So it might have been Will I saw in Houston?" Some of the brightness was returning to her voice.

Hotch nodded. "It might have been."

JJ and Reid both let out relieved sighs at that. If it was Will JJ had seen, then he'd been alive five weeks ago. But that still left five weeks unaccounted for.

"What happens now, Hotch?" Reid inquired.

"That's part two of what I need to discuss with you. Reid, why don't you sit down." This time, the young man complied.

"I want you both to hear me out and consider carefully before you decide." Hotch rose and moved about the room.

"We've been asked to consult on the case. It's not a typical situation from any perspective. Homeland Security usually likes to operate independently. But now they've got some pressure to locate Will, and they are turning to the FBI, and the BAU in particular, to assist. They think they need to have us profile both Will and the persona he's taken on, in order to try to locate him within the trafficking ring."

They were starting to understand as Hotch went on. "Normally your relationship with him would preclude your being involved. But that's because they don't want an agent influencing an investigation against an unsub. In this case, we would be, for all intents and purposes, "investigating" Will." Hotch didn't need the finger quotes to make his point. "And you two...and especially you, JJ...are probably best positioned to do it."

Reid needed a clarification. "Does this mean they're prioritizing finding Will over the outcome of the operation?"

It hadn't occurred to JJ to ask, but from the look on Hotch's face, it appeared to be a legitimate question.

"That hasn't been made completely clear to me." He and Reid exchanged a meaningful look.

JJ didn't care what the agencies had in mind. She knew what had to be done. She turned to Reid.

The couple shared a look and had begun nodding their agreement when Hotch cautioned them. "Just as I told you at the start of this, JJ, we don't know what we'll find. I'd like to assume Will is an innocent victim in this, but I can't guarantee it. And I can't guarantee his safety."

"Understood, Hotch. But you know I've got to help with this. He's the father of my son. I couldn't do anything less."

Reid smiled grimly at his fiancée and nodded his assent to his boss.

Hotch looked at them steadily. "It's what I thought you'd say." They heard the approval in his voice as he opened the office door. "There's some new information to catch you up on, but I'll brief the team on the plane. We leave for New Orleans in an hour."

* * *

Some of the new information made it likely they'd need Garcia along to do some on-site computer analysis. Hearing that, JJ's parents made the decision to extend their visit and stay with Henry until his mother returned. They were happy to have the opportunity to spend additional time with their grandson, and concerned for their daughter, should the case have an adverse outcome.

"I'm relieved, actually. I don't want to burden them, but if this doesn't go well..." JJ hesitated, holding the tea she'd just brewed in the galley. "If there's a problem with Will..." She was having trouble bringing herself to say it out loud.

Reid put his arm around her shoulders. "If you need them, or if Henry needs them, they'll be right there." She leaned into him to acknowledge his understanding of what she meant.

Hotch called the team together. "There have been a few developments with the Houston case that are impacting our current investigation. Several days ago, Houston detectives were approached by a young woman recently released from a psychiatric facility. She'd been hospitalized for almost six months, diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder." He looked around at them to see if they'd picked up on the potential significance. They had. DID was often associated with sexual abuse.

"She'd also, at one time, been a resident of the same youth shelter as the other teens JJ interviewed. She stopped by there to let the staff know how well she was doing, and overheard talk of the young girl murdered in the alley. That seemed to precipitate something of a panic attack. When she'd recovered from it, she insisted on speaking with the police. She told them a story she'd been too afraid, or too sick, to tell before."

Hotch motioned to Garcia. "Houston recorded their interview with her." Garcia pulled up the file.

On the monitor, they could see a thin, diminutive young woman with skin the color of café-au-lait. When she started to speak, JJ noticed the drawl that was so very like Will's.

"I can't remember home. I can't remember my parents. My doctor says that's common for people who've been through trauma as a kid. All I can remember is screaming, and being afraid. I remember it was dark, and I didn't want to go, I wanted to run…" Her voice had trailed off. With prompting from the detective, she resumed her story.

"I lived in a house, if you can call it that. There were a bunch of other kids there, some my age, some younger. All the shades were down, all the time, and we were punished if we tried to look out. There was no furniture anywhere. We slept on the floor." They watched as she took a sip of a drink.

"There were adults there, men and women. The men….." She hesitated for a long time. "The men touched us, and the women didn't stop them." She was starting to cry, remembering.

"One day, they took my friend Abby away. We heard them talking before. There was someone who wanted her. They took money for her. One of the women said she was being 'adopted', and then they all laughed." She was sobbing now. "They took her, and they sold her."

The detective gave her a moment to collect herself, then motioned her to resume. "Then one day a man came to look at me. They made me stand in front of him, and he lifted my clothes to look at my body. I heard them talking. They were going to sell me to him, when he came back with enough money."

All those listening had tensed, anxious for this girl who was telling about a part of her life now years in the past.

"And then, the storm came. Everyone was being told to leave, and I remember the adults having arguments about whether to go. When the water started to rise, they got scared. They threw us all into a couple of vans and drove. We ended up here."

She took another sip of her drink. "I was saved from the first man who wanted to buy me. But then there was a couple, a man and a woman. They looked me over the same way the first man did. But they didn't argue about money. I found out later that they 'adopted' me. It would look more official and more legal. I'll never forget the day they came to take me away. I was holding on to my best friend, Krissy. We were both screaming. They peeled me away and took me to their house. Believe it or not, it was beautiful. Huge, clean…and I had a bed! I thought maybe I'd been mistaken, maybe they were for real. But, starting the very first night, I learned that my bed wasn't just for me. He came  _every_  night, and sometimes brought a friend. I must have been eleven or twelve then."

"One day, I saw the television news. A girl had been found murdered, and they were showing a picture. It was Krissy." Her voice was broken. "She was found outside the adoption agency, the one where my fake mother and father got me from. Angel Wings."

Most of the team had gradually become hunched forward, leaning toward the monitor as they listened to the story of abuse and death. Now they expelled a collective breath as they leaned back.

"So we have it," observed Rossi. "The connection."

"Both between the murdered girls and the agencies, and between Houston and New Orleans." Emily added.

The interview wasn't over yet. The young woman resumed her story. "That night, I ran away. I don't know why I didn't do it before then. I was too afraid, I guess. But I only ended up running to the streets. I had nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to. I didn't know how to do anything, and I didn't have any money. I was 'befriended' by a man who promised to look after me." Her voice now became very bitter. "He looked after me, all right. He became my pimp. I still had no money except what he gave me, and I had nowhere to go. I lived like that for years, staying high as much as I could. It was the only way I could forget. And then, about two years ago, I guess I overdosed. When I woke up in the hospital, I had no idea who I was, or where I was. I ended up in rehab, and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with DID."

The team recognized how she had picked up the lingo. It was a common trait of those who'd been in therapy for a long time.

"I relapsed a couple of times, but I did really well this time, and my doctors think I'll stay clean….and in my real identity. I never told anybody about Krissy. I was too scared. But when I saw that other girl was murdered, and it was behind that agency….I knew they were still doing it. Still taking other kids. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let what happened to me, happen to someone else. So I came to you." Her story was complete.

JJ continued to stare at the screen, which was now blank. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts. Without having admitted it to herself, she'd developed some anger toward Will for putting himself in danger, and risking Henry's happiness in the process. But now, having heard this story, having found herself moved to intervene, she understood. It simply wasn't possible to hear of a child in such dire circumstances and not try to help. She asked a question of the team in general.

"How old do you think she was when they took her?"

Reid answered. "From her story, and looking at the timeline, she was probably no more than eight or nine years old."

Rossi added, "They take them young. With these sickos, the kids actually lose value when they hit puberty."

_Eight or nine. Only a few years older than Henry. Will, I'm sorry I doubted you. Of course, you couldn't have done anything else!_ But, while she now understood his choice, that understanding did nothing to lessen her fear for him.

* * *

The Department of Homeland Security exerted its influence to assume the leadership of a task force that now included representation from said department, two different units of the FBI, including the BAU, and both the New Orleans PD and the Houston PD. DHS was hosting in its local branch office, which housed FEMA. While the others were apprehensive about the DHS propensity to secrecy and 'need to know' information sharing, Garcia was pleased with what she saw. Since Katrina, FEMA had substantially increased its technological and communications capacity. Garcia was in electronic heaven.

"C'mon, Blondie, stop drooling!" Morgan was irritated after the task force leader, Agent Watrous, had felt it necessary to warn his fellow government agents about the need for discretion.

"Relax, my scrumptious Superman! He's only doing his job. And this communications room is to die for!"

"Don't know why they need a communications room if they don't plan to communicate." Morgan was still grumbling.

Rossi shared the sentiment, but was more philosophical about it. "It's a government employment scheme, Derek. You pay a squad to promote communications, and you pay another squad to disrupt them. Jobs for all!"

Shortly, the team gathered around a conference table for an update from Hotch. He'd been to a briefing for the various unit chiefs. They had permission to share with their teams, albeit limited. He'd started with the latest break in the case, and they were reacting.

"If they think they've identified an agency that's a part of this trafficking ring, and still working within New Orleans, then why haven't they brought anyone in for questioning?" JJ was feeling the urgency of finding Will, and not willing to be patient with the intricacies of case procedure.

"There are still kids in the pipeline, JJ. Some of them are being brought in from other countries. From the Caymans, for example."

They all remembered that Michelle Gill, the attorney, had facilitated some 'adoptions' there under an assumed name.

"Kids who are being abducted, or even sold by families here and in other countries, who see this as their only way to put food on their tables. We can't leave those kids to whatever fate might await them if we put the adoption agencies on alert. This needs to be done quietly."

Hotch looked around at the others. "It will require more undercover work."

Emily was there ahead of him. She saw where he was going. JJ did not. "No, Hotch! We can't put anyone else at risk."

Emily sought to reassure her. "Relax, JJ. This would be different. We wouldn't be sending anyone undercover to work  _with_  the traffickers."

"They would be going undercover as prospective adoptive parents." Rossi was nodding his approval of the plan.

"I know I'm not a profiler, so maybe this is a stupid question," Garcia interjected, "but what would be the purpose of that?"

"There are no stupid questions, Garcia." Hotch always tried to be supportive. "We need to get close to the agency, to align with at least one of the staff. At the very least, we need to see how they work with clients." He gave his 'through the brow' look. "Especially clients who are interested in a certain subset of children."

"And, if we're ridiculously lucky, to find Will LaMontagne in the process," Morgan finished.

JJ was still leery, but understood the need. "So, who goes? And why does it need to be someone from the BAU?" She was fearful of losing anyone else.

Hotch had already worked this through. "It can't be anyone the unsubs... or even other adoption clients... might recognize, which rules out New Orleans PD, and possibly even Houston PD, if they travel back and forth. And, most importantly to our immediate task, it needs to be someone Will might recognize as friendly, which rules out all of the other units. We want him to realize we're trying to help him."

"I'll do it." Morgan was volunteering.

"I appreciate it Morgan, but you and JJ showed yourselves to the agencies in Houston. And Dave," he cut Rossi off when he saw he was about to volunteer as well, "your face is on the back cover of every book you've ever written."

"Reid, you know why I can't send you." They all knew Hotch was referring to the need to protect JJ and Henry from even the possibility of losing someone else.

Emily knew it had to be herself and Hotch, and expressed her acceptance of the undercover role while simultaneously trying to defuse the situation with humor. "Oh, we've been trying so long to have a child. And, alas, my poor husband has a little 'problem', if you know what I mean. So we're here to look into adopting."

Hotch tried hard to look stern, but couldn't help but issue a rare smile. "Prentiss, do you think you could come up with  _another_  reason why we can't reproduce?"

The rest laughed a nervous laughter. If Hotch was successful in convincing DHS of the plan, they would be sending two of their own into a virtual lion's den.

* * *

Task number two was the development of a profile for Will as well as for his undercover identity. Reid had earlier drawn JJ aside to discuss her role in the process.

"JJ, we've never delivered a profile on someone so close to us. Heck, usually we don't know who the person is at all. It might be hard for you to talk about Will this way, especially in a whole room full of strangers."

"What's your point, Spence? That I not do it? My relationship with Will is the reason the BAU is here."

He could hear the edge in her tone, and realized she was already feeling the stress. He tried to calm her with his gaze.

"Not at all. I just thought maybe we could work out the profile alone with the team, and then you wouldn't have to be a part of the presentation." He watched her closely. "But only if that would be better for you."

"What would be better for me would be if we weren't in this situation in the first place." There was some bitterness in her voice. Looking up at him, she saw the concern in her fiance's eyes and relented. Her shoulders sagged.

"I know you're only trying to help, Spence." She reached up and rubbed him arm in a gesture of thanks. "But I need to do this, all of it, no matter how hard it is." She gave him a wan smile. "Besides, you'll be there to hold me up, won't you?"

He briefly took her in his arms and held her close. "You bet. Always."

They went to join the others.

Hotch acknowledged their entry into the room. "JJ, we need to give the task force something more than a physical description of Will. Something that will help them identify him by his behavior as well as his appearance. What can you tell us?"

Reid squeezed her hand under the table as she took a deep breath and began.

* * *

Hotch could be extremely persuasive when he had to be. Despite a strong DHS resistance to the BAU taking a lead role, he convinced the task force of the wisdom of their plan. He and Emily would go undercover as a potential adoptive couple, prepared to play it straight or 'slimy', as Emily put it. But first they needed to deliver a profile to the entire group. They'd worked through the information on Will with JJ, and with the information on his undercover persona with the New Orleans PD and DHS leaders of the original trafficking investigation. It was determined that Hotch would give the presentation.

Agent Watrous, the DHS-employed current task force leader, filled the group in on the current status of the investigation. He introduced the idea of an undercover team posing as a potential adoptive couple, and then deferred to Hotch and the BAU for the rest.

"Agent Emily Prentiss and I will assume the new undercover roles." Emily raised her hand to identify herself to the task force. "We will be visiting the Hope Filled Families agency as a couple ostensibly unable to conceive. We believe most initial contacts with the agency are made by people genuinely trying to adopt. But once we've established initial contact and identified the workers and their roles, we will attempt to make contact with a likely prospect outside the confines of the agency. At that point, we will indicate our possible interest in obtaining an older child, for less altruistic reasons. That should lead us to an entry point within the organization."

Watrous interrupted the presentation to point out that task force members would be stationed close by during each encounter, and wireless transmission devices provided the undercover agents. Parabolic microphones were at their disposal if necessary. "I also want to remind all of us that our task is twofold. We are in the business of shutting these people down and saving hundreds, maybe thousands, of kids in the process. But we are also seeking a missing agent. If he is found alive…."

Reid was already near JJ, but moved closer, so that their shoulders were touching. "If he is found alive, we need to extract him, preferably without drawing attention. To that end, the BAU has prepared a profile on the agent."

A picture of Will was projected on a wall. Hotch began.

"William LaMontagne is a detective with New Orleans PD. He's been undercover with this operation since June, but has made no contact for the past ten weeks. There was a possible sighting of him in Houston, at one of the adoption agencies there, five weeks ago." Hotch let the significance of that sink in before proceeding.

"Detective LaMontagne is the oldest son of another NO detective. Some of you will remember his father, Will LaMontagne, Sr., who was killed during the aftermath of Katrina." Hotch knew a personal connection was often a positive motivating factor, and was pleased to see the reactions of the NOPD members of the task force.

"He is also the father of a young son." Reid turned to study JJ, who was staring stony-faced ahead.

"Detective LaMontagne disguised himself by changing the appearance of his hair and eyes." A picture of Will in a Fu Manchu mustache, long sideburns, a reddish tinge to his hair and brown contacts replaced the original one projected on the wall.

_He looks so different. I don't know that I would have recognized his face if I'd seen him from the front_. But I knew his walk. JJ was certain it was Will she'd seen in Houston. At least, she  _wanted_  to be certain.

"However, he is somewhat well known in the New Orleans community, and we believe therefore that he would have initially sought a more distant position within the trafficking ring. He may have originally been placed at one of their international sites. But his possible appearance in Houston, and the Houston murders, are consistent with information from his last contact, and may indicate that the ring is pulling in tight. We believe he is now in the states, possibly even here in New Orleans."

Hotch paused again to let the group absorb.

"Detective LaMontagne speaks with a New Orleans accent that we believe it would be difficult for him to disguise. He controls his facial expressions tightly, so is unlikely to indicate recognition should you encounter him. He also tends to be quiet and less emotionally expressive, which would allow him to keep a low profile within the ring and to proceed without specifically aligning himself with any particular factions within it."

It had been hard for JJ to share that latter trait with her team.

"However, from the strong relationship he has with his young son, we know that Detective LaMontagne is very fond of children. He would, if necessary, endanger himself to protect a child. If that has occurred, it might have alerted the ring to his true purpose."

Reid could see JJ try to stifle a cringe at her mental picture of Will putting himself in harm's way.

The NO trafficking task force leader stepped forward now. "Detective LaMontagne went undercover as Frank Perreault, a recent parolee. He made contact with the ring through a half-way house here in New Orleans. His backstory included having lost his entire family to Katrina, leaving him nowhere to go upon release. His record included a couple of dings for possession of a controlled substance, and one for internet solicitation of an underage child. He was playing it dumb, so they would use him, but not give him any kind of authority. He thought it would be easier to move within the organization that way."

The NO leader paused for a moment. He was beginning to display some of the emotion JJ was struggling so hard to suppress. "Will LaMontagne is a good man. One of my best detectives. He volunteered for this job because he cared so much about these kids. The last time we heard from him was ten weeks ago. He'd been able to infiltrate to the point of working on the pipeline to Houston. And then we lost touch. It's our opinion that he is too deep now, too close to the kids to show himself without risking their getting hurt. Or he's under surveillance himself. Either way, we don't think he will be able to extract himself. He will need our assistance to get himself, and as many children as possible, out of this. We are counting on all of you to make that happen."

As the meeting broke up, Reid put his arm around JJ. She curled herself into his chest, turning her face away from the projected pictures of Will, the dread of learning what might have happened to him, and the fear of what might be to come.


	10. Chapter 10

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 10**

The couple listened over the phone as Henry read a bedtime story to them, his grandparents watching him proudly. After prayers, they all bid each other good night. JJ was lying in Reid's arms on the bed in his hotel room. They were still abiding by the 'professional behavior' promise, but needed each other's presence acutely this night.

Reid was leaning his chin against the top of her head. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her hair. He pulled his arms tight around her as they sat together in silence, JJ enjoying the comfort of being held against the one she loved.

Reid broke the spell. "We shouldn't expect too much tomorrow. It will really be more of a scouting mission than anything else."

"I know. They'll have to make initial contact and then identify a couple of target employees. The task force will have to surveil them to figure out a likely place for Hotch and Emily to 'run into' them outside the agency."

"So we're going to have to be patient, right?" Reid could feel tension running through JJ.

She held out a hand. "Look, steady as a rock."

"It doesn't feel like it, from where I'm sitting."

She sat up to look at him. "You're right. Steady on the outside, shaking like a leaf inside. Spence, it feels like we're starting a journey, with no idea where we'll end up, no idea what we'll have to go through to get there, and not even sure we want to get there at all."

He was looking up at her now, and reached a hand to brush her hair back from her face. Keeping up with the metaphor, he responded, "But it's a journey we have to take, JJ. For Will's sake. For yours. For Henry's."

"Henry. What will happen to him if we've lost Will?" Her defenses were falling. So far, she'd refrained from expressing the thoughts that were in her mind every day.

Reid held her face in his hands. "Henry is his mother's son. He's stronger than you think. If we face the worst, we'll face it together and get through it as a family."

She nodded, teary-eyed, to acknowledge the truth of what he'd said. She kissed him and spent a long moment staring deep into his eyes, finding strength there. They fell asleep holding each other, lying atop the bed.

* * *

Rossi always seemed to get a little bossy when he was anxious. This was apparently one of those times.

"All right, now remember, we don't want to tip them off to anything. Don't be pushy. You can be imperious…." He didn't even notice the glare coming from Emily. She and Hotch were playing an affluent couple, so that money would be no object in the negotiations with Hope Filled Families.

"You can be imperious, but don't be obnoxious. Be curious but not nosy. And don't look around too much, they'll notice that."

Hotch was amused at the behavior of his long-time friend. "You know, you remind me of my grandmother."

Rossi turned on him. "Enough from you! I just want this to go well. We don't have an unlimited supply of agents to send in there."

Emily smiled as she came up and patted him on the cheek. "You're just worried about us, admit it. And we're glad to have you in our corner."

The team shared an affectionate smile at the truth of that. Rossi reluctantly acknowledged her with a nod.

Garcia was anxious to get at her own job. She reminded them that she'd been brought along to New Orleans to probe the computers of the adoption agency.

"So remember, we want to be able to get to the computers without them being destroyed this time. We can't let them know we're so close." This time, the task force had a court order to seize the electronics from the agency, but wouldn't do so until it wouldn't risk the rest of the operation.

* * *

There would be a short task force briefing before Hotch and Emily left, coordinating coverage of voice transmission, surveillance of any staff identified as likely prospects, and the positioning of several two person teams in surrounding businesses, should backup be needed.

As they waited for the meeting to begin, JJ pulled Hotch aside. There was something else bothering her.

"Hotch, Will has a brother and cousins in New Orleans. His brother, Phil, contacted me a few times to see if I'd heard from Will, so I know he's worried as well. I feel bad keeping this from him."

"You'll have to do it for a while longer, JJ. We can't involve family members at this point. It might compromise the investigation, and it might put them at risk, if Will's identity has been discovered. Your knowledge of the operation is strictly because of your position with the BAU."

"I know, Hotch, and I wasn't asking to break confidence now. But when you think it's possible, as  _soon_  as you think it's possible, I feel like I need to. The family has been good to Henry, and when I was with Will, to me."

"Understood. I'll let you know as soon as it's reasonable."

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Howard Roget were relative newcomers to New Orleans, having lived in their upscale hotel apartment for only eight months. Mr. Roget's position as an operations executive for the established, independent hotel in the French Quarter was lucrative, allowing his wife to indulge her interests in a local art gallery. Francine Roget was acting as the spokesperson for the couple when they met with the representative at Hope Filled Families.

"We were well along the path to adopting in Chicago, but then the opportunity came along for Howard and we simply couldn't pass it up. We knew it would be comforting not to have to worry about the expense of adopting a child, let alone the expense of raising one." She passed an approving, if not particularly affectionate, glance at her husband.

"So this was a financially beneficial move for you?" Adoption coordinator Adele Marcan was sizing them up.

"Very," Howard assured her.

Marcan shifted some papers on her desk and then fiddled with her computer keyboard. The couple was dressed with opulent good taste, seemed quietly demanding and expecting her subservience, as those with money sometimes did. They seemed, if she had to pick a word, 'imperious'. She decided to take a chance. She'd been trained to look for some of these traits.

"Well, then, you might be interested in looking at a broader selection of children. Many people can only afford those children who've been removed into state custody. There is minimal cost for those, as we simply assist the state with the process. But we do have  _other_  children available…"

Listening in, Morgan remarked, "She's a good candidate. We need to get a tail on her."

"This is disgusting. It sounds like she's pulling out the better jewels from the vault." Garcia couldn't wait to get her hands on the computers and take this operation down.

They heard the conversation in the agency resuming, apparently as Marcan was showing Hotch and Emily her 'better' selection of children on the computer.

"Are you looking to adopt an infant or an older child?"

Simultaneously, and by plan, the woman replied "Oh, definitely an infant" while the man replied "we're open to an older child, maybe a female?"

Mrs. Roget looked unhappily at her husband, but said nothing to contradict him. Marcan saw what their relationship must be like.

The groundwork was being laid. If Marcan was aware of the second nature of the adoption agency, she would now identify the Rogets as likely purchasers of their human merchandise.

* * *

They'd agreed to talk it over and return the following day. Marcan made a special notation next to their names in her computer. It said, simply, 'prime'.

Emily and Hotch returned to their 'apartment' in the hotel for which Mr. Roget worked. It had been partially transformed into a communications room for the team, but could be broken down quickly if the traffickers should visit.

Rossi met them at the door, patting Hotch on the back and giving Emily's shoulders a squeeze. "Lavoro eccellente!" He often reverted to Italian to express his best and worst emotions. "Excellent work!"

"I think you've got her hooked. We've got a tail on her already." Morgan updated them.

"That was amazing! You practically had her eating out of your hands," gushed Garcia. She was already at work performing an electronic background search on Adele Marcan.

"You don't know the half of it," responded Emily. "You couldn't see her. She was practically drooling over him."

None of the team had known Hotch was capable of blushing as red as Reid often did. Possibly to divert their attention, he got them back to business.

"That was the easy part. Tomorrow's visit will be crucial. They'll no doubt be doing some homework on us tonight, and if we pass muster, she'll make a move tomorrow. And if she doesn't, our surveillance will help us find a way to 'run into' her."

"The hotel has been completely cooperative, as has the adoption agency in Chicago. It turns out there is  _some_  advantage to having Homeland Security involved." Reid was making reference to the backstory information planted with the two organizations.

"And we've got a surveillance team on Marcan's supervisor as well. She's unlikely to be in this alone," added JJ.

* * *

As the background and surveillance information came in, the team convened over a dinner of fine French cuisine provided by the hotel. Rossi lamented the situation. As a gourmand, he would have savored the opportunity, but he knew the food may as well have been cardboard. The team couldn't taste anything through its worry.

They'd all been reserved rooms in the hotel, treating them to something beyond the usual budget-restricted options. JJ and Reid went together to her room, to video chat with Henry and the Jareaus.

"Hi, Buddy! Mommy loves you!" Reid watched JJ's face brighten as she looked at the image of her son.

"Hi, Mommy! Hi, Uncle Spence! Casey says 'hi' too!" The little boy was excited to see his distant family.

"Hey, little man, we miss you!" Reid greeted his godson as well, his evening brightened with the sight of the little boy he loved so much.

"Are you being good for Meme and Papa?" JJ asked this with every call, no matter who was caring for him. And the answer was always a variation of 'yes'. But she could always tell from the tone of his voice, and now from the look on his face, whether it was true. Today, things looked and sounded good.

"Yes! I'm being very good!" He was looking to his grandparents for confirmation.

"He certainly is." Sandy was looking back at him affectionately and then turned her attention to the webcam. "In fact, he's been so good that we just had to reward him with a trip to the ice cream parlor."

"Mom, just for special occasions, okay? I don't want him to think that's an expected thing." JJ was wondering how much undoing of grandparental spoiling awaited her upon her return home.

"Of course, sweetheart, just for special occasions." She winked at Henry as she said it. JJ and Reid exchanged a look. Apparently Sandy had forgotten they could see her.

"How's your case going, Pumpkin?" Charles knew they couldn't be specific, but was asking if they'd made any progress. Hearing his use of the endearment, Reid gave JJ a subtle poke with his elbow. She gave him a sideways glance before she responded.

"We're making some progress, Dad, but it's a slow go. There may be more movement tomorrow."

"Keep your chin up, Pumpkin. It will be okay."

JJ felt the warmth of his affection. There was always something right in her world when her father was around. And even though she knew he couldn't possibly assure a good outcome to the case, she felt better.

Henry read them a book again, and they all shared prayers on both ends of the phone. "We love you, Henry. Good night!"

After they'd signed off, Reid brought JJ over to a small sofa over by the window. The room came with a beautiful view of the city lights.

"Good idea. We'd better take advantage. I doubt we'll be seeing a room like this again." JJ leaned against her fiancé while they both enjoyed the sight.

Reid looked down at JJ and then away to the lights. "It's nice to see the relationship you have with your dad. It seems so…..easy."

"Well, I'm sure I gave him a run for his money when I was a teenager, but you're right, we've always gotten along pretty well." She was thoughtful. "I think I'm more like him than I am like my mother."

That made Reid chuckle.

"What?" JJ didn't understand what was so funny.

"When I went to see them with Hotch, to ask their blessing? I had that exact same thought. Your mom was hugging me to death, and your father kept telling her to let me go. I knew right then that you took after him."

JJ remembered how awkward it had been for Spence to allow physical contact when they'd first become close. Even now, he was really only completely comfortable with herself and Henry. But he had, indeed, accepted it, and now sought it out and even initiated much of it. She'd walked a fine line in demonstrating her affection without overwhelming him. Now it was all completely natural, and spontaneous.

"My mom and I love each other, Spence, but there was always a little distance there, ever since we lost my sister. I know it wasn't Mom's fault. I don't know what I would do if I lost a child, I certainly can't judge her for how she reacted. But it kept a little barrier between us. I guess she could never totally give me her heart, and I could never totally give her mine."

Reid pulled her closer, resting his head against hers. "I'll tell you something I learned from my fiancée, who is a very wise woman. She once told me that there's no such thing as a perfect parent, and no such thing as a perfect child. We are who we are, we come together for a little while in life and we make the best of what we're given." He bent his head so he could see her face.

She turned to him with a smile. "I'm so glad you have an eidetic memory, at least when you're remembering my wisdom. " Then her look turned to playful pleading. "But can you try to forget when I screw up? Please?"

He put both arms around her and pulled her close. "Screw up? Has that ever happened?"

She hugged him. "Thanks." Then she got serious again. "Spence, that thing about parents and children coming together? I see it with you and Henry. You make his life better."

JJ could see that Reid was brought up short by that, unexpectedly moved. "What? What are you thinking? Did you not know that?"

"I guess I hoped it was true, but no, I didn't know it. I don't have any basis for comparison, JJ. I've never seen a real father and son relationship. I only know how I think I would have liked it to be. And then I pray that I can be that way with Henry. It's very important to me to get it right."

She caressed his face with her hand. "Well, you are. He's very lucky to be getting you for a stepdad."

"I'm the lucky one in that relationship, JJ. I never knew it was possible to fall in love with a little kid. But I did."

She was grinning at that, being very familiar with the situation. She'd fallen in love with infant Henry, with toddler Henry and now with the Henry who seemed practically grown up. She said as much to Reid.

JJ leaned back against Reid's chest. "Do you think all parents feel this way? Or is Henry just that special?"

Reid flashed on a thought _. Spencer Reid, parent. Who would have thought? Not I. And I especially never thought I'd treasure the idea so much._

He kissed the top of her head. "He's special because his mother is. And I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

* * *

The following morning, Hotch and Prentiss prepared to visit Hope Filled Families again. The surveillance team had followed Adele Marcan to 'Kudzu', a bar local to the agency, after work the evening before. If this second trip to the agency wasn't fruitful, the pair would visit Kudzu tonight in the hope of 'running into' Marcan.

Rossi was anxious again. "Today's the day. I can feel it. Make sure you've got your mics turned on. Are we sure we've got court orders for recording the conversations? And for the phones?"

"Relax, Rossi, everything's in place. If she says or does anything that points in the right direction, we'll be on it." Emily was chuckling as she reassured him.

"Listen, Princess, this is serious. This is big money for these people, and we've already seen that they're willing to kill over it." Morgan was concerned for his teammates. The entire task force was certain the trafficking ring had been behind the murders in Houston, but had not yet been able to prove the connection, nor the specific motives behind the murders.

"I know, Derek. I'll be careful. We both will." She made eye contact with Hotch to verify.

"We will," he acknowledged. "The stakes are too high for anything less."

JJ stepped forward and gave each of them a brief hug. "Good luck. Thank you. Be safe."  _Please help me find Will. And please get those children home safely._


	11. Chapter 11

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 11**

"Ready?" Hotch was adjusting his own hidden microphone as he addressed Prentiss. They'd pulled up in an expectedly top end car and were getting ready to enter Hope Filled Families.

"Ready. This has to work, Hotch. We really don't have any other way into this organization."

"We'll make it work. She seemed to take the bait yesterday."

Emily gave a humorless laugh. "Or she thinks  _we_  did. Now we just have to let her reel us in." She paused a moment. "Hotch? What do you think about Will LaMontagne?"

He knew she was asking if he thought they would find him. And whether he would be whole, physically and morally. "He's a good man, Prentiss. I've no doubts about that. But if he's been found out…." He let the sentence trail off. They were both worried about how their colleague would react.

Emily was resolute. "So we need to get in there and get these guys before we allow anything else to happen."

They exchanged the kind of look the team members often did when they knew they were about to encounter an unsub. The kind that assured each other of unfailing support and protection.

"Agreed. Let's go."

* * *

"Mr. and Mrs. Roget, it's nice to see you again." Adele Marcan shook each of their hands as she greeted them.

"Please sit down." When they'd settled themselves, she inquired, "Have you had a chance to think things over?"

This time, Mr. Roget took the lead. He cast a hostile, arrogant look at his wife who quickly looked away from him. "We have. We've decided on an older child. That will take the pressure of caring for an infant away from my wife." Hotch was doing a masterful job of portraying the slimy executive who wanted to appear socially acceptable while dominating his spouse.

Mrs. Roget kept her eyes averted from her husband, allowing Emily to study the rest of the office while appearing to cower in response to Howard Roget.

Marcan studied the tableau before her, confident that she'd found prospective 'buyers'. She and her colleagues occasionally encountered a couple who both were depraved enough to acquire a child for illicit purposes. Most often, however, there was a dominant spouse coupled with a submissive one, with the submissive unable to defend either themselves or the child. She thought she was looking at such a couple.

Without resuming eye contact with her husband, Francine Roget stated her agreement. "Yes, an infant would be a lot of work. Probably more than I could handle."

While she was speaking, Hotch had time to appreciate that Emily was doing a masterful job of suppressing her usual confidence while drawing on her own hidden anxieties to exude the right emotion. No one was more aware of the emotional price of undercover work than Emily was, and yet she had embraced the task for the sake of the children. As he often did, Hotch admired the dedication of the woman with him.

Marcan was satisfied. "Shall I show you our selection of older children again, then?"

"Please," Howard responded.

They looked on as she scrolled through forty seven pictures of children. Emily counted them, letting Hotch focus on choosing one as their 'selection'. The children looked to be between eight and twelve, of various races and ethnicities. Most were female. All were posed, and Emily's jaded eyes made out some provocation in the poses. One child stood out. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. Both agents remembered from a previous case that there were premium prices to pay for such a child.

"That one,"Hotch pointed at the monitor screen to stop Marcan's scrolling. "I'd like to see that one."

Garcia could not only hear the conversation, but was actually watching what Hotch was watching, courtesy of a camera in his lapel pin. "I know it's Hotch, but I hate Howard Roget. It sounds like he's shopping for jewels…or a dog."

"Hang in there, Baby Girl. They've got her hooked. He's just playing a role." Morgan tried to reassure her.

"But it's still…disgusting." JJ had struggled to find a word, but she agreed with Garcia.

"Which is why it needs to end." Rossi spoke for all of them.

Reid was busy at a map. Since they only had the one location, Morgan didn't understand why it was important. "Hey, Kid, what are you doing over there?"

"Triangulating. From a single point. I know, Morgan, it does't seem to make sense." He got that look on his face that he always did when he went into "teaching mode". "But think about it. In Houston, we had three different agencies, and a private home belonging to Michelle Gill. We can eliminate the private home, she already owned it before the agencies opened, and her murder was most likely done to keep her quiet. But look at the others. More importantly, look at the youth shelter where at least three children presented, and where it sits in relationship to the agencies. It gives us a zone of operation. Not really a comfort zone, that applies to an unsub for a different kind of crime. But a zone of operation. It creates a radius for us. If we take Hope Filled Families and create a similar radius, we have a zone of operation here in New Orleans."

Once again they were all grateful to have a genius on their side. "You may be on to something , Reid." Morgan was approving. "Garcia, look at the surveillance team data from last night. Focus on Marcan and her supervisor. Overlay that with Reid's zone of operation. Let's see what we get."

"On it."

Back at the agency, the two BAU members felt like they were coming to a critical point in the exchange. Emily knew there was something additional the task force would need if and when it came to a trial. As Francine, she asked, "Will you need to repeat the home study? We had one done in Chicago."

Hotch tried to create a sense of urgency. "Home studies seem to be quite time consuming. We have a trip scheduled next week. I'd hoped we might have completed our transaction by then…." He'd used the word 'transaction' purposefully, testing whether they were on the same wavelength with Marcan.

The adoption coordinator was dismissive. "Home studies are nice, but not absolutely necessary. We perform them more when we're dealing with the state, which requires them. When we're facilitating the adoption of other children, we are free to use discretion." She passed a meaningful look in Hotch's direction.

"Discretion is always warranted," he said, taking out his wallet as he did so. He pulled out five one hundred dollar bills, hard won from the budgeting wonks at the FBI.

Marcan eyed the money but made no move to pick it up. "Do you have an attorney, or will you be representing yourselves?"

"That's not allowed, is it?" JJ was listening in, aghast.

"I have the sense that anything is 'allowed' if the price is right." Rossi's voice dripped with its usual sarcasm.

On the screen in front of them, they could see Hotch's hand deliberately laying down an additional five one hundred dollar bills, one bill at a time. Then they heard his voice.

"We've decided to streamline things. We'll be representing ourselves."

Emily/Francine reentered the conversation. "Will we be able to meet the children before we decide?"

They realized they must have hit on something when Marcan suddenly looked uncomfortable. The team members in the hotel suite all exchanged glances.

"Well, that may be an issue. You see, only one of these children is local. The rest can be brought in, but they are in more distant sites. If you have time constraints…"

Howard Roget was angry. He snatched his bills from Marcan's desk. "You've been leading us on. Is this your version of 'bait and switch'?"

Marcan waved him down, seeking to calm him. She looked around the office to see if they'd brought undue attention. There were a few clients looking in their direction, but they each got back to business when Roget quieted.

"Relax. It wouldn't be more than a day or two before we could have the other kids here. But," and she had a gleam in her eye, " I'm thinking that you won't need to see the others. The child who is local is this one." She brought up the photo of the blond-haired, blue –eyed prepubescent girl they'd seen in her previous scrolling. She looked at them, pleased with herself. "What do you think?"

Both agents knew this child would lead them to the local headquarters of the ring. Their interest in this child would be the key to saving her, and so many others. They didn't dare a glance at one another.

"She's…..pretty," said Francine, dully.

"She's beautiful." Howard/Hotch was trying to appear lascivious without _actually_  appearing to be lascivious. He looked at Marcan. "When can we see her?"

" _See_  her, not  _mee_ t her. Like she's merchandise. Ugh." Garcia was disgusted.

"He's playing a role, Baby Girl. And he's doing it well." Morgan was admiring his boss's performance.

Marcan was ready with her response. "I can arrange for you to see her tonight. Shall I bring her to you?"

Hotch was ready for this one. "I'd rather not do anything at the hotel until it's finalized. It's my place of work and residence, and it could be a bit awkward if things didn't work out…."

They needed to force a meeting off site, in hopes of getting closer to where the children were being held. From the description the previous victim had given of the house where they were kept, it was unlikely the traffickers would agree to a meeting there. But they must have an alternative location.

"I understand. What if we have you meet her at a park? There's one nearby that might be nice."

The agents knew an outdoor location would make surveillance and tracking easier. Emily responded.

"The park would be lovely. Shall we meet at say, " and she pretended to be looking at a busy day planner, " four PM?"

Marcan was agreeable. They shook hands and agreed to meet together with the 'merchandise' at four.

* * *

Hotch took a long route back to the hotel, watching to be sure they weren't being followed.

"Ugh, I need a shower." Emily was disgusted.

"You were perfect, Prentiss. The disgruntled socialite and dominated wife rolled into one."

"You know Hotch, it scares me sometimes what we learn from our work. I would never have known someone like Francine existed….let alone Howard…." She got a grim smile from him at that. "And then to bring her to life…..really, I need a shower."

Hotch was already getting back to business. "We need a game plan."

"I know. What if they want us to take her today? Should we?"

"We need to work that through. If we take her, we save her. But we might lose the others. We may need to leave her in position another day….or more…so we can find where they've got the other kids."

"This is where you're going to hate me, Hotch. I don't know that I'll be able to let her go once I'm near her."

Hotch, the parent, completely understood. Hotch the FBI unit chief, knew they had to work for the nebulous 'greater good'. He reminded Prentiss of this.

"I know. I know here (pointing to her head) but not here ( touching her chest). So if you need to drag me out of there kicking and screaming, you have my permission."

* * *

When they got back to the hotel, Hotch was intrigued with Reid's geographic profiling.

"The park is in the radius you've described. What else can you tell us, Reid?"

"Well, Garcia was able to help me focus in on a couple of areas, and then she found some census information, down to the block. I think we're looking in this neighborhood here," and he circled one in marker. "It's a very poor neighborhood, mostly rentals with high turnover rates, a few unoccupied buildings as well."

The team members all knew that 'unoccupied ' buildings were often 'occupied' by those who were engaged in illicit activities, as well as those officially labeled as 'homeless'.

Reid went on. "A location here would make sense. There wouldn't be consistent neighbors to notice activity, they could come and go as they pleased. And even the police would be less likely to patrol."

The latter statement acknowledge the paradox that high crime, poor neighborhoods were often less patrolled than those with more affluent, demanding residents.

Reid concluded. "I think we should focus our attention here."

Hotch felt a need to be cautious. "We'll meet with them this afternoon. We should have surveillance teams ready to move in any direction, but if we need to focus our attention, we'll do as Reid suggests and focus on this neighborhood."

* * *

Hotch and Emily took another circuitous route to the park. Satisfied that they weren't being followed by anyone outside the task force, they parked the car and entered, finding the area near the playground as instructed.

"What if she looks scared?" Emily was anticipating her own response to the state of the child they were about to meet.

"Unless she's in immediate danger, we need to let this play out." Hotch was aware he would suffer his own temptation to rescue the child immediately, but also knew he needed to resist it….they both did.

"Here they come." Emily was looking over Hotch's shoulder, in the direction of the far parking lot. "She's with Marcan."

Suddenly Emily grabbed her unit chief's arm. "Hotch!" This came in an excited whisper. "Over near the van they came in. I see him! I see Will LaMontagne!"


	12. Chapter 12

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 12**

"Hotch!" The team heard Emily's excited whisper. "Over near the van they came in. I see him! I see Will LaMontagne!"

JJ sank into a seat upon hearing the words come over the hidden microphones. She was listening intently for what came next. Reid and Morgan exchanged excited glances. As Reid moved away from his maps to be near his fiancée, Morgan was voicing his thoughts aloud, despite knowing they couldn't be heard by the person he was addressing.

"Turn, Hotch. Get him in your camera. Let us get a look at him."

At the park, Hotch reacted coolly as Howard Roget. He got up slowly and purposefully, still commanding his wife and the situation. It wouldn't do for the 'purchaser' to appear anxious about the 'merchandise'. As Marcan and the child drew near, he turned very slightly in their direction, keeping his chest and lapel pin aimed at the parking lot from which they'd come.

JJ was glued to the monitor. "It's too far away, I can't make out his face. Garcia, can you zoom in with this?"

"I'll try, honey, but I think we're going to lose too much detail." She did as promised and, as feared, the detail was lost.

"Zoom back out then, Pen. Maybe I can make him out from his movement again." JJ knew that Emily's view with the naked eye was likely to be better than the one they were getting through the camera lens, but she still felt a need to confirm her friend's statement.

As they all watched the lapel scene, they listened in on the conversation their colleagues were having with Adele Marcan.

"Mr. and Mrs. Roget, this is Rosalynn." Marcan didn't bother introducing the couple to the child.

Hotch bent to study the girl, as though inspecting merchandise. He could see her dilated pupils, and the blankness of her gaze. To him, the child appeared drugged.

Emily was struggling not to visibly react to the appearance of the girl. She put her hand out. "Hello, Rosalynn."

Marcan had to nudge the girl to get a response. With difficulty, Rosalynn turned her gaze to Emily's face. "Hello," she said dully, putting a limp hand into Emily's.

The Rogets shared a well-rehearsed look. Then Mr. Roget addressed Marcan. "She doesn't look very bright. In fact, she almost looks drugged."

Marcan had her usual answer at the ready. "She was a bit overexcited at the prospect of meeting her potential adoptive parents. We just sedated her a bit for the trip over."

Emily was clenching her fists behind her back to achieve some modicum of control. At the hotel, JJ reached up to clasp Reid's hand on her shoulder at the revelation.

Howard/Hotch decided to play it antagonistically. "How am I supposed to make a decision when she's in a state like this? I need to be able to see what I'm getting!"

He'd purposely used the 'I' pronoun to emphasize the idea that this transaction was taking place to please the desire of the dominant male in the family.

Hotch pushed his advantage. This was a way to prolong things, to give the surveillance and tracking teams time to work on finding the ring's main location.

"This is unsatisfactory. I'm not in the habit of making any kind of major purchase without having fully inspected the merchandise, and I do not expect to be asked to do so with a child. I demand another meeting, and this time I want the child fully alert."

Marcan caught the leer Roget sent in Rosalynn's direction without realizing Hotch had done it purposely. She thought she might have the upper hand in this negotiation, since her mark was obviously smitten by the girl. But she also realized she didn't yet have either the couple's commitment or their cash, and so she needed to appear cooperative….at least until she had the money in hand.

"Certainly, Mr. Roget. Would tomorrow be convenient?"

Hotch consulted his 'calendar'. "I can see her tomorrow at four, but my schedule is very tight. I'll see her at the foster home. Where is it located?"  _I can already see she won't be going for that, but it was worth a try._

Marcan headed him off. "I'm sorry, Mr. Roget, that's against our policy. We can only have you meet the children at your own home or at a neutral location."

He'd reached into his pocket for his wallet, remembering his ability to influence her with money earlier. But, with the stakes for the ring so high, Marcan couldn't allow herself to be influenced by short term monetary gain.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Roget, I wish I could help you out. But I simply can't. I could lose my job."  _Or my life._

Not wanting to risk the entire investigation, Hotch chose not to push it further. Looking annoyed, he said, "Very well, then. Should we meet here again?"

That was agreeable to Marcan. "Tomorrow, four PM. Come on, Rosalynn. It's time to go." She tugged the girl by the hand and lead her, stumbling, back to the van. Both Hotch and Emily noticed the man who looked like Will spend an extra few seconds staring in their direction before he got into the van and closed the door. They could only hope he'd spotted them.

* * *

"We have to take her tomorrow. We can't let her go back with that woman another day." Emily was venting.

"Remember that she's also with Will LaMontagne. He'll do what he can to protect her." Hotch was trying to be practical as he drove them back to the hotel.

"But he couldn't keep them from drugging her, could he? We don't know how many kids there are in that house. He can't keep them all safe."

The surveillance teams had split up to create a tag-team tail for the van, hoping to track it to the home where the children were being held. If unsuccessful, but now having a way to visually identify the van, they would use tomorrow's time at the park to try to slip a tracking device onto it.

At the hotel, JJ was relieved. The man in the parking lot had moved very little during the Roget/Marcan conversation, but she'd had a glimpse of what she thought was Will's typical gait when he walked around the van to open the door. Watching closely before the van left, JJ was excited.

"I think he sees them! See how he's looking in their direction. I think he knows it's them! He knows we're coming for him!"

Reid reached an arm around her. "I think you're right. I  _hope_  you're right. But you can see how hard it is for us to make him out. He could be having the same trouble. We need to get Hotch and Emily closer to the van tomorrow. We need to make _sure_  he knows."

* * *

The task force convened via video link to prevent the BAU members, now almost all known to the trafficking ring, from being seen entering a government building. DHS Agent Watrous reviewed the events of the day, now coming to the results of the surveillance teams.

"The van was followed back to this neighborhood." He was pointing to an area on a large display map. The BAU team noted it was the same area Reid had already circled on their own map.

Watrous continued. "They made no effort to shake a tail, which we believe means one of two things. Either they are unaware we are this close to them…..or the van was, indeed, being driven by Detective LaMontagne. If the latter is the case, we take it as a sign that he is still working on the side of the good guys."

JJ had never doubted that to be the case, but was nonetheless relieved to have someone else acknowledge it as well. She listened as Watrous went on.

"The van is parked in a driveway in the middle of the block, but our trackers couldn't go down the street to be sure they went into that house. There didn't seem to be any children playing outside, but there was plenty of adult street traffic. Or, more precisely, loitering. NOPD tells us this is a high drug trafficking area."

An NOPD task force representative confirmed that. "We no sooner shut one down than two others come and take their place. It's like a cancer."

That gave Morgan an idea. "Hotch, if we have any hope of getting those kids out of there safely, we're gonna have to connect with Will LaMontagne somehow. What about if we sent someone to the street, looking to make a buy?"

Emily saw the promise, but also the flaw, in the idea. "Why would we think Will would connect with that person? How would he know it was the task force? We're back to that issue."

NOPD piped in electronically. "It's a real problem. We've been battling this problem so long that we've run through our own undercover guys and have been getting some on loan from other cities. You know, some faces the dealers haven't seen yet. But that means LaMontagne hasn't seen them either. He won't know."

Those assembled at the DHS office heard a voice come from the hotel connection. "Me. It has to be me." Reid was volunteering himself.

* * *

Things moved quickly after that. They needed to get somebody on the street tonight, when it was most active. Reid was being outfitted with his wireless device and, as Morgan put it, 'a grown-up's holster' for his shoulder, to be hidden by his jacket.

JJ hadn't spoken a word since her fiancé volunteered himself for what was presumed to be a highly perilous task…if not from the trafficking ring, then possibly from the drug dealers. Earlier, she'd listened as Reid argued his case with Hotch, who had reservations about the whole idea.

"Will knows me, he'll recognize me. And the traffickers have never seen me before. And….." He'd stopped himself at this, unable to make eye contact as he continued, even all these years later…."And I know how to buy drugs. I know how to look desperate."

The rest of the team shared pained looks at that. Rossi, who'd missed that episode in the team's history, was the first to recover. He tried to lighten things up. "Well, you're thin enough for the role!"

Reid flashed him a grateful look for effectively changing the subject. Hotch gave his youngest agent some cautionary instructions.

"Keep it low key with the people on the street. Don't confront anyone, and don't let them confront you. Back off if you need to. If Will doesn't come out to the street, leave. Don't approach the house. If this doesn't work, we'll find another way." Hotch would have given the same instruction to any one of his team, but today he felt a special need to make sure he was heard. Reid might have volunteered himself for any one of their investigations, but Hotch knew that this time his youngest was also being driven by the need to help his fiancée and her son. And that need might well cause him to take greater risks.

JJ had reached the same conclusion. Pulling him aside before he left the hotel, she grasped both of his hands as her eyes bored into his. "Spence, I wish I didn't understand why you have to do this, but I do. But please, please, please be careful. You won't be doing me or Henry any good by getting hurt, regardless of Will. You understand that, don't you?"

"I do. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it. But this might be the best way, maybe the only way, to get Will and those kids out of there. I still have to do my job, JJ. We both do."

"I know." She gave him a wan smile. "I just like it better when you do your job in front of a map."

He smiled back as he reached his arms around her. Embracing him, she could feel the gun under his arm. "I love you. Come back to me."

"I do. And I will."

* * *

After he left, JJ went to her room to make her evening call to Henry and her parents. She was a little earlier than usual, but knew the night might get very busy. She needed the reassurance of hearing their voices.

They read stories and said prayers, even though Henry wasn't quite ready for bed. He'd asked for Reid, and was accepting when told he was working and couldn't come to the phone. And then, in that way JJ would never fathom, Henry knew to include an extra prayer for his godfather _. I don't know if he's attuned to me, or Spence…or God,….but somehow he always knows._

Her father knew she couldn't share anything about what was happening with the case. But he also knew from her tone that her level of concern had risen. He rang off with a reassurance. "You've got right on your side, Pumpkin. And a lot of good people working together to make it happen. And a few more of us here rooting them all on. Just remember that."

"I will. Give Henry a hug for me, please. And, Dad? Thanks."

Before she rejoined the team, JJ took a few moments to collect herself. She could practically feel her anxiety exuding through her pores. All of the 'what-ifs' were assaulting her.  _What if the dealers figure him out? What if they try to rob him? What if they find his gun? What if Will never comes out? What if we can't find another way in? What if either of them gets hurt? What if?_

Her thoughts turned to their relationship.  _What if last night was the last time we would hold each other? What if it was the last time we kissed?_   _There's always a last time for everything. What if it's already in the past? What if we didn't know it when it happened?_

She found herself tearing up but couldn't afford the time to cry. She splashed some water on her face and hurried back to the team.

* * *

NOPD used a dilapidated vehicle from an old drug case to bring Reid to the neighborhood. They dropped him off around the block. He turned the corner with a shuffling gait and a weary-eyed look to his face. He did his best to look disheveled enough to not be threatening, but not enough to become a target.  _Which, if I succeed in this, I'll market as an art form_ , he thought sarcastically.

He made certain to slow his gait in front of the house in question. It was about two thirds of the way down the block, near the corner with the most apparent drug activity. Most of the block was deserted except for that corner. To Reid's eye, it looked like most of the sales activity was happening between those on the corner and those driving by. There was very little foot traffic for this particular facet of the drug industry.

He continued shuffling past the house with the van parked in the driveway. As he drew near the corner, he caught the eye of one of the salesmen. "Whatchu want, dude?"

"I…I just need a little something. To get me through. Just a little…"

The man came over to him. "Yeah? A little something  _what_?" He looked Reid up and down. "Man, you high already? Whatchu need?"

"Dilly. I need Dilly." Reid slurred his speech ever so slightly.

"Yeah? You got money, man? I ain't got no Dilly, but I can get it for you."

"I need it now. I need Dilly." Reid's voice was urgent.

"How 'bout a blunt? Hold you over. I'll get you Dilly for tomorrow." The young salesman knew he could get more for the dilaudid than the marijuana. It was worth becoming a middle man.

"I need Dilly."

Now the dealer was out of patience. "I told you, I ain't got no Dilly. Get outta here, man. Go!" And he pushed Reid back in the direction from which he'd come. Reid prayed a brief thanks that he'd not been touched where the gun might have been palpable.

He started his shuffle down the street again. But this time, as he approached the house in question, he saw a figure sitting on the stoop. Will LaMontagne. They shared eye contact for the first time in many months.

Will got up slowly, nodding to the watching dealer on the corner. He approached Reid and threw an arm loosely around his back, appearing to be escorting him out of the neighborhood.

In his familiar New Orleans drawl, Will spoke. "We have an unspoken arrangement. They don't hassle us and we don't hassle them. And whenever they need us to persuade someone to go, we help them out."

Reid understood. "What do we need to do to get you out?"

He could feel Will sigh before he answered. "There are only two kids left here. They started feeling the pressure after those murders in Houston. They know the FBI is close. They're closing things down here, but they've still got a bunch of houses in the islands. That's where I was most of the time, in the Caymans. I only got back when the lawyer was killed in Houston."

"Do you know anything about that?"

"It was a guy name of Viera. He's here in the house. The lawyer was getting spooked, I guess having a kid herself did it to her. He killed them to keep her quiet. And the girl, too. Too stupid to realize he was only drawing attention. So they sent me to Houston to empty things out there, and now they're emptying here."

"If there are only two kids left, can you get them out? What about when Hotch and Emily meet with the girl tomorrow?"

Will had been there long enough to get to know the girls. "That's Rosalynn. You tell them they should take her tomorrow. That will leave Minnow. I'll try to get her out."

"Minnow?"

"She's a little thing, only 'bout six years old. They wanted her older sister, ended up having to grab them both, I guess. But she's too young for the market. These scum don't want the really little ones, they're too much trouble." Turning slightly to Reid, he explained the name. "She was so young, and her sister was sold over a year ago. Little thing couldn't remember her name. So I called her 'Minnow', because she's swimmin' around with all these damn sharks."

"Bring her with you tomorrow, in the van. We'll get you all out."

"Wish I could, Spencer. But Viera is slick. He'll keep her drugged and restrained until I get back. He's not on to me, he just doesn't trust anybody."

"Is it only him?" At Will's nod, Reid continued. "Then I'll come back tomorrow evening. We can do this scene again. But get me closer to the house."

Will looked uncertain, but ended up agreeing. "Okay, I'll come up with something. But you make sure Hotch and Emily leave with Rosalynn tomorrow. Make sure they show up with money."

"Will do." They were almost at the corner.

"Spencer, how's JJ? And Henry?"

"Henry's great, but he misses his dad. And JJ's worried. That's why we're here, Will."

"You tell her I'm okay, and you tell Henry his daddy loves him, all right?"

"You can tell them yourself, after tomorrow." At a look from Will, Reid continued, "But I'll tell them too."

"And Spencer? Get word to my brother. Tell him to tell Charlene I'm all right. She'll be worried too."

Reid didn't know who Charlene was, but he agreed. They were parting now.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Will. And we'll both go back together."

Will shoved the junkie away around the corner.


	13. Chapter 13

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 13**

There had been no opportunity for Reid to indicate he'd spied Will on the stoop, so JJ's first clue that Will was present was the sound of his voice. She'd frozen when he started speaking, closing her eyes in relief at conclusive proof that he was alive.  _Thank you, God._

The rest of the team joined her in listening in on the conversation between Will and Reid. Without needing to be told, Garcia immediately started a background search on Viera, looking at rosters of known criminals, but also looking at anyone by that name connected with New Orleans, Houston or the Caymans.

The others started hatching plans for the following day. They needed cash, forty thousand dollars of it, and despite the urgency of the operation, Hotch anticipated trouble prying such a sum loose from the feds. He started a round of phone calls, including one to Erin Strauss. They'd managed to keep her peripheral to the case so far, but her influence might now be helpful. Rossi listened in to the calls, hoping for the best, but anticipating the worst. And knowing that he would put up the money himself if it came down to it.

Morgan, Prentiss and JJ put their collective expertise together to come up with a plan for Will and Reid to get Minnow out of the house tomorrow night without any of them being injured. None of them were confident Reid would go unnoticed if he tried to impersonate a junkie again. They were concerned the dealers would become suspicious of him, if not the traffickers.

Privately, JJ wondered what toll it might have taken on her fiancé to so vividly relive that time in his life. She couldn't wait for him to be back. She needed to see him, to touch him, to reassure both of them that he was all right.  _We get another night. It wasn't the last time._

* * *

"Good work, Reid." Hotch acknowledged him as he entered the suite.

"Oh, my junior G-man!" Garcia had left her station to give him a quick hug. "I'd bake you some cookies if they had a kitchen in this place."

"I'll take a rain check, Garcia." Reid opened his arms as JJ walked into them to embrace him.

"Thank you. You found him."

"We all found him together, JJ." He disengaged. "You heard what he wanted me to tell you?"

"I did. I'll tell Henry, after Will's safe. Did he look okay?"

"Well, apart from the Fu Manchu-which doesn't suit him at all-and, did they tell us he had an earring? Because he does. Anyway, apart from that, he looked fine." He paused a moment, remembering. "JJ? Do you know who Charlene is?"

The expression on her face was difficult to read. "I thought he was seeing someone here, remember? I guess that's her."

Morgan came over to pat Reid on the back. "You did good, Kid. We might make an agent of you yet."

"Hey! I resemble that!"

"Don't let him pick on you, Reid. You were great." Emily gave him a peck on the cheek. She wasn't in the habit of sharing her feelings with others, but she'd been concerned for the safety of her dear friend, and was relieved that he'd returned in one piece.

"Can I have your attention, everyone?" Rossi was addressing them all. "We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. But we have something to celebrate tonight…the finding of young Will LaMontagne, and the good work done by all of us as a team."

As he was speaking, he uncorked and poured the bottle of wine he'd ordered. His experience told him they all needed to release some of the tension of the day before entering the fray again tomorrow. "I propose a toast. To teamwork, to the goodness of all people who work to protect our children, and to the success of our operation tomorrow."

"Here, here," came from the six others joining him.

* * *

The couple retired to JJ's room again, to sit before the view. She curled into Reid's side, wanting to feel his arms around her..

"Thank you. I know I said it before but.….thank you."

He just looked at her. There were so many things he could have said, but he fell back on the easiest. "You're welcome."

They were both quiet for a while, JJ leaning her head against Reid's chest, listening to the beat of his heart. She turned her eyes up to his face and noticed the faraway look on it. She thought she knew where he was.

"Spence?"

"Hm?" He looked down at her.

"Are you okay?"

"Me? Sure, of course, why wouldn't I be?"

He realized he'd over-answered, and knew she would pick up on it. So he gave in and explained himself.

"I….it….it was just hard to remember, you know? That time. I thought I'd left it behind, but I guess it's never really gone. It came back to me like that." He snapped his fingers.

"I thought that was it."  _I know my man very well._ "You're not that person any more, Spence."

"No, JJ, that's just the point. I  _am_  that person. I will  _always_  be that person. I'm not proud of it, but I can't deny it."

She sat up to look him straight in the eye. He could see that she was a little angry with him.

"You may be that person, Spence, but you are also the man who just put his life on the line. You're the man who is so tender and loving with my little boy. You're the guy who makes me feel precious beyond anything I'll ever deserve. So don't you dare define yourself by your faults. Don't you dare. You overcame them. I know, maybe you have to overcome them again every day, but the point is that you  _do_  it. And I love you. Don't you dare…."

He was rendered speechless. She could see the emotions passing over his face…regret that he'd upset her…..wonder at her description of him…..and, finally, gratitude to be the recipient of such fierce love from the woman before him.

He pulled her into his arms. His voice was choked.

"JJ…JJ. I know I don't deserve you, but I sure hope you never figure it out."

She pushed him back and hit him softly in the chest. "You! Why do you have to make me laugh every time I'm mad at you?!"

He gave her that crooked, squinty-eyed look. "Survival?"

Laughing, she pulled him up and led him over to the bed. He offered no resistance.

It was difficult, but they stayed true to their promise to Hotch. With maybe a little stretching of the parameters. Ultimately, they fell asleep again in one another's arms, a fitful, restless sleep before a difficult day ahead.

* * *

The task force met in the morning to lay out a game plan. They had a dual aim: to extract Will and the children, and to get into the Hope Filled Families records. They knew once they showed their hand to the traffickers at the house, the ring might try to shut down the agency and destroy the evidence. But they also knew they couldn't seize the agency's assets until they'd secured the safety of those in the house. It was a fine edged sword, and the success of it would have real life repercussions for the large number of children still being held in the Caymans. Everything had to go as planned, in the right order.

Hotch wasn't aware of Rossi's call to Strauss the night before. He didn't know his good friend and colleague had offered to front the money but channel it through the FBI. He only knew that the FBI had somehow come through. A bundle of cash totaling forty thousand dollars had been delivered to the hotel.

The team reviewed strategy. "If he's got the other girl with him, Will is sure to try to give some sort of signal. JJ, what do you think it would be?" Emily was disappointed they hadn't thought to have Reid ask the night before.

"Well, he always had a little signal he'd give me when he wanted us to leave a party early and go home to.." JJ caught herself. The team all tried to suppress smiles while they purposely avoided looking at Reid.

Rossi broke the silence. "What would he do?"

"He'd stroke his chin, like this." And she demonstrated by running the side of her flexed index finger up and down over her chin.

"Will you be able to see that?" Reid was addressing his question to Hotch and Emily.

"We're going to move to the bench closest to the parking lot. Marcan's original instructions were to be by the playground, but she knows I'm battling her for an upper hand here. She won't be surprised to see us sitting closer."

"So we'll get a better view. And I'll say something like "chin up" if we can see it." Emily was planning how to notify the task force members who would be at the park. "But we'll need to be careful. We think Will is armed, but we don't know about Marcan, and we can't know who else besides the children might be in the van….or who might be watching from another vantage point."

Reid was strapping on his shoulder holster again. He and Morgan would be with NOPD, staged close to the house. If the child was still inside, and if the situation became urgent, they would be nearby to get her. JJ and Rossi would be with DHS task force members near the park, ready to assist if the whole operation went down there.

There was no time for endearments. Reid and JJ had shared theirs in her room earlier that morning. Holding her by her shoulders, Reid had looked straight into her eyes. "I'll see you tonight. With Will. And we'll celebrate."

She nodded without speaking, then drew him into a tight embrace. "I'll see you tonight," she whispered into his ear. "Take my love with you."

"Always," he promised, and he sealed it with his kiss.

* * *

The van pulled into the parking lot at 3:55. Hotch and Emily were already situated on their bench, hoping against hope that Will would have found a way to get Minnow into the vehicle with them.

Marcan exited the van with Rosalynn, who was actively resisting her.

"Well, I guess she's not drugged today," Emily observed.

"But I'm willing to bet that will mean they've only got the one child with them. Marcan couldn't have handled two resisting kids at once." Hotch was already trying on his hostile, demanding look.

Marcan was trying in vain to keep a smile on her face as she approached them with the reluctant child.

"Mr. and Mrs. Roget, hello. You remember Rosalynn. Rosalynn, say hello to the nice people."

Rosalynn was trying to pull her hand out of Marcan's. "Let…me…go! Let me go!"

Hotch was grimacing on the inside, but needed to play the heavy here. "Young lady, you will behave!" He was shouting angrily at the girl, and succeeded in gaining her immediate attention.

"Come here," Roget ordered.

The child looked frightened. Emily turned her head away briefly to wipe the sympathy from her eyes. When she turned back, she was the submissive wife.

Hotch/Roget bent his face close to the child's. "Her pupils are normal, she's not drugged." He took the child by her shoulders and twirled her around. Next, he took each arm and examined it closely, and did the same with her legs, suggestively lifting her dress just above the knee. "She looks clean. Has she been tested?"

Those listening in winced. They knew he was referring to the common practice of testing these children for communicable diseases before their 'adoption' or 'sale'. In a case like this, the communicable disease list went far beyond the usual.

Marcan was glad to reply. "I have the papers in the van. I can show them to you if you decide to go ahead with the…..transaction.

Rosalynn was squirming again. "Stop!" Roget ordered. Marcan felt the need to be apologetic.

"I'm sorry, she's not usually quite like this….."

Roget interrupted her. "She's just the way I like them…feisty."

Emily knew it was Hotch, and she knew he was just playing a role, but she felt sick to her stomach. If the man hadn't been her boss, he would already be on the ground, holding a very sensitive part of his anatomy.

"So…," Marcan wasn't sure, "does this mean you're ready to go ahead?"

"She'll do. Let's see the paperwork."

"You mean you want to do it now? Here?" Marcan seemed surprised.

"I told you I was on a tight schedule, and I told you we're about to travel. It needs to happen now or not at all."

Marcan was still hesitant. This wasn't how it usually happened. "But…do you have the money?"

Emily jumped in, playing the wronged socialite once again. "We are quite resourceful, Ms. Marcan…and not without influence. Of course we have the money. Now go and get the paperwork."

"I…I need to call my supervisor first." Marcan stepped away and got on her phone. She seemed to be in a very animated conversation for a few minutes, and then returned. "As long as you've got cash, we can do it. They won't let me take a check under the circumstances."

Blessing the FBI for coming through, Hotch went to their vehicle and removed a pouch. He opened it to show Marcan the bills. "Forty thousand dollars. Do you want to count it?"

She was cowed. "Let me just look at it a minute. I'm sure I won't have to count it all."

They watched as she flipped through each bundle of bills to make sure they were all large numbers. Apparently she thought that would suffice.

"I'll get her papers, they're in the van. Just wait here."

Emily had been watching Will, leaning against the van, during the entire exchange. There was no chin stroking, no touching of a particular part of his body, no unusual movement to indicate anything. It seemed he didn't have the other child with him. But Emily did notice a subtle nod of his head, which she read as a 'thank you' for taking Rosalynn away from the ring.

Marcan returned with the papers. Rosalynn, torn between an evil she knew and an evil she knew not, turned to go with Marcan. Emily held her back. The child was screaming. "No! Take me with you! No!"

Emily almost drew blood, she was biting her lip so hard. When the van was out of sight, she and Hotch wrestled Rosalynn into the back seat of their car, and Emily got in with her. They didn't know if they were being watched, so continued to play their roles until they got inside.

"Honey, Rosalynn, it's all right." Emily was trying to use her 'calming' voice, to make the child listen to her. "It's all right. We're the good guys. We're getting you out of there. Honey, you're going to be all right. Everything's all right. You're safe."

They could see she was having trouble listening, and was still very much afraid of Hotch. He turned to her from the front seat, his facies almost completely different from the hostile, imposing look of Roget.

He softened his voice as much as he could, reminiscent of how he spoke to Jack when the boy was frightened. "Rosalynn, I won't hurt you. Neither of us will. You're safe with us, and you'll never have to go back to those people again. We're going to help you to get back home. Do you remember home?"

Emily realized that 'home' may not have been a very good place either. "Honey, we're going to make sure that no one can ever do anything to hurt you again. Do you hear me? Do you understand?"

She didn't appear to, but she'd quieted. As they drove back to the hotel, she fell asleep against Emily.

* * *

Will made his way back to the house driving at a leisurely pace, much to the annoyance of Marcan, who had to get back to the agency. He wanted to give the whole team time to reconvene near the neighborhood. The detective in him picked out the likely vehicle that was delivering Reid as it made its way slowly through the neighborhood streets.

The task force was closing in on the area. Now that Will was aware of their presence, they were free to use a broader group of agents and police. But they couldn't flood the street with strangers without arousing suspicion, and the last thing they needed was to be having it out with the drug dealers while they were trying to take down a human trafficking ring. Most of the task force stayed at a 'near distance' from the target house.

Hotch and Emily made a rapid transfer of Rosalynn into the care of child welfare social workers waiting back at the hotel, moved to a less conspicuous vehicle, and made their way toward the neighborhood. JJ and Rossi were already in transit. Morgan was cautioning Reid one final time before his friend stepped out of the car.

"Don't take any chances. You don't need to take them on by yourself. Just make sure the kid is out of harm's way and call for backup. We can be there in under a minute."

"I hear you, Morgan. Don't worry, I definitely don't have a hero complex. I'll call for help when I need it."

"All right then, Kid. Go to it. Good luck." Morgan patted his back and then watched as his good friend stepped out of the car and headed around the corner.

* * *

He had the shuffle down. He even knew how to look more desperate than he had the day before. But he didn't know how he'd be received by the dealers down the street. Hoping he wouldn't have to find out, he continued shuffling along.

His hope was rewarded. As he approached the house, Will exited the front door.

"Hey, buddy! Didn't I tell you yesterday to leave?" His voice was loud, to carry to the dealers on the corner, and his 'fellow trafficker' in the house.

"Didn't I tell you not to come back?"

Reid gave his best glassy-eyed stare and slur. "I'm sorry, man. I just need some. I just need some Dilly."

Will spread a malicious grin across his face. "Oh yeah? You need some Dilly? Well, come on with me, I've got some Dilly back here."

The young dealer from yesterday was watching the exchange with disinterest. The other guy in the house had beaten a few people up, but he'd never seen this one do it. But watching this wasted looking junkie getting pummeled didn't interest him in the least.

"Dilly, you have some Dilly? I need it." Reid was practically whining. He kept up even as Will was whispering to him.

"Minnow's in the basement. Viera puts her there when she gets upset. She's tied to a post in the back section. I've left the door unlocked. When I go inside, you'll be able to get in and get her."

Reid was nodding. He knew the others were listening in as well.

"We need to get you out too, Will. How?"

"Viera's here and another guy named Jackson showed up. If you can signal me…a car horn, anything…when you've got her out, I'll go outside to investigate the noise. We can go back in together. Once Minnow's safe it won't take but a few of us to take them down."

"Okay, I'll show you some Dilly, you damn junkie!" Will was shouting again. Reid made the proper grunting noises and then feigned a loss of consciousness.

"Ah, stay there and sleep it off. And then get out of here!" Will went back into the house.

Reid waited until he could hear voices coming from inside, then slowly got up. He found a door leading to what appeared to be a dark, unfinished basement. Knowing there were no basement windows visible from the front of the house, he felt comfortable risking his flashlight. The place was so dark that most of the light was absorbed within a few feet of him. It was hard to see into the corners.

Slowly, he made his way around the periphery of the room. Finally, in the farthest corner, he found her. She was asleep, tied to a support post. He couldn't help but notice the blond hair on this young girl, cut to a length that reminded him of Henry. In fact, most of her reminded him of Henry. They were similar in age and size. Reid was willing to bet her eyes would be blue when she opened them. No wonder Will had gotten so attached. He could feel it happening to him already.

Reid put his hand over the girl's mouth to stifle any sound she might make. He needed to wake her and secure her cooperation before attempting to get her out of the basement.

"Minnow!" he whispered softly as he shook her. "Minnow!"

The eyes went wide with startle and fear. They were, indeed, blue.

"It's all right, I'm here to help you. Will…I mean, Frank…" He realized she would know Will only by his undercover name. "Frank sent me to help you. My name is Spencer. I'm going to help you get out of here."

He watched her carefully to make sure she was processing what he was saying. The flashlight cast eerie shadows on both of them. He could only imagine what must be running through her head.

"If you understand me, nod your head." She did.

"You can't make any noise, or they'll hear us. Do you think you can be quiet if I take my hand away?" Reid was whispering in the soft, quiet voice he'd used successfully with both victims and unsubs in the past.

She nodded again. He removed his hand from her mouth. "Okay, just take my hand and we'll go. Be as quiet as you can."

They started across the basement, making slow progress because of the darkness. They'd gotten only to the next corner when they heard a commotion upstairs. Both froze in place.

"God damn it!" came from a voice unfamiliar to Reid. "They're at the agency! They know! They've got Marcan!"

Reid's stomach flipped. Someone had pulled the trigger on the agency too quickly. Word had gotten back to the traffickers in the house. He knew they would want to flee, but not before cleaning up loose ends.

He said aloud, so the task force could hear, "They know we're on to them. You need to come, they'll try to get away."

To Minnow, he said, "Hurry! We need to get out now!"

On his final word, the upstairs door to the basement flew open. They could hear shouting from several men, making it hard to decipher the words. But Reid knew it was trouble. He shoved Minnow back into the nearest corner and squatted with her. In her frightened state, she struggled against him, making it impossible for Reid to draw his weapon.

Finally, he could make out Will's voice over the others. "Viera! Leave her and let's go! She's not worth the trouble! Come on, Jackson's already gone!"

Viera was undeterred. "She's the only one left who can identify us. She's got to go." His voice was chilling.

"She's just a kid, nobody will listen to her, let's go!" Will was still trying to get him out of there. He couldn't be sure, but he didn't think Reid would have had time to get Minnow out. He didn't want a shootout in the basement with the child there.

Viera was ignoring Will and had moved to the corner where he'd left the child. He swept his hand until he found the chain of an overhead, very dim light. He could see immediately that the child was gone. He turned on Will.

"What did you do with her?"

"What?"

"You heard me. I know you have a soft spot for her. What did you do with her? Where is she?"

"I didn't do anything. Let's go."

Viera turned his gun on Will. "Put your weapon on the floor." Very slowly, Will complied, eyes wary. He did his best to hold Viera's gaze. He didn't want the trafficker to start looking around for the child.

Reid and Minnow could see everything from their place in the shadows. Even as Reid started to reach for his own weapon, Minnow cried out in defense of the only man who'd been decent to her.

"You leave him alone! Leave Frank alone!"

Viera spun himself toward the shadowed corner and took aim.

If it had been any brain other than Reid's, there wouldn't have been time for the recollection, even as he put himself into motion. But it  _was_ his brain, and he  _did_  remember. He remembered JJ's words about considering herself and Henry before putting himself in danger. But he also remembered her words from another conversation. "Everybody is  _somebody's_  child, Spence." Here was somebody's child, a child like Henry. And he could make only the one decision. He had to put himself between the child and the bullet. He felt the impact in his right chest and arm. He had time to hope that the bullet had been angled enough to mitigate the damage…just before he passed into unconsciousness. He never heard the gunshots that followed.

Will had been able to make them out in the shadows, had seen Reid fall trying to protect Minnow. Now he saw Viera aiming once again at the girl, determined to obliterate the best source of information about him. Will launched himself at the trafficker, knocking the man to the ground. The gun went off as they landed, the sound muffled by their bodies.

* * *

The task force had been launched into action at Reid's summons, and were almost at the house when they heard the gunshot over his wireless microphone. After that, there was only static. The device had apparently been compromised.

Converging on the house almost simultaneously, the rest of the BAU team entered the darkened basement with caution. In the dim light, they could make out two bodies. Immediately, JJ recognized one of them. She ran to it as Morgan ran to the other.

"Will! Will!" She knelt at his side, feeling for a pulse. "There's nothing!"

Rossi could hear the panic in her voice, and pulled her gently away from the fallen detective. "Let me in, let me help him."

JJ offered only slight resistance. Some part of her knew she needed to step aside. She watched as Rossi started chest compressions. She tried not to see the puddle of blood seeping out from under Will.

Morgan pronounced the other body to be lifeless. It was Viera's. As he rose, he realized there was yet another form lying in the shadows. "We've got someone else down, Hotch."

The team leader tore his attention from the scene with Will LaMontagne. He heard Morgan cry out.

"Whoa, sweetheart, put the gun down. Put it down. I'm with the FBI. I'm here to help you." Pause. "We're the good guys, sweetheart. Put the gun down. That's it. Put it down. Good girl."

As he moved toward the shadows, Hotch heard Morgan again. "It's Reid! He's been shot. Call 911!"

None of them had time to process his words before they heard Morgan correct himself. "Never mind, I'm taking him!"

JJ's eyes moved in shocked horror from the figure of Will lying on the floor to the sight of Morgan carrying the limp form of her fiancé. Reid was frothing a foamy, bloody liquid between his lips.


	14. Chapter 14

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 14**

Emily ran interference for Morgan as he carried Reid out of the basement. They commandeered an SUV, Emily driving and Morgan holding Reid against him in the back. "Hang on, Pretty Boy."  _Please, God, let him hang on._

Emily punched Garcia's number. "Don't ask any questions. Get us to the nearest hospital!"

Garcia could hear the desperation in her voice and responded at lightning speed. Emily gave silent thanks that university hospitals were so often located in needy neighborhoods when she learned that the nearest was a mere five blocks away. Lights and siren blaring, they were there in under two minutes.

"Is this the agent?" They'd been met at the ED entrance by a number of men and women in scrubs. Apparently one of the team had called ahead.

Perversely, Morgan had difficulty handing Reid over to the medical team. In the few minutes he'd held his colleague, he'd felt like he was acting as a lifeline for this man he loved as a brother. He couldn't bring himself to interrupt it. Without fully understanding what Morgan was feeling, Emily could see the struggle.

"Morgan! Morgan! " She'd at least gained his eyes. "Derek, you need to let him go. Let them take him." She watched as Morgan slowly released Reid into the care of the trauma team.

They both heard one of the team shout, "Red line him to the OR!"

* * *

At the house, the EMTs had arrived and taken over CPR from Rossi. They were bundling Will for a quick removal to the same university hospital that was now tending to Reid. Hotch had his hands on JJ's shoulders. He could feel her whole body shaking. She hadn't said a word since she'd touched Will.

Hotch knew his team was traumatized by the scene in the basement. They wouldn't be able to contribute to the investigation of whatever had transpired in this damp, dark, foul place. He moved away from JJ as Watrous entered, and officially handed the scene investigation over to the DHS chief.

Watrous was sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Agent Hotchner. From all accounts, they were good men."

"They  _are_  good men," corrected Hotch.

Watrous was apologetic. He understood the need to hold on to hope. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume otherwise."

Hotch held barely contained anger. "We're going to need to look at how this happened. We know they were tipped off by someone at the agency. We need to find out why that arm of the takedown happened out of sequence." Acknowledging the gravity of the situation, he added, "It may indeed ultimately have cost more than one life." His eyes went to Viera, whose death had been confirmed by the EMTs.

Watrous nodded gravely. "Agreed. Minutes, sometimes seconds, count in operations like this. We can't afford mistakes. I'll be looking into it, I can assure you."

Hotch caught Rossi's eye. The other senior agent had his arm around JJ and led her over, very clear concern on his face. Even years of experience couldn't prepare someone for what they'd all just witnessed.

"We'll go to the hospital now. Where is the child?" Hotch hadn't seen her moved.

"There was a female NOPD officer who seemed to be able to get through to her, at least enough to get her into a car. They're bringing her downtown to meet the social worker." Rossi was answering. JJ still hadn't said a word.

The two men escorted their colleague to an SUV. Rossi had to attach her seat belt for her, as she made no move to do so.

During the short ride to the hospital, JJ's brain began to function. It had been, as far as she could tell, literally blank in the minutes before. Her first conscious thought was just that.  _My mind is blank._   _I can't even think._  That started the flood of images, and fears, and silent, pleading prayers that would be the only things her mind would hold for days.

She was alert enough to extricate herself from the seat belt and walk into the ED with Hotch and Rossi. Seeing their IDs, a triage nurse directed them to a waiting room in the surgical suite. At this hour, the only occupants were Morgan and Prentiss.

Emily stood and ran to JJ, embracing her. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry this happened." JJ returned the embrace without feeling, almost an automaton. Emily escorted her friend to sit down. JJ did so, finding herself next to Morgan.

"They took Reid right into the operating room, they said they'll give us an update as soon as they can." He offered all he dared to her.

JJ had been taking deep, slow breaths in an effort to calm herself. The process cleared her mind enough to ask of Morgan, "What aren't you telling me?"

The profiler swallowed, looking away and then back at her. "They think he's bleeding into his chest. They think the bullet hit an artery."

Both Hotch and Rossi closed their eyes and uttered silent prayers at that. JJ said nothing. She simply looked Morgan up and down, noticing the red splotches on his shirt and trousers. Slowly, she reached out and touched an area on his sleeve. It was still wet.

JJ looked at her finger, now coated in Spence's blood. For reasons she might never understand, she blotted the finger against the white sleeve of her own blouse, feeling closer, and somehow comforted.

Emily watched her, and then abruptly rose and left the room. Hotch followed her out.

She was crying. Emily  _never_ cried, not in public, anyway. She turned when she heard the footsteps behind her. "It's not fair! It's not fair, Hotch. They're just starting out, they've been through so much, especially Reid. It's not fair!" She resisted his first attempt, but he persisted. He reached out to her and pulled her slowly to him, to cry against his shoulder. He would never be able to let down as she had. In a strange way, he drew strength from her tears.

Anyone passing by might have simply felt sympathy for the couple with a loved one in surgery. But Rossi, watching the scene through the waiting room window, knew it as the rare coming together of two very isolated souls. He prayed thanks that they were able to comfort one another.

He turned to his colleagues. "Morgan, what about Will? What have you heard?"

Morgan was shaking his head. "Nothing. They ran by here with him about ten minutes after they took Reid."

A thought penetrated to JJ. "Phil. We need to call Phil. Will's brother. He's here in New Orleans."

Rossi got on it. Garcia would be able to track him down and get word out. He punched in her number.

"Rossi! Rossi, tell me what happened. I've been monitoring the emergency lines. Is Reid hurt?"

He realized they'd left this very vital team member out of the loop. Softly, slowly, he explained the situation.

In contrast to the other women on the team, Garcia's emotions were never far below the surface. He could hear her soft sobs over the phone. Haltingly, she instructed him, "You give JJ my love. Give her a hug from me."

Rossi was about to tell her to come to the hospital when she started speaking again, this time with a note of firm resolve in her voice.

"I'm getting into those computers. I'm going to find those sons-of-bitches and make sure they get put away for good. Bad enough they were hurting all those children…..but now they're hurting my family! You keep me posted, Rossi…but I have work to do!"

* * *

Eventually, someone from Admitting came up to get information on both men. There had still been no word on the condition of either of them. By now, the waiting room was becoming a sea of blue. NOPD was coming out in force to show support for their fallen colleague.

Shortly, a young woman in scrubs came into the waiting room. "Is there a family member here for Agent Reid? For Detective LaMontagne?

Hotch cleared a path for JJ to step forward, even as they both realized she wasn't technically family to either of them. Hotch identified himself, and explained. The woman, a surgical intern, was satisfied.

"You'll both do. We need some information on them. Let's start with Detective LaMontagne. Any medical conditions that you know of? Family history of bleeding, heart or lung disease?"

JJ was able to answer all of the questions, having gone over all of it for Henry's family history. "He was completely healthy as far as I know."

"How about Agent Reid? Any heart problems? Lung disease? Medication allergies? I should have asked that for the detective as well, " she admitted.

JJ turned to Hotch, a question in her eyes.  _How much do we tell? It's life and death!_

Hotch took over. "Agent Reid has had a serious lung infection in the past. We were told there was residual damage, but it was minimal, and it didn't appear to affect him on a daily basis."

The intern was marking her chart. "Do you know what the infection was?"

The two agents shared a look. JJ responded. "We're not sure. But it was years ago, and he's seemed fine since." She knew they would call Dr. Kimora immediately after this conversation, to be sure it wasn't necessary for the surgeons to know the specific nature of the anthrax infection.

"Okay, I'll tell Dr. Vargas. He's the surgeon with the pulmonary artery bleed." She didn't realize she'd just given them new information, and was already moving to go back to the OR.

"Wait!" JJ halted her. "What does that mean, a pulmonary artery bleed? Is it dangerous?"

The intern looked at her as though she should have known. "It's the main artery to the lungs. When you puncture that, you fill your chest with blood. And you can't get oxygen. Yes, it's dangerous."

JJ's hand had gone to her own chest, and she swayed a little bit. Hotch caught her and sat her in the nearest chair. He turned back to the intern.

"What about Detective LaMontagne?".

"Penetrating trauma to the heart." She was reciting the diagnosis in surgical jargon. "Yes, he's with Dr. Tajira. He's one of our best. If he can be saved, Dr. Tajira will do it."

Neither of them had to ask if a heart wound was dangerous. As the intern turned again to leave, JJ called after her.

"Wait! About Dr. Reid." The intern looked confused. "Agent Reid. He can't have narcotics. Please don't give him any narcotics."

The intern looked at her as though she were mad. "Ma'am, he's already had those. He'll be on narcotics for weeks."

* * *

Hospitals always knew when to capitalize on a situation. Several NOPD officers had offered blood in support of their fallen colleague, and the hospital organized an impromptu blood drive on the spot. It was true that both Reid and Will were going through the hospital's blood supply rather quickly, but it was also true that none of the blood donated this night would reach them. But it would replenish their stores for another crisis. The room began to thin out its population as more and more officers left for the lab.

Eventually, Philip LaMontagne entered the waiting room. With him was a woman JJ didn't recognize. He looked around the room and found the familiar face. He rushed to her.

"JJ!" he said, as he embraced her. She couldn't help but notice how much he looked like Will, albeit younger by two years.

"JJ, how is he?"

"They haven't told us anything yet. Only that his heart was wounded." Her voice was breaking at the last few words. She watched as Phil went pale, and then remembered the woman with him. She was equally pale.

"JJ, this is Charlene. Charlene, JJ. " He turned his eyes to JJ. "Will and Charlene were…are…seeing each other." Turning to Charlene, he explained JJ's role in Will's life. The two women shook hands, then realized the foolishness of it and embraced one another. JJ looked downward.

"You're…."

"Pregnant. Yes. Seven months." Charlene's voice was laden with tears.

JJ took a moment before she responded. "He hadn't told me."

Charlene nodded. "I know. We only found out when he came back from D.C. Right after he went under cover. I can't help but wonder if he would have turned it down if we'd known before." And she dissolved into tears. Phil led her to a seat.

JJ followed her. Her own tears were missing in action. She almost envied Charlene her ability to simply feel what she was feeling. She reached out a hand to touch the woman's arm.

"Will's a great dad, you'll see." Hoping she'd have a chance. "Do you know what you're having?"

"A boy," Charlene sobbed. "Will didn't know. It was too early when he went undercover. What if he never gets to see his son?!"

Rossi was watching the scene from across the room. From the look on JJ's face, he thought she needed rescuing, even if she hadn't realized it yet. He came over and lifted her from her seat, escorting her to the quiet of the hallway.

Rossi had always felt paternal towards JJ. "Cara, how are you holding up?"

She didn't make eye contact, which concerned him. "I'm all right. I'll be better when we know something."

"Have you called your folks yet?"

It hadn't even occurred to her. She'd only thought of Henry, and how she didn't want him to know.

"No. I need to wait until we get some information. What would I tell them?"

_That the men you've loved are both in mortal danger? That you're scared to death? That you need them?_ Rossi thought these things without saying them. JJ was obviously not thinking clearly yet.

* * *

The first hint of dawn was brightening the sky. No one in the room had slept. Most of them were too exhausted to pace. The NOPD presence had dwindled to the few who were on duty but not actively engaged. Many had gone to assist in wrapping up the investigation.

Finally, there was a flurry of activity at the door leading from the OR. What must have been eight or ten bodies surrounded a gurney that was being rushed out of the automatic doors and into another set labeled as leading to the 'Surgical ICU'. All of them stood, anticipating. And, eventually, resumed their seats.

It was another hour before a man entered the waiting area. "Family of Detective LaMontagne?"


	15. Chapter 15

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 15**

"Family of Detective LaMontagne?"

Will's brother and Charlene rose at the surgeon's inquiry. Phil turned and waved JJ to come as well. Hotch joined her, anticipating she might need his support.

Once they'd identified themselves and their relationships with Will, the surgeon sat with them in a corner of the room.

"I'm Dr. Tajira, one of the trauma surgeons on staff here. I performed the surgery on Detective LaMontagne. As you probably know, he was very gravely injured. The bullet penetrated the lower chamber on the right side of his heart from just below the diaphragm, and then became lodged in the muscle of the upper chamber on the left side. It passed through his lung, collapsing it. He lost a lot of blood through his heart, and right now that is one of our major concerns. Had he not been brought here so quickly, I fear he would not have survived to have the surgery." He paused to let them absorb what he'd said so far, then went on.

"I had to quickly close the largest wound, and then put him on bypass to repair the rest of the damage and remove the bullet. The operation itself was successful, but that is just the beginning of the process. He is still very unstable. We have moved him to the Surgical ICU and will be monitoring him very closely."

Phil spoke up. "Can we see him?"

"As soon as it's possible, I'll have a nurse come for you. As I said, he's still quite unstable, and we are still actively working on him. I need to get back to him now." He'd essentially cut off any further questioning. He gave Phil a sympathetic pat on the knee as he rose to resume his work.

Before he could leave, JJ spoke up. "Dr. Tajira, what about Agent Reid?"

They'd included JJ's relationship with Reid in their introductions. Despite his weariness from over twelve hours on his feet, Tajira was sympathetic.

"I believe I heard that surgery was winding up. If Dr. Vargas is free, I'll send him out."

Almost as he finished speaking, a second cluster of scrubs surrounding a gurney exited the OR suite and entered the Surgical ICU.

"That must be him," Dr. Tajira said. "I'll have someone come out to speak with you as soon as possible." And he left to the ICU.

The wait for information was much shorter this time. Within twenty minutes, Dr. Vargas came into the waiting room. All of the team stood to meet him. Introductions were made, and then all were waved to sit down.

"Agent Reid…is it Agent Reid or Dr. Reid? My intern said he was a physician?"

"He's a Ph.D. type Doctor…three of them," supplied Rossi.

Vargas looked impressed. "Very well, then, Dr. Reid sustained a life-threatening injury to his chest. I understand one of you made the decision to bring him here yourselves, that you didn't wait for the ambulance?"

Hotch indicated that it had been Morgan. Vargas nodded in his direction.

"Well, you may have very well saved his life with that decision, Agent Morgan."

At the words "saved his life", all of them released a breath. This was sounding more promising than the news about Will.

Vargas went on. "Dr. Reid suffered a laceration to his right pulmonary artery. The bullet passed at an angle, so the artery wasn't completely transected. Had it been, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Nevertheless, he still lost quite a bit of blood into his chest. The bullet, of course, collapsed his lung as it passed through, then exited his chest and became lodged in the muscle of his right arm. It didn't appear to hit any major blood vessels or nerves there, but we'll be doing more testing to be certain about that. We do know that it didn't cause a fracture."

JJ was trembling again. Despite the surgeon's reassuring visage, the words he was speaking sounded ominous. Especially when spoken in reference to one she loved. She tried to speak, but had trouble getting the words out. Rossi, realizing, put his arm around her in a vain attempt to still the shaking, and tried to summarize in layman's terms.

"So, Doctor, you're saying he had a collapsed lung and bleeding in his chest from a major blood vessel?" When Vargas nodded, Rossi asked, "Were you able to fix it?"

"Yes, I'm happy to say that we were able to repair everything. It took quite a while, as you know. The pulmonary artery is vital to life, so the repair needed to be done very delicately. Fortunately, we were able to accomplish it without having to put him on bypass."

Hotch realized there was something they hadn't heard yet. "What's his prognosis?"

"Well, you understand we can never predict these things one hundred percent. There are still many things that can go wrong. But if luck is on our side, he could, eventually, make a full recovery."

JJ had found her voice. She kept it low, to achieve control. "What are the things that could go wrong?"

"We have to watch carefully for a recurrence of bleeding. His lung has reinflated, but could collapse again. The biggest risk, and this has either already happened or not…we just need to wait until he wakens to find out….the biggest risk is an embolism. That means either a pocket of air or a clot that has gotten into the bloodstream. Whether air or a clot, it cuts off the blood supply to the area where it lands. It can cause very significant threat to life if it lands in the lungs, but is, of course, most dangerous in the brain."

Seeing the look on JJ's face, he hurried to add, "We've had no indication of that so far. I simply can't make any promises until he is awake." He realized he needed to prepare them. "He won't be awake for at least another day, maybe two. We need to keep him sedated, to prevent him from getting agitated and dislodging my good work...and we need to keep him paralyzed to prevent him from fighting the ventilator."

Rossi noted through his hand on her shoulders that the doctor's response had done nothing to still JJ's trembling.

She had another question. "Doctor, the narcotics. Does he have to have them?"

Vargas didn't understand. "Is he allergic?"

Hotch summarized Reid's experience with Dilaudid, including a brief description of how it had come about.

Vargas whistled. "My God, what a horrendous thing. Well, Agent Jareau, as you might imagine, Dr. Reid isn't our first person in narcotic recovery to undergo a major trauma. We do have a protocol for getting them off narcotics as early as possible, while they are still in house. And we do encourage them to resume going to meetings upon discharge. But I'm afraid we need to give the narcotics now. The morphine not only treats his pain, but it helps with the swelling in his lungs, which he is certain to get. That is the final complication I hadn't yet mentioned. It's very likely to happen, but I'm hoping to keep it at a minimum. We'll be keeping very close watch on him for that."

There were still so many questions to ask. But for now, the only one that came to JJ was, "Can I see him?"

Dr. Vargas gave his usual response. Every family asked the same question, and no family was ever ready for what they would see. "You can, but you can't stay but a few seconds. I need to warn you, he won't look like himself. As you might expect, there are many wires and tubes. He's on a ventilator, and he's receiving oxygen, blood and intravenous medications. There are additional tubes to monitor his blood pressure and the reactions of his heart and lungs. And he is, as all patients are, very swollen from the fluids we have given him. But yes, if you would like to see him, you can."

She'd already risen. He opened the door and invited her to precede him to the ICU. She reached a hand back to ask Hotch to accompany her.

As they entered, they could see a flurry of activity a few bays down from the one to which they were being led.  _It must be Will. Please God, help him._ JJ offered yet another prayer for Henry's father.

JJ and Hotch were led to stand at the entrance to Reid's cubicle. All they could see was a mass of machines, wires and tubing. In the bed, Reid was indeed unrecognizable. But he was alive.

* * *

Garcia had worked through the night, going through the Hope Filled Families computers with a fine-toothed comb. She'd been frustrated in her attempts to find the information that would ultimately put these heinous people away…until she found a second layer of data, encrypted.

_I'll just pull out my trusty cereal box decoder ring,_ she thought as she pounded away at her keyboard. The encryption was no match for the skills of Penelope Garcia. She found a list of payments that paralleled the ones in the 'official' records, but were between double and triple the payments officially recorded. In a separate document, she found an additional list of names, and amounts. There were apparently 'adoptions' or 'sales' that had stayed completely below the radar. She had enough to put them away.

But she didn't have enough to right the wrong. She couldn't identify the children who'd been sold, nor where they came from. Until…  _Oh! Thank You, God!_ She'd not found the real names, but she had found a list of 'adoptees' and corresponding medical records. It might take a team of medical professionals and computer experts a very long time, but there was enough information here to match children with medical conditions. It was an oblique form of identification, but with the right tools, it could be done _._ DNA testing could accomplish the rest. The children might, eventually, be reunited with family.

* * *

Upon arrival at the FEMA office, Minnow had gone into shutdown. The social worker hadn't been able to penetrate her armor at all. Watrous conveyed this information to Hotch, who suggested they bring Rosalynn into the equation. That proved the key that unlocked the information Minnow had to offer. She and Rosalynn, as the last two children left in the traffickers' lair, had bonded and developed a level of trust. Minnow looked upon Rosalynn as a big sister, having long ago lost the one she was bound to by birth.

Both girls were moved to the New Orleans Children's Advocacy Center, where those who'd suffered significant abuse could be interviewed and examined by experienced professionals, and the interviews recorded. Agents and police were observing through a one-way mirror/window. With encouragement from Rosalynn, Minnow told the story of what happened in the basement on that terrible night.

"I was crying 'cause they took Rosalynn away. Viera said I might never see her again. So I was crying. So Viera got mad at me, he always gets mad at me when I cry. And he put me in the basement…..I hate the basement, it's so scary! It's dark! And he tied me up. I couldn't move. I hate it when he ties me there! Please don't let him tie me there!" She started crying. The forensic interviewer interrupted the process to comfort her.

"It was dark, and I was scared. Then I went to sleep. And then I woke up and the man had his hand over my mouth. He wouldn't let me talk. I was so scared! But then he said that Frank was his friend. Frank said he should help me. Frank is nice. He's the only one who smiles at me. He doesn't hurt me. He's my friend."

Minnow stopped to sip from her juice box. "So I went with him, because he said Frank sent him. But then they were yelling. Jackson was there too, I think. They were all yelling, and then they started to come into the basement. The man told me to hurry up and get out, but we couldn't. They came down the stairs. I was scared! I was afraid Viera would hit me with his belt. He hits me if I do something wrong. I didn't want him to hit me. I was afraid!"

She took another sip. Those who would later watch the video saw it as an attempt at calming herself.

"The man pushed me down. I tried to get up, but he wouldn't let me. Viera was looking for me. He turned on the light. And I wasn't there! But then he got mad. He yelled at Frank. Frank is my friend, he's always nice to me. He's the only one. "

The interviewer tried to get her back on track. "Viera was yelling at Frank. He was going to shoot him, so I yelled at him. I said to leave Frank alone. And then Viera tried to shoot me! The man pushed me down. And then he wouldn't get up again, even though I pushed him back. He was making a funny noise. And then Viera tried to shoot me again. And Frank wrestled with him."

They were coming to the crux of the matter now. Much of what had come before had been recorded on Reid's wireless.

"There was a bang. I think the gun went off. And then I was afraid. Frank was laying on the ground. He wouldn't listen to me. He didn't get up. Viera tried to shoot me again. So I took the man's gun…..the man who was Frank's friend, he had a gun…I took the gun and I tried to shoot Viera. I watched it on TV, you put the gun up in the air and you pull the trigger. And then Viera fell down. He didn't say anything."

How she'd been able to do it, they would never know. She'd gotten him in the head. Viera probably never knew what transpired that night. Minnow would spend many years of her life reliving it, and trying not to.

* * *

JJ and Hotch emerged from the ICU to the concerned interest of their colleagues.

"How is he?" Morgan was anxious.

JJ opened and closed her mouth without speaking. Hotch filled in for her. "He's alive."

Emily dared to ask. "Will?"

Again, Hotch was the one responding. "They seemed to be working on him. It looked like a lot of activity."

JJ had taken a seat, clearly closed in upon herself. The others exchanged looks, and responded to Hotch's unspoken command to let her sit with her thoughts.

Morgan went to the coffee machine, more for something to do than because he wanted another cup of caffeine. Emily followed him.

"You saved him, you know."

Morgan didn't turn, but remained fixed in place at the machine. Finally, he said, "He's not saved yet, Emily."

Her eyes bored into the back of his head. "I know. But if he's got a chance, it's because of you. You did the right thing, Morgan. You gave him the best odds he could possibly have."

Slowly, he turned to face her. "Emily, if he doesn't make it, none of that will matter. He'll just be another dead FBI agent, with a picture on a wall. Doesn't that get to you?"

Through hard-gained experience, Emily recognized the struggle with futility. "Of course it gets to me, Morgan. But I also realize that the people on that wall have saved lives…so many, many lives. If I couldn't focus on that, I couldn't even get up in the morning."

She reached out to touch his arm. "Morgan, I hope to God that Reid makes it, you know I do. But if he doesn't, if Will doesn't…they'll have given their lives to save those children. And I know you would do the same."

His long look at her acknowledged the truth of her statement. But it didn't reflect how he felt. "Emily, if it ever came down to that, I'd a thousand times rather be that face on the wall than to be the one left behind."

He nodded his head in the direction of JJ. "Look at her. Do you think Reid wanted that? Do you think he wanted her to go through what she's going through? Dying in the line of duty isn't the hard thing. It's the staying behind, the living with the aftermath that's hard. No matter how much he cared about that child, I know Reid didn't want JJ to be living through this."

Emily nodded her agreement as she reached a hand up and rubbed Morgan's back. He put an arm around her shoulders and brought her back to a seat near JJ. They couldn't spare their colleague her grief, but they could join her in vigil.


	16. Chapter 16

**A. N.  Warning…..you can probably guess.**

* * *

 

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 16**

It was the first time Morgan had ever known her to enter a room quietly. Penelope Garcia arrived in late morning, having worked through the night to see that Reid and Will had not been injured in vain. She looked so exhausted that Morgan rose to assist her.

"Baby Girl, are you all right?"

"Oh, Derek!" She hugged him tightly, and he found unexplainable reassurance in the embrace. "How is he?"

Before he could answer, Garcia spied JJ, sitting immobile, staring out the window. "How is  _she_?"

Morgan brought her back into the hallway. The waiting room had become more crowded with the start of a new day.

"They're both out of surgery. The surgeon didn't sound very optimistic about Will. They've been working on him the whole time."

Garcia was becoming increasingly upset, so Morgan hurried on to the relatively good news. "Reid's surgeon said his operation was a success. If he does well after surgery, he should have a full recovery."

She hadn't missed it. " _If_  he does well? How is he now?"

"In critical condition…but stable."

Garcia closed her eyes, tears escaping from under her lids. "My Junior G-Man! My Gentle Genius!"

Morgan pulled her to him for a moment. When they parted, Garcia looked again in JJ's direction. "How's my girl?"

Morgan followed her gaze. "She hasn't said much, she's mostly kept to herself. And she hasn't shed a single tear. She's holding it all in like her life depended on it." He looked back at Garcia.

"Or Reid's." Garcia could never have explained it, but she understood it. "My poor girl. I need to be with her."

Morgan released his hold on Garcia, and they both went back into the waiting room. Garcia approached JJ slowly, and then stood before her without saying anything. Once she looked up, JJ saw the love and assurance in her friend's face, and stood to step into her embrace.

"I'm so sorry, honey. I know he'll be okay. He  _has_  to."

Garcia could feel JJ sway in her arms and made her sit down again. "When was the last time you had anything to eat? Have you slept?"

"Pen, I can't do either, not now. Not until I know something."

Rossi had been sitting nearby, and reacted to their conversation. He'd been here before.

"You know what, Garcia's right. You need to take care of yourself, we all do. Otherwise we won't be any good for either of them. We need to eat, and we need sleep. I'm gonna have some decent food brought in…none of this hospital stuff…and then we need to take turns getting some rest."

JJ was too exhausted to give him a verbal argument, but wasn't about to go anywhere. "I'm staying."

He looked at her, nodding slightly. "I know, cara. I'm staying with you."

* * *

The others left back to the hotel, planning to return in shifts to sit with JJ. Before they left, she asked for a few minutes with Hotch. She pulled out her phone to show him the text messages that had been left by her parents. She'd missed calling in to say good night the evening before. They were worried.

"I can't talk to them right now, Hotch. I don't have it in me. Will you call them? Tell Dad, he can tell Mom. Make sure they're not near Henry when you tell them. And please, please, tell them not to come. It's better if they stay there with him. They can help me best by taking care of Henry. I don't want him to know yet. Not yet…."

He reached out to squeeze her arm in reassurance. "I'll take care of it." He paused, bending his head down to catch her eyes. "And JJ?"

She was looking at him. "I'm going to tell you what I know they would. You have to take care of yourself. This is going to be a long road, and if you're going to help Reid along it, you're going to need your strength."

She nodded slightly. "I know, Hotch." Her voice was thick. "But right now, I need to be here. I need to be near him. What if…." Her voice trailed off. She wasn't about to finish such a sentence.

"Understood."

* * *

Rossi sat in silence next to JJ. Under the auspices of looking out the window beyond her, he studied his colleague. Her profile was fixed, her eyes down, her mind clearly turned inward. When her eyes closed for a few seconds, he felt sure it wasn't sleep. He knew what she was doing.

Rossi moved to the seat opposite JJ. He leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. He reached for her hands.

"I'm a praying man, JJ. It's gotten me through quite a bit. The Lord and I aren't always close, but I always feel like I'm being heard." He watched for her response. "Let me pray with you."

Very softly, she responded. "That's what I was doing."

"I know. Let me do it with you."

She gave him her hands, and the two sat together for a long time, sometimes uttering aloud, sometimes in silence.

They were interrupted by the arrival of an ICU nurse. "Agent Jareau?"

She looked up. "Dr. Vargas asked me to get you."

JJ's heart rate skyrocketed, but settled when the nurse continued. "He said you can visit with Dr. Reid now."

JJ looked at Rossi, who had a ready comment. "Big Guy works fast, doesn't He?" It was the first smile for either of them in well over a day.

She was told it would be the usual ICU routine, five minutes once an hour. But it was something.

The array of equipment precluded more than one visitor at a time, so JJ entered the ICU alone. As she approached Reid's cubicle, she noticed that the activity around Will's had died down. She hoped that was a good sign for him as well.

Reid was immobile in the bed, still medically paralyzed and still on the ventilator. There were tubes and wires everywhere still. JJ would later recall how upset she was that his body had been so violated, even in the process of trying to save his life. The nurse flashed her sympathetic eyes and helped her find a spot where she could pull up a chair without disturbing anything.

Spence was still not looking much like Spence, but the swelling was considerably diminished. She could tell it was her fiancé. She found a spot on his index finger where she could touch him without dislodging equipment, and ran her own finger up and down. Remembering that he might still be able to hear her even though not visibly awake, JJ spoke to him. She had to clear her throat several times before it would cooperate.

"Spence. Spence, it's me, it's JJ. I love you. I love you and I want you to come back to me." She felt herself welling up as she spoke, and fought it back down _. I can't, or I'll come apart. He doesn't need that, he needs my strength._

"Spence, you got hurt saving a little girl. Minnow, do you remember her? You saved her, Spence, she's okay. And the rest of the kids will be, too. So all you have to do now is get better. Fight it. Come back out of it. Come to me. I'll be here."

There was no visible response to her words, but she thought she heard a little acceleration in the machine that reported his heartbeat. Maybe he'd been able to hear. Maybe he knew she was there.

All too soon the time was up and she went back to the waiting room to await her next chance. It had emptied out again as the elective surgeries of the day were completed, and the families gone home. She was reporting to Rossi on how Reid looked when Phil and Charlene entered the room. The hospital had several hospitality suites, and had offered one to the woman who was in her seventh month of pregnancy. Phil had decided to wait there with her.

As they approached JJ, she could see that both of them had swollen, red-rimmed eyes. Without thinking, she reached out for Rossi, who put his arm around her shoulders.

Phil choked out his words. "Will is all but gone. Dr. Tajira told us last night that his brain didn't seem to be controlling his body chemistry, or something like that. They did a slew of tests to see if it was functioning at all…and it wasn't. They're telling us they think he's brain dead."

Rossi tightened his grip on JJ to keep her from sinking, then lowered her to a seat as Phil helped Charlene. Phil continued.

"They let the medication wear off and tried him off the ventilator…nothing. Then they did an EEG…nothing. He's not responding at all. They think he lost too much blood. The CPR kept his heart going, but not his brain."

Charlene's voice was slow, and almost distant when she spoke. "Dr. Tajira said we should look at it like he died immediately. That he didn't actually go through everything that came after." She'd been looking at the floor, but now turned her eyes to JJ and Rossi. "Is that supposed to help?"

Phil cleared his throat. "JJ, they've asked whether he would want his organs donated. I think he would. I wanted your input."

JJ was having trouble absorbing the words.  _Will…dead. Henry!_

Charlene added, "They said he could help so many people. They said some good could come from this horrendous thing. I guess they're right…." Her voice trailed off. She, too, was trying to absorb how much her life, and the life of the baby she carried, had just changed.

Finally JJ took in what Phil was asking. She knew Will's desire. Given their jobs, they'd actually discussed it when they were together.

"You should tell them 'yes'. He wanted it. He spent his life helping other people. He would want it."

Dr. Tajira came into the waiting room looking for Will's family. He'd already offered his condolences to Phil and Charlene, now did the same with JJ.

"If you're in agreement, we'll need to be taking him to the operating room now, to remove his organs for transfer."

Rossi silently blessed Tajira for not using the word 'harvest'.

"You can come in and see him before we do."

Phil, as next of kin, signed the paperwork. He put his arm around Charlene and motioned JJ to join them. She declined. She wanted to remember a vibrant, active Will. And she needed to hold on to the last remnant of hope within her, for Spence.

As the two left, she turned to Rossi. "Will you tell the others?"

"I'm sorry, cara. I'll call them." He kissed her cheek.

* * *

It wasn't even time for JJ's next visit to Reid before Hotch returned in response to the news. The usually remote unit chief gave her a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry, JJ. He was a very good man. I admired him."

"Thanks, Hotch." Pause. "Can I talk to you? Privately?"

They went to a remote corner of the room.

"I don't know what to do. About Henry." Her eyes were red, but she wasn't crying. "He's only five years old, how can he possibly understand this?  _I_  don't understand it."

She needed advice. "Hotch, how did you decide about Jack? How did you decide to let him be at the funeral? I don't know what to do!"

He let out a deep sigh as he leaned back in his seat. "Every situation is different, JJ. Although I guess these two are pretty similar. I'm not sure I  _did_  make the right decision. But I think I made it for Jack's future. I knew he couldn't understand what was going on. But I thought about a day down the road when he might ask me about his mom, and her loss, and her tribute…and I thought he would want to know that he'd been there." He'd been looking into the past, now looked at her. "That's the whole of it."

She took it in, thought he'd probably been right _. The day may come when Henry won't remember his father. But he'll know that his mother honored the man, and let her son do so as well._

"I need to call my parents."

* * *

The next two days were highlighted by JJ's regular visits with Reid alternated with seemingly interminable time spent in the waiting room. She'd been enticed to a shower and a change of clothes, but refused to close her eyes anywhere but on a bench of seats in the waiting room. For a few hours on the first day, there had been some panic at Reid's accumulation of fluid in his lungs…the swelling predicted by Dr. Vargas…but an increase in his dose of morphine had turned that around. JJ could only hope that it hadn't also prolonged or worsened his withdrawal from the narcotics.

On day two, JJ lifted her eyes to a most welcome sight. Charles Jareau was in the waiting room.

As she stood, he hurried across the room to take her in his arms. "Pumpkin!"

She almost cried at the endearment. It was so good to be held by the one who'd loved her all her life.

He held her back from him. "You look exhausted. And thin. Don't let your mother see you like this."

She let out a chuckle in spite of herself. "Where is Mom?"

"I left her at the hotel with Henry. We both knew she wouldn't be able to hold it together here, and that wouldn't be good for you."

They sat together. "Dad, what does Henry understand?"

Her father looked like he'd aged a bit in these past few days. "We told him that his daddy got hurt and had to go to heaven. That God needed him there."

"What did he say?"

"Well, we didn't quite understand where he got it from, but he said heaven was a place where you could laugh, and play, and have fun. He said it like he knew it. So he said his daddy must be very happy now."

JJ knew it, exactly. It was how Spence had explained heaven to Henry when Diana died. She was just amazed that her young son had such a vivid memory of it.  _Or could he be remembering from before, from when he left it to come into my life?_

It was almost time for JJ's visit with Reid. "I need to go and see Spence soon, Dad. I'll only be gone a few minutes, unfortunately."

"Honey, how is he doing?"

"Well, he had a little…or not so little, really…setback yesterday, but they think he's turned around now. He looks like himself again, at least. The swelling's down. But he hasn't been awake for me, and they've kept him paralyzed. They're planning to let the medication wear off and try him off the ventilator tonight or tomorrow." She'd acquired some jargon in the few days she'd been there.

"Is that all as promising as it sounds?"

JJ filled her father in on the embolism risks to Reid's brain and how they would find out about that condition after the meds had worn off. "But the doctor says his brain is doing everything they can measure while he's not awake. We just need to find out about his thinking and his speech."  _Just!_

"They seem optimistic, so I'm trying to be."

* * *

The funeral was planned for the following morning. JJ left the hospital in the wee hours of overnight, having waited as long as she could for Reid's ventilator to be weaned. It still hadn't.

The team planned to be in attendance at the funeral, absent Morgan. He'd insisted on replacing JJ at Reid's side for the duration of the event. Despite his attempt at humor, they all realized how emotional he felt about it. "Hey, I want the first thing Pretty Boy sees when he wakes up to be my face. That'll motivate him to get out of here in a hurry."

* * *

JJ went to her own room at the hotel. It was the first time she'd been completely alone since everything had happened. She knew she wouldn't try to sleep, she needed to prepare herself to see Henry. A shower might help her come a bit back to life, and would at least make her look recognizable to her son.

When she entered the bathroom, her eyes went immediately to the counter next to the sink. There was his toothbrush, the one he'd used on the last night they'd spent together. That one little item, that reminder of the last time things had seemed remotely normal, almost undid her. She could feel the tears coming and then…fought tooth and nail to suppress them _. I don't have time for this! There's too much to do. Henry needs me, Spence needs me. I don't have time!_

* * *

"Mommy!" Henry was very excited to see his mother, and she to see him. She'd gone to her parent's room to gather before leaving for the funeral. They'd decided that Henry would attend only the ceremony at the cemetery, and not the wake or church service. Those would be too much for an antsy young boy.

Phil and Charlene were understanding about JJ's attending only at the cemetery as well. The rest of the team had represented the BAU at both. There had been a substantial presence of other FBI and Homeland Security agents to add to the uncountable number of NOPD who had turned out.

"Henry, Baby!" She scooped him up in her arms and held him tightly. "I love you, my little man. Have you been good for Meme and Papa?"

This time, it was true. "Yes, Mommy, I've been a very good boy. Right, Papa?"

Charles ruffled the boy's hair. "Right, my little man."

JJ took Henry into her lap. "Buddy, do you know what's happening this morning?"

He looked at her but didn't answer, so she did it for him. "We're going to say goodbye to your Daddy. He's already gone to heaven, but there's a special way we say goodbye when that happens."

"But I didn't say goodbye to him before he left!"

JJ flashed on Reid's words about Emily when their colleague "died".

"Actually, you did, honey. You said goodbye to him the last time you saw him, and he remembered that all the way until he went to heaven. So he knows."

That seemed to placate the five year old. He tested out some of what he'd recently been told. "And I can see him again when I go to heaven?"

"You can, honey. And I'll bet he'll be waiting when you get there. But he wants you to take your time, so you can have fun here first, okay?"

Henry was all right with that. "Okay, Mommy. They have chocolate chip pancakes here!"

JJ blinked back tears. She hoped it would always be so easy to assure her son, but knew they'd both have some difficult days ahead.

* * *

It was a hero's funeral. Blue uniforms lined the streets between the church and the cemetery, a lone piper sounding outside at the end of the Mass. And then, because it was New Orleans, because it was the funeral of someone who'd once worked the streets and who was the son of an even more beloved cop, the jazz band sounded. They didn't process, but they appeared at the cemetery. Along with the NOPD salute, the jazz band played Will LaMontagne to his rest.

JJ stood between her father and Hotch, holding Henry's hand. She was determined to maintain her dignity, both for the sake of Henry and for the sake of Will and what he meant to them both. Her little guy was solemn, but not visibly upset. Eyes wide, he took everything in, asking no questions, making no comments. JJ could only guess at what he was thinking. But she was proud of the son she shared with Will.

The priest read the prayers, the flag was folded and presented to Phil, and the tributes made. JJ gave silent thanks that it was New Orleans, so there would be no lowering of a casket into the ground. When it was over, and all the embraces exchanged, JJ bid her parents and Henry goodbye and left to the hospital with Hotch. The Jareaus would be returning to Virginia in the morning.

As they entered the waiting room, they had difficulty finding Morgan. The place was full again, daily surgeries now back in session. They assumed their colleague was with Reid until more than fifteen minutes had passed. Hotch could see the concern in JJ's face, and went to find a unit clerk for the ICU. The one he found was a new face to him.

"Spencer Reid? We don't have a Spencer Reid here."

Just then, Morgan ran up to the waiting area. "Hotch! JJ!"


	17. Chapter 17

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 17**

"Hotch! JJ!" Morgan was running up to them. Seeing the look of panic on JJ's face, he hurried to explain. "They just moved him. He's just down the hall. Garcia called to say you were on your way and I thought it made more sense to just come and get you."

JJ's hand had gone to her throat when she heard him call her name. It was still there. "Does that mean he's awake?"

Morgan was shaking his head, sad to dash the hope he'd heard in her voice. "Not yet. I guess there was a big mess on the interstate and they needed the ICU beds. Believe it or not, in this place Reid is considered one of the healthier patients."

He led them down the hall to a post-op surgical ward. Reid was in the room nearest the nurses' station, emblematic of his continued near-critical status. JJ noticed that several of the machines had been left behind in the ICU, leaving more room for her at his bedside…and making him look considerably more human in the process.

"How was…?" Morgan's voice trailed off.

Hotch responded for them. "It was an appropriate tribute to a good man."

Morgan's gaze was fixed on JJ. "How are you holding up?"

She flashed him grateful eyes. "I'm here. And I'm upright."

The men exchanged glances and agreed that they should leave their colleagues alone. "We'll be at the FEMA building, JJ, if you need anything." Hotch gave her shoulder a squeeze.

"Try to get some rest, JJ. Pretty Boy will be awake soon." Morgan gave her a peck on the cheek before they left.

She settled in next to Reid, studying him closely. "Hi Spence, it's me, JJ. Morgan was with you this morning…you probably knew that. But I'm back now. Did you miss me?" She posed her question despite knowing there would be no response.

"You're not in the ICU anymore. You get your own room now, isn't that great? So you can wake up any time now, and take a nice deep breath. And then we'll be able to lose this damn machine." She was waving at the ventilator. "And then you'll be able to tell me how much you want to get out of here, and we can start making plans to go home."

Her voice had broken at the last word. She fought for, and gained, control. She'd been told the first sign of the meds wearing all the way off would be Reid's ability to move his limbs again. Intending to be vigilant, she laid her head on the bed by his hand, watching his fingers for the slightest indication of movement. She fell asleep that way, exhausted from the lack of it, and the stress, and the sorrow.

* * *

_They were at home, raking leaves in the backyard. Henry kept jumping into the piles as they created them, laughing and making a mess. Casey was barking and running around her little master lying in the pile of leaves. JJ looked at Reid and smiled, content with this little slice of family life. As she did, the leaves started swirling. They were lifted into the air, and Henry with them. A storm had descended upon them without warning. She could feel the danger in the air. She started calling for Henry, and Casey, and Reid. None were answering her. She could feel the wind whipping through her clothes, and then through her hair. It wouldn't stop lifting her hair…_

Startled to wakefulness, JJ's head shot up. It wasn't the wind lifting her hair. It was Spence. His eyes were still closed, but his fingers were combing through her tresses. Like they'd done a thousand times before. He was doing it without consciousness, ingrained on the habit of caressing the one he loved.

"Spence!" Pause. "Spence! Wake up. Please wake up! I need you. Please wake up!" It was the closest she'd come to letting down during the whole ordeal. Her acknowledgement of need would be made only to him, and only now.

She hit the call button and his nurse appeared. Now the two of them began to work as a team to bring Reid back from his prolonged sleep. Slowly, very slowly, one eye pried open, and then the other. They were just slits, and JJ realized he could probably not see very much.

"Spence, it's JJ. It's me. I'm with you. You're in the hospital. You were hurt, but you're getting better. Spence, wake up!

She was able to see his eyes shift in her direction. "Hi. I'm here, I'm with you. You're all right, Spence, you're all right." She was saying it as much to herself as she was to him. She so badly wanted to reach up to caress his face, but there were still too many tubes in the way. She looked to the nurse, who nodded.

"I'll get the doctor."

Reid was slowly coming to wakefulness, but he wasn't oriented. He could hear JJ, could make out her shape, but he couldn't process her words. He had something stuck in his throat. For some reason he couldn't lift his right arm, but his left was working. Before JJ realized what he was doing, he lifted his hand to his mouth and started to tug.

"No, Spence! Don't do that!" She grabbed for his hand, but he slid his fingers out, reaching again for the tube. She was beginning to lose the battle when the medical team returned. The resident pulled Reid's hand down as he turned to JJ.

"It's all right. I can see he's fighting the machine, which means he's able to breathe on his own. He wouldn't have been the first patient to extubate himself. But," turning now to Reid, "let's just see if I can do it a little more gently, shall we?" He waited until he had Reid's attention, then commanded him to cough. With that, the tube was pulled.

"We'll check his gases in a little while, but if they're good, we're done with this." The resident was indicating the ventilator. "And if he's stable overnight, we'll lose the rest of the gear and move him to a regular room."

"Thank you."  _And thank You._

The nurse returned with a sling for Reid. He hadn't needed protection for his injured arm while he was paralyzed, but now he would need support, and a reminder not to use it.

JJ resumed her seat at Reid's bedside. His struggle with the ventilator, and the need to breathe on his own, seemed to have worn him out. He was asleep. But now she could reach his face. Her hand caressed his cheek, her fingers ran through his hair. With difficulty. It was matted with dried blood. He'd been moved quickly from ICU, and the nurses hadn't had the opportunity to bathe him yet.

_But I can do it._  From her own experience in the hospital, JJ had gained familiarity with the techniques. She gathered a basin and some towels, and spent the next hour taking gentle, tender care of the man she loved. She ventured she went beyond the usual TLC as she completed each of her ministrations with a kiss.

* * *

It was the following day, and the team was wrapping up its part in the investigation and take down of the trafficking ring. Will's identification of both stateside and island-based personnel in the ring, coupled with his information about the ongoing captivity of children in the Caymans, allowed the feds to partner with government resources there. Garcia's discoveries in the hidden electronic files would provide proof, and would facilitate the reunification of many, but not all, of the children with their families. Rosalynn's family had been looking for their missing daughter for eight months, and were overjoyed to have her back.

Minnow was not so fortunate. Despite Will's understanding that Minnow and her sister had been taken together, there were no such missing children reports matching their descriptions. It appeared the two had been sold into the ring, not stolen. To date, no sibling match had been found. Minnow was placed into foster care, and would receive intensive therapy for PTSD. Not only had the child been sold and likely assaulted, but she had witnessed the shooting death of several men…and caused one of them herself.

"That's so incredibly sad," mourned Garcia. "How do we expect children to cope with something like this?"

"There's no choice, Baby Girl. What's done is done. All they can do now is help her recover."

"Well, I hope she does. And I hope she gets a family who will love her and show her that people can be good. She's never known that."

Emily caught the last part of their conversation. "I think she knew a little about that, Garcia. It sounds like Will did his best to make her feel like she had someone on her side. I heard that his brother, Phil, has visited Minnow a couple of times. He feels bonded to her, because of Will. So at least she knows that somebody cares."

Hotch and Rossi joined them, having signed off on the BAU arm of the operation. They would stop by the hospital again before they left New Orleans, but then it was time for the team to return to DC.

* * *

"Junior G Man! You're up!" Penelope was never less than effusive. 'Up' was an exaggeration. Reid was lying back against his hospital bed…but  _it_ was up. They'd been told he would be extremely weak for a period of time, and would require some rehab before he would be able to leave the hospital. He was, for now, awake. He'd had brief periods of alertness alternated with prolonged periods of sleep since his extubation.

"Hi, Guys." It was barely a whisper, partly from the irritation in his throat, and partly because he simply didn't have the strength.

JJ thought back to last night, when he'd had his first period of true alertness. She remembered that it was the first time she'd truly understood how he must have felt when she'd been in the hospital after her accident. Waiting on tenterhooks to see if he recognized her, if he could think at all, if he could speak. Waiting to find out if his brain had been damaged in any way.  _Please, please God._ She flashed briefly on how much greater a tragedy it would be for  _this_  brain to be damaged.

She'd been paging through a magazine without seeing a single word or photo. Just flipping pages, trying so hard to sort through the thoughts in her mind _. My brain went from completely blank to overload. Now what do I do?_  She'd tried to journal, but simply couldn't put pen to paper. There was too much turmoil.  _Spence. Will. Henry. Phil. Charlene….another baby! Henry a brother. Henry without a father. Will. Spence!_

She'd closed her eyes, trying to slow the flood of thoughts, even while her fingers were still fanning pages. And then, suddenly, her mind became totally focused across the room. It was so very soft, but she could hear it. "J…"

She crossed the short distance in a flash. "Spence! Spence, yes, it's me. It's JJ."

His eyes were still barely opened, but they were definitely focused on her. He tried to lift the arm in the sling, then realized he couldn't. That seemed to agitate him, so she moved quickly to the other side of the bed. Now they could reach one another's hands. "J…"

"It's okay, you don't need to talk. You're in the hospital. You were hurt." She wasn't ready to remind him how it happened. "But you're getting better. You're going to be fine. All you need to do now is rest."

She couldn't wait for him to talk, to know he was whole, but she could see how hard it was for him.

He stared at her for a long time. She thought he was struggling to orient himself, so she went through it again. Finally, she thought she caught a glimpse of understanding. Even without him speaking words, she felt sure of his presence…his full presence.  _We've been spared. Thank You, thank You!_

She was running her hand through his hair, knowing that always brought him to a place of peace. It did so again tonight. "J..J.."

She smiled at him. The first real one in many days. She gave him her sunshine smile. And watched as his own lips curled up ever so slightly.

* * *

He'd become more alert with each period of wakefulness. By the morning, he was able to sip some juice and ease the pain in his throat. He wouldn't be able to get out more than the "Hi, Guys" he'd given them, but it was enough for them to feel like their youngest was back with them.

JJ still hadn't told him exactly what happened, and he hadn't asked. She couldn't be sure what he remembered. She was only sure he couldn't possibly know about Will. And she wasn't ready to tell him. The team respected her decision.

Each of them had a private moment with Reid before they left. The message exchanged was essentially the same. They spoke their love for him, and he silently transmitted his. And each of them received a second silent transmission, a plea, a need for assurance, each time granted.

Rossi said it aloud, "She'll be here with you, but we'll take care of her. She won't feel alone. Anything either of you need, you'll have it. Don't worry, my friend. I care too much for young JJ."

JJ said goodbye to each of them in the hallway, exchanging hugs and assurances. She asked Garcia to check in on her parents and Henry.

"Don't worry, sweetie. I can't wait to see my godson. I'll take him out and give your mom and dad a break for a while, how's that?" JJ knew Garcia also wanted to gauge how Henry was doing with the loss of Will.

"And don't worry about getting back to work. I've already spoken with Strauss. We'll be on stand down for an extended period of time." Hotch wanted JJ to focus her energies on her family for now.

Emily knew that they were also on stand down because Strauss had ordered grief assessments for the team, but Hotch wasn't mentioning it to JJ. Will had not been an official team member, but this had not been a typical situation. And they'd nearly lost Reid as well. And JJ had been traumatized by both. Grief assessments were definitely in order.

Rossi was last in line for goodbye. As he embraced JJ, he reminded her, "He'll need you more when you both get home. Make sure you take care of yourself. Eat. Rest. Sleep. Anything you need, anything at all, you call. Don't think I won't know if you're trying to handle this on your own." He stood back so he could emphasize his words with his eyes. "And I'll keep talking to the Big Guy." That got him a smile and another hug.

_He should have been somebody's father_ , she thought, not knowing that he had been, once, for a day.


	18. Chapter 18

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 18**

Things settled into as much of a routine as they can in a hospital. JJ had been given a pullout bed in Reid's room, and had essentially moved into the hospital with him. Reid spent more time awake each day, and was more and more alert each time, slowly approaching his normal status. JJ knew the questions would be coming, and was trying to prepare herself for the discussions she knew she must inevitably have with him.

The good news was that he was deemed ready to start physical therapy this afternoon. That meant he was one step closer to leaving the hospital, one step closer to going home. One step closer to the long journey of putting this behind them.  _Not forgetting_ , JJ knew,  _but moving away from it, to gain some perspective._

She'd finally been able to journal again, and spent many of the long hours between Reid's wakeful periods trying to sort through her many thoughts and emotions by putting pen to paper.

"Every time in my life that I've thought 'This is the worst day' or 'This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do' …..well, apparently I had no idea. Will is gone, killed saving a little girl. Spence is, thank God, going to survive being shot saving that same little girl. And that poor little thing ended up saving her own life by shooting the man who was trying to kill her. My parents brought Henry for Will's funeral. The team has gone back to DC. I will wait until Spence is ready, and then bring him home.

Those are the facts. They seem so small. They fit into only one paragraph. And yet my life, the lives of my son and my fiancé, and so many others, are forever changed. And the life of Henry's father cut short in its prime. How does one fit that into a paragraph? How does one fit it into a whole book? I feel like I'll be spending the rest of my life writing the story."

JJ had never had so much difficulty writing since she'd begun her journal. She was repeatedly interrupted by what felt like tidal waves of emotion, and thought, and memory, overwhelming her, invading relentlessly her brief periods of calm. She felt both emotionally drained and pent up at the same time. She knew she needed release, but feared she would lack the ability to regain control. And control was, above all, what she felt like she needed. There was still much more work to do to get Spence home, and she couldn't afford to be weak _. I'll deal with it when we get home. I can hold on to it until then. One day at a time._

The use of the AA mantra reminded her that she needed to tell Spence about the narcotics. He would have a trial off IV meds today, and thus would have to face the issue of whether to agree to take the stronger oral painkillers. She was only surprised he hadn't himself yet brought up the subject of narcotics. She'd expected him to make a point of declining them.

As she was thinking this, Reid stirred in his bed. He turned lazily to her, "Good morning, Sunshine."

She smiled back at him, crossing the room to deliver a kiss. "Good morning, Sleepyhead."

He stretched, wincing slightly at the pain in his right arm and chest. His sling was gone, and he would be starting therapy to build the muscle back. He'd been spared the most severe damage to the arm, but it would be a while before it was fully functional.

"Therapy today, Spence."

"I know." He groaned. "I remember it from my knee. Hours of torture at the hands of benevolent angels. But all in a good cause. I'm actually anxious to start."

She thought _, then we need to talk about it now._ His pain level was expected to increase with therapy.

"Spence, there's something I need to tell you. About the pain meds." She was watching him carefully, to gauge his reaction. His sobriety had been so hard won, and maintained for so long, that she felt like she would be hurting him just in delivering the news.

She was wrong. "I know, JJ."

"What?" She eyed him warily. "What is it that you know?"

"I know they've been giving me narcotics. I told you, it never really left me. I remember. It took me a while to recognize the feeling, but I know that's what it is."

She was speechless for a moment, then, "Spence, why didn't you say anything?"

"I'm saying it now. I know the therapy isn't the only hurdle in my way."

She swallowed back tears. "Oh, Spence! There was no choice, that's what the doctor told me. You were already getting them before I could even ask them not to. They said you needed it for your lungs. You wouldn't have survived….." The tears were getting harder to fight.

He raised a palm in front of her. "JJ, stop. Stop. I know you couldn't do anything about it. As much as I know you wanted to. It's my own fault that it's a problem. I'll deal with it."

She was actually angry with him for assuming the responsibility. No matter how many times he did, she would always believe it was the fault of the man who'd forced him in the first place.

"Dr. Vargas said he's had patients in recovery before. He said he'll wean you before you leave. He said you should go to meetings again..." Her voice trailed off. This horrible Beast kept rearing its ugly head in his life. Every time he had pain, every time he'd been hurt, every time he'd been stressed…

He could almost read her mind. "It's never far from me, JJ. I never really leave it behind. I can't, it's part of who I am."

He reached for her hand. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared." The tears brimming his eyes wanted company in hers…but she wouldn't allow it. "But it's different from before. This time I have too much to lose. And I have you on my side."

She swallowed thickly. "You always did, Spence. But now you also have me  _at_  your side. Every minute, every time you need me, and even those times you don't want me…I'll be there. We'll do it together."

Now she put  _her_  palm up, to stop him from saying what she knew he was about to say. "It is  _not_  just your fight anymore, Spence. It's _our_  fight. We're fighting for us, for our family." She saw his mouth open and cut him off again. "Don't you argue with me, Spencer Reid. I'm right and you know it."

There were many ways he could have responded to her, but he decided upon humor, giving her a mock-fear face. "And risk the wrath of Jennifer Jareau? Never!"

* * *

The next time Reid awakened, he saw JJ curled in her chair, dozing. He studied her. She looked impossibly thin, and even in sleep she looked exhausted.  _I need to get out of here, so I can get her home._

She was restless in her sleep. Without understanding how, he knew there was more to her distress than her concern about his withdrawal. He started to take inventory of the possibilities, and came upon one that startled him.  _My brain must be more addled than I'd realized. The girl. Of course, the little girl, Minnow. I haven't even asked. How did I not think to ask? Oh, my God, don't let her be dead. Please don't let her be dead!_

He couldn't wait for JJ to waken so he could ask her, but he couldn't bring himself to disturb the little sleep she was getting. And, just maybe, he didn't really want to know. Not if the news was what he feared.

A short while later, she startled awake, looking disoriented. She'd clearly been dreaming, and from the look on her face, it hadn't been pleasant. Reid called to her softly.

"Hey, you." He reached a hand out to draw her over to the bed. "Bad dream?"

She came and sat next to him, decided to deflect. "I've forgotten it already."

He gave her his squinty-eyed look, the one that told her he was considering her response and finding it wanting. She shook her head at him. "Nevermind. How are you feeling?"

"Ready for therapy. I think we both need to blow this joint, don't you?"

She heaved a sigh. "Amen to that. But only when you're really ready. There's a lot to get through before then, Spence."

He was nodding. "I know, but I'm anxious to get started." He paused a moment, considering whether to bring it up, then decided he had to know.

"JJ, I can't believe it, but I never asked you about Minnow…you know, the little girl. I was trying to keep Viera from going after her. What happened to her?" he asked, fearing the answer.

JJ looked at him for a long time. She'd known this moment had to come, had been dreading it. But it was time. "She didn't get hurt, Spence. You took the bullet that was meant for her."

As relieved as he was at that, he felt like he needed to explain it to her. "JJ, I know I promised to consider you and Henry, and believe me, I did. In that very moment, I did. But I couldn't let it happen, I couldn't let him shoot that little girl."

She'd taken his hands, now squeezed them to assure him. "I know Spence, I don't blame you. You did what you had to do…and you saved her."

He was still looking his apology at her for all she'd been through. "So, are the kids okay? Did we get all of them out?"

She averted her eyes, swallowing. "All of the kids are out. Garcia found the key to saving them in the agency computers. They're all out, and most of them are back with their families."

"Thank God. Will must be glad it's over."

She was biting her cheeks for control. When she looked at him, the sorrow was evident in her eyes. Even as she opened her mouth to tell him, he had an inkling of what was coming. As she told the story, JJ watched the emotions cross his face….dread…shock…grief. When she was done speaking, they both sat for a long time, looking down at their clasped hands, sharing their sorrow.

Finally, Reid asked, his voice hoarse, "What about Henry?"  _Fatherless Henry_.

She sighed. "He was a trouper, Spence. Didn't make a sound through the whole thing, just took it all in. I know he'll have questions, but they haven't come yet. At least not to me." Now she was wondering what her parents were dealing with in her absence.

"He's been told his father is in heaven, and he truly believes it. But I don't think he's quite processed that it's forever. I don't think  _I_ have either." She looked up at him, her words quavering. "I don't know how to."

He reached a hand up to touch her cheek and said, in his quietest voice, "I'm so sorry, JJ. That it happened at all, that I wasn't there for you, that I wasn't there for Henry. I'm so sorry."

Despite the lingering discomfort in his chest and arm, Reid reached his arms around his fiancée and held her close. He whispered into her ear. "I promise to honor him by giving the best of me to his son. Henry will have a father."

* * *

Progress in therapy typically starts impossibly slowly, but eventually builds steam. Reid's experience was made more difficult by his insistence upon doing it without opiates. Thanks to medication, he'd suffered only a mild withdrawal, but now he wanted to stay narcotic free and the other medications weren't quite cutting it. Despite his discomfort, he was rapidly gaining strength and range of motion in his arm. They'd been told he would need endurance work as well after an injury like his, much as a heart patient would. His workouts were long and productive, and he was exhausted at the end of each day.

This afternoon, when he'd returned to his room, JJ announced they would have visitors this evening. Phil was coming by with Charlene.

"They wanted me to go to dinner with them, but I don't want to leave you. Maybe we can bring something in."

He knew how much she needed a break from this routine, and encouraged her to go out with them. "Besides, you know I'm just going to crash by seven. To think I used to be a night owl!"

"When we get home, I'll see if I can find a way to keep you up." It felt so good to banter again, if only for a moment.

Reid's eyes were wide. "Did the doctor say anything about…?"

"Six weeks."

He was mentally calculating. "Six weeks from two weeks ago, right? So four weeks from now? Four weeks! Oh, man!"

* * *

A light knock on the door announced the arrival of Phil and Charlene. Reid had never met Phil before, and was struck by his strong resemblance to Will.

"I'm so sorry about your brother," he said as he shook hands with Phil. And to Charlene, as he did the same, "I'm so sorry for your loss." To both of them he added, "He was a very good man. I admired him a lot."

Phil was choked up, and cleared his throat. This was the man who'd been with his brother when he died. "Thank you, Spencer. I'm sorry you were hurt as well. You tried so hard to get Will out of there. I know you put your own life on the line for it. Thank you. I'm glad there weren't two losses that day."

Reid was touched. He could see how sincerely Phil meant what he was saying. "Your brother was a hero, Phil. He put himself out there for the sake of those children. There are a great many families whose lives were changed for the better when he saved those kids. You are justifiably proud of him."

Reid's eyes were drawn to the sight of Charlene absently stroking her abdomen. He needed to clear his throat before he spoke to her.

"Whether he's here or not, your child will still be his son. He'll still have the genes of Will LaMontagne, and he'll always be able to be proud of that."

JJ wanted to kiss him. She knew he felt the same way about Henry.  _And he'll have the most wonderful step-father as well!_

Charlene got up and hugged Reid, crying. "Thank you for that. It's so hard…so hard…but a thought like that helps carry me through."

Shortly, and despite the gravity of the subject matter, Reid couldn't contain a huge yawn. The others took the signal and left him to his rest.

* * *

Despite his exhaustion, Reid wasn't ready for sleep. After they'd gone, he took advantage of being alone for the first time in a long time. He found himself deluged with the emotions of loss, and regret, and sorrow. He'd had a strange relationship with Will. Before, when JJ was still with Will, and despite his denial, he'd felt pangs of jealousy. Then anxiety, that he might come between Henry and his father. And now, profound regret. He remembered Will talking with him at Father's Day. Asking him to look after Henry and JJ _. Did he know?_

Reid found himself praying _. You give us to each other for such brief periods of time. Why? What are we supposed to learn from that?_

Part of him knew the answer.  _We're supposed to learn to love each other. Whenever we can, for as long as we can._ He addressed his thoughts elsewhere.  _All right then, help me. Help me to love them as well as I can, for as long as I can…and please, please make it a very long time._

The emotions of the day hit him at his lowest ebb of energy and resistance. Without JJ there to distract him, he let the emotion wash over him. He began to weep, grieving the loss of Will, the loss of innocence for Will's children, and the sorrow he knew JJ had yet to express.

* * *

JJ joined Phil and Charlene for dinner. They shared happy, sad and bittersweet memories about the man they'd all lost. JJ noticed Phil's being protective of Charlene, and wondered if something might grow there.  _Wouldn't that be nice. Will would be happy._

She learned that Phil had been visiting Minnow, and that the child had started therapy. By all accounts, she had a long way to go, but she'd started on the journey. Phil intended to keep in touch with her foster family. He felt a strange bond with this child who had touched his brother's life so deeply.

Phil also had news for JJ. There were letters, for her and for Henry. Will had written them before he'd gone undercover, and had left them with his will. Phil, as the executor, had been advised of their existence. But they wouldn't be released for at least a few weeks.

"I keep thinking he knew, JJ. That he might not come out of this. But he thought it was important enough….."

She finished the sentence for him. "He thought the children were important enough to risk it."

Phil was nodding, and Charlene with him. Charlene added, "He loved children, called them 'the future of the human race'. I wish he could have known his own."

JJ passed a piece of her mother's wisdom. "My grandmother died when my mom was pregnant with me. Mom always said she thought my memere had picked me out specially for my family, when she got to heaven." It was a child's memory, but Charlene found it comforting.

"It would be nice to think of that, wouldn't it. That Will was picking out just the right son for us. That they did know each other, after all."

* * *

They'd been trying hard to get home for it, but Reid wasn't quite ready. So Garcia made it happen virtually. They could hear her voice running like a narrative over the video.

"Okay, so we're here at the Thanksgiving Play debut of young Henry LaMontagne. Lady and Gentle Genius, may I call your attention to the third turkey feather from the left."

They were watching a video of Henry's kindergarten class and their tribute to the first Thanksgiving. The feast was coming up in under than a week, and Reid was determined that they would be home for it.

"He's the best gosh darn turkey feather I've ever seen, JJ."

"On a spectrum of what?" Her cynicism was surfacing.

"Well, okay, these are the first living turkey feathers I've ever seen, but he's definitely the best of them. Did you see how he moved with the music? He's got rhythm!"

She turned and hugged him. "We have to get out of here, Spence. Your mind is melting!"

Three days later, they did just that. Hotch found a reason to meet with DHS one more time about the case, and thereby brought the BAU jet. From JJ's report, he didn't think Reid was ready for commercial flying yet. Together they brought the young genius home. This part of their ordeal had come to an end.


	19. Chapter 19

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 19**

"Mommy! Uncle Spence!"

JJ ran interference. Reid was doing much better, but his chest couldn't take being tackled by a flying five year old.

"Henry! Baby! I'm so glad to see you! I've missed you so much!" She'd gathered him into her arms and was hugging him tightly.

"Mommy! You're squishing me!"

"And I'm gonna squish you even more! I'm just so excited to see you!"

He was giggling as she put him down. Reid bent over for a more controlled embrace. It was the first time he'd seen Henry since he'd learned about Will, and he had to gulp down tears before they spilled.

"Hey, buddy, it's so good to see you. Have you been taking care of everybody for me?"

"You bet, Uncle Spence!" Then Henry remembered that his grandparents had tried to prepare him for how Reid might not look well, given his injuries. He became suddenly serious.

"Do you get a boo-boo, Uncle Spence? Did you get  _stitches_?" Stitches were Henry's measure of the severity of an injury.

"No stitches, Henry. This time, they stapled me together." Despite the subject matter, the adults all shared a chuckle as they watched Henry's eyes widen at that.

"Staples?! Did they hurt?"

"No, buddy, not a bit. I was sleeping when they gave them to me. And now they're all gone." Reid could tell that Henry was about to ask to see them.

Sandy broke into the conversation. "Come into the kitchen and sit down, Spencer, you must be exhausted." She'd been hugging JJ though the entire exchange, and finally let go of her. "You too, Jennifer. I've got a late lunch waiting for you."

Neither of them was up for eating, but their different relationships with Sandy were evident in their overlapping responses. JJ's "Oh, Mom, we don't want anything," competed with Reid's polite, "Great, I'm starving!"

Sandy noticed that he looked much more tired than hungry. "Just come and eat what you can. You both need fattening up! And then you can both take a nap."

"I don't take naps any more, Mommy. I outgrew them!" Henry was proudly quoting his grandmother, not realizing that he was causing his mother to mourn the loss of her 'little boy'.

"I guess you became a big boy while I was away, Henry, didn't you?" JJ realized his school schedule had contributed, but still felt like she'd been gone for a good portion of his lifetime, even though it had only been a few weeks.

"That's okay, Little Man, Meme and I will take you and Casey to the dog park, so your mom and Uncle Spence can rest with some peace and quiet." Charles was enjoying every moment of his time with his grandson. He took Reid aside for a moment before they went to the kitchen.

"Spencer, I'm sorry we didn't come to see you in the hospital. You understand…"

"Please, don't even think about it. You had Henry, that was far more important. I'm so glad you were there for him, and for JJ." He averted his eyes. "And I'm so sorry I couldn't be."

Charles patted his back in understanding. "How is she, Spencer?" The paternal concern was very evident.

Reid tried to find the right words. "She's….okay. But as far as I can tell, she's held it all in. I know she was worried about me…and about taking care of me...and I'm worried about her."

Charles had long since resigned himself to his new role in his daughter's life. "You'll take care of her, Spencer. I'm confident in that."

* * *

They ate more than they thought they would. It seemed that being home was good for the appetite…as was Sandy's cooking. She chased both of them from the kitchen.

"I'll take care of the dishes. You two go and lie down."

JJ gave Henry a hug on the way. "You be good for Meme and Papa, okay? And have fun at the park!"

They retreated to the bedroom. Reid reflected briefly on how nervous he'd been about how JJ's parents would receive him as her boyfriend.  _Now they're sending us to bed together! Well, not exactly…._

Four weeks…and privacy….would be a long time coming.

"Sleepy, Spence?"

"Maybe a little. But you know what I could really use? " He answered his own rhetorical question as he got settled against the headboard and patted the space next to him. "I need my fiancee right here next to me."

She gave him a grin. "Sounds like a good idea to me. Move over." And she settled herself beside him, taking care to rest her head on the left side of his chest. He was healing rapidly, but still had pain over his incision.

They hadn't done this in weeks. Reid pulled her tighter towards him with his left arm. It felt good beyond measure to feel JJ against him again.

She leaned her head into his chest. Something in this felt like coming home.

Reid spoke first. "I've missed this."

The words were simple, heartfelt and true. But they may as well have been a detonator. There was a slow buildup as she continued to fight, and then, almost without warning, Reid felt an explosion. JJ had erupted into sobs.

He knew, and yet he didn't. He'd expected her to release, but was still caught off guard. "JJ?" came softly.

She didn't answer. Her sobs shook them both. He just held her, reaching his sore right arm around her as well. He pulled her to his chest. The pain was therapeutic.

"JJ?"

She couldn't speak.  _Oh, God, help me! Help us!_

She'd needed him. She'd needed his embrace. She was in the only arms that could help her contain her grief. She could never have said what she was waiting for. But now that the moment was here, she knew. She was waiting for him to hold her together, so she could fall apart. He was the only one to whom she could show her vulnerability.

When she found breath, she choked out, "I…thought…we…might….never ….do….this….again….I …thought…I …would …..never….feel…..your….arms…around….me….again…Spence!"

He pulled her tighter, tears coming to his own eyes. He remembered fearing the same thing when she'd had her accident. He remembered treasuring it when it happened again.

"Well, I guess you're stuck with me."

"I…was…so…scared."

He held her head to his chest. "It's over now, JJ. I'm here. We're home."

Her distress took her in another direction. "Oh, God….Will! Will!" She'd dissolved into sobs again. "How can he be gone? I don't know where he went!" Part of her knew it made no sense, but it was the question she couldn't answer.

He could only hold her. No matter the power of his brain, he had no answers either.

"What will happen to Henry? He's lost his father! How can a little boy get through that? I don't know how to help him!"

The adult little boy who'd lost his father in another way almost started with 'Shh', but caught himself. He realized this had been pent up for a long time now. It needed to come out.

* * *

Sandy's maternal radar had brought her to the bedroom door. She'd been able to tell her daughter was in distress, even if she couldn't hear the words. Charles came up behind her, his hands on his shoulders. It turned out paternal radar was strong, too.

"Come on now, we promised to take Henry out."

"But she needs me, Charles, she's crying."

"She has what she needs, Sandy. She has  _who_  she needs. Let's get Henry and give them their time alone, shall we?"

* * *

JJ cried forever. Or so it seemed to her. And to Reid. His shirt was actually wet. She would stop for a while, and just when they thought it was over, she would start again. She literally had no control….and that was a new experience for her. It frightened them both. He'd come to rely on her steadiness, and found himself having to dig deep within to provide it now for her.

Finally, physical exhaustion prevailed. She continued with great, heaving, hiccupping sobs and sighs, but the primary assault was over. Reid held her close. If he'd held her as tightly as he wanted, she probably wouldn't have been able to breathe.

* * *

Hours later, JJ opened her eyes, now crusted with dried tears. She could feel the weight of Reid on her, and her eyes filled again.  _Thank You, God. I don't know how You'll get us through this, but I trust that You will. Thank You for saving Spence. Thank You for Will, for whatever time You gave him to us. Thank You for Henry. Please give me the wisdom to help him through this._

She rolled over to look at Reid. Her movement stirred him, and she watched his eyes slowly open. He reached a hand over to push her hair away from her face.

"You okay?"

"I will be. I'm sorry if I frightened you. I know I frightened  _me_!"

Now he caressed her face. "I was already worried about you. Even in New Orleans. I could see how this was affecting you. And I know my JJ, you're always so busy holding everyone else together that you forget about yourself."

She returned the caress. "Truthfully, Spence, I think I needed you to make it safe for me. I was afraid of letting go...afraid I wouldn't be able to pull it back together again, and I had so much to do, so much to worry about."

"You're making my case for me, you know." He got the small smile he was fishing for. "Really, JJ, I'm sorry I couldn't help before...I'm sorry I was the cause of some of the anguish...but I will be forever grateful to have you in my arms, and that you want to be there."

He'd propped himself up on his good elbow to look at her, and now she rolled toward him.

Finding himself looking down at her, wanting to see her smile, he spoke the only words that came to mind.

"I am in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world, and all I can do is look at her. Have pity on me. Four weeks!"

He'd actually made her laugh.  _And thank you for that, too._

* * *

Sandy studied her daughter as JJ entered the kitchen on Wednesday morning. She was still thin, but looked much better rested than she had the day before. She and Spencer had slept through dinner, but must have found the cold plates she'd left for them. And there had been no more sounds of weeping.

"Good morning, Jennifer. Happy day-before-Thanksgiving! I thought I'd do some food shopping today."

JJ was pouring coffee. She heaved a sigh as she did so, and responded. "Oh, Mom, I don't think we're up for it this year. I just don't have the energy, and it doesn't feel right, you know?"

Sandy had anticipated this reaction. "Honey, I think we should do  _something_ , for Henry's sake. Don't you?" Having experienced her own share of maternal guilt, Sandy knew how to put it to good use.

JJ considered, then conceded. "Ok, all right, then. Maybe just a small turkey and some pie? Let's not make a big deal of it, okay?"

"Just don't you worry about a thing, I'll take care of it. Besides, you know how I love to put together a Thanksgiving meal. You don't even need to come into the kitchen."

JJ knew when she was defeated. "Okay, Mom, but please don't be disappointed if we don't eat it all. I don't think either of us has much of an appetite yet."

"Not to worry, leftovers are the best part. And I'm counting on the smell of my cooking to wake up your appetites. You're both too skinny!"

* * *

The day was lazy. Reid was through with formal physical therapy, but still had exercises to do at home. They tired him out enough that he ended up napping on and off.

JJ took advantage of having her parents there for Spence, and went for a long, exhilarating, exhaustingly therapeutic run.  _That felt sooo good._

She also found time to visit her journal again.

"We're home. Back in a familiar setting, back to being a mom, back to being with my own mom. Having my parents here felt like entering a warm cocoon. They're doing their best to insulate us from all of the outside turmoil, to let us focus on us.

And that's one of the best things of all. I'm back in the arms of Spence. He's still got quite a way to go to regain his strength and his health, but he's strong enough to hold me. And my grief. I think I nearly washed both of us away last night. The dam burst and I couldn't hold anything back. I  _didn't_  hold anything back. But only because I knew he would hold it for me. I couldn't have let go without trusting that...and I so needed to let go! I can tell I haven't seen the last of my tears, but I'm not afraid to shed them anymore.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My heart is definitely not in it this year. As thankful as I am for Spence's life being saved, and to be back with my family...it somehow seems wrong. I guess because Will doesn't get to celebrate it this year...or ever again."

She had to stop. She'd been right, she hadn't seen the last of the tears. And now, at the thought of Will's life being over, of Henry being without his father, they threatened to spill onto the journal. This time, she gave in to them, no longer frightened of losing control. Her goal had been to bring Spence home, and she'd done that. Now she could let down.

When she was done, she went back to the journal as though she'd not been interrupted.

"But Mom pointed out that Henry needs to have Thanksgiving, and she's right. I want my little boy to focus on thankfulness and joy, not on loss. And Spence! This was supposed to be a special celebration, his first real Thanksgiving. He told me his father took him out sometimes for a turkey dinner, but his mother never joined them, and never cooked one at home. Something about Thanksgiving being a government plot to make people forget how they were being spied on. I so wanted this to be special for him. But I think he feels the same way I do. We'll have a small Thanksgiving for Henry's sake this year, and then hope for better down the road."

Henry came back from shopping with his grandparents, all excited about the plans for pumpkin pie and apple cider the next day. The vegetables...well, those he could live without.

* * *

"Happy Thanksgiving, Mommy! Happy Thanksgiving, Uncle Spence!"

Henry and Casey had come into their room to waken them. They could hear bustling in the kitchen already.

"That's Mom." JJ was answering Reid's inquiring glance. "Mrs. Thanksgiving. She loves to put together a feast. I told her to keep it small, but I think she'll be cooking all day anyway."

Once they were up and dressed, they came out and tried to join her in the kitchen.

"Shoo! I've put coffee and breakfast on the dining room table for you. I don't want any intruders in my kitchen. I've got a pumpkin pie to bake!"

"Meme let me help her get it ready." Henry was now feeling very privileged.

"That's right, and you're an excellent helper, Henry. But now you need to get ready to go to church with Papa and Mommy."

"Aren't you going, Meme?"

"No, Henry, this is the morning Meme stays home and cooks. I give thanks in the kitchen."

"I think I'd like to go," came quietly from Reid.

JJ turned to him, surprised. He had yet to attend church with her and Henry.

"I guess I feel like I have a lot to give thanks for. And I may as well get broken in with church."

That caught Sandy's ear. "You've never been to church?"

"Well, I've been to a couple of weddings and funerals, and, of course, when Henry was christened. But no, I've never been to a service."

JJ explained, "Spence had kind of an unusual childhood, Mom."

Sandy looked at him, thoughtful. "Well, then, I'm glad you'll be going for the first time with your new family." She gave Reid a peck on the cheek. Here was someone else who needed mothering.

He was blushing, but smiling. "Thanks." Turning to JJ, "Should we get going?"

* * *

They returned to the gloriously competing aromas of pumpkin pie and roasting turkey.

"Mmm…Wow!" Reid couldn't remember when he'd last had such a promising assault on his senses. He tried to follow his nose to the kitchen, but was chased out by Sandy.

"It won't be ready for a few hours. You can nibble on the snacks on the table. Jennifer, would you help me out here, please?"

Henry had an invitation for him. "Uncle Spence, wanna watch the parade with me?"

"Parade?"

Henry was incredulous. "You don't know about the parade? With the big balloons? And Santa? He comes at the end!"

Watching TV sounded good to Reid. Until Charles asked, "What time does the football start?" Charles didn't care as much about Santa.

"Football?"

Seeing Reid's confusion, Charles noted, "You really  _did_  have an unusual childhood, didn't you? Well, you get to experience your first Thanksgiving football feast then….right after the parade ends," he added when he saw Henry's face.

Internally, Reid gulped. Before his 'date' with JJ so many years ago, he'd done his best to learn the rudiments of football. But after the date ended in failure, he'd given up on the game. Now his future father-in-law wanted to spend the day watching it with him. The parade was sounding better and better.

Henry led Reid to the sofa in front of the TV. He settled himself into his godfather's lap so he could lean back against him like a pillow. Reid's heart felt so full….of love for the boy, of sorrow at the loss of his father, of gratitude that he'd been given a chance to fill the void…..that he reached his arms around Henry and squeezed. And his perceptive little godson somehow understood, and turned around and hugged him.

"I love you, Uncle Spence. Happy Thanksgiving!"

Reid had trouble seeing Spiderman through the wetness of his eyes. But he'd recovered by the time Santa came along. He and Henry decided they'd both been very good this year, so Santa would definitely have their names on his list.

The parade had barely ended when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Henry was already scrambling. Reid had finally trained him to look before he opened the door. Apparently he liked what, or who, he saw outside.

"Auntie Penelope! Uncle Derek!"

In came Garcia and Morgan, laden with more pie, and a large bag with feathers sticking out of it.

Reid heard the greetings and came to the door. "What are you guys doing here?"

Garcia gave him an 'isn't it obvious' look, and replied, ''It's Thanksgiving." Turning to Henry, she added, "Don't shut the door, Henry, they're right behind us."

JJ was now coming into the foyer as well. "Pen! Derek! What are you doing here?"

Now Morgan was confused and turned to Garcia. "I thought you said we were invited."

Before she could respond, Hotch appeared at the door with Jack, followed by Rossi and Prentiss, Rossi carrying what looked like a huge lasagna.

Now JJ knew. "Mom!"

None had ever spent this holiday with other team members. Those with family had gone to them, those without had been with other friends. Except Reid, who'd turned down the few invitations he'd received, feeling as though he would be out of place. Now they were all together, and it seemed Sandy Jareau had arranged the whole thing.

She came from the kitchen drying her hands on a towel.

"You're all here, wonderful! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!"

Hugs and kisses of greeting were exchanged all around, and Henry brought Jack and Casey into his room to play. Garcia followed them with her bag.

JJ and Reid found themselves alone in the foyer as the others went inside. They exchanged a look and a shrug. Reid wanted to sure JJ was all right with it.

"I guess she's right, we need to celebrate. Even with Will gone. We can be thankful for him and what he gave his life for, I guess. And it seems right to do it with the team."

Reid was nodding at her as he reached his arms around and held her tight for a moment. "I think I'm going to love my mother-in-law."

They joined the others in time to see Henry and Jack emerging from the bedroom in full pilgrim regalia, Henry looking more excited about it than the slightly older Jack.

"Mommy! I'm a pilgrim now, not a turkey feather!" It seemed the latter privilege now belonged to the unfortunate Casey, who was wearing a full feather headdress.

Morgan was disgusted. "Baby Girl! I thought we agreed, 'no costumes'!"

Garcia gave him a mock pout. "I thought you meant me!" She headed to the kitchen to help Sandy.

The adults laughed while the boys and Casey took their pilgrim reenactment to the backyard.

Reid thought he might be catching a glimpse of his future when JJ settled herself among the others watching football and joined in the commentary on the quality of the plays.  _I might have to learn it after all_ , he thought with a sigh. He sat down to start the process, but became bored and restless after a while. He wandered onto the patio to watch the boys. After a time, Emily came to join him.

"Not a football fan?"

"I may be a genius, but I don't know that I'll ever understand that game. But I can tell I'm going to have to try."

She laughed. "Yep, JJ's into it. I'll bet she was a cheerleader."

"Cheerleading I can understand."

Emily chuckled, then turned to face him. "Reid, how are you doing, really?"

He always took pleasure in how comfortable he was in talking with Emily. "Physically, I'm coming along. Still a little pain, but my strength is coming back. I just get tired easily."

"And emotionally? How are you both doing? All three of you, really."

"Henry seems remarkably okay, but that may be because his daily routine is the same. He hasn't seen Will regularly for a year, so he's not looking for him every day. But, even before everything happened, he'd been upset at how long it had been since he'd even spoken with his father on the phone. I know he's been told, and been to the funeral and all….but I'm willing to bet he'll ask us someday when his daddy will call or visit. I don't think we're done with it at all."

Emily reached over and squeezed his arm. "At least you guys are home with him now. That should make it a little easier."

His nod acknowledged that. "JJ's just starting to deal with her grief. I'll bet you didn't see a single tear in New Orleans, not even at the funeral, did you?"

Now Emily was acknowledging. "You're right. You know her very well, Reid. She's always held it in. She had to learn to do that when she was working so closely with the families, I guess. And then, with this…..well, I think I can understand how she was feeling she had to hold it together to take care of you."

"And now I want to take care of her." He'd said it softly, almost under his breath, but Emily heard him, and smiled.

* * *

Only JJ noticed when Reid came silently in from the patio and went to the bedroom. She thought he looked tired and maybe a little bit upset. She gently extracted herself from the crowd in the living room and went to join him.

He was standing at the window in the darkened bedroom, looking out. She came up softly behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Spence?"

When he turned, she could see that he was having trouble controlling his emotions.

"What's wrong?" She was concerned.

He had to swallow first. "Nothing, there's nothing wrong." She didn't look like she believed him, so he continued. "There's nothing wrong. It's right. It's all right."

She still didn't understand.

He put his arm around her and they looked side by side out the window. "It's right. I'm here in this house full of people I care about, there's shouting and laughter, and wonderful smells coming from the kitchen, and the kids playing in the yard." He had to swallow again. "And it's my life… _my_  life, not someone else's." He looked at her. "I never….I never…."

_Now_  she understood. He was experiencing family, and a family holiday, for the first time. She'd wanted to give it to him, and then thought she couldn't. But her mother had known, and had done it for her. Sandy would be getting a big hug in the near future.  _Thanks, Mom. As usual, you were right._

She leaned up to kiss him, and they stood holding each other for a long time, watching the pilgrims in the yard rolling in the leaves, sharing their unspoken gratitude for all that they had, and even for what they'd lost. Shortly, Sandy was calling them all to the table.

They stood at their places while Charles prayed a blessing. "For what we are about to receive, we give thanks. For those who prepared it, we give thanks. For the people we love, both here in this room and far away, we give thanks. For those we've lost, we give thanks. For love, and for selflessness, and for sacrifice, we give thanks."

All joined him in saying, "Amen." And then sat down together to feast on food, and friendship and family.


	20. Chapter 20

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 20**

JJ waved a sad goodbye to her parents a few days after Thanksgiving. They'd been unexpectedly away from home since they came for Henry's birthday, and needed to get back to take care of things. There were plans for a return visit at Christmas.

The team was on an extended stand down. Reid wouldn't be physically cleared to return for at least a month, and JJ was essentially on a combination bereavement/family health leave, albeit it unofficial, given that she hadn't been married to Will and wasn't yet to Reid. Hotch had discovered that Strauss could actually find her heart from time to time, and she had done so this time. The rest of the team had been traumatized as well, and would not take on any new cases for the time being. Most of their energies would be focused on teaching at the academy, reviewing 'cold' cases, or consulting on procedures for law enforcement organizations. Hotch breathed a sigh of relief when Strauss agreed to all of this, as it would allow his team to remain intact as a unit until they were again fully functional.

Henry had gone back to school, so Reid and JJ had the house to themselves. He continued with his at-home physical therapy, hoping to gradually be able to do more and nap less. That left JJ with plenty of time for her journal. Thanksgiving weekend had been very busy, so she was catching up on entries this week.

"Mom and Dad have gone back home. No matter how grown I am, the moment they're gone, I miss them. I can remember not being able to wait until I got my independence so many years ago. Back then, I probably wouldn't have been able to admit that I needed them. But I do. Never more so than these past few weeks. Thank You, God, that I still have them.

I can see them bonding with Spence. I think my mother is preparing to take him on as a project. She asked me a lot of questions about his childhood, and his own mother, after she got wind of how he was (or wasn't) raised. Now I think she wants to make up for all the mothering he didn't get as a child. I was afraid that Spence would feel smothered, but it looks like he likes it. It's funny, I take having a mother…someone who's always on my side, who always looks out for me no matter how old I get…I take it for granted. Spence is fascinated by it, as though he's never known it. And that makes me want to cry. But then I remember that he has it now, and all is right in that part of our world.

Thanksgiving was beautiful. Mom did what Mom does best. She created a feast and invited an army to eat it. Without us knowing, and despite her assurances that she would 'keep it small', Mom invited our best friends, our team, to have Thanksgiving dinner with us. It's funny, we've never had it together before, none of us, not even in small groups. But I guess everyone needed it this year, and Mom had the insight to realize it. So we were surprised, but so very, very blessed to be together. And Spence!..."

She had to stop writing. Tears had come quickly and were already staining the page. She'd been as overwhelmed as her fiancé that he was having his first family celebration _. How can that happen? How did he survive a boyhood with so little connection to anyone or anything? How did he become who he is?_

She didn't know if she would ever have the answers to any of those questions, but she knew enough to be grateful. It could only have been Providence.

The thought triggered a memory of their time in the hospital. Dr. Vargas had been rounding on Reid and made a comment on his rapid recovery _. I guess everything's relative. It didn't feel so rapid to me._ Dr. Vargas had made a comment on Reid's status. "It's like a miracle," he'd said. JJ knew better. It wasn't  _like_  a miracle. There had been much prayer lifted in Reid's name, and she was convinced it had been fruitful. She felt the same way about how he had grown into the man he'd become…..given his upbringing, it had been its own type of miracle.  _Flavored by Diana, of course. The fact that she could have actually raised her son, and had him be the person he is, is in itself a miracle._

JJ got back to writing. "Spence went to a meeting on Friday night. He told me he didn't feel like he needed it. He's not craving. But he's determined to do everything he's been told to do, to make our family work. He wants me to go to a Narc Anon meeting too, to be prepared, "just in case". I don't know. I can't see him doing anything to put our family at risk. But I guess I should honor his wishes. If he's trying this hard, it's the least I can do.

Henry seems fine, which scares me. Should he be fine? I don't know. Spence thinks it's because he's already used to not seeing Will. But he also thinks Henry still doesn't understand. I don't know what he could have thought of the funeral if he didn't understand that it was about not seeing Will again. Spence is reading like crazy about it. He wants to be prepared. He's convinced Henry doesn't understand he won't see his father again."

JJ had to take another break. The tears were never very far away these days. She'd been crying almost every night. Her defenses were at their lowest late in the day. She thought back to last night.

"I'm sorry , Spence. I'm such a mess. I don't even know myself anymore." He'd found her alone in the bedroom, crying in the dark. Now he was holding her as she cried into his shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head. "You've been through a ridiculously tough time, JJ. We all have. You're entitled. And it's my privilege."

"But I have to stop this, it can't keep happening." She was sniffling as she spoke.

"It will stop when it's ready, JJ. Don't underestimate what you've been through….please." He knew they weren't all the way through it yet. He was certain there was more to come regarding Henry.

"You went through something no one should ever have to deal with, and you came out the other side. Me, I slept through most of it." He was going for humor, but wasn't sure it would work.

It didn't. "You weren't asleep! You were fighting for your life, Spence. Remember, I have some idea what that's like. I know what monumental effort went into that. And you did part of it without pain meds! I still don't know how you did that…"

He remembered how difficult it had been, but he was looking at it from a different perspective. Unlike JJ, he knew what a life lost to narcotics addiction was like. In comparison, handling pain without pain meds was a walk in the park.

JJ hurried to finish her journal entry before Henry came home from school.

"We got a lovely delivery of flowers from Phil in New Orleans. Funny, I'd sent him one as well. I guess we're bonding over losing Will. Phil seems a lot like his brother. I'm glad Charlene has him close by to help her grieve.

There was one other thing notable by its absence. I'd hoped we might have heard from someone else at the holiday, but it didn't happen…."

She was interrupted by the slam of the door and a loud "Casey! Mommy!" sounding through the house _. Second billing to a dog, that's true motherhood,_ thought JJ.

"Hey, little man, how was school today?" JJ bent down for her hug as her son ran into her.

"Great! We started practicing for our Christmas play. I'm gonna be an elf, Mommy!"

He was one of the youngest, and smallest kids in his class, so JJ wasn't surprised at the role. And she was certain he would be the best little elf on the stage.

"Congratulations, Henry! What does an elf do in this play?"

"I get to make the toys, and I get to feed the reindeer!"

Thankful that he hadn't been cast as the latter, JJ brought him to the kitchen for a snack.

"Where's Uncle Spence, Mommy?"

"He's taking a little nap, buddy. He had a good workout this morning, but it left him a little tired."

"That's funny, Mommy. I don't take naps anymore because I'm a big boy. And now Uncle Spence takes them. Does that make him a little boy?"

_Only at heart, Henry._

* * *

The following day, JJ and Reid videoed in to the BAU for a quasi-team meeting. Hotch had news regarding the New Orleans case.

"Reid, JJ, how are things going?"

"We're doing well, Hotch. I'm getting my strength back pretty quickly. I wouldn't be surprised if I was ready to come back in less than a month. I think I might only need a few more weeks."

"Hey, Pretty Boy, remember it's not just your strength you need, it's your stamina. Take your time, we'll wait for you."

"Thanks, Morgan. But I'm hoping the stamina will be back soon too."

JJ knew that Reid was hoping for the stamina to be in place in three weeks time, which was where the red circle was marking their calendar this go round.

Hotch resumed. "We have an update on the snafu in New Orleans, and I wanted you to hear it. As we are all too well aware, the agency was raided prematurely, which triggered them to alert the trafficking ring members at the house."

This was met with pristine silence, as each listener reflected on the mistake that had cost Will LaMontagne his life, and nearly ended Reid's as well. Unseen to the others at the BAU, Reid had taken JJ's hand in his.

"Agent Watrous of DHS investigated what went wrong. He found as follows: 'The SSA in charge at the scene of the Hope Filled Families adoption agency was aware of the operation occurring at the trafficker house. He was aware of the need to initiate the raid on the agency immediately after the agents and child at the house were secured. However, the agent making direct surveillance of the agency observed subject Marcan exiting the building carrying a laptop computer, accompanied by another agency employee, identity unknown, also carrying a laptop. From Agent Reid's conversation with Detective LaMontagne, it was known that the trafficking ring and adoption agency were fearful of an impending investigation and had begun to slow operations in New Orleans. Therefore, it appeared to the surveillance agent that the agency computers were being removed in an effort to hide data. He reported this to the SSA in charge, and the raid was initiated to prevent the loss of the information. Employees still inside the building made several calls as the task force entered. It remains unknown precisely which call was to the trafficker house.'

Reid's eyes were closed. The memory of that time had been slow in returning to him after the shooting, but it had come back. He remembered the moment he knew he had to make a life or death decision. He imagined Will's experience had been similar. Both of them had to decide in an instant if a little girl's life was worth the risk of losing their own. Both had decided similarly. But only one had survived. Reid was experiencing some survivor guilt, especially since the man who'd died had been the father of the little boy he loved so much _. Would Henry have been better off if it had been me?_

Rossi emitted a sigh. As the most experienced member of the team, he wasn't very surprised at the report. "So, as usual, it was a group of well-meaning human beings having to make a split second decision with inadequate information. And it turned out badly."

Emily was also being philosophical. "But we don't know what would have happened if they'd waited. Maybe the data would have been lost and Garcia couldn't have done her magic finding the other kids and their families. If we hadn't gotten the information, we might not have been able to save them. Or to end the trafficking altogether. Who knows how many more children and families might have been affected in the future."

Morgan was frustrated. It was always easier to deal with things when there was someone to blame. Here, there wasn't. He wasn't ready to let go of the emotion. "And Will and Reid paid the price. It's just not right."

JJ had been having trouble finding her voice. She'd been reliving the scene in the basement, now knowing why it happened. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. Whether they were right, or wrong, or well-meaning or not, what happened, happened. We need to go on from here."

Hotch was nodding. "JJ's right. We look back at these things to see if we can prevent a similar outcome in the future, not to assign blame. But we need to look forward now, for everyone's sake."

They were about to sign off the phone call when Reid spoke up. "Hotch? Can I come and see you? There's something I need to speak with you about."

* * *

JJ knew when to push and when to let him be. It was clear to her that this was one of those 'let him be' times. He wasn't ready to tell her why he needed to see Hotch, and she didn't want to upset him.

"Just promise me you'll tell me if you're not feeling well, or strong, or…you know."

He knew. She thought it might be about the narcotics. It wasn't.

"I promise."

He was well enough to drive as long as he didn't do it late in the day. At that time, his fatigue was so strong that he sometimes couldn't see straight.  _I guess the doctors were right after all._

They were meeting at Hotch's home on a Saturday morning. Jack's soccer match had been an early one, and father and son were back home by ten.

"Hi, Dr. Reid." Jack greeted him and then was out the door to play.

"Reid, coffee?" The offer was accepted and the two men took their drinks to the backyard.

"What can I do for you?" Hotch had been wondering ever since Reid made the appointment.

Reid was having trouble getting started, but Hotch knew to wait him out.

Finally, he found the words. "Hotch, I need advice. I wasn't sure who to get it from, but then I thought…..maybe you would know…from Haley."

Hotch was leaning forward, not certain where this was going. Reid struggled on.

"I mean, I don't want to bring back bad memories, or anything, so maybe I shouldn't….."

"Reid, why don't you just ask, and I'll let you know if I can answer." Hotch was used to having to focus Reid's ramblings.

Reid swallowed and nodded. "Okay," he breathed. "Hotch, how did you get through it, losing Haley, when you knew it was you Foyet wanted? How did you get through…  _surviving_?"

Hotch was caught off guard, but at least now he understood. Three people had been shot in that basement, two of them killed. Reid was struggling to understand why he'd been spared. His gaze penetrated Reid's.

"Have you talked to JJ about this?"

Reid was shaking his head. "I can't, Hotch. It was Will."

The unit chief acknowledged with a nod of his head, then sat looking into the distance. He took a long moment to collect his thoughts.

"It's been a long time now, Reid. But I do remember what it was like. What it's still like. You asked me how I got through surviving….but that's making an assumption. I've never gotten through it. I will always wonder why it was her, and not me. Why I get to be with Jack, and she doesn't. Why he  _has_  to be with me, and not her."

He looked over to his young friend, could see the show of recognition on his face. He could see that Reid was asking the same questions of his own life, but regarding JJ and Henry…and Will.

"I've never come up with the answer. And I've never stopped asking the question. But I've learned to live with it. I've converted the guilt into a promise. I've promised to be for Jack both father and mother, to be present in his life like I never was when Haley was around to fill in for me. I've never spoken them aloud, but I made those promises to Jack, and to Haley…and to myself. It's the only way I can live with it."

Reid was listening intently. When he spoke again, his eyes were cast to the ground. "Henry doesn't have a father anymore. I promised JJ I would be that to him, that I would try to honor Will in that way." Now he looked up to Hotch, his eyes earnest. "But I don't know how, Hotch. I didn't have a father, not for most of my childhood, anyway. I think I may have made a promise I can't keep."

Unexpectedly, Hotch laughed. "Well, join the club, Reid. None of us know what we're doing when we start out. And a lot of us would argue that our own fathers weren't exactly role models. You may actually be at an advantage, starting with a blank slate."

Reid wasn't convinced. "I've been reading like crazy. I know all about child development, and temperament, and behavior modification…..you name it, I've read about it. But then Henry will do or say something that's not in the books, and I'm stuck."

Hotch was still smiling. "And how have you handled that?"

"Well, I've punted to JJ whenever she's been around." That got a guffaw from his boss.

"And I've prayed for guidance and just said what came into my head. I even put him in time out the other day. It was the first time. It nearly killed me."

Hotch couldn't remember having such an entertaining conversation with his young genius agent in a very long while. But as amusing as it was, Reid needed saving.

"Reid, do you love the boy?"

"Of course I do!"

"And does he know it?"

Less certainly, Reid replied. "I think so, I hope so." Then, more confidently, "Yes, I know he does."

"Then count on that to make it right. And praying for guidance doesn't hurt, either." He got back to the original subject. "About surviving. You know that neither Henry nor JJ are sorry you survived, right? Even as grieved as they are to have lost Will?"

"I know. But, " his voice got very soft, as he looked away, "I just hope I am able to be what they need me to be, to fill the role Will would have, especially for Henry. I owe it to Will."

That was precisely the lie. The one the survivor always had so much trouble getting past.

"Reid, you don't owe anything to Will. You owe to JJ and to Henry, to the people still here in your life, to be the husband and father that you promise to be, the one they need you to be. And you owe it to yourself to fulfill your own potential. That's it. That's all there is to it."

Even as he said it, Hotch realized he was speaking to himself as much as to Reid. Maybe they'd both needed to have this talk.

* * *

The mail had just come when Reid returned home. JJ was holding an envelope from the FBI office in New Orleans.

"Hi. How was your visit with Hotch?" She was eyeing him with curiosity, and a little anxiety.

He kissed her hello. "It was fine….it was good. I think it helped a lot." He realized he'd gone on too long.

"But you don't want to tell me about it.."

"JJ, maybe some day. For now, can we put it away? It's okay. Really." He just wasn't ready to share it with her. He knew she wouldn't really understand, that she would be reassuring, telling him he shouldn't feel guilt. But he  _did_  feel it, and he'd needed help from someone else who'd been there.

"Okay, as long as you're okay." When he didn't respond, she continued. "This just came for you. It's thick. What could it be?"

"Well, I know how to find out." Reid opened the envelope and pulled out a letter and a piece of construction paper. The latter was marked in crayon.

The letter offered an explanation.

"Dear Agent Reid,

This was forwarded to our office by the New Orleans Department of Children and Family Services. It is a letter from a child named "Minnow", written to the agent who rescued her. Minnow asked through her foster family if she might write to the agent who helped save her, and to the family of the detective who died. Neither she, nor they, are aware of your real names. The letter was given to her social worker, who sent it to us, and I was able to research the parties involved. I am aware that you were injured during the operation, and hope you are on the mend.

The letter was signed by an SSA from New Orleans. The construction paper letter looked like it had been written by a child, with spelling assistance from an adult.

"Dear Mr. FBI Man,

Thank you for saving me. Thank you for not letting Viera shoot me. He was a very bad man. He was mean to me. He hurt me. You saved me.

I miss Frank. They told me he went to heaven. I hope I will see him there when I die. I am being very good for my new parents, so I can go to heaven . I am glad you didn't have to go to heaven yet, but I hope you get to go there some day.

Love, Minnow"

Neither Reid nor JJ could speak. It looked like he wasn't the only one dealing with survivor's guilt. He prayed that Minnow would be able to learn to live with hers. He knew she had already helped him live with his.


	21. Chapter 21

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 21**

The days were starting to pass quickly, now that they had a routine going. Henry was off to school every morning, Reid to his work out, JJ to her run, her journaling and whatever else came her way. She began to feel like she should be back at work, and contacted Hotch to say so.

"JJ, have you met with the grief counselor yet?" He knew she hadn't.

She hesitated, knowing that he knew. "No, I haven't. But I don't know that I need to, Hotch. I'm working through everything, finally. I know I didn't let it near me when we were in New Orleans, but that was for survival, really. Now that we've been home for a few weeks, I've been dealing with it, and I think I'm ready to come back." When the silence on the other end was prolonged, she felt compelled to fill it. "I'm okay, Hotch. Really."

From personal experience as well as from his experience as a team leader, he knew better. He didn't argue with her. "JJ, I want you to meet with the grief counselor." He made it a command. "It will be necessary before you can resume full duty."

Defeated, JJ gave in. "All right, I'll meet with the counselor. How do I set it up?"

* * *

The journal was out and she was writing furiously.

"Hotch is making me go to grief counseling. As though someone else could possibly tell me how to grieve a relationship that only I have experienced. I've been resisting it. You, dear journal, have provided me the outlet and the chance to gain insight.

And Spence has been my true support. I would have called him my rock, but sometimes he sobs right along with me. I don't think he's grieving Will. I think he's grieving for Henry. Spence knows what it's like to grow up without a father. And even though it's a totally different circumstance, even though he didn't have that life himself, he mourns for the life that Henry won't have now. And so do I."

She'd been getting a handle on her emotions, but tears still came now and then. This was one of those times.

"I went to a Narc Anon meeting last week. I never knew there was that much heartbreak in the world! Even though I deal with some of the most disturbed individuals on the planet, and the families they've irreparably hurt, I guess I never realized quite how much havoc a simple chemical can cause in the life of a family. But now I know why Spence was insistent that I go. I don't really fear that he will relapse. His circumstance was too extraordinary, and his addiction so short lived. Even Dr. Vargas didn't think he would have a chemical trigger to relapse. But Spence asks so little of me. How can I do anything but honor his wishes?

Spence went to church with us for the first time! I was surprised. I guess I'd pictured him being there for the first time as I was walking down the aisle to him. But he wanted to go on Thanksgiving morning, and then again on Sunday. He doesn't look uncomfortable there, but he doesn't look comfortable, either. I think I'll have to wait and see on this one. I tried to ask him about it, but he put me off. Said he needed to think about it for a while.

Spence got a letter from Minnow, the little girl whose life he saved. She wanted to thank him. And then Phil sent me a copy of a letter she sent to him, telling him how Will was so good to her, the only man in her life who'd ever been nice to her. When I think about Henry being traumatized by losing Will….and then I think about the trauma Minnow has been through…I wonder how children survive their childhoods. And then I look at Spence, who had his own traumatized youth, and I see what he's become…..and it gives me hope, for Henry and for Minnow.

It makes me wonder….when there is so much darkness enveloping us….how do we find our way to the light? How does it get through to us? And yet it always does. I count on that more than I can say. I'm counting on it for Henry, and I'll pray that it happens for Minnow as well. I know that, if I can find my own way to the light, I'm going to lead the way for Henry. But most of the time I think he's leading me. And I think Spence holds some of that light for both of us."

* * *

The content of JJ's thought wasn't always so heavy. This was, after all, the time leading up to Christmas. Henry wasn't so interested in her attempts to teach him about Advent as he was in wondering what, exactly, Santa was up to these days. Reid didn't help her efforts at all, looking every bit as eager for the holiday to come as was his godson. And she didn't mind it for a minute. After his statement at Thanksgiving, JJ was determined to give Reid the Christmas he'd never had before. She didn't start out with the same spirit as in years past, but her aim to make it good for her 'boys' helped her to overcome that.

"Uncle Spence, when can we get our tree?"

Reid was learning not to punt all of these questions to JJ. "How about this weekend? What kind of tree should we get?"

"A big, big one, Uncle Spence. Bigger than the whole house!"

"Uh, Henry? How will we fit it inside if it's bigger than the whole house?"

"Oh, okay. But a big, big one, this wide.." And he held out his little arms as wide as they would go. Prompting Reid to do the same with his own arms.

"This wide, Henry?"

Henry thought that would do just fine. So, the following Saturday, the three of them set out to find the perfect Christmas tree. As they wandered up and down the rows at the tree farm, Reid offered a running commentary on the selection. He'd researched the pros and cons of each of them, and had clearly made a choice on the variety.

"Did you know that the needles of the Douglas fir have one of the best aromas? When they're crushed, of course, which would mean we'd have to crush a few needles every day. Did you know that the Douglas fir was named after David Douglas? He studied them back in the nineteenth century. They can live for a thousand years….as long as they're not cut down, of course."

By now he'd accumulated an audience. It seemed most of the customers assumed he was part of the staff, and started asking him to bind and carry trees for them. Reid was perplexed, JJ amused. She wondered if this was indicative of how every major (and minor) shopping expedition would be from now on.

Eventually they found just the right tree, a Douglas fir, as wide as Reid's arms and as tall as his head. It was bound and tied to the top of their vehicle, and they were ready to go home. But first they had another stop to make.

"Yay! We're going to see Santa!" Henry had been more excited about this than about getting the tree. His list had been ready for over a week, having been part of an exercise in writing for his kindergarten class. He hadn't let JJ or Reid see it. "It's for Santa," he'd explained.

JJ was hoping he'd relent, as she needed an idea what it was he wanted Santa to bring. She'd enlisted her mother and Penelope to try to get it out of him, but he'd insisted it was between him and the guy in the red suit. So now she was hoping to glean something as he shared his wish list with the Santa at the mall.

The place was completely decked out for the holidays, and bustling with customers.

_I think I'm allergic to malls_ , thought Reid. His brain went into immediate overload, his visual and auditory senses assaultingly overstimulated, his mind thrown into a fog.

"Can't I wait for you outside?"

"Spence, you'll miss watching Henry with Santa."

"You can text me. I'll come back in." Pause. "Please, JJ?" He was begging.

She studied him for a moment. Conceding that she probably shouldn't stress him out in his recovery period, she gave in. "Oh, all right. I'll wait with Henry and text you when to come."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I could kiss you. In fact, I think I will." And he did. Turning her attention back to Henry, she didn't see him make a detour on his way to the exit.

An hour later, Henry made it to Santa's lap, and Reid made it back just in time to witness the tradition he'd missed as a child. Reflecting on the process, he thought,  _maybe Mom was right about some of this_.  _I could do without the 'mall-Santa' experience._

JJ could remember times when Henry was afraid of Santa, but they were apparently in the past. He seemed to be very earnest, talking to the man and giving over his list. Santa looked at it, gave it back to Henry and nodded his head in JJ's direction. Henry looked at him with uncertainty, but then smiled when he received his candy cane and ran back into JJ's arms.

"Well, did you tell Santa what you wanted, Henry?"

"Yep. And he gave me a candy cane!"

"Henry, do you want to tell Mommy what you asked Santa for?"

Henry thought a moment, then decided to disclose. "I asked him for a new bike and a scooter. And a magic kit."

Reid's brows went up at the last item.  _I know just the thing, my little apprentice._

JJ was relieved.  _Finally. Now I can go shopping._

* * *

Reid went to church with them the next morning.  _I wish he would tell me what he's thinking about it. But I can tell I'm going to have to wait him out. Maybe he doesn't know yet himself._

It was a chilly, overcast day, with a prediction for flurries later. "A perfect time for decorating our tree!" JJ made hot chocolate and cookies, and the three set about making their Douglas fir even more beautiful.

Out of the corner of her eye, JJ watched Reid. He'd already shared with her that he'd never done this before. Even when his father had been living in the house, his mother's illness had precluded them having any kind of decoration or acknowledgement of the holiday. JJ wasn't all that surprised to see that he decorated the tree similarly to how he dressed…..with little eye to color, symmetry or style. And his godson seemed to have inherited that from him. So she kept subtly moving and replacing ornaments that they'd hung, giving prominence to those that had sentimental value, and especially to those made by Henry in school. She'd put music on in the background, and was surprised when Reid seemed to be familiar with the carols.

"I had headphones. Mom didn't know, they were hidden under my mattress. If she'd seen me wearing them, she would have thought it was a plot to brainwash me. But I listened to books on tape and, sometimes, to the radio. At Christmas, they played carols on every station. And I felt a little, I don't know….. _normal,_  I guess…listening to them, doing what everybody else was doing."

JJ crossed the room to hug the little boy who'd had to hide his Christmas carols, and to kiss her fiancé. "Those days are behind you now, Spence. Now you can listen to them until you can't stand them another minute, just like the rest of us."

"Ha, Ha. Except for the 'Christmas donkey', I don't think that will ever happen. I could sing them all day, especially that song about the hula hoop." He turned her around, putting his arm around her. "Look at that tree, JJ. Has there ever been one more beautiful? I love Christmas!"

He couldn't see it, but JJ was smiling as much on the inside as she was on the outside.

* * *

The weekend was over, and the time of JJ's appointment was at hand.

She entered the office hesitantly. JJ had never dealt with a counselor of any sort before. When Emily "died", Hotch had done the grief assessments. Since she was in on the deception, they hadn't scheduled anything. Later, she wished she'd had time to talk it over with someone else in a similar position. Having a major lie in that space between herself and the other team members had taken a toll on her emotionally. Especially when she'd felt compelled to reach out to comfort the one with whom she'd been closest. That they were together now, planning to be married, was a miracle, she thought.  _I didn't think we could get past that, ever. But we did._

Dr. Irene Haughton subcontracted to several government agencies to provide counseling to their employees. Her specialty was grief. She greeted JJ cordially, and invited her to sit.

"I understand from the consult note that you've suffered a loss very recently, Agent Jareau. The father of your child?"

JJ nodded. She knew she was supposed to start talking now, but wasn't comfortable with the whole process. She always held her thoughts and feelings close to her, sharing them only with a trusted few. This was going to be difficult.

Dr. Haughton had been here before. "Would you like to tell me about him, Agent?" Pause. "May I use your first name? Jennifer? I would be happy to have you call me Irene."

"It's JJ. They call me JJ."

"Okay, JJ. Would you like to tell me about the father of your child?"

It took her a while to start, and she found herself looking out the window as she spoke, avoiding eye contact.

"His name was Will. He was a detective. We met when we were in New Orleans on a case. He'd lost his father to the hurricane, and he was pursuing an old case of his father's, to honor him." She looked back at Irene. "I admired that about him. And I guess I wanted to take care of him a little. And he was such a flirt!" JJ smiled at the memory.

Dr. Haughton leaned forward to encourage her to continue.

"We kept in touch after that and after a while I started to visit him in New Orleans. I'm kind of a private person, so I hadn't told my team." She laughed to herself. "I guess I forgot they were profilers. They knew anyway. We saw each other long distance for about a year, and then….I got pregnant. We weren't planning it at all. And I still wasn't thinking it meant we would stay together. But  _he_  did. He quit his job and moved to DC."

She looked up at Dr. Haughton. "What else could I do? We moved in together. I thought maybe we could make a life together. I hoped it. And when Henry was born, I really thought we would do it. We tried, we really tried. But it didn't hold. I don't know how to explain it, even to myself. I'd always been able to do anything I put my mind to, but I couldn't make us the right people for each other. So, eventually, we separated. Will moved back to New Orleans. Henry stayed with me, but Will did his best to be in touch and to visit. He even took Henry to New Orleans once, to visit with his family."

"How old is Henry now?"

"He just turned five, just over a month ago."

"It must be very hard for both of you, then."

"I think I'm doing okay, now. It was hard in New Orleans, but once I was able to bring Spence home, once he was doing better, I felt like I could breathe again."

"Spence? Is he the fiancé?" Apparently that was on the consult request as well.

"Yes, we're planning to be married in the spring. He's also Henry's godfather." At Dr. Haughton's inquiring look, JJ went through her history with Reid as a member of the team, as one of her best friends, as her support in Will's absence and, finally, as the person she'd chosen to spend the rest of her life with.

Dr. Haughton was understanding. "And he was hurt in the same incident when Will was killed?"

JJ knew her therapist had clearance to discuss active cases. "They were both trying to save a little girl from being shot. Will had been undercover for months, and he'd been out of contact for most of that time. We started to make some noise about it….just asking through agency contacts….because I was worried that something had happened to him. It's a long story, but it ended up being connected to another case we'd been called in on. As things went on, it came down to Spence being the only person who could actually make contact with Will. They both tried to get the little girl out safely, but there was a mix up at another point in the investigation and things fell apart. In that damn basement. They were both shot trying to save that little girl." Her voice had lowered in pitch and volume as she'd told the story. It was JJ's way to gain control.

Dr. Haughton's gaze was intense. "And you were there?"

JJ was shaking her head. "I only wish I'd been there. Maybe I could have helped. Maybe Will wouldn't have died. Maybe Spence wouldn't have been so near death." She looked up. "But no, I …..we, the rest of the team….got there after they'd both been shot. That poor little girl ended up having to save herself, with Spence's gun."

"Tell me about when you got to the basement."

JJ had to swallow her emotion back down before continuing. It tasted like bile. "I walked into the basement…..and I saw Will. I couldn't see his face….and he was disguised anyway….but I knew it was him. There was blood under him, a lot of blood. And I ran to him…and he had no pulse…..he had no pulse." The rest of her story was punctuated by long pauses between thoughts.

"Rossi pulled me away, and started doing CPR." Pause. "And then Morgan….he'd already checked the unsub and declared him dead…Morgan said there was somebody else down. And then I heard him talking to Minnow….the little girl, she was still holding Spence's gun…..and he got her to put it down." Pause.

"And then I heard him yelling that Spence was shot, and then he picked him up….and I saw him. Morgan was carrying him. He was carrying Spence. He wasn't conscious, but he was breathing. I could tell, because every time he took a breath, this bloody foam came out of his mouth."

Unexpectedly…to her, at least….JJ was overcome with the memory. Her hands went to her face and she started sobbing. When she could speak again, she cried, "Oh, God, I thought I would lose both of them that day!"

She told Dr. Haughton about the time at the hospital, ending with the loss of Will. "I couldn't bring myself to go in and see him. I didn't want to remember him that way. Not just for me, but for Henry. I don't know why, but I thought it was important for me to have a mental picture of a vibrant, active Will when I talk to Henry about his father."

"That's understandable, JJ. What about your fiancé?"

"He's doing well, thank God. He could have died, but Morgan saved him. Something told him to bring Spence to the hospital himself. The doctor said he saved Spence's life."

"You must be very grateful."

It was only in that moment that JJ realized she'd never spoken with Morgan about it. Never asked him if he was okay. Never thanked him.

Dr. Haughton went on. "And how is Spence dealing with all of this?"

JJ was diffident. "He's okay, he's healing well. He'll be back to work in a few weeks."

"I meant how is he dealing with the aftermath."

JJ hadn't yet shared about Reid's history of addiction, so didn't know what Irene might be getting at. She took a guess. "He's sad for Henry, and for me. But he seems mostly okay."

Irene decided to get specific and brought up the idea of survivor guilt. "I meant, how is he dealing with being the one who is still alive, when the other two men are dead? How is he dealing with knowing that his future step-son's father died, and he didn't?"

In that moment, JJ realized why Reid had needed to meet with Hotch. And why he couldn't tell her. Before this conversation, she wouldn't have understood.

They spoke a little about survivor guilt and how to deal with it. And then Dr. Haughton got to the crux of the matter.

"And how are you dealing with your own guilt?"

JJ was confused. "My guilt?"

"Your own guilt. You know, the cascade. If you hadn't inquired, the task force wouldn't have been formed. Your team wouldn't have been involved. Your fiancé wouldn't have been there…."

"Spence wouldn't have been shot. And Will wouldn't be dead." JJ finished it for her. And then virtually collapsed in her chair, as she cried, "and Henry would still have his father!" Her hands were at her face again. "Please don't tell me this is my fault!"

Dr. Haughton studied her in silence for a long time. "It's not my voice you're hearing, JJ. It's your own."

Dr. Haughton let JJ cry it out. "And you need to know it's a lie. It's a lie. None of this is your fault."

"How can you say that?" JJ argued. "Will is dead because of something I started."

This part was easy for Dr. Haughton. She just had her patient recite the facts, and then listen to them with new ears.

"Your fault. Did you kidnap children?" JJ shook her head. "Sell them into prostitution? Abuse them?"

Each time, JJ shook her head.

"Did you force Will to go undercover?"

"No! I was upset with him for doing it. For putting himself at risk."

"Did you correctly deduce that he was in trouble?"

JJ nodded.

"And did you try to help him?"

It took her a long time to acknowledge this. Her 'helping' him had brought things to a head.

"Did you try to shoot a little girl?"

JJ knew this didn't require a response. By now, she was emotionally exhausted. She looked at Dr. Haughton.

"I didn't do it. I didn't cause Will to die. I didn't take Henry's father from him."

"No, JJ, you didn't. And now you need to do some forgiving. You need to forgive yourself for trying to do the right thing, even though it went wrong. And you need to forgive Will for doing the same thing."

Now the tears were cleansing, and not filled with self-recrimination. Dr. Haughton left her seat and moved to put her arm around JJ. She turned her head away so that her patient wouldn't see her own tears.


	22. Chapter 22

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 22**

Reid was putting dinner together when JJ returned home. She'd driven around for a long time after her appointment with Dr. Haughton. With one glance, he could see that she was still dealing with whatever had come up at her session. Having elected to keep some of his own issues to himself, he needed to allow her the same privilege, and decided not to pry.

"Hi. You okay?"

She gave him a grin that didn't quite make it all the way to her eyes, decided to answer honestly. "Not just now, but I will be." She could see Henry and Casey playing in the waning afternoon sun falling into the backyard.

Reid reached an arm around JJ and kissed the top of her head. "I guess that makes three of us, huh? But at least we know it will be getting better."

She caught the "three". "What happened? Is something wrong with Henry?"

Reid looked at her, not wanting to worry her more. But she needed to know.

"I gave him a snack after school, and then he went out to play in the yard with Casey. When I came in to clean up the snack, I found this on the table. It was laid out. He obviously wanted me to see it."

Reid handed JJ a paper that she recognized from the colored pencil he'd used and the drawings he'd decorated it with. It was Henry's Christmas list.

She saw the items she already knew about…..the bike, the scooter, the magic kit….but she also saw a fourth item, one he hadn't told her about after he'd talked to Santa. The fourth line said, simply, "I want to see Daddy."

JJ looked to Reid, helpless. "Did you say anything to him?"

"I felt like I  _had_  to, JJ. I think he made a point of putting it out there when he knew it would be me who found it."

"Spence, he really doesn't understand?"

"I think he does, a little. That's why he put it on a wish list, and didn't just ask outright. He thinks it's something only Santa can make happen."

JJ was lost in thought for a long time _. My poor little guy, asking Santa for his daddy for Christmas! And what happens when Santa can't produce?_

Finally she looked back to Reid. "What did you say to him?"

"Well, I asked him if he knew there was something on his list that he hadn't told you about. And he said "Yes". So I asked him why he hadn't told you."

She was listening intently.

"He said it was because he didn't want to make you sad." Reid hesitated a moment, wondering if he should mention the next. Decided he couldn't keep anything from her. "He said you always look sad now, and he didn't want to make you sadder."

Reid moved to put his arm around her as said this, as she looked up at him with those same sad eyes Henry had noticed.

"Do I? Do I always look sad?" She'd been trying to put a good face on it, for Henry's sake. And for Reid's, to give him his first happy Christmas.

Now he put both arms around her and hugged her close. "You look like a mom who's worried about her son. Like someone who's been through an extremely hard time. And who's trying very hard to make it good for the rest of us." Reid gave her a look that said, "Right?"

She gave the slightest nod and sank into a kitchen chair. "Then what?"

Reid checked the oven, then sat down across from her. He thought back to the conversation he'd had with his godson an hour ago, and recounted it for JJ.

############

"Henry," Reid was looking at the little boy across the kitchen table. "It says on your list that you want Santa to help you see your daddy. Do you think Santa can do that?"

Henry was looking straight down at the table. "I dunno," he mumbled.

Internally, Reid was praying furiously.  _Help me with this, please. And now._ He almost wished he'd waited for JJ, but knew Henry had chosen him for a reason, even if neither of them could say what it was.

"Henry, do you know where your Daddy is?"

Now Henry looked at Reid, eyes big, and blue. "He's in heaven?"

Reid nodded at him. "That's right, he's in heaven. And do you know what that means?"

"That he'll always be happy? And he can play all the time?" Reid recognized his own description of heaven, the one he'd given to Henry when Diana died.

"That's right, Henry. Heaven is a wonderful place. But…."  _Please, please, please, don't let me blow this._  "But the only thing is, once you go to heaven, you can't come back."

He could tell by the look on Henry's face that this was causing turmoil, so he hurried on. "So you might wonder why someone would want to go there, right?"

The vigorous nod told him he'd guessed at the cause of Henry's distress.  _Thank You. Don't go away!_

"Well, most people want to spend as long here on earth as they can. But then, if they get too sick, or too hurt, and it doesn't feel good to be here anymore….well, then they are happy to go to heaven."

He waited, watching Henry digest it. "And, even though we miss them…..we miss them really a lot, don't we….even though we miss them, we're happy for them that they get to be in heaven, so they can feel good again."

Henry seemed to be following, so Reid went for the final point. "Henry, do you know what happened to your daddy before he went to heaven?"

Henry managed to both shake his head and nod at the same time.

"Your daddy got hurt. A very bad boo-boo. The doctors tried very hard to fix it…..they even gave him lots and lots of stitches….but they couldn't fix it. If your daddy hadn't gone to heaven, he would be hurt, he couldn't play, he couldn't have fun. He couldn't do things with you anymore. So God let him go home to heaven, so he could be happy."

Reid had to turn his face away when Henry asked him, "But doesn't he miss me? What if he forgets me? I miss him!"

Henry was crying now. Reid didn't try to hide his own tears any longer. He took his godson into his lap and held him close _._ His voice was choked, but he got it out.

"Henry, that's the really great thing about heaven. You can see the people you love any time you want. You never forget them. Your dad is probably watching us right now."

Henry started to look around. Reid realized he needed to clarify.

"He's watching us from heaven, little man. We can't see him, but we can talk to him. He can even hear us, even if we don't talk out loud. So you can tell your dad anything you want to, just by thinking it to him. And, just maybe, he'll be able to think something back to you."

Henry had quieted, and was curious now. "What will it sound like, Uncle Spence? Like whispering?" And he demonstrated as he said it.

"Mmmm….maybe. But I think it will be more like you just know something, or you suddenly think of him….and that probably means he's thinking of you, right at the same time."

Henry thought about that for a minute, then asked, "Do you hear your mommy like that, Uncle Spence?"

Now Reid gave a small smile. "Exactly like that, Henry. Whenever I think about her, I know she's thinking about me. And you know what, Henry? She always seems to know when something important is happening to me. Like when I asked you guys to marry me."

"So my dad will know when it's my birthday, or Christmas, and stuff?"

"He will."

Henry still didn't look completely settled. He turned himself all the way around in Reid's lap, so he could look at him directly. "But Uncle Spence, you said he can't do things with me anymore. If I need a daddy here, and my daddy is in heaven…will you be my daddy?"

Reid could only nod. His voice was gone. After a long moment he was able to get out, "Yes, Henry, whenever you need me. And even when you don't. Forever and always."

###################

Reid started to choke up again as he finished the story for JJ. She'd thought she'd left all of her tears at Dr. Haughton's office, but they came again when she heard about Henry's worry over Will forgetting him, and his asking Reid to fill in. Once he'd finished the story, she reached over and took his hand.

"I'm sorry you had to be the one to go through that with him, Spence. And that you had to do it alone. But I am so very grateful that you handled it the way you did. I don't think I could have done nearly as well."

Reid was philosophical. "We both know Henry and I were going to have to deal with it someday, JJ….the idea of me being his father. I guess I just never realized it would come from him. That is one wise little boy we have out there."

JJ noticed the "we" as she joined Reid in looking out at Casey chasing Henry around the yard. "Do you really think he'll be okay?"

"Maybe not soon, but yes, I think he'll be okay. He's got your genes and my influence….how could he not?"

JJ wore her first genuine smile of the day as she called her boy and his dog in for dinner.

* * *

"How many days 'til Christmas now, Mommy?" It had become part Henry's evening ritual as they put him to bed each night.

"Eight, little man. A week and a day. You're not excited or anything, are you?"

"Yep! I'm gonna stay up all night, so I can see Santa."

_Great. We've got a bike and a scooter to put together._  "Henry, don't you know that Santa won't come unless you're asleep in your bed?"

"Really, Mommy?"

"Really. So make a new plan, little man."

Henry gave a resigned "Okay."

JJ sat on the bed next to her son, Reid leaning against the wall. She'd debated whether to bring this up again, but decided she had to.

"Henry, I heard there was one more thing on your Christmas list that you didn't tell me about."

Henry looked from Reid to JJ, who spoke again. "Uncle Spence thought I should know about it. He thought you might want me to know."

Henry looked down at the bedding. "Yeah."

JJ lifted his chin with her finger. "Little man, you know you can tell me anything, don't you? Even stuff you think I don't want to hear….I really do. If you're thinking about it, if you're worried, if you're hoping for something…..I want to know. Okay?"

He couldn't look anywhere but at her. "Okay, Mommy."

"Uncle Spence told me all about your talk today. It sounds like he told you all about heaven and how your dad is watching over us. Is there anything you want to ask me about it?"

Henry thought a moment and then decided that he did have a question. "Do you hear Daddy talking to you, Mommy? Do you hear him from heaven?"

JJ's eyes filled yet again. She nodded at her son. "All the time, Henry. I think of him, and in my mind I can hear him saying, "It's gonna be all right." And that makes me happy.

"You don't look happy, Mommy."

JJ was chagrined. "Sometimes people feel a little bit happy and a little bit sad at the same time, Henry. And that's okay too."

Henry seemed relieved to hear that. It appeared JJ had stumbled upon another one of the little guy's struggles.

Henry read a story to the adults, and then said prayers for all of them. There was a long silence in the middle of his usual set of prayers. Both JJ and Reid realized at the same time that he was talking, and listening, to Will, tuning him in from heaven.

* * *

They were snuggling on the sofa again. Reid decided to raise the subject.

"You don't have to tell me anything about your appointment, JJ…but, are you okay? Was it hard?"

"Yes, and yes. But Hotch was right, I needed it. I don't think I want to talk about it right now, Spence. But it helped me with things I didn't even know were in there. And they're starting to come out. I think it's a step to moving forward, but Dr. Haughton said there will be a lot of reversals along the way. She said that grieving is a process that happens in both directions at the same time, forward and backward. And that we just have to be patient with ourselves and the process."

"Sounds like a very wise lady."

"And would we also have a very wise unit chief?"

He knew she was referring to his private conversation with Hotch, and that she would give him the same leeway he was giving her.

"We would."

"Good." She had her arms around his waist, now put her face to his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. Remembering when she thought she might never hear it again.

"Does it hurt? The incision?"

He lied. "Not a bit." And he pulled her closer.

"Well, you know, the doctor said it would take  _about_  six weeks. Mostly he said patients wait until it doesn't hurt."

Reid wasn't thinking with his head.  _What's a little pain? We need to celebrate life._

"Okay, let me see if this hurts." And he leaned in to kiss her lips, then deepened the kiss into her mouth.

"Nope, didn't hurt a bit. Let me see if this hurts." And he started kissing the rest of her, touching her, exploring her.

"Nope, not a bit," he breathed out heavily.

She giggled at that. "Let's take it to the bedroom, Romeo. I won't tell Dr. Vargas we cheated if you don't."

Reid didn't argue. He followed her to the bedroom, where they celebrated life, and being alive.


	23. Chapter 23

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 23**

The week had seemed achingly long to Henry. He'd been trying to be especially good, seeing as how Santa was checking that list for the second time, and it was killing him. His room was clean, he (practically) didn't whine about anything, and he (sort of ) made his bed every day. And now Christmas was two days away. Two days!

He made his way to the kitchen, where his mother was making breakfast. "How's my little elf this morning?"

JJ was remembering the evening before, when Henry's class had presented their Christmas pageant. He was, indeed, the cutest little elf on the stage. He didn't have any lines, but all three of his adult guests had deemed him the most industrious toymaker, and the kindest feeder of reindeer.

Henry's classmates had been excited to see Garcia attend as Mrs. Claus. She'd remained in character as she'd spoken with each of them, assuring them that her husband was busy making final preparations for his annual excursion around the globe. JJ reflected that Garcia's costumes would have a limited shelf life with Henry's school friends. Sadly, she would one day have to squelch Garcia's proclivity for dress up. But not this year.

"You were great in the play last night, Henry."

"Can I wear my costume to church on Christmas Eve, Mommy?"

"Not to church, buddy. But maybe on Christmas day…"

"I know! I can sleep in it on Christmas Eve, Mommy. Maybe Santa will think I'm a real elf, Maybe he'll take me back to the North Pole with him!"

JJ pouted. "You mean you would rather live at the North Pole with Santa than stay here with me?"

He looked at her. Both of them were kidding with each other but, on some level, they also both knew there was an undercurrent of truthful exchange going on.

"No, Mommy. I would just visit him. I want to live here, with you and Uncle Spence."

Uncle Spence came into the kitchen on cue, having worked up a sweat with his daily routine. JJ couldn't help but notice that he'd not only healed the damaged muscle in his right arm, but seemed to have gained a little muscle all over his upper body. And she liked it.

"I'm starved! What's for breakfast?" The morning workouts had also served to augment his appetite.

"Mommy, can we have…."

"Let's wait until Christmas for the chocolate chip pancakes, okay, little man?"

Henry gave a sigh. He would have argued, but Santa was watching. "Okay."

Reid decided to change the subject. "Henry, your grandparents are coming today. They decided to come early because it's supposed to snow later on. Won't they be excited to see our tree?"

"SNOW! Can we make a snowman? And a fort? And can we have a snowball fight?" He jumped up and did a little dance. "Yay, it's gonna snow, Casey!"

"Calm down, buddy. They're only calling for a couple of inches. Papa just thought the driving would be easier today." JJ was amused at Henry's enthusiasm for bad weather.

"I'm with Henry. SNOW!" Reid helped himself to toast and coffee. "Even if we have to roll up the whole lawn's worth of snow, Henry, we'll make a snowman."

Absently, he started humming a Christmas song. He'd been doing it purposely for a while, to lighten the mood in the house. By now it was second nature, and he was enjoying being able to do it out in the open. But he always reverted to his favorite, which drove JJ crazy.

_I swear, if he hums that song one more time, I'm going to turn him_ into _a chipmunk!_

* * *

JJ's parents made good time and arrived before Henry got home from school. They were glad of the opportunity to talk without the little guy around.

Charles was hugging JJ, having wrested her away from his wife. "How's my girl?"

"I'm good, Dad." She was finally able to say that with sincerity. "We've all still got a long road ahead of us, but we're on it. And most importantly, we're on it together." She'd updated her parents on Henry's status before they came.

Her father held her at arm's length and inspected the state of his daughter. He was pleased to see a genuine smile on her face. Kissing her forehead, he said, "That's my girl."

Sandy's embrace of Reid was tempered by her concern about hurting him. "Oh, Spencer, you're still too skinny! You need to eat more."

JJ came to his rescue. "That's his normal, Mom. He's eating just fine."

Sandy didn't believe that for a minute, and started planning a Christmas feast that would fatten up her future son-in-law.

"I need to go grocery shopping before the snow comes."

"Oh, Mom, are you sure? The stores will be packed with last minute Christmas shoppers, not to mention everyone who needs to stock up on bread and milk before a few inches of snow."

Sandy was determined, and left to get her groceries.

Charles inspected Reid. "Sandy's opinion notwithstanding, I'd say you're looking pretty good. You've made a lot of progress since Thanksgiving."

Reid was grateful for the observation. "Thanks. I feel good. I'm ready to get back to work right after New Year's."

"I understand you need to go back to New Orleans?"

Reid was nodding. "Yes, all of us who had direct contact with anyone in the agencies or the trafficking ring. We need to meet with the federal prosecutor." They had shared limited information with the Jareaus.

Charles turned his attention to his daughter. "And how will that be for you?"

She gave his arm a squeeze. "I'm okay, Dad. Really, I am. And it will be all right. I'd like to see Phil again, and Charlene, too. She's due to deliver any day, I think."

Charles was studying his daughter. "Are you _really_  all right, Pumpkin?"

JJ hugged her father. "Definitely on my way, Dad. I will be. We all will be."

Charles hugged her back. "And how is my little grandson?"

That brought smiles all around. They filled him in on the elf performance, and on Henry's great excitement for the arrival of Santa.

"Have you gotten things put together yet?" They'd shared about the scooter and bike, but not about Henry's having Will on his list. That would remain among the three of them.

"We were planning to do it tomorrow night, after he goes to sleep," JJ replied.

"Well, let me help. I'm pretty handy with a screwdriver and pliers." Charles suspected Reid was too much scholastic, and too little handyman.

"Thanks, Charles. I'm always glad to have help." Reid didn't tell him that he was, in fact, rather handy himself. Growing up with a paranoid schizophrenic mother had required him to become so. Diana was afraid to have anyone else in the house, so Reid had made it his business to learn how to accomplish both major and minor repairs. He'd shared this with JJ, who'd thought,  _Wow, good looking, brilliant, and handy to boot. How did he last this long on the market? Oh, that's right. Geek. But_ my _geek now.  
_

They heard the school bus outside. Henry came barreling into the house and shrieked when he saw his Papa. The car had been gone, so his grandfather's presence was a complete surprise.

"Papa!" Henry ran headlong into Charles' arms.

"How's my little man?"

"I'm great, Papa! It's almost Christmas, did you know? I was an elf! Did you know? I asked Santa for a bike for Christmas, Papa! And a scooter, and a magic kit!"

Charles was grinning. He'd missed Henry greatly after having spent so much time with him while JJ and Reid were in New Orleans.

"Did you see our tree, Papa! Isn't it great? It's gonna snow!" The enthusiasm was difficult to contain.

"You're a little excited, are you?"

"Yep. It's Christmas!" Henry wiggled out of his grandfather's grasp and started airplaning around the living room.

"Was I like that, Dad?" JJ was laughing.

"When you were his age? Yes,absolutely."

* * *

The family retired to the living room after dinner, to sit in front of the fireplace and admire the tree. Reid couldn't help but feel like he was living in a Norman Rockwell painting…..and enjoying every minute of it. For a brief time, it looked like even JJ was able to let go of the turmoil and live in the moment, surrounded by family and the ultimate symbols of hope.

Eventually, Henry's energy ran down despite his excitement, and he went through his bedtime ritual. He'd continued to have the extended silences during his prayer time. JJ signaled to her parents' inquiring glances that she would explain it later.

"He's talking to Will….and listening for him." She explained about Henry's talk with Reid. On a whim, she decided to share about Henry's asking Reid to be his father, should he need one.

Sandy's hand was to her mouth, her eyes filled. "Oh,my God. Spencer, that must have been so hard."

Reid was touched that Sandy's thoughts had gone to him. "I don't know about hard. I think I already love him like a father would." He looked at Charles for affirmation. "I just wasn't quite expecting it when it happened. But I'd already had the conversation with myself, and I knew the answer."

Charles was nodding his approval. "I can see you'll be a good father to the boy, Spencer." To Reid, it felt like a blessing.

Somehow, what had seemed so stressful and difficult to JJ now seemed simply bittersweet. Maybe being with her parents made her feel protected. Maybe the warmth of the fire, the brightness of the tree, the bounty of the season. But thinking about Will, and his loss, and the need to move on from it, and the effects on her son, and on her own life….somehow they felt graspable, less threatening, and more a part of a life lived fully. One that took chances on love and, inherently, on loss.  _Without love, there is no loss. And without love, there is no recovery from loss. I've had both. I_ have _both. And so does Henry. It will be all right We'll be all right._

* * *

The Jareaus retired…..Charles, Sandy and JJ. Reid found himself drawn outside. He retreated to the patio, which had become his favorite haunt when he needed solitude. He realized it had also become something of a church to him. He was gradually understanding, and becoming drawn to, the beauty of ritual in a church service. He knew it was the attempt to articulate the inarticulable. But, despite his best effort to participate, he still felt closest to God when he was alone, pondering the night sky.

He felt so small. How could his problems possibly be big? The universe was revealing itself to him, star by star and, he knew but could not see, black hole by black hole. In the face of eternity, the life of one human was so brief, so insignificant. And yet the fallout from each life was huge. The fallout from Will's life was huge. If not for Will, there would be no Henry. And no half sibling from Charlene. If not for Will, Minnow, Rosalyn and so many other children would have been lost.

_And what will I do with my life?_  The back of his mind knew the importance of, and the fallout from, his professional work. But the front of his mind was examining his relationships.  _With my life, I will love her. And him. And whomever else You might choose to give us. And, just maybe, someone else will be better off for it._

He spent a little longer pondering the heavens, and their greatness, and his smallness, and how everyone and everything were interrelated.  _Maybe we_ are  _all one body. And maybe we really do celebrate it this night._

As he rose to go back inside, he tasted a snowflake on his tongue.

* * *

"You know, Henry, maybe you should be a weatherman when you grow up. It seems to be the only job where you can be completely wrong and still get paid." Charles was looking out the window at the eighteen inches of snow that had fallen overnight. And at the snow still vigorously coming down.

"I don't think we'll be going anywhere today, guys. It's a good thing Santa uses a sleigh." Reid added the last bit for Henry's benefit.

_And it's a good thing our shopping is done_. JJ wanted her son to have a good Christmas, especially in light of everything else that had happened in their lives. She was disappointed that the snow would keep Garcia from joining them, but also looking forward to a cozy, stressless day with the people she loved.

"Can we go out and play? Can we make a snowman? A snow fort? Can we have a snowball fight?"

"Yes, yes, yes and yes! " Reid was definitely feeling back to normal.

It was Casey's first exposure to snow, and the golden didn't know what to make of it. Except that it seemed to be great fun to leap from place to place. Reid shoveled out a path for her to accomplish what was necessary, and then enjoyed watching the dog enjoy her first snowfall.

Henry was busy falling over and making snow angels. He'd only been outside for a few minutes, but was already covered from head to toe. He and his godfather/stepfather/whenever-you-need-me father then set about making a giant snowman in the front yard. He was eight feet wide and six feet tall. Reid knew the dimensions because he'd done the mental calculation to determine what height could be supported by what base. The creation had fallen branches for arms, the traditional carrot nose, and a smile made of red licorice. Reid generously donated his 'spare' purple scarf as well.

"He's the best snowman ever, Uncle Spence! He's the  _biggest_  snowman ever! He's the abomabinable snowman!"

"The abominable snowman, Henry?"

"Yeah, the abomabinable snowman!"

* * *

If it hadn't been for the snow wearing him out, Henry would not have been able to sleep that night. He went down much later than usual, busy with setting out carrots for the reindeer, cookies and milk for Santa, and an autograph book for whomever should choose to sign. He'd told JJ he was determined to capture the autographs of Santa, the Easter Bunny and, when the time came, the Tooth Fairy.

"And then I'll show Toby. He says his mom and dad are Santa. He says there's not really a Santa Claus. I'll show him!"

JJ briefly mourned for Henry's fellow five year old for whom the magic was over.

They broke tradition this night. Instead of the usual bedtime story, Reid read "The Night Before Christmas" with all of them sitting before the fire, next to the tree. He held Henry on his lap so he could see the pictures in the book. JJ made a mental picture of all of them _. Years from now, I'll remember this Christmas. As sad as it is, it's also the first Christmas for Henry and Spence together. And that makes it a treasure._

After Henry was out, the adults assembled the gifts and stockings. Charles and Reid made short work of the scooter and bicycle.

"When do you think he'll be ready to lose the training wheels?" Charles was wondering as he attached them to the bike.

"He's got really good balance and coordination. I wouldn't be surprised if he was already able to ride without them."

Charles smiled to himself at Reid's estimation of Henry _. My little man will be in good hands._

JJ noticed a package for Henry that she didn't remember wrapping. Yet it was said to be from Santa.

"What's this?"

Reid turned to see what she was looking at. With a sly smile on his face, he replied. "I guess it's a present from Santa."

JJ eyed him back.  _What are you up to?_

* * *

They got to bed before midnight, which JJ considered a coup. Lying in bed, she turned to Reid. He was looking contentedly at the ceiling, his mind clearly seeing something else.

She smiled. She'd so hoped to give him a good first Christmas.

"What are you thinking about?"

He was still looking at the ceiling…or whatever he was seeing in his mind's eye.

"I'm thinking that I love Christmas. It just feels so…..good. So warm, and bright, and…so ….human."

The last word gave her pause, made her understand in a new way what life must have been like for her beloved when he was a boy. That he could celebrate feeling  _human_ ….

JJ laid back and looked at the ceiling too, looking but not seeing. Her thoughts were focused internally.  _Thank You. Thank You for giving it to him. For letting me give it to him._

* * *

"Wake up, everybody, it's Christmas!"

It was also 6 AM, but that wasn't as important as the frantic excitement of the little one they all loved so much. JJ blessed Reid for having brought his programmable coffeemaker from his apartment. She could smell the starter fluid from the bed. But when she pried an eye open, she also noticed that she was alone.

Stumbling out into the living room, she found Reid was already there, sipping his coffee, a big grin on his face. The fire was already going, the tree lit.

"We've been up since five, but I made Henry wait until six to sound the alarm." He saw the Jareaus coming in. "Merry Christmas, Charles. Merry Christmas, Sandy."

Reid got up to kiss his fiancée, holding an invisible mistletoe over their heads. "Merry Christmas, Love."

"Merry Christmas to you too." She stole another kiss. "May I ask who woke whom up?"

The 'boys' looked at each other.

"Well, I was sort of awake already, but Uncle Spence came and got me. Merry Christmas, Mommy! Merry Christmas Meme! Merry Christmas, Papa!" Pause. "Oh, I almost forgot. Merry Christmas, Casey!" Henry gave hugs all around.

"Mommy, Santa came! He ate the cookies, but he didn't finish the milk." Henry knew you were always supposed to finish your milk. "And Rudolph ate the carrots. And Mommy! He gave me his autograph!" Henry ran to the kitchen for the autograph book and proudly showed it to the adults.

"Mommy, can we open presents now?"

Charles was looking out the window. "Roads don't look any better now than they did yesterday. They don't seem to know how to handle a good snowstorm here, do they? It doesn't look like there will be any church-going today."

Henry was looking at JJ pleadingly.

"How about some presents, then we have some breakfast. Let's see, what should we have..."

"Chocolate chip pancakes, Mommy!"

"Good thing Meme went shopping before the snow. I think we have everything we need for a chocolate chip pancake extravaganza."

Reid was practically biting his lip. He knew he was supposed to be participating in the adult conversation, but he was firmly in Henry's territory with this….he wanted to open presents!

JJ noticed and correctly read the expression on his face. She started laughing. "Okay, boys, we'll open presents. Who goes first?"

Charles made a show of sorting through the gifts under the tree while Henry impatiently tried to point out the large, awkwardly wrapped gifts that stood next to it. "That one, Papa! That one!"

"That one? Oh, yes, it looks like it's for you, Henry."

Henry made short work of the wrappings. "It's a bike! Just like I wanted! I wanted a bike and Santa brought me one. And it's blue!"

"That Santa knows his stuff, doesn't he," observed Sandy. "Let's hope he decided to give you a helmet to go with it."

"I bet he did, Meme. Santa thinks of  _everything_!"

"Henry, you must have been a very good boy this year, " said his Papa, "because this other big present is for you, too."

Henry shredded that paper in short order. "A scooter! He brought me a scooter!"

"Now I  _really_  hope he brought you a helmet. And knee pads, and elbow pads." Sandy was only half kidding.

They made the rounds of the rest of the gifts….sweaters, pjs, games and puzzles for Henry, a rawhide for Casey. There were only a few gifts left under the tree.

"Henry, it looks like two of these are for you. Didn't Santa give you enough presents, little man?"

"I guess not, Papa. I was  _very_  good."

Henry shrieked when he tore the paper from the next gift. "A magic kit! Uncle Spence, I got a magic kit! I can do magic with you now… _real_  magic!"

Reid was smiling. "That's an impressive kit there, Henry. You're gonna be better than I am in no time at all."

Charles handed Henry his final present, the one that was from Santa, but unknown to JJ. She wondered aloud, "What could it be, Henry?"

He tore it open to find out. His first reaction was the same one he had to his sweaters and pajamas….. _just clothes, let's move on_. But then he saw that this was a different kind of outfit, and he pulled an item out of the box. "It's a top hat, Mommy!"

Charles wondered aloud, "How does he know about top hats?"

But JJ knew Reid had taught his godson all about traditional magicians in their top hats, tails and white gloves. Henry removed each piece from the box, now the proud owner of a full, formal magician's tuxedo with all of the necessary hidden flaps and pockets. He was beside himself.

"Can I put it on now, Mommy? Can I? I can show you magic tricks, Papa!"

"How about after breakfast, buddy? That way you won't spill anything on it."

There were two gifts left under the tree, JJ and Reid's gifts to each other. She insisted he open his first.

"Well, it's flat and rectangular. What do you think, Henry? A basketball?" Reid was teasing his godson.

"That's silly, Uncle Spence. I think it's a coloring book."

"Ooh, you're probably right, Henry. Maybe it's a Dr. Who coloring book, or a Dr. Who calendar?" He was looking hopefully at his fiancee. Finally he got the paper off, and found something wrapped in white paper. As he removed it, he could see it was a canvas. When he turned it over, he took in a quick breath and held it.

It was Diana, or rather, a portrait of her. It reflected her adult age, but something in it was youthful. Reid could see that it was done in watercolors. He looked at JJ.

"How did you…..who….when….how did you do this?"

She was having trouble reading his expression. Was he happy with it? Upset? Had she triggered an unpleasant memory?

"Well, it's a good thing I'm a planner. It's been in the works since the summer. I noticed some pictures in one of the boxes you brought over, and I had this commissioned from one of them. It was a more recent picture, but I worked with the artist to describe how you told me she'd been before she got sick. And I had some of my own impressions from when we were in Vegas. So I asked him to soften some of the hardness, to find the person within."

She stopped speaking, still not sure of his reaction. He sat with it, holding it at arm's length, staring at it. And then, finally, he looked up at her. "This is the Mom I want to remember. This is who she really was. Thank you, JJ. Thank you." He rose to embrace her.

Sandy's eyes were full, and she was grasping her husband's hand. He indicated to Henry that the boy should hand his mother the final gift.

"it's tiny, Mommy. Not like mine." Henry was dismissive of small packages. He hadn't yet learned that good things might come in them.

JJ looked at Spence as she unwrapped her gift. She lifted out a box that should obviously contain jewelry _. Either that or the key to a new car!_

JJ opened the lid, and reached her hand in. She lifted out a fine silver chain, on which hung a single crystal. She looked at Reid with curiosity, not understanding his choice. Henry was watching her and then noticed something.

"Look, Mommy! The colors!"

The crystal caught the light from the tree and fractionated it into a full array of colors.

"It's a prism, "explained Reid. It takes ordinary light and makes it beautiful. It's what you've done for me, JJ. My life is full of color now. You make the ordinary into the extraordinary. This reminded me of that."

Sandy's tears were streaking down her cheeks now. Charles had his arm around her. They were witnessing an intimate moment between their daughter and her fiance. That the couple would share such a time with her parents spoke to the closeness of the family that was being formed.

JJ was in Reid's arms, sharing an embrace, and then a kiss that didn't require invisible mistletoe.

* * *

They'd put their exhausted little magician to bed early, and his grandparents followed soon after. JJ and Reid were in their usual snuggling spot, now illuminated by the light from the tree and the fire. Reid noticed the refracted light shooting from the prism around JJ's neck.

"Do you like it, JJ? Was it cheesy?"

She tilted her head at him. "Cheesy? Spence, it's beautiful."

"Well, I know it's not fancy or anything. But I was thinking about prisms one day," JJ was thinking,  _Only my man could just happen to be thinking about prisms….._  "and I thought about the colors, and it just came to me how filled with color my life seems now. And it's all because of you…you and Henry, and how you love me, and let me love you. So, when I saw the necklace, well, I just wanted to give it to you, to tell you that."

She smiled at him. "Spence, I really do think It's beautiful. But even more beautiful is how you tell the story, and what you say. I really do think you've got a poet locked inside."

"I wish."

She decided to bring something up. "About the portrait…..I wasn't really nosing in your things, you know. I was moving a box and a photo fell out, and that made me curious, so…..well, I guess I really was nosing in your things, wasn't I?"

"I think we'll both have to get used to the idea of 'our' things, won't we? And of course I don't mind you looking at the pictures. I'm just amazed at what you got the artist to produce. I never knew my mom when she was healthy, but the portrait is what I'd come to think she might have looked like, after I read her journals. It's perfect. It's exactly how I'd like to remember her, and I think it's probably the way she would want me to remember her. Even if I never really knew her that way, it's the way she wanted to be for me. You couldn't have given me a better gift, JJ."

She was pleased. But she kept it light. "Oh. That's too bad. Because I had one more gift in mind….."

His mind went where hers already was. But she stopped him for a moment.

"Spence? Happy first Christmas."

"Thank you, JJ. For all of it. I've never known any of it before, and now I don't want to be without it. I think I'm with Henry...I already can't wait for next Christmas." He pulled her to him. "Now, about that gift..."


	24. Chapter 24

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 24**

When the snow was finally cleared from the roads, JJ's parents took Henry and Casey back to Pennsylvania with them for an extended visit until school started again. The boy and his dog would be able to romp in more wide open spaces than they could in DC. And they wanted to give JJ and Reid some time alone to complete their healing. Work would begin soon enough.

The week was full of nothing. No schedules, no reports, no appointments. The interval between Christmas and New Year's always seemed like its own protected bubble of time. The pair enjoyed the time together to relax, to read, to work out, to snuggle, to make love. JJ found plenty of time to record in her journal.

"Christmas was beautiful, and peaceful. Truthfully, I hadn't expected I could find that peace within me this year. But it came, thank God. And despite everything, Henry was happy. And Spence looked positively blissful. Despite his history of solitude, I think he loves the whole idea of family, and he loves being surrounded by it. I'm so grateful to think that we were able to give him something he'd spent his lifetime without."

She'd already recorded the turmoil over Henry's asking for his Daddy for Christmas. Those were among many of the pages of the journal that had been stained with tears. Thinking about it again reminded her.

"We got a call from Phil. Charlene had her baby! They already knew it was a boy. She's calling him William LaMontagne III. Phil made it sound like an announcement, but I could tell he was also asking me if it was okay. And it is. Will would be thrilled, and I'm glad his name is being carried on. That little one has big footprints to fill in.

We'll see them when we're in New Orleans next week. Phil wants to give me the letters he mentioned as well. They're from Will. Apparently he wrote them right before he went undercover, and left them with his important papers. I'm trying to focus on the positive now, but I fear that this was Will's way of making sure he could say goodbye…and that doesn't feel positive at all. I'll abide by his wishes, but I don't know that I'll show Henry the letter until he's older."

Reid came back from a long walk just as JJ was closing the journal. He actually knocked on the bedroom doorjamb as a way to ask permission to disturb her. He'd come to realize how important it was for her to put her thoughts and feelings down, and he made a point of protecting her time to do it whenever he could.

"Hi, I'm just finishing. How was your walk?"

"Invigorating. And I can tell you that we've still got the biggest snowman for miles around, even if he  _is_ starting to melt in the sun."

She grinned at that, remembering how excited Henry had been about it. "How will you ever top that, Spence?"

"I'm counting on global warming to help me avoid the question."

He followed her into the kitchen. "Hey, JJ, I was thinking.."

She turned. "Yes?"

"Well, did we ever have a second date?"

She just stared at him, thinking hard. "You know, you're right. I don't think we ever did." They'd been together with Henry, or traveling with the team….or traumatized and in the hospital….ever since their delayed first date. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Well, New Year's Eve is tomorrow, and we wouldn't even need a babysitter…."

JJ was on it. "Great idea! Where should we go? I hope it's not too late, most places are pretty booked for New Year's…."

He looked a bit uncomfortable. "I already called around…..we're too late."

She looked confused. If he already knew they couldn't go out, why had he brought it up?

He caught the look. "Well, I was thinking,…..if we can't go out, maybe we can have our date here. You know, dress up, have a nice dinner and dancing, and who knows what else…"

"Who knows." She thought about it. It seemed a little silly…but very romantic. "Okay, it's a date."

* * *

They spent a good part of the day apart. Reid went to his apartment to resume the packing that had been interrupted by the events in New Orleans. He brought clothes with him, intending to arrive at their door as a full-fledged suitor. He also managed an afternoon visit to the restaurant of another of Rossi's friends…. _We really have to hang out with him more_ …. and came away armed with a full gourmet meal.

JJ was busy doing a little preparatory work herself. She created a beautifully set table, selected just the right music for the stereo, and made a few other adjustments to the décor _. It's so silly to be excited about this. But then, I'm just glad to be excited about anything, period._

She was just finishing her primping when the doorbell rang.  _He actually rang the doorbell!_

But it wasn't Reid. It was a delivery person carrying a box addressed to the 'Jareau-Reid Family'…and the return address indicated it had come from Las Vegas. JJ's heart leapt.  _Could he have responded?_ She signed for the package and put it in the kitchen, planning to open it when Reid arrived. Then rethinking that plan.  _Maybe we should just have the night, and deal with it tomorrow. Just in case…._

The doorbell rang a second time. Now she was sure it was her fiancé, being formal for their date. She ran to the door, feeling like a teenager again….. _but I don't have to run this one by Dad._

Even in his overcoat, he looked more put together and handsome than usual. He was carrying the food, and a bouquet of yellow roses. The flowers had become an unspoken message between them. JJ found herself thinking she could live on the scent of yellow roses her whole life long.

When he took off his coat, she could see he was wearing the gray suit, with the dark gray shirt, that she loved. And his eyes wandered up and down the body of his beloved, in a simple black dress and pearls. He actually pinched himself to make sure it was him, with her.

They kissed hello, and she put the flowers in a vase while he put the food in the oven. He could see out to the patio, and noticed what she had done.

"JJ, it's beautiful!" She had used the lights from their now-discarded tree to create a surround of fairy light in the backyard. Reflecting on the snow, the lights were multiplied.

"Glad you like it. I thought we might want to ring in the New Year outside, if it's not too cold. At least the patio is clear."

"Can't be too cold if we cuddle up tight, right?"

She grinned at him. "I put some in the living room, too."

They retreated there to share a bottle of wine, the room lit only by the Christmas lights and the fire. JJ had obviously cleared floor space for them in front of the fireplace.

"For dancing?" He'd only done it with her the one time, on their 'first date'. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't believe he hadn't asked to do it a thousand times more. It had been one of the most moving, and sensual, things he had done in his life.

"For dancing…..and maybe for other things, too."

_I need to get out more. That never occurred to me. But it should have…_  Reid found himself making a New Year's resolution.

He poured the wine and they sat in front of the fire, quiet, together. Neither spoke for a long time, but each knew where the other's thoughts had gone. So much had happened in this year. So much that was wonderful, so much that was heartbreaking. Reid broke the silence as though they'd been having the conversation aloud.

"I don't know why things happen. I used to wish I understood, but now I think it might be beyond me. I don't know why they happen. But I know what happens to us  _because_  of them. I know I am a completely different person from who I was a year ago, because of both the good and the bad. And I  _think_  I'm a better person…."

She interrupted him. "You're not so different, Spence. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit I fell in love with you a long time ago….for the same reasons I love you now. They were already there. I think maybe you just discovered some of those same things. I saw them, even if I couldn't have said so….even if I couldn't acknowledge it to myself….even if I couldn't have named them. They're more…..reachable, maybe?...now. They're more on the surface."

He was curious. "Like?"

She looked at him, and then back at the fire. "Like how strong you are. I'm not talking about physical strength, although you're definitely growing there." She put her fingers around his now muscle-bound upper arm, gaining a smile back from him.

"But more like how strong you are in meeting your responsibilities. Think about it. You've spent so much of your life on your own, but you stepped in to take care of Henry and me when we needed you. And your mom, when she did. None of us could have gotten through without you, Spence."

She paused a moment, to let him absorb it. "And I knew that you would do it, because I've seen you do it so many times in our work. But I don't think  _you_ knew it was in you."

He was quiet, considering.

"You're right, I guess. I never would have pictured me taking care of a preschooler, or dealing with the emotions of everything. Emotions have always scared me."

She was holding his hand, running her fingers up and down the back of it. "And yet you took care of your mentally and physically ill mother, and a very scared little boy, and an emotionally labile woman, and…"

"You're not emotionally labile."

"But I was, Spence, remember? And you hung in there, and put up with everything, with such incredible patience, and you did everything you had to do…and many things you didn't have to do. None of that just 'happened'. It was all inside you, waiting to come out."

He knew she was right, but wasn't used to being recognized for anything but his intelligence….which, he'd always thought, was more an accident of DNA than it was a personal trait deserving of praise.

They sat in silence for a while longer. This time JJ broke it.

"Sometimes I think that some of these awful things would have happened in our lives anyway. Henry's accident, mine, your being shot, Will dying. And that the grace is given by having each other in our lives when it happens. You know? Sort of like God knew it would happen, and put you into my life to save me when it did."

"And you, to save me?"

"And Henry, to save us both."

They shared wistful smiles and an embrace at that. Then Reid pulled JJ to her feet.

"Let's dance. Let's put this year behind us. We'll remember it, because it grew us. But let's dance it into the past. We need a new year. And, in just a few hours, we'll have it. I, for one, can't wait. I'm getting married in the new year."

She stepped into his arms, the music starting. Looking up at him, she smiled. "What a coincidence. As it happens, I'm getting married in the new year too!"

* * *

Dinner was almost burned. The dancing had been so intoxicating, the contact of the bodies so sensual, that they'd almost abandoned the idea of eating altogether. But then Reid regained control.

"At this rate, we'll never make it to midnight. And I want to ring in the new year with the woman who will be my wife." He reluctantly pushed away from her.

She was breathless from the kissing. "Are you sure? Because we could always ring it in tomorrow."

He smiled at her as he gripped her shoulders. "I'm sure. Let's have dinner. We're too dressed up to waste these clothes so quickly."

That brought a long-absent giggle. "Okay, I'lll bring it in."

She'd set a beautiful table in the dining room. Reid lit the candles while JJ brought the food. Neither of them looked at their plates as they ate, so immersed were they in looking at the other. When they were finished, they cleared the table and brought the dishes to the kitchen.

"What's that?" Reid was noticing the recently delivered package.

JJ deflected. "Oh, it came earlier." She looked at him, considering, then decided not to break the mood. "Let's deal with it tomorrow, okay? I want to spend tonight on us."

He didn't need persuasion. Drawing her back to the living room, he said, "JJ have I told you how beautiful you look tonight? Not that you're not beautiful all the time, but tonight…..tonight, I'm glad we're here, because if we were out somewhere, I'd have to be fighting off every male in sight."

"And I'd be fighting off all the women." She ran her hand through his long hair. "I mean that, absolutely."

"JJ…." He leaned down to kiss her, drawn to her beauty, inside and out.

They'd left the music on, and now fell back into dancing together, holding one another, kissing as the music swayed them back and forth. In time, they realized it was almost midnight.

"To the patio?" Reid reached his hand out for hers.

It was magical. The lights were beautiful, the snow creating a sound-absorbing silence. JJ grabbed a shawl she'd left out, but it wasn't enough. Reid stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"Better?" She seemed to be shivering less.

"Better. Wonderful."

"Should we think about things we hope for in the new year?"

"Well, I'm hoping to get married to the best guy in the world. That might be enough for me."

"You think too small, woman. I'm getting married to the most beautiful girl in the world, and I'm getting to love her son in the process. And I'm hoping to spend absolutely none of my time in a hospital…..waiting room, OR, ICU….none of it."

She smiled a bittersweet smile. "I'm with you on that. Maybe, this year, we can just be boring. I'd be fine with that, wouldn't you.?"

"As long as 'boring' includes lots of loving and making love…yep, I'm in."

They were quiet for a while, listening to the silence, feeling each other breathe.

"Spence, I think I can understand why you spend so much time out here. It's beautiful."

He looked at her, and then around at the yard. "Actually, you haven't seen anything yet."

He released her long enough to step inside the house and shut off the patio lights. Now they were lit only by the stars, and the moon. Gradually, JJ's eyes adjusted, and she could see.

"Oh, Spence, it's beautiful! I don't think I've ever done this before, on my own patio! What I've missed! The stars are amazing, aren't they?"

"Did you know that they emitted their light over six billion light years ago? And that it's just reaching our eyes now. Makes our 'new year' seem pretty insignificant, doesn't it.?"

JJ thought for a while. "I don't know, Spence. I think somehow we're both, at the same time. Both insignificant in the eyes of the universe, and yet utterly important in each other's lives."

She turned to him with an impish grin. "Would that be a paradox, Dr. Reid?"

He smiled back at her. "It would. And a truer one was never spoken."

They heard someone ringing in the new year with firecrackers, and knew it was time.

"Happy New Year, JJ."

"Happy New Year, Spence."

They kissed, a deep, passionate, hope-filled kiss. And then they danced to the music of the stars, out in the cold evening. After a while they went inside, to hold one another, and to warm one another, and to love one another in front of the fire.


	25. Chapter 25

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 25**

There's a certain oddity to being glad to be back at work when that work involves serial killers. And yet both Reid and JJ felt it. They were welcomed with open arms by their colleagues when they returned after the New Year celebration.

"Oh, my genius, you look great!" Garcia was eyeing his biceps as she said this. JJ managed to both smile and roll her eyes at the same time.

Morgan joined them in the bullpen. "Pretty Boy! JJ! Welcome back!" He hugged JJ and gave Reid a male hug/back slap. The brightness of his smile told them exactly how much he had missed having them around.

Emily simply walked up to each and hugged them, saying only "So good, so good." They each returned her embrace.

Rossi gave them his old country double kiss, whispering to Reid as he did so. "How was the dinner? Delizioso, no?"

Reid smiled back at him. "Delizioso, yes. Thanks again, Rossi."

Hotch called down from upstairs. "Conference room in five, people. JJ, Reid, good to have you back."

They were used to his understatement, and knew it didn't reflect the man, or how he felt about them.

* * *

"We'll be returning to New Orleans, as you already know. This is a federal case that will be tried in Louisiana.

"What, exactly, _is_  the case, Hotch?" Rossi realized that a great many crimes had taken place, and wanted clarity.

"It's a good question, Dave. There were a multitude of offenses. But with the death of Viera, the murders in Houston won't be tried, nor will the charge on Will LaMontagne's death…..or Reid's being shot." Hotch paused, studying JJ and Reid for their reactions. He'd called to inform them about this during their leave. Even though the perpetrator, Viera, had paid the ultimate price, he knew at least JJ would have difficulty letting it go. He trusted Reid to get her through it.

She was prepared enough not to flinch. Of course there could be no prosecution. Of course Viera was already dead. But it still felt unfinished, as though Will's life had been cheap, as though Spence hadn't suffered unspeakably.

Reid was reaching under the table to touch her hand. She grasped his, to tell him she was okay, to tell him he was important, even if the lack of prosecution seemed to say otherwise.

"The primary case is on the trafficking. So it will be aimed at the agencies, and the staffers and masterminds behind them. The federal prosecutor is open to considering conspiracy charges against them regarding the shootings and murders, if the evidence and testimony lend themselves. So feel free to provide any information, or implication, that you can." The former prosecutor in Hotch had risen to the surface.

Reid was concerned. "Hotch, will Minnow be testifying? And Rosalynn?"

Hotch nodded, but was reassuring. "Fortunately, with cases of child abuse, including sexual abuse, a video-recorded testimony obtained through a trained forensic interviewer should suffice. They won't have to face the accused in court."

Reid sat back, breathing a sigh of relief. He'd never met Rosalyn, but felt as bonded to her as he did to Minnow….or to any other child who'd been subjected to the unspeakable.

Hotch turned again to his youngest profiler. "Reid, how's your memory?"

"It's pretty much back, Hotch. I can remember all there is to remember. I can remember everything Will said to me, and the little I saw in the basement."

"That will be enough…I hope." Hotch was familiar with the vagaries of criminal prosecutions. He'd already reviewed their testimony with the rest of the team, and was feeling confident.

"Wheels up in twenty, people."

* * *

Since they weren't on their way to an investigation, the team members were free to pursue their own interests on the plane. Reid had, as always, brought several books, and now sat apart in the back of the plane to read. JJ was enjoying the opportunity to catch up with Emily and Garcia. But she kept an eye on Reid who, she noticed, was looking out the window more than at the pages before him. She excused herself from her friends and moved over to the seat next to her fiance.

"You don't seem to be reading very much."

He was still looking out the window. "I can't quite get my mind to settle yet."

"Are you okay?" She paused a moment, and then asked, "Are  _we_ okay?"

He reassured her by reaching over and taking her hand. "We're fine. And I'll get there…..some day."

They both knew they were talking about what happened on New Year's Day. After the wonderful evening before, they'd awakened lazily and eventually wandered out to the kitchen. That was when Reid again noticed the package that had been delivered the night prior.

"JJ, we never opened this." As he reached for it, he saw the return address. "Did you see it's from Las Vegas?"

She had an odd look on her face, one that he couldn't quite make out. Hope? Apprehension?

"JJ?"

"Go ahead and open it. We may as well find out."

Keeping his eyes on her, he pulled the tape and opened the box. It was topped with an envelope, addressed to 'Jennifer Jareau and Spencer Reid'. Below the bubble wrap was a plant. A cactus.

Reid lifted out the plant and then watched his fiancée as he opened the envelope. She hadn't said another word.

He read the short note to himself, and then abruptly handed it to her. Now  _she_  couldn't read the look on _his_  face. Anger? Disappointment? Disgust?

The note read:

"Dear Jennifer and Spencer,

Please accept this plant as a token of my apology for having been so long silent, and absent.

Jennifer, thank you for informing me when Spencer was hurt, and for letting me know that he will recover fully. Thank you also for the gifts at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am more sorry than I can say that I did not reciprocate. It somehow seemed more appropriate to do so at the New Year…..maybe to mark a new beginning.

Spencer, I don't have the right words. I didn't have it within me to be who you needed me to be back then, and I'm ashamed to say that I've never found it within me since. I'm sorry, Spencer. I don't expect your forgiveness, and I don't deserve to be in your life. But please indulge me this one opportunity to say that I admire the man you have become. I've followed your life, and your career, from a distance. And now Jennifer has told me your good news. It seems you are to marry a very smart and compassionate woman. Congratulations.

You are a much better man than I will ever be, Spencer. I would be proud to call you my son, but I know I don't deserve it. You have become who you are in spite of me, rather than because of me. I'm sorrier than you will ever know that I am who I am. But I am glad you have become the man you are. I'm sure your mother was very proud.

William Reid"

JJ's eyes had filled as she read the note, partly from the sentiment expressed and partly because she feared she'd upset Reid.  _It seemed like the right thing. Maybe it wasn't._

He'd moved to stand by the window, staring out into the yard. He hadn't made a sound.

"Spence?" She was tentative. He didn't respond.

"Spence? I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have. But I…..when they….when you…..were hurt, and I didn't know if…." She couldn't find how to put it. "It seemed like the right thing. It seemed like there might not be another time, that there might not be another chance….."

He could hear the distress in her voice and turned to look at her, expressionless.

"I thought if it was ever going to happen, it had to happen then."

Finally, he spoke. "If what was ever going to happen, JJ? You thought you would tell him his son was dying and he would hop a plane to be there?" The bitterness still ran deep. "Well, he didn't, did he? Did he even call you back?"

She could barely look at him. This was a Reid she'd seen only rarely, the one so filled with anger that his compassion was buried. It frightened her a little.

"No, he didn't," came out in a very quiet voice.

"And so you tried again at Thanksgiving?" When she nodded, he added, "And Christmas?"

"I wanted to let him know that you were all right. And because Thanksgiving and Christmas are for family…"

"The only family I have is with you and Henry, JJ. He's not a part of it."

She reached out to him, but dropped her hand before it touched him. "I'm so sorry, Spence. I didn't do any of it to upset you. I only meant it for the best. I love you and I thought…..I don't know, I thought it might be good for us to enter our marriage with all of the past firmly behind us. I just didn't think….well, obviously I didn't think too hard. I'm sorry."

Her voice was breaking by the end. She didn't ever want to be the cause of this much upset for him.

He'd been stiff with anger, but now his shoulders sagged. Relenting, he reached out both hands and pulled her to him. "I'm sorry too, JJ. I know you meant well. But you're comparing my experience with your own. You grew up with two parents who knew how to love you and each other. I didn't. It can't be magically repaired."

"Do you want me to throw it out?" She held on to him, using her head to indicate the plant.

He thought for a while before responding. "No, let's keep it. It's from Las Vegas, it's a little piece of home for me. It's not the cactus' fault that he sent it."

The words were light, but JJ heard something deeper in them. He wasn't discarding everything outright.  _I don't think you're done with this, my love._

As she sat now with Reid on the plane, JJ thought about the response he'd just given her. "I'll get there..someday."  _He's still working on it. I don't want anything to hurt him. But I know holding the anger and resentment inside can do nothing but cause him pain. Maybe I wasn't wrong..._

They sat holding hands for a while, until his squeeze told her that he'd settled enough to concentrate on his reading. Having her present always seemed to do that for him.

* * *

They arrived in time for lunch, but the prosecutor couldn't start meeting with them before three. That meant at least one overnight for the whole team.  _Your tax dollar at work_ , thought Hotch, who would have scheduled things differently. He granted JJ and Reid the time to take care of some personal business.

"I can't help but wonder If they're becoming a couple. He's been so supportive of her. I think part of me is rooting for them to get together. Will would love it, I'm sure of it. He loved Phil so, he talked about him all the time." JJ was chattering as they drove to meet with Phil and Charlene.

"Will you be okay, seeing the baby?" Reid realized they were going to meet another offspring of the man with whom JJ had created a child….the one Reid loved beyond his wildest imagination.

She turned from the passenger seat to look at him. "Will was a very important part of my life, Spence. He gave me the most precious gift I could ever have. But he is a part of my past. You are my present, and my future."

He reached a hand across to touch her. "I know that, I count on that. But I guess I just thought it might be difficult….remembering."

"It's the New Year, Spence. I'm trying to focus on the positive. And Phil being there for Charlene and the baby is as positive as I can come up with right now."

They'd arrived at Charlene's condo. JJ carried the gift they'd brought for the baby as Reid led the way to the door. Phil answered the bell.

He opened the door and reached out to JJ. "Come in. JJ, you look great." He gave her a tight hug and a kiss. Then he reached his hand out to Reid. "Spencer, I'm glad to see you looking so well." He caught Reid's eye. "I really mean that."

Reid smiled as he returned the handshake. "Thanks, Phil. I'm pretty much back to normal now."

None of them mentioned the unseen fourth person among them. Will was present just because those who'd loved him were.

Phil led the way into the living room, where Charlene was sitting and holding her infant son. JJ bent to kiss her hello, and Reid followed. They offered their congratulations as Charlene turned the baby so they could see him better.

JJ's hand had gone to her mouth. "Oh, Charlene, he's beautiful. And he looks so much like Will!"

Charlene was teary. "He does. Will would have loved him. Wouldn't he? Wouldn't he be happy?"

JJ was teary herself. "He would." She was torn. Should she share with Charlene how Will had been when Henry was born? Would that fill in a hole in Charlene's birth experience? Or would it rub salt in an open wound? She reflected that all of her good intentions didn't seem to be keeping her from hurting the people she cared about lately.

JJ was spared her dilemma when Phil entered the conversation. He inserted himself at Charlene's side, causing JJ to notice his protectiveness of her. "Will was excited about the baby coming, he told me every time he saw me. He would have been thrilled, Charlene."

Emotion made the air heavy. Reid decided it was time to change course a little bit. "Phil, I understand you were able to be there at the delivery."

Phil looked at him gratefully. "Yep. I think I almost passed out, but I was there." He'd brought out a giggle from Charlene.

"You did great, Phil, I couldn't have done it without you." She turned to the others. "Phil came to all of my Lamaze classes with me, and even took the courses on infant care and bathing. He's been an incredible help."

JJ and Reid noticed Phil's squeeze of Charlene's shoulders, then heard him say, "I couldn't have done any less, Charlene. You're family."

Reid felt like he was hearing his own voice, reassuring JJ as he'd stepped in to help with Henry so many months ago. He wondered if Phil was having an experience similar to his own. Idly wondered how Will would feel about being responsible for these two new relationships.

They shared more small talk, many memories and a few more tears, and then it was time for JJ and Reid to go. Phil jumped up when they announced their need to get back to meet with the federal prosecutor.

"I almost forgot, the letters." He left the room briefly and then returned with two envelopes, one addressed to JJ and one to Henry.

"You should open yours first. I think he meant Henry's for when the boy is older."

Phil looked meaningfully at JJ, but she didn't understand his intent. "Call me when you've read your letter."

"Okay," JJ replied with uncertainty. She embraced Phil and Charlene, and kissed William the third goodbye, Reid following with the same. Promising to keep in touch, they left.

In the car, Reid turned to JJ. "You okay?"

She nodded. "I am. It's so strange, but seeing them again, with Will gone….it made it seem so….permanent. Like this really is our new reality. Before this, I guess, some part of me just pictured Will being away in New Orleans while we were in DC, just like before. But now we're in New Orleans….all of us, you and me, and Phil and Charlene…..and the baby…" JJ's voice broke a little at that. "and it just makes Will's absence so  _real_ , so obvious. He should have been there, and he wasn't. And that's how it will always be, from now on. It just feels so strange."

Reid reached a hand across and held JJ's. There was really nothing to be said, so he just held her hand all the way back to the city.

* * *

The federal prosecutor met with each of them individually, making for a long afternoon that lasted until mid-evening. Hotch, Emily and Reid had the most personal testimony to offer, given their contacts with the agency and Will. Garcia had to spell out, step by step, how she'd uncovered the data in the computers, but the data then spoke for itself. The trial was still many months away, but the prosecution now had what it needed to craft its case.

When they were done, the rest of the team planned to meet for a late dinner. But JJ was concerned that Reid not wear himself out so soon after his return to duty. She'd been able to go back to the hotel early, and arranged a special dinner to be brought in for the two of them.

Reid was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, from having relived so much of the time that had led to his injury and Will's death. He arrived to the hotel and went straight to JJ's room, seeking comfort. There he found wine chilling, cheese and grapes on the side, and a couple of dishes of jambalaya under warmers. But none of those items elicited the same level of response as did the sight of his fiancée in her negligee. "I know we promised Hotch, but…."

Her words were stifled by his kiss. Then he finished for her. "But it's been a hell of a day, and it's just gotten a thousand percent better."

She could see the exhaustion. "Spence? I know there's a lot we need to talk about."

On top of the testimony, and seeing Charlene, Phil and the baby, she knew they still needed to deal more with her ill-fated attempt to achieve reconciliation between Reid and his father.

"But can we leave it all for another time? For tomorrow? For tonight, can we just be us? Can we just be two people in love?"

He was holding on to her, using her strength to hold him up. "There's nothing I'd rather be. I need you, JJ."

He'd so rarely actually said it. But she knew the truth of it. Bringing him to the bed, she began to massage his back and shoulders. She could feel the tension begin to melt as he turned to her and took her in his arms. They spent the next few hours holding one another, and making love to one another. Trying to overcome the depravity of the world they lived in with the nobility of a love deeply shared.

* * *

Reid awakened early the next morning. The plane was due to leave at ten, and he had something important to do before that. He slipped quietly out of bed, showered, dressed and left JJ a note telling her he would meet her on the plane.

She awakened an hour later to an empty bed. She assumed he'd gone back to his room until she found the note. He hadn't said what the task was, but she knew. She decided to meet him there.

* * *

JJ dismissed the cab driver. She could see their rental car parked at the curb. She knew where it was located, so was able to find Reid right away. She could see him sitting on the ground, not moving.  _Should I give him more time?_ But time was running short, and the plane would be leaving. She decided to approach him.

It was chilly enough for him to hear the grass crunching under her feet. Even though he didn't turn to her, she could read something in his body language that told her he was aware of her presence.

"Spence."

"Good morning, JJ." He hadn't turned around yet. When she continued walking and stood in front of him, she could see the tear tracks on his cheeks.

"I knew you would be here."

"I didn't get to go to the funeral." He was speaking the obvious.

"Are you okay?"

He was giving a very slight nod. "There were some things I needed to say to him. It's funny…..I don't know why I thought I needed to be here to talk to him. It's not like he's really here…."

She understood. "But it just feels more concrete, doesn't it?"

"I guess." He reached a hand up so JJ could help him rise. "He was a good man, JJ. I needed to tell him that. And to tell him that I would take care of you, and Henry." He turned to her. "It's silly, isn't it?"

She moved into his arms. "Not silly at all. And he would be happy."

Each of them ran their hands over the marble gravestone, bidding farewell to a man who'd impacted so many lives, in so many ways, grateful for the ways he'd impacted theirs.


	26. Chapter 26

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 26**

"First, the good news. I found a dress! Simple, long and white. And it fits perfectly. That's all I really care about. Spence doesn't even know….I hid it in the back corner of my half of the closet. He usually grabs whatever's right in front of him. I don't think he even knows there  _is_  another part of the closet.

And the other good news is that we've set a date. We're getting married on the first Saturday in April, under three months away! And the thing is, we didn't even pick it. It was Rossi. He's got a little cherry orchard on his property, so he thought we should align our timing with the Cherry Blossom Festival. I don't know that they're always in bloom for the festival, but one can always hope."

JJ was finding time for her journal while Spence was busy with Henry. The two were working their way through Henry's magic kit weekend by weekend.

"Now, the bad news. Spence is upset. Partly with me. He says not, but I can see it. He's frustrated with me. I tried to reach out to his father, hoping for some response. Even though I don't think they will ever reconcile…I'm not even sure they should. But I'd hoped for some kind of response from William. I mean, I'd sent word that his son was gravely injured….and heard nothing back! And then I gave him the benefit of the doubt and sent greetings at Thanksgiving, and again at Christmas…..nothing. What kind of a father behaves that way? I was ready to give up, and then….

Well, it was long delayed, but it came on New Year's Eve. A plant and a one page letter of apology. Spence found it pretty wanting. He was upset that I'd contacted his father at all. And, because of that, so am I. I think. I love Spence too much to purposely do anything to upset him. But I can see that there is something about his relationship with William that won't let go of him. I don't know that William is anyone we really need or want in our lives, but I just want Spence to have peace. I've no idea what will happen in the future, but for now, I will have to let it go.

The other news is that we met up with Phil and Charlene...and William LaMontagne III….in New Orleans. All of us being together without Will was difficult. It was like facing the new reality for the first time. But that first time is over now, and we'll learn to move on from it."

JJ absently realized that this was the first time she was able to think and write so much about Will without tearing up _. Life is moving along, I guess._

"The baby is cute. He looks very much like a miniature Will. I think he will bring some joy back to Charlene. And so will Phil. I definitely got the sense that they are becoming a couple."

It was only as she was writing this that JJ realized she'd forgotten about the letters from Will. They were still in her go bag. The rest of their time in New Orleans, and all of the days since their return, had been quite full. She dug through her bag until she found the envelopes. Slowly, she ran her fingers over her name on the outside of her letter. It was one of the last things she had from Will…the imprint of his handwriting.

When the envelope was open, she gently pulled the paper from it. This was also in Will's handwriting. She noted that it didn't look hurried or tense. She'd learned that much analysis from Reid along the way. He'd obviously written his letters calmly, deliberately, and for a purpose.

Silently, JJ read her letter, including the instruction to save Henry's letter for when she thought he might be old enough to understand. Tears were running down her cheeks by the time she finished reading. She didn't know what to do. She would have to show it to Spence.

* * *

"JJ, I was a pretty good magician when I was a kid, but I think Henry's got me beat. What that kid can do with those tiny little hands…."

Reid was looking up from his studying as she entered the living room. He'd completed his degree in philosophy while he was on medical leave, and had decided to pursue another….this time in anthropology. "Humans are the most interesting animals on the planet," he'd explained when she'd questioned why he needed yet another degree.

"I would have thought he'd need hands like mine," he was holding up his long, thin fingers, "to do the hidden coin trick, but he's got it down. Maybe it's an evolutionary thing…."

She hoped he was joking, searching his face for a smile. She got one. Sort of.

He noticed the paper in her hand. "What's that?"

She explained about having forgotten the letters from Will. That Henry's was for another day, and another time. "But I think you should look at this, Spence."

He was hesitant. "JJ, he wrote it to you. Privately. I don't think…"

"Spence, you need to look at it. Read it. You'll see why."

It took Reid only a fraction of the time it had taken JJ to read it, but it took him just as long to process what he'd read. He looked up at her, searching her eyes.

"JJ…..I don't know. What do you think?"

"I don't know either, Spence. I think we're going to have to give it some time. And maybe a lot of prayer."

* * *

Winter seemed to be passing in a slushy blur. There had been several snow storms, none major, since the one on Christmas Eve. That left piles of dirty snow on every roadway, and puddles of melted snow on every walkway. It was the kind of weather that made the season seem to go on forever.

Fortunately there were some bright spots. JJ and Garcia found the perfect non-costume dress for the maid of honor. The engaged couple successfully completed their required pre-Cana survey without any major red flags.

"I don't know why they spend so much time on whether we're financially compatible, JJ. It's things like the buying of the wrong brand of peanut butter that wears people down on a day to day basis. Like death by a thousand cuts."

JJ couldn't help but think,  _not the peanut butter again. All right, I'll buy both brands_.

Reid and Henry spent a lot of their down time together. Reid set up his telescope in the backyard and the two of them spent almost every clear night exploring the bright winter sky.

"Mommy! I saw the moon! It was this big!" He was holding his arms as far apart as they would go.

"It just looked that way because you were looking through the telescope, Henry," Reid explained. It makes everything that's far away look close….and big."

Henry chewed on that for few seconds, then wondered, "Could I see Daddy through it?"

The adults shared a look. Clearly this would have to be revisited over and over again.

JJ took this one. "Not really, Henry. It's hard to understand, but heaven is all around us, it's not really a far away place that you can see through a telescope." She could see him struggling with the concept.  _Join the club, little man._

"How about a microscope, Mommy? Maybe it's so small that you can't see it? But it can be inside you? Is that why Daddy can hear me when I think?"

_Out of the mouths of babes_ ….She looked at Reid. She didn't know how he had taught Henry so much in so short a time, but she was immensely grateful. "Yes, Henry, it's a little bit like that."

* * *

That wasn't all Reid was teaching Henry. Unbeknownst to JJ, the men in her life were making major headway on a very special piece of magic. Reid marveled at Henry's alacrity with this, and other, tricks.

"Hey, buddy, you are amazing with that! Great job!" Reid was high-fiving Henry, but the little guy turned it into an embrace. "Thanks, Daddy!"

Reid froze. "Daddy." Said so easily, so naturally. Just like that, they were father and son.

Henry disengaged and caught the strange look on Reid's face. He remembered, and corrected himself. "I mean, Uncle Spence."

Reid was lost for a few seconds _. You know, it would be nice if You would give me some warning when I'm about to get into these conversations_.

Then he went for it. "It's okay, Henry. Do you  _want_ to call me 'Daddy'?"

The child looked torn. Reid prompted again. "Henry, It's all right if you want to. I kind of  _feel_  like a daddy, you know?"

Big eyes. "You do?"

"Sure. We do a lot of stuff together like dads and their little boys do, don't we?"

He couldn't quite read the expression on Henry's face. "Henry, do you feel bad about it? We can forget about it if it makes you feel bad."

It took a few more seconds, but the little guy finally responded. "Toby says I don't have a daddy."

_Ah, the cruelty of the 'best friend'_ , thought Reid.

"What do you think, Henry?"

"Well, my daddy's in heaven. And he can't come back." Henry was remembering the talk his godfather had with him before. "And you do things with me like a daddy. So, I think I do have a daddy. I think you're my daddy now."

Reid swallowed hard to get past the lump in his throat. "Henry," he said, his voice thick, "I am honored to be your daddy. I've always wanted my own little boy just like you."

"You did, Uncle Spence?"

Uncle Spence. Had they regressed so quickly?

"I did, Henry. And I always thought it would be all right if he called me Daddy….or, if he wanted to, he could call me 'Uncle Spence'?"

Henry thought about that. "Could I call you Daddy? And sometimes, if I forget, could I call you Uncle Spence?"

"Henry, you can call me anything, I'll still love you just as much." Which earned him another hug.

Later, Reid took JJ aside to tell her about the exchange. She closed her eyes in a silent prayer of gratitude. When it was time for bed, she decided to bring it up to Henry.

"Henry, Uncle Spence told me that you might want to change his name." She was trying to keep it light until she assessed his response. "Do you think you might want to call him 'Daddy'?"

She was given a silent nod. "So do you think we need to come up with a way to tell which 'Daddy' you're talking about?"

Now Henry gave a vigorous nod. Reid, watching the conversation, surmised that Henry couldn't have expressed that thought himself, but readily recognized it when JJ offered it.

JJ continued. "Well, how about this. How about we call your first daddy, 'Daddy Will'? And we can call Uncle Spence 'Daddy'. Would that be all right?"

Henry looked both pleased and distressed at once. "But what if I forget?"

Reid joined into the conversation. "Henry, remember. You can call me Daddy or Uncle Spence….or Spiderman, or Batman…" Now Henry was laughing.

"or Elmo or Big Bird, or Phineas…"

"or Ferb!" Now Henry was in on the joke.

"Right. You can call me anything, little man. And I'll be there. Okay?"

"Okay, Uncle Spence. I mean, Daddy." And he hugged his godfather/stepfather/father good night.

* * *

February. It always seemed like the longest month, the major barrier to spring, when actually it was the shortest. And it contained holidays in honor of several presidents. But the thing weighing most heavily on Reid's mind at the moment was the holiday in honor of a saint. It was to be the first Valentine's Day on which he'd actually  _had_  a valentine. And he was, once again, in need of advice.

"Emily, what do I get her? Candy? Flowers? Jewelry? Am I supposed to take her out?"

Morgan had been passing by and, overhearing, preempted Emily. "Reid, you're already engaged to the girl, you don't need to woo her. Valentine's Day is a made up holiday to sell cards and candy. You're past that with JJ."

Emily punched his arm. Looking at Morgan, she directed her words to Reid. "Don't you listen to him. This is the reason he can never get a second date."

Turning now to look at Reid, she added, "There are no rules about Valentine's Day. It's just a celebration of being in love. So pick out something that reminds you of why you love her, or even just  _that_ you love her. Really, Reid, she'll be happy with anything."

Garcia had joined them for the last part of the conversation, and felt she knew JJ enough to add, "But she wouldn't be happy with  _nothing_." And she proceeded to look pointedly at Morgan.

Reid didn't feel any better off than when the conversation started. He knew he had to do something, but still had no idea what. And the feast was just days away.  _Probably too late for dinner reservations_ , he thought.  _Too late for anything. Unless…._

* * *

By the time Valentine's Day arrived, Reid was exhausted. He'd spent every waking moment on his project, and even some of those moments when he should have been asleep. But he was done.

He looked at what he'd created and thought.  _Stupid. How dumb is this? How could I have thought she'd like it? You really pulled a good one this time, Reid._

But it was too late. The time had come. He'd persuaded Garcia to babysit so he could take JJ out. But having been so late in making plans, there were no reservations to be had anywhere in town. So he'd brought JJ to his place. His old place, which he still hadn't entirely vacated. And he'd surprised her by being able to cook a gourmet-level grilled salmon. They were relaxing after dinner in front of the fire.

"JJ, did you know that there really is no single Saint Valentine? There were at least three 'Valentines' whose stories all got mixed up into one."

"Mm-hmm." She was enjoying the snuggling, so she let him go on.

"And did you know that there really was no romantic connotation to the day until Chaucer wrote about it in his "A Parliament of Fowles"? I actually remember my mother teaching me that many years ago."

While this was infinitely more interesting than the random facts he'd shared about Groundhog Day a few weeks ago, JJ felt a need to change direction. She reached under the sofa.

"I have a little something for you, Spence. Happy Valentine's Day." And she handed over a package.

In it, he found a digital frame pre-loaded with photographs of herself, Henry and Reid, in various assortments of individual or group shots. She'd even managed to scan in a photo of a young, laughing Diana. The photos were in an order that seemed to trace the couple's history together.

Reid was touched. "Wow, thank you, JJ. It's wonderful! I'll put it on my desk at the BAU. Of course, I may not be able to concentrate on my work anymore...but I think it's great." He thanked her more with his lips.

Then he reached behind the sofa for her gift. She was having trouble reading the look on his face. "I think we both had the same idea, in a way….."

JJ unwrapped it. She took out a bound notebook, whose cover read 'The Story of Us' in Spence's unique handwriting. Opening it, she found a series of drawings. Most of them were quite primitive, certainly interpretive…and very colorful. As she paged through it, she realized Spence had sketched his version of their love story. It began with them at the football game, then moved to them on the plane, in a restaurant with the team, in front of a case board, in a hospital room with the infant Henry, even in Las Vegas with Diana. And it continued through all of the major moments of their life together….and even many a minor moment that Reid had treasured. Many of the scenes seemed to have been cut and pasted into the book.

JJ looked up at him. "When did you do this?"

"Right along. You know I like to draw. It helps me figure out how to express things when the words don't suffice."

"But even back then, at the football game? And on the cases?"

"Even back then. I thought I told you, JJ. I've been in love with you forever."

She had to swallow. "Spence…..it's…it's amazing. It's beautiful. Thank you." She reached around him and held him close. "I love you, Spencer Reid. I think it might take me a lifetime to take all of this in."

"A lifetime is what we'll have together, JJ. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day."


	27. Chapter 27

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 27**

There were a few brief away cases, but the majority of the winter was spent in town. It was the most time they'd spent in DC in the past few years. And JJ was glad, because it gave them the opportunity for planning. It turned out that even the simplest wedding was complicated.

"Can't we just invite everyone over the internet? There aren't that many of them, JJ."

"Spence. That's just the point. There aren't that many of them, so we can send nice invitations."

"Well, can we simplify the menu, then? Burgers and dogs are fine with me. It'll be in Rossi's backyard, after all. And why the fuss about flowers? Won't everything be blooming? It'll be spring."

Mostly she was in Reid's camp on all of this, but she also intended to have only the one wedding, so she wanted things to be right.

_In the end, as long as we're Mr. and Mrs. Spencer Reid, I guess it will be all right. Or would that be Dr. and Mrs.? Or Dr. and Ms.? And is it Reid or Jareau-Reid? Should I take his name? At home? Professionally?_

Apparently  _everything_  simple was complicated.

* * *

As the time grew close, Morgan and Emily made good on their threats to have bachelor and bachelorette parties. JJ and Reid begged off having a shower, as they were already consolidating two households. But they couldn't keep their friends from wanting to celebrate with some good natured fun.

"JJ, they said there would be 'entertainment'." Reid sounded worried. JJ laughed.

"Spence, it's all in fun. Don't worry about it."

That didn't help at all. His repressions were surfacing. "But JJ, what if Morgan brings in….you know….a  _dancer_? What do I do?"

JJ didn't think there was much chance of that. Morgan liked to tease his 'little brother' but, in the end, he loved him. He wouldn't do anything to taint the experience.

"Spence, I don't think it will happen. But if it does, you thank her and send her on her way. That's all."

He couldn't believe how calm she was about this. "But JJ, what if Emily brings in a male dancer? You know, a Chippendale."

That actually got a guffaw. "First of all, I don't think she can afford a Chippendale. But if she did….what are you worried about, Spence? That I'll decide I want him, and not you?"

He didn't look any less distressed. JJ reached up and caressed his face. "Spence, they are our best friends. They're not going to do anything to hurt us. Just go along with it and have fun. It will be all right."

* * *

It  _was_  all right. There were no dancers to be found….at Reid's party, at least. Morgan, Hotch, Rossi and a few other FBI'ers met at a local law enforcement haunt for dinner and drinks. There was some good natured ribbing of Reid, but also a lot of well-wishing for the future.

"You make a lovely couple, my young friend." Rossi had his arm around Reid's shoulder as he raised the toast. "I wish you much happiness together." In a soft voice, audible only to Reid, he added, "Make it last my friend. Make your 'first' your 'only'. The first one is special."  _I should know._

Hotch had been quieter than usual. Reid stole several glances at his superior's face throughout the evening. They'd shared several intimate conversations about Hotch's relationship with Haley, and Reid was sure that was where the unit chief's thoughts were tonight. He made his way over to the man.

"Hotch, thanks for everything. For tonight, for everything you did to help us about Will, for your understanding, your support, for some really sage advice…..everything. I don't think I could ever totally express how grateful we are…..how grateful I am."

The more reserved Aaron Hotchner limited himself to a handshake….but also a rare, sincere smile. He gave Reid his penetrating stare as he spoke.

"Congratulations, Reid. And you're welcome." Now an even rarer event occurred. Hotch laughed. Reid was taken aback.

"I was remembering when you joined the unit. I felt like I was been asked to take a teenager and make him into an FBI agent. I have to admit, I didn't think it would work."

Reid dropped his eyes and was blushing. Remembering those days was bringing back some of the old behaviors. He was a little embarrassed.

Hotch continued. "But it did. You found your way and made yourself an indispensable member of our team. You've become someone another young kid….and even an experienced unit chief….. could really look up to. I respect and admire Spencer Reid, the man…and I'm proud to call him my friend." He'd purposely not used the "doctor" title. Reid didn't need the title to command respect anymore.

"I guess I did kind of grow up on the team, didn't I? And I have you to thank for that, Hotch. Much more than Gideon. If I've become someone you respect, it's because you taught me how to be that person."

"Well, you have. And you know I'm very fond of JJ as well. I'm glad the two of you found each other, and I wish you nothing but the best…a lifetime of happiness to you both."

"Thanks, Hotch. It means a lot to us to have your blessing."

Hotch couldn't help but revert to his unit chief role. "The FBI officially congratulates you as well. I've already been informed that I will be budgeted only one hotel room for the two of you….so make it work."

* * *

The bachelorette party was taking place at Emily's apartment. JJ had driven, so begged off drinking.

"What?! But that's half the fun!" Garcia was chiding her.

"I can have fun completely sober, Garcia. Besides, remember the last time we all went drinking together?"

"Not really…I guess that's part of the problem, huh? All right, we'll just have fun. I think Emily's got some entertainment coming."

"Pen, whatever you do, don't tell Spence. He's all put out about it."

"My sheltered little junior G-man! Really, after what he's run into on the job, how can he be worried about a little party?"

"Those things were all about someone else. This is about me. And for all he was exposed to as a kid, he wasn't exposed to a little party fun."

Emily was coming from the kitchen with a few of their colleagues, each carrying trays of finger foods.

"Okay," began Emily, "it's time for some relationship advice. Everybody gets to give one tidbit, and it helps if you've got a funny story to go with it.

Several of the others, most of them married, went ahead with their tales.

"Never let him do the grocery shopping unless you want an extra twenty pounds on your hips. They only go into the beer and chip aisles. My husband actually told me our grocery store doesn't sell lettuce!"

"Let him think you don't know anything about cars, or lawnmowers…anything mechanical…it makes him feel important."

"Hide the remote when your favorite show is on, or you'll never see a full episode."

"Tell him when something needs fixing and then, when he inevitably doesn't do it right away, call a professional. You'll have given him a chance, but he won't be able to break anything."

One of the women had, sadly, lost her husband at the Pentagon on September 11, 2001. Her advice changed the tone of the exchange. "Make sure you love him every minute you can. And etch those minutes on your brain. You never know when they'll end."

There was silence for a few moments after that. JJ's heart was touched, especially given her recent experience. She reached over and squeezed her friend's hand. "The best advice ever. Thank you."

Garcia wanted to lighten the mood again. Most of the women were more familiar with JJ than they were with her fiance. Garcia and Emily could give more Reid-specific advice.

"Well, I know the way to the man's heart. It's chocolate chips. Cookies, cannolis, ice cream, pancakes. You name it. If you need to get on his good side, use chocolate chips," said the voice of experience.

"Or Dr. Who," added Emily. She got a vigorous nod from Garcia at that.

"How could I have forgotten? Right on, Emily!"

Prentiss continued. "Dr. Who anything. Watch it on TV with him. Discuss it with him. Get him a book, a calendar, a costume. Go to…"

JJ jumped in. "I am  _not_ going to Comic Con with him. Not ever. Nope." She was shaking her head.

All of the women responded as one to that. "Ahh. That thing you swear you will never do? That's what you pull out when you have your biggest argument. Works every time."

_Then I will never fight with him_ , she promised herself.

At that moment, the doorbell rang. Emily rose to answer with an apologetic look on her face.

"Well, it seemed like a challenge, so….."

And she opened the door to an official looking FBI agent, wearing his trench coat and derby. And very little else…..

* * *

Morgan had insisted on driving his good friend, who'd thought it should be the other way around. On their way back home, Morgan was waxing nostalgic.

"Pretty Boy, when you first came to the BAU, you looked about twelve. You were that wet behind the ears."

"Morgan, when I first came to the BAU, I wasn't all that much _past_  twelve."

Morgan snorted. "And you were so green. That was the color you would turn whenever we were at a crime scene, by the way."

Reid gave him a good natured smile. "Did not. At least not after the first few cases."

Morgan was reminiscing. "I remember that time you asked JJ out. You know, to the football game. I was sitting near her on the plane. You looked like you were ready to pass out, you were so scared. And she had no idea what you were getting at when you started talking. Was that the first time you asked anyone out on a date?"

Reid was remembering too. "I had just turned twenty four. Gideon gave me the tickets as a birthday present. It was actually his idea that I ask JJ." Reid took a moment to reflect on Gideon, and what he would think of the way things were now.

"Kid, you never told me about that date. How did it go?"

"Never told, never will. It's not important, Morgan. It only matters what's happened since."

Morgan gave him a sideways glance, realizing he might never know the truth. "You know I'm only teasing you most of the time, don't you, Pretty Boy?"

Reid responded pointedly, "You mean with things like 'Pretty Boy'?"

Morgan laughed. "Touche. Although by now that's just your name. But seriously, you know I don't mean anything by it."

"I know." Reid was enjoying this. He hadn't had one of these talks with Morgan in a very long time.

"Really, Kid, I want you to know…..I'm really happy for you. JJ's great and Henry's a cute little kid. But the big thing is, I can see a change in you. You look happy. Not the way you would get happy about Halloween or Comic Con, but  _really_ happy, you know? Inside, deep. It's good to see."

Reid was grateful. For so many years Morgan was the only one with whom he'd shared some of his most difficult memories and intense fears. It felt right to be able to share the good with him now.

"I  _am_  happy, Morgan. A little intimidated by the responsibility, but happy."

"You're up to it, Pretty Boy. You're a good man. And I guess responsibility is the price to pay for 'happily ever after'."

A few moments passed before Reid asked, "What about you, Morgan. Don't you want it? A happily ever after?"

"Me? Kid, you hear what they say about me. You've said it yourself. I can't get a second date."

"Only because you've never tried. Why don't you want it?"

Morgan let several blocks pass before responding. "I don't know, Kid. Maybe I do want it. I've never really been that close to it before, but watching you and JJ….I don't know. Maybe."

Reid let his lips form into a small smile in the darkness of the car.

* * *

March was famous for its surprise snowstorms, and this year proved no exception. With the wedding only a week away, Mother Nature dumped ten inches of snow on DC.

As they cleaned up after dinner, Reid tried to help JJ look on the bright side. "Maybe they can throw snowballs at us instead of rice or birdseed. It's better for the environment, isn't it?"

"Spence, that's not funny. We have an outdoor reception planned. Even if we use tents, we can't have everyone wading through snow all day."

"Relax, JJ. I heard the weather report. This is all supposed to melt in a couple of days…it's supposed to hit seventy." He thought, but did not dare say,  _so they'll be wading through mud instead of snow_.

"Well, I hope so. I don't want anything getting in the way of people getting here." JJ's parents were due to arrive two days before the wedding. And they were still hoping that Phil and Charlene would be able to fly in from New Orleans. There had been no invitation sent to William Reid.

He kissed her temple. "It will all work out, my love. I'm sure of it." JJ yawned.

Reid took a good look at his fiancee. "You're exhausted, JJ. Do you feel all right?"

"Too much wedding planning on top of too much work is all."

"Then let's put Henry down early and get you right off to bed."

Henry had been playing in the snow all day and had no energy left to protest an early bedtime. When they'd kissed their goodnights, Reid pushed JJ into their bedroom, pulled off her shoes and started massaging her feet.

"Ohh, I could kiss you for that. Better yet, I could marry you for it."

Reid snorted. "If I'd known it would be this easy, I would have gotten you to marry me a very long time ago."

She teased him. "Would you have been brave enough to touch my feet back then?"

"Very funny." He moved up to massage her shoulders and back. He would have liked to massage everything in between, but he could see that she really needed to sleep. Pushing her back on the bed, he tucked her in fully clothed, and brushed her hair back from her forehead, so he could kiss her goodnight. "Sweet dreams, my love."

* * *

Awakening, JJ stretched. Alertness came back slowly. First she noticed she was wearing her clothes in bed. Then, that the other side of the bed was empty. As her eyes opened fully, she noticed that the darkness wasn't the shade of early dawn, but the pitch black of the middle of night. Finally, she sought out the clock. It was just after three in the morning. Thinking Reid must have fallen asleep on the couch, she went out to rouse him. He'd certainly spent many nights there in their early courtship, but she knew it wasn't quite long enough for him.

"Spence?" she called softly as she emerged from the bedroom. There were no lights on anywhere in the house. As she made her way through the living room, she could see that the sofa was empty.

_Maybe with Henry?_  Her son hadn't had a nightmare in a few weeks, but that didn't mean he hadn't gotten up and persuaded Reid to have a sleepover with him. Looking into the bedroom, she could see Henry sound asleep with Casey by his side…but no Reid.

She was beginning to get worried. She dug her cell phone out to be sure she hadn't missed a message from him. Nothing. Decided to text him. Nothing. Tried calling him. Heard a faint ringing. His phone was obviously at the house.

JJ followed the sound. It brought her to the kitchen, and then to the window. She'd found him.

JJ went out to the patio, where her fiance was sitting in the cold. "Spence!"

He looked up at her, face wet with tears. He looked nearly frozen.

She hadn't heard a phone ring earlier, there were no messages on hers…. _what could have happened?_

"Spence, are you all right?"

He nodded, swallowing. JJ reached down and pulled him out of his seat.

"It's freezing out here, even with your jacket. Come back inside."

She put milk on the stove to heat while he sat down at the table. "I'm okay, JJ. I didn't mean to worry you. I thought you were asleep."

She was looking at him warily as she stirred chocolate and cinnamon into the milk. "I was. But I woke up, and you weren't there, and it was so late….. Did something happen?"

He shook his head just slightly, his gaze unfocused. "No, nothing happened. It's just….just….."

She brought the cocoa to him. Reaching out to touch his hands, she recoiled at the cold. "Spence, you were sitting out in the freezing cold, crying. What's wrong?"

He sat back, finally looking at her, wrapping his hands around the steaming mug for warmth.

"I guess it felt a little bit like a deadline."

Now she was completely lost.

"A deadline?"

"The wedding. It felt like a deadline to me. Like I needed to decide something about my dad in time for the wedding. You know, whether to invite him. To let him be a part of my life." He was staring off again. "And….." His voice trailed off.

JJ knew she needed to wait him out. They sat sipping in silence for a few minutes. She reached over and put her hand on his knee. Finally he was ready.

"I went outside, you know that's sort of my church, right? I felt like I needed an answer. And I needed it now."

JJ tried to draw his eyes to hers. "And did you get one?"

Reid snorted. "Hmmph! Yeah, I got one. But it was about  _me_."

She squinted her confusion and encouraged him to continue with a tilt of her head.

"This thing with Henry, and being his father. I worry about the responsibility, you know? I hope I can live up to it."

She reached for his hand now, to reassure him of her confidence. He squeezed hers in gratitude.

"I realize I can only bring  _me_  to the table. I only have who I am. And I can only hope that it will be enough, you know?"

She gave him a little nod, remembering having that same conversation in prayer five years ago.

"And then I realized, that's just like my dad. Almost exactly what he said to us in that letter."

He looked back up at the woman whose love had brought him the confidence to examine his life in such depth. "How can I hold him responsible for being who he is?"

Now JJ was silent for a long moment, wanting to find just the right words. She'd prayed for him to get to this point, was feeling a little overcome now that he had. And yet…

"Well, I guess we each have our strengths and weaknesses, Spence. And sometimes we just have to learn to live with them. But I think we're also supposed to be trying to correct our weaknesses along the way."

She wasn't so sure William Reid had put any effort into correcting his weaknesses, but refrained from saying so. Instead, she tried for optimism.

"Maybe that's what your dad was trying to do with the note? Admittedly pretty late in life, but at least maybe he's finally trying."

Reid did his best to be philosophical. "Maybe. And maybe I can understand the failure. I'm so afraid of failing Henry at some point. So I guess I  _have_  to try to understand. And maybe forgive…."

JJ was praying her thanks to hear him say that.

"Spence, forgiving him doesn't mean you have to have an active relationship with him, you know. The forgiving is for you as much as it is for him."

He spent a long time immersed in her eyes, absorbing that. She could see him getting choked up again as he started to speak.

"I really don't think I want him in my life, JJ. Not now, maybe not ever. I just want to stop hating him." His voice wavered at the last.

Now she was tearing up. "Do you think you can, Spence? Stop hating him?"

She couldn't quite explain what she was seeing, except to say that a mantle of peace was settling over Reid right before her eyes.

"I think I already have, JJ." His tears were flowing again.

JJ got up and stood behind Reid's chair, bending to wrap him in her arms. They cried together for a little while, he in relief at a burden finally lifted, she in gratitude for his release.

Finally, Reid heaved a huge sigh and yawned. "I'm exhausted, let's go to bed."

He stood and pulled her into his arms. Held her close for a very long time. Finally spoke.

"You know, I feel sorry for you, JJ. You're only getting me. But I….I am marrying the wisest woman in the world."


	28. Chapter 28

**A Song of Their Own**

**Chapter 28**

"Jennifer!" Sandy was hugging the life out of her daughter until Charles rescued her.

"I think your mother is a little excited about the wedding, Pumpkin."

"Hi, Dad. It's all right, I understand. We're all excited. Even Henry."

"Even Casey, Papa!" Henry leapt into his grandfather's arms. "We're getting married!"

Reid was at the BAU taking care of some paperwork. The Jareaus had arrived as planned two days before the wedding. Also as planned, or at least as promised by the weatherman, the snow had melted rapidly.

"How's my girl?" Charles was being solicitous.

"I'm fine, Dad. We're all fine. Not nervous at all, now that the weather is cooperating. And even if it wasn't, I finally realized that I really wouldn't care. Whether it's sunny and warm, or snowing, or sleeting, or raining a flood down upon us….I don't care. I'm just ready to tell the world that I love Spence and I want to spend the rest of my days with him."

Charles was beaming. If he had to lose a daughter, he wanted it to be this way. "Well, I already know he feels the same way about you, so I guess we're on rain or shine. Did they say which it will be?"

"Shine, or at worst partly cloudy. If you can believe a weather prediction."

Decades of experience….and this past Christmas…. had taught Charles otherwise. "We'll leave an umbrella in the car."

He turned to Henry. "And you, my little man, are you ready for this wedding?"

"You bet, Papa! It's gonna be magical!"

They all  _thought_  he was using the term figuratively.

Henry had other news for his grandparents. "I'm a big brother!"

Sandy and Charles shared a look with each other and then with JJ. They knew she and Reid were planning to inform Henry last night that he would be meeting the little baby with whom he shared a father. Phil and Charlene were arriving tomorrow and bringing Little Will with them.

"How did it go?" Sandy inquired after Henry and Casey went out to play.

JJ was pouring coffee for all of them. "Well, he's excited, but I'm not sure he completely understands. A couple of his classmates have half siblings, so we tried to use them as examples. I suspect he'll see Little Will more as a cousin. I'm pretty sure Phil and Charlene are together now, so Henry won't be far off the mark. It will be yet another idea he'll have to grow into."

She told them about Henry's calling Reid 'Daddy' now, "He does it about half the time, and the other half he's still 'Uncle Spence'.

"It's best to let these things happen naturally, Pumpkin. You two are handling it the right way."

"Well, Dad, I can't help but notice that 'Pumpkin' doesn't seem to be going away naturally." JJ teased her father.

"And it never will." He reached his arm around her and squeezed, planting a kiss on her temple. "Bad enough I have to give my little girl away in two days, I shouldn't have to start calling her Mrs. Reid, now should I?"

"No, you can call me 'Pumpkin' forever, Dad," reassured JJ, who secretly loved the name.

"Honey, what  _have_  you decided about taking his name?" Sandy was aware of her daughter's dilemma.

"We decided it together. I'll still be Jennifer Jareau professionally, since I've got a lot of work established under that name. And for everything else, it will be Dr. and Mrs. Reid. It just simplifies everything. And you already know that Spence is pretty traditional." They all remembered his trip to Pennsylvania to ask the Jareaus' blessing on the engagement.

On cue, Reid arrived home and surrendered himself to Sandy's effusive greeting. Charles shook his hand.

"Won't be long now, son." Charles used the title without thinking. Reid heard it as an endorsement. Here, indeed, was his new family.

"Can't wait. We've got the rehearsal tomorrow afternoon, and then dinner. Then I'm back for a final night at my old place. We timed this right…the lease runs out in three weeks." He would miss the place, it had been good to him. But it would never feel as good as coming home to JJ and Henry felt.

* * *

The rehearsal went smoothly. There were plenty of Easter lilies left over from the recent feast day, setting a beautiful white background for the simple arrangements JJ had ordered. There were only the two attendants, Garcia and Morgan, with Henry serving as the ring bearer. Everyone followed their cues perfectly, allowing them to break for dinner early.

Sandy's role in the wedding ceremony was limited to being escorted down the aisle by her grandson, so she'd begged off the rehearsal to stay home and prepare a feast for the participants. Shortly after they arrived back, the doorbell rang again. Charlene and Phil had arrived to join them.

After the adults exchanged greetings and 'oohs' and 'ahhs' over the baby, JJ brought Henry over.

"Henry, I'd like you to meet your little brother. His name is William LaMontagne III, almost exactly the same as your daddy's name. They call him Little Will."

Henry had been around babies before, but none that belonged to him. He was silent and wide eyed as JJ sat him on the sofa and Charlene placed the infant into his lap. The adults held their breaths as they watched the two brothers meet for the first time, bonded by the loss of their father. The only dry eyes in the room belonged to the two children.

Henry cradled the infant gently, having been warned not to roughhouse. He stroked the baby's hair and face, and then held one of his hands. Henry's hands had always seemed so little to Reid, but compared with the tiny hand they now held, they were huge.

"Hi, Little Will. I'm Henry. I'm your big brother." Little Will stared right at Henry, and then gave him a full smile, drawing a little giggle from Henry.

"When you get bigger, I'm gonna teach you how to wrestle. And do magic!" He was quiet for a second and then added, "And I'll tell you all about our daddy."

JJ squeezed Reid's hand around her shoulder. Charlene reached for Phil. Garcia turned her face into Morgan's chest. Sandy leaned back against her husband. The silence held for a long moment after that. And then the baby let out an affirming "coo".

"He likes me! Mommy, he's talking to me! Little Will!"

The spell broken, and Henry obviously needing to squirm with excitement, Charlene took the baby back into her arms. Henry got down and ran around the room, and then out to the yard to work off some energy. Being in church all afternoon, and then having to hold still for the baby, had completely exhausted his ability to contain himself.

* * *

Morgan insisted upon driving Reid again. "There's no way I'm gonna let you get to the church late, Pretty Boy. JJ would have my head. So I'm driving you home tonight and then I'll pick you up at one o'clock tomorrow. Be ready."

"Just because I've been late to work a time or two doesn't mean I would miss my own wedding, Morgan." Reid snorted, surprising himself. " _My_  wedding. I'm getting married tomorrow. Me. Spencer Reid. To the most beautiful girl in the world."

"You got that right." Reid heard it, although Morgan had done his best to say it under his breath.

He turned to his good friend. "What…..you think JJ's beautiful too?"

"I don't  _think_  it, Reid. It's objective. She's beautiful."

Reid's old insecurities threatened to rise, but then his brain overruled his emotion _. She really is beautiful, and she loves me, no matter what. I'm past all the rest of that stuff._

_But just in case..._ "Yep, she is. And she's mine." He sent a look in Morgan's direction.

Morgan snorted at that. "Indeed she is."

They'd arrived. Morgan declined to come in. "Get some sleep if you can, Kid. I'll give you a wake up call, just in case. And I'll see you tomorrow." He gave a rare, bright Morgan smile. "You're getting married tomorrow!"

Reid went in to his apartment, which was now almost bare except for his bed and a treasured leather reading chair….and, of course, some books. He bid a silent farewell to the rooms that had served so many purposes for him. They'd been a site of discovery, and enlightenment, and fear, and sorrow, and solace, and recovery and, finally, of joy. Now it was time to leave all of that behind and move into something new.

He fell asleep under a book and dreamt of his wedding day. In his dream, Diana sat in the front pew, beaming a radiant smile at him. He smiled back at her, in his sleep.

* * *

The day dawned clear, with just a hint of warmth in the air. It would be beautiful by the afternoon.

Reid went for a long walk to work off some nervous energy and to spend some time in reflection. He processed very little of the scenery, so lost was he in his own thoughts. He mentally retraced his childhood, his adolescent college years, his young adulthood. He focused on his time with the BAU, accurately remembering every conversation he'd ever had with JJ, every time he'd noticed her presence, her smile, her beauty, the way she moved, her intelligence, her warmth. His eidetic memory worked best with visual cues, and his attraction to her had provided him with plenty of those. He relived every moment of their lives since they'd declared their love for one another. He'd worked his way up to the present by the time he returned to the apartment. It was time to get ready. It was time to start creating new memories.

At home, JJ was also working off some energy….and escaping her mother's nervous ministrations….by going for a run. She too reviewed her history with Reid, remembering the important moments as though viewing a highlight reel. She remembered how young he'd seemed when they first met, though only two years her junior. How oddly he combined naivete with intelligence. How much strength he'd shown in battling captivity and then addiction. How compassionate he always was in his understanding of both victims and perpetrators…...not to mention his parents. How loving with her son, and then with her. How strong in his convictions and his resolve. How she had slowly come to admire, respect and love the man.  _And today I get to marry him. Thank You._

* * *

Garcia was almost as bad as Sandy. "Hurry, Jayje, the wedding's in two hours!"

"Pen, all I have to do is put on my dress and fix my hair. Relax."

Garcia was nonplussed. "Oh. Well, help me with mine, then."

Charles was taking Henry over to Reid's so he could "be with the guys." He would come back for the women. "You look pretty dashing, Little Man."

"Thanks, Papa. Santa gave it to me for Christmas, remember? I think he wanted me to wear it."

Henry was wearing his magician's tuxedo. The others would be in gray suits, but the little guy had insisted. Although they weren't so sure a top hat would be welcome in church.

They arrived at Reid's to find him dressed and ready. "You look handsome, Daddy."

"Thanks, buddy. But not as handsome as you do. Henry, I think all the girls will be swooning."

"What's swooning, Uncle Spence?"

Charles smiled at the exchange and at the obvious transition underway. He reached out a hand to Reid. "Spencer, today I will be giving you what I treasure most in life. After my wife, of course. Take good care of her."

"Every day of my life, sir."

Charles looked at him a moment, uncertain. Then decided. "Spencer, since we're all changing names and titles today, please consider this. Sandy and I would be happy to have you call us Mom and Dad. If it's something you might be comfortable with."

Reid just looked at him. For all of his great intellect, this issue had never occurred to him. He wasn't sure what to say. Went with, "Why, thank you, sir. I mean Charles. I mean…"

He was obviously flustered. Charles laughed. "Why don't you just think about it, Spencer? It's not something you have to do today…or ever, if you're not comfortable with it."

Reid just shook his hand. "Thank you."

* * *

Morgan got them to the church on time. Reid kept peeking out to watch the guests arriving.

"Morgan, did you see Emily? She's got on this dress….."

Morgan pushed him out of the way. "Wow. Kind of makes you wish we had regular office jobs, doesn't it?" Realizing that taking down unsubs didn't lend itself to wearing dresses.

Rossi and Hotch were flanking Emily, Jack sitting by Hotch's side. He and Henry would be able to amuse each other at the reception. Reid saw Phil and Charlene enter hand in hand, having left the baby with JJ's second favorite sitter. Karen was coming to the wedding.

Reid bent to Henry. "Are you ready, little man? Do you want to go over it?"

Henry did, so they stepped outside to rehearse until he had it just right. They saw Charles' car pulling up outside the church and Reid hurried back in. He hadn't seen JJ in her wedding dress, and he was determined not to, until she was walking down the aisle to him.

The priest stopped by the groom's room. "Are you ready?"

Reid had come to appreciate the man. The cleric recognized Reid's emerging faith and knew enough to nurture it, but not challenge it, at this point.

"Ready. I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

"Right. Well try not to pass out. I had to revive two of my last three grooms."

Reid's eyes went wide. Morgan tried to reassure him. "Relax, Reid. He's only joking, Right, Padre?"

The cleric gave them an enigmatic smile. "Maybe."

* * *

Before long, Emily came back to get Henry so she could help him with his duties.

"How are you doing, Reid?" She'd expected him to look pale and nervous, but he was just the opposite. He was the very picture of confidence and grace.

"I'm great, Emily. You look beautiful, by the way." He bent to give her a kiss. Morgan followed suit, adding a wolf whistle as he did so.

"Wow, Princess. You look amazing."

"Thank you," she said primly. "Now, I would like the most handsome man in the room to come with me."

Without thinking, both Reid and Morgan started to move forward, then, chagrined, realized she was referring to Henry.

"She means me!" explained the little tuxedoed magician.

* * *

The remaining minutes rushed by. Before he knew it, Reid heard the music begin and felt Morgan tugging him out to his place before the altar.

Standing there, looking out at a church full of the people closest to them, the ones so happy for their happiness, Reid felt full. He watched as Henry escorted his grandmother down the aisle to her seat, filled with paternal pride. He blessed his BAU colleagues for sitting on his side of the aisle, which would have otherwise been rather empty. And then he heard the bridal processional music begin.

Garcia came first, a happy smile fixed on her face. yet somehow more serious and composed than Reid could ever remember seeing her. She was dressed in navy blue, complementing the flowers that stood out against the white lilies. Next came Henry, full tuxedo and tails, sans top hat. Reid couldn't help but smile at the familiar blond head and blue eyes that first captured his heart five years ago. Henry carried the pillow holding the rings. No fake rings on this pillow. Henry was charged with the real things.

And now, finally, he saw his beloved. JJ turned the corner on the arm of her father. She was wearing her sunshine smile. Radiant. The light that seemed to emanate from her blinded him to everything else.

Very slowly, he was able to take her in. She wore a simple, mostly unadorned, strapless white dress that clung in all the right places and flowed in all the rest. Her hair was down, the way he liked it, and there was a single white gardenia tucked in one side. She carried three yellow roses, one for each member of their family, the significance of the flower known only to them.

He couldn't breathe. She was so beautiful. And she was coming down the aisle to him.

JJ saw Spence as soon as she turned the corner. She couldn't believe she was looking at the same person she'd met so long ago on the floor of the BAU, the shy, awkward boy whose insecurities prevented him from forming relationships. Now, she saw a man who was strong, and solid, and loving… _and incredibly handsome in that gray suit._  And waiting, at the other end of the aisle, for her. So that the two of them could vow to spend the rest of their lives together.

She'd caught the end of Henry's trip down the aisle and was exuding love for her little guy.  _The cutest kid on the planet, hands down._

JJ saw all of their friends present in the church, and silently thanked God for each of them. They had played so many roles in each of their lives individually, and now in their lives together as a couple. Each supportive, and loving, and giving. She was grateful for their witness as she professed her love to the man she meant to spend her life with.

She could feel a little tremor in the arm Charles had given her to hold.  _Poor Dad, losing his second daughter._ When they reached the head of the aisle, she and Charles turned to each other. They held each other a moment longer than was necessary, and then Charles kissed his daughter. "This is a good thing, Pumpkin. I'm happy for you."

She could only smile in response, not trusting her voice. Charles reached out for Reid's hand, and placed JJ's in it. He gave Reid a look that sufficed to say all he had to say. And then he left his daughter with her mate and returned to the pew to sit with the woman he'd vowed to love so many years ago.

The couple turned to face the priest.

Because Reid wasn't all the way there yet, they'd chosen a ceremony that didn't include a ritual mass. But there would still be many prayers and many blessings said over them. They'd chosen to go with traditional vows, recognizing their honest simplicity at the same time that the words anchored them to the many generations of couples whose lives had been sealed in similar ceremonies. At one point the priest called on all in attendance to extend a hand and join him in blessing the couple. When they talked about it later, each said they could feel a heat and a fullness rising within them at that moment.

And then it came time for the rings, the final symbol of eternal commitment before the pronouncement of them as husband and wife.

Reid turned to Henry. Who lifted the pillow. The empty pillow. The rings were gone. JJ's heart sank.  _Poor Henry!_  Morgan started looking on the floor, thinking they'd fallen off. Reid made a show of searching his pockets, which prompted Henry to do the same. When at last it seemed they would have to proceed without the rings, Henry stepped in front of the priest, facing the congregation.

Inexplicably, he held up his hands, palms facing the crowd. And then lowered first one hand, making it into a fist, and then the other.

JJ looked at Reid, who didn't seem the slightest bit surprised. "What is he doing?"

And then she watched as Henry produced a ring in the palm of his right hand. And then another, in his left. The sleight of hand he and Reid had practiced for hours and hours and hours.

The congregation roared and applauded. JJ put a hand to her brow and shook her head.  _Is this how it's going to be?_ Reid high-fived his protégé. Who proceeded to take a bow before the wedding guests.

The priest smiled, filing this among one of the more interesting wedding stories he would be able to share with his colleagues. When the church settled down, he proceeded with the ceremony.

Reid placed JJ's ring on her finger, and following the priest's instructions, said, "JJ, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

JJ followed in kind. "Spence, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no one put asunder."

After which the good Father instructed them to kiss. Which they did, needing no further encouragement.

When the final blessing was given, they turned and faced the crowd, hands joined and raised in celebration. Garcia and Morgan followed them down the aisle, arm in arm, Garcia's mascara running down her cheeks. When they passed her, Morgan couldn't help but notice that Emily's was as well.

* * *

Rossi had gone all out. There were fairy lights woven throughout the trees, which were just beginning to sport their bright green spring leaves. The cherry blossoms were still early, but there were enough of them open to lend a subtle scent to the air. By the time the couple arrived, twilight was descending, the days still short in early spring. Rossi played master of ceremonies and announced their arrival.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you, for the very first time, the newly minted, Dr. Spencer and Mrs. Jennifer Reid, and their son, Henry LaMontagne." Reid was holding Henry who, despite his earlier performance, was a little intimidated by the crowd.

Rossi announced a first dance for the couple. Reid and JJ stepped forward. They'd not gotten very involved in choosing music, but this first song had been an easy pick. It was who they'd been for each other. They danced their first dance to an old Ben E. King song, 'Stand By Me'. Part way through the song, they picked Henry up and included him in the dance. This was the way they intended it to be for all of their lives together.

JJ shared a dance with her father while Reid danced with Sandy. And then all of the rest joined in with them for the rest of the mystical, magical night. When they'd all had their fill of wedding feast, all danced with good friends, and new friends, and spouses, Rossi offered the final toast of the evening.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we were brought here this night because two young people learned the most important lessons in life. That together we are more than we are apart. That love triumphs over evil. And that you should never ignore what, or who, is right in front of you." Turning to JJ and Reid, he concluded with, "We're happy that you chose to share those lessons with us. We wish you a lifetime of new discoveries together. We love you, my friends."

* * *

They'd spent so much time away from Henry this year that they'd decided to postpone the honeymoon. Besides, they had an important appointment on Monday. For tonight, they would stay at the Hay-Adams, a wedding gift from Rossi. As if the reception hadn't been enough.

Reid pulled JJ into the room and held her in front of him. He just stared at her, taking her in. Taking all of it in.

"JJ, we're married. You're my wife. I can't believe it."

She smiled at him. "I hope you mean that in a good way."

He gathered her to him, looked deep into her eyes. "Jennifer Jareau…I mean Jennifer Reid….can you believe that,  _Jennifer Reid_?!...Jennifer Reid, I mean that just the way it sounds. I am ecstatic. I am thrilled. I am incredulous. I am married to Jennifer Jareau. Who would've thought?"

"Me. I would have thought. Because I…better than anyone else…could see the man I fell in love with . The man who is so strong, and loving….."

They'd put their arms around one another and were swaying, as if in a dance.

"And sacrificing, and wise, and…."

"Stop." He'd put his finger to her lips. "Stop. We're wasting time. Aren't we supposed to "go forth and procreate"? isn't that what the priest said?"

It wasn't, they didn't really do that anymore, but JJ wasn't about to argue. "Sure, Spence, whatever you say. I'm sure he _meant_  to tell us that."

"Okay, well, then, I say."

And so they did, savoring the experience all the more because it was the first time they'd done it as husband and wife. They were slow, and deliberate, and mindful that they were now, indeed, two-become-one.

* * *

Much later, lying in bed, they reviewed the day.

"JJ, I have never seen you look more beautiful. I mean that. Except maybe when you woke up after the accident. That was pretty amazing."

"And I have never seen you look more handsome. Except for when you woke up after being shot. I don't think we'll ever top that."

"Well, maybe we can settle for the best looks outside of a hospital bed, how's that?" Reid was only half joking. JJ laughed.

"And Spence! When did you hatch that trick with Henry?"

"Oh, that. We've been practicing it for months. Kid's a natural."

She looked at him with affection. "He's a natural all right. And Monday we get to make it official."

He searched her eyes. "Would it upset you to know that I'm as excited about that as I was about this?"

She gave him her sunshine smile again. "Not at all. I was counting on it, Spence."

And they celebrated being man and wife once again. And again. And once more in the morning.

* * *

Monday was a workday, so only a few of the BAU team could be in attendance. Garcia was there, as Henry's godmother, and Hotch was present as well. Reid couldn't quite articulate why he felt it important to have their unit chief, but he knew that it was.

Sandy and Charles and, by special invitation, Phil and Charlene, rounded out the attendees.

They were in family court, attending to family business. The judge was reading through the paperwork, which included Will's letter. JJ and Reid were intimately familiar with what he was perusing. It read:

_Cher,_

_I hope you don't mind that I still call you that. It doesn't matter that we couldn't make it together, I still remember what it was like at the beginning. If you're reading this, then I guess…..you know._

_There's a letter for Henry too. Please wait until you think he's old enough to want to hear from his daddy again. When it won't make him scared. When he might be able to understand._

_You probably also know about Charlene. We knew each other a long time ago, and met up again when I came back home. Maybe our New Orleans blood will make us more compatible, I don't know. But she's a good woman, and I hope you will let Henry get to know her. I would have asked her to marry me if I got the chance. But if you're reading this, I guess I never got to do it. Charlene found out today that she's pregnant. JJ, I know I shouldn't ask, but please be good to her and to our baby._

_I know you and Spencer are becoming closer. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked for your hand soon. And if you decided to give it to him. I guess I should admit I'm a little jealous. But he's a good man and I'm happy for you both. I mean that.  
_

_Cher, JJ, thank you for giving me a wonderful son. Little Henry has brought such joy to my heart, I cannot say how much. I'm sorry I won't be there to see him grow up. Or to help him grow up._

_That's the real reason for this letter, Cher. You know I was a daddy's boy. My daddy played such a big role in my life. He formed me, he taught me, he showed me how to be a man. I followed in his very big footsteps all my life._

_Cher, every boy needs a daddy. I want Henry to have one. A real one. One he can touch and play ball with. If Spencer is that person in his life, I will be happy. He's a good man and I can see that he loves Henry, and that Henry loves him._

_Cher, I want Henry to have a daddy in every sense of the word. Which is why I want you to know that it would make me happy to have Spencer adopt him. A boy should have his daddy's name, the daddy he grows up with. I want that for my boy. I want him to remember me, but I want him to have the same kind of relationship with the man who is his daddy that I had with mine. It's more important to me than having the LaMontagne name carried on. My brother Phil can take care of that for us, I'm sure._

_Cher, I know life can change, I know love can change, so I have to trust that, however it comes out, you will make the right decision. Just know that I hold you and Henry in a special place in my heart, no matter what._

_With love and gratitude,_

_Will_

JJ and Reid had pondered it, prayed on it, sought advice from those they trusted. In the end, they'd decided Will was right. But they still weren't ready to finalize it. They'd brought it to Henry.

Reid reflected that there was virtually no way to present this to Henry without some degree of coercion. How much consent could a five year old give?  _And yet_ , he thought,  _this is what parents are called upon to do. Make decisions in the best interests of the child. Welcome to parenthood, Reid._

Several weeks before the wedding, they'd felt the time was right. JJ took Henry aside and was holding him on her lap. They'd decided she should have this conversation without Reid being present.

"Henry, I need to talk to you about something very important. Okay?"

"Okay, Mommy." Henry put on his serious face.

JJ took a breath, begged for guidance, and began. "Henry, I know you think of Uncle Spence as your daddy. Right?"

Henry nodded.

"Would you like him to  _really_  be your daddy? Officially? You would have his same last name, you'd be Henry Reid, just like Mommy will be Jennifer Reid when we get married. Your Daddy Will thought it might be a good idea. What do you think?"

"A  _real_ daddy? Not just a step-daddy?"

"A real daddy, Henry, that's right." JJ was trying not to hope too hard.

"Yay!"

She almost cried. She hadn't heard a 'Yay' in ages.

"Yay?"

"Yay, Uncle Spence will be my real daddy!"

JJ still wasn't sure they were done. "And what about Daddy Will?"

"Daddy Will is my  _first_  daddy. And Uncle Spence is my  _now_  Daddy!"

JJ wasn't sure exactly how that worked, but she was glad of it. And Henry seemed genuinely happy.

Reid had been out walking, and reflecting, and praying for whatever might be the right outcome to JJ's conversation with Henry. JJ met him at the door when he returned. He knew, immediately, from the grin on her face.

"I'm a dad?"

"You're a dad!"

He grabbed her and whirled her around. And then found Henry, to do the same with him.

_"I'm a dad!"_

* * *

Now they all stood before the judge. He'd been advised about the circumstances, and now been given Will's letter. Phil assured the judge of his support, and that of the LaMontagne family.

"Henry LaMontagne?"

Despite the judge's best attempts to moderate it, his voice was deep, and imposing. Henry was intimidated.

"Yes?" a little voice squeaked.

"Henry, come here for a moment, please."

Uncertainly, and with a visible timidity, Henry stepped forward.

"Henry, " the judge was still trying for his kindest, quietest voice, "do you know what 'adoption' means?"

"No?"

The judge wasn't surprised that Henry didn't understand, only that he'd admitted it.

"It means that a grown up loves you enough to want to become your parent…..in this case, your father…..even though he isn't really related to you. It means someone loves you very, very much. And that they're willing to say they'll love you forever. No matter what."

The judge had thrown a look in Reid's direction as he spoke those last words.

JJ realized she was listening to the voice of experience.

"You have an Uncle Spence who loves you very much, do you not?"

Henry didn't understand the phrasing, so made an affirmative statement. "I love Uncle Spence. He's my daddy now."

The judge took that in. "You already think of Uncle Spence as your daddy, Henry?"

"Yep."

That was good enough for the judge. "Well, then, I guess we should make it official. Dr. Reid, would you sign the papers my clerk is handing to you. Mrs. Reid as well."

When they were finished signing, the judge addressed the small group assembled in the courtroom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you Henry William LaMontagne Reid."

Phil was teary, but approving. Garcia and Charlene cried, as did JJ and Sandy. Reid bent down to lift his son into his arms, feeling overcome. Hotch reached a hand over and laid it on Reid's shoulder, just as Charles did the same, fathers bonding with a new member of the brotherhood. The family Reid was formed.

* * *

Sandy and Charles headed home the same day. The Reids settled in as one, into the home they'd shared before, but now shared as a family. In the evening, after Henry was down, JJ and Reid were snuggling on the couch, in front of the fire.

"I'm so glad we can still do this, even though we're an old married couple," teased JJ.

"I'm hoping we  _will_  still be doing it,JJ, even when we're  _very_ old, and  _very_ married."

He drew her closer. "It feels so full, JJ. Being a family. It feels like we're complete."

Reid noticed a strange look come over her face, one that he couldn't quite interpret.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Spence, no. But about being complete?" She put her hand on her lower abdomen. "Umm...Spence, there's something I have to tell you."


	29. Chapter 29

**A Song of Their Own**

**Epilogue**

"Mommy, Daddy needs you!"

_Really? Mr. Magic Fingers? He can make things disappear and reappear but he can't change a diaper?_

JJ was a little annoyed as she answered Henry's summons to the changing table.

"What now?"

"JJ, how do you do this? It was so much easier before the baby started to roll."

JJ gave her husband her best "and I thought you were a genius" look as she demonstrated holding their infant stable with two fingers of each hand while sliding the diaper underneath with the rest.

"Oh."

"Oh? You couldn't figure that out? Spence, your fingers are a third longer than mine. This should have been easy for you." She couldn't keep the frustration out of her voice.

"Well, you're so much better at this than I am."

Not getting the response he was going for, he reverted to his squinty-eyed helpless schoolboy look.

"I'll try harder next time?"

She tried to stare him down, but ended up giving in. That last look always did it to her.

"Yes, you'll try harder next time. Because I'm not changing every diaper from here on out….right?"

Reid looked at Henry, and Henry at Reid. They were a team. "Right!" came out in stereo.

* * *

JJ found a (very) few minutes to sit with her journal that night. They were coming up on their one year anniversary in another few days. She found herself paging back to the entries about their wedding, and adopting Henry, and the 'revelation'. She ended up putting the book down and just revisiting it all from memory.

"Umm...Spence, there's something I have to tell you." She watched as Reid's eyes followed her hand to her abdomen. Then watched them widen. He opened and closed his mouth three times without getting a word out. A random thought came to her.  _Could I have cured his rambling?_

JJ just looked directly into his eyes, and nodded. He tried again to speak. "When…how…..I mean, I know  _how_ , but…..JJ? JJ!"

He reached for her face with both hands and kissed her lips, her eyes, her forehead.

"Does this mean you're happy?"

He finally found his voice. "It means I'm shocked, and amazed, and thrilled, and excited, and…"

"And apparently not dumbstruck."

"Ha! JJ, when did you find out?"

"Today. I was suspicious…you remember how tired I was all the time. You thought it was the wedding, and so did I, but then it felt different. I remembered it from Henry. So I did a test two weeks ago and there was  _maybe_  a faint line. And then we were so busy, and I just couldn't have dealt with it. So I waited until today. And there it was."

"Well, what is it? Do you know? When are we due?"

She laughed. She'd seen it before. His IQ had a tendency to go out the window when he was excited.

"Spence! We can't possibly know the sex for a while yet. And are you sure you want to?"

The look on his face told her he wasn't. She continued.

"I think it might have happened on Valentine's Day. I can't really explain, but I felt something then. Which would put my due date somewhere around Thanksgiving."

He was still taking it in. "JJ, I'm gonna be a dad! I  _am_  a dad! Twice over, in the same day, can you believe it?"

* * *

If she thought he'd exhausted all of his 'random pregnancy facts' with Henry's gestation, she was wrong. They surfaced everywhere, and constantly.

"JJ, did you know that at any given time, about four percent of the women in the US are pregnant?"

"No, Spence, I didn't."

"Yes. And did you know that the average size of a full term baby in the US is eight pounds? That's an increase of two pounds over the past thirty years."

JJ was remembering her labor with seven pound Henry. "Ouch! I hope we're bringing the average down."

They'd decided not to say anything to Henry until the pregnancy was visible. It would be easier for him to understand….and he wouldn't have to wait so long.

But they would tell Hotch, and the team, much sooner, as it might affect work. JJ reflected that the team would have known anyway. If  _she_  wasn't glowing, her husband was.

Their colleagues were excited for them.

"Jayje! Oh, my girl, that's wonderful. And my Junior G-man, congratulations!" Garcia was effusively hugging and kissing both of them.

"Kid, JJ, congratulations! I might have to stop calling you 'Pretty Boy' now, huh?" Morgan embraced each of them briefly.

"That was quick!" Emily put her hand over mouth. "Oops!"

JJ reassured her. "Don't worry, you only said what everybody else is thinking."

Rossi gave them his trademark double cheek kiss. "Cara, I'm very happy for you. You too, Reid. You'll be great parents together."

And Hotch was…..unHotchlike. He embraced JJ, and even Reid. "Congratulations. I couldn't be happier for you." He paused and looked at them a moment before adding. "There are probably some decisions you'll be needing to make?"

Both JJ and Reid nodded. They'd already been discussing how, or if, both of them could continue with the BAU with two children, one an infant, at home. So far, they'd found no ideal solution.

"Give us a little more time, Hotch, then maybe the three of us should meet." They knew there would be sacrifice involved, no matter what the decision.

* * *

JJ recovered her energy as she approached her second trimester and was, fortunately, not troubled with much in the way of morning sickness. She'd begun to show, so she and Reid decided it was time to share the news with Henry.

"Hey, little man, your dad and I have something to talk to you about." JJ caught him as he came in from school one day.

Henry assumed he was in trouble for something and was readying a protest when Reid cut him off.

"We've got a surprise for you, Henry."

Now the little guy was all in with them. "A surprise? I love surprises! What is it, Daddy?"

"Well, do you remember how much fun you had when Little Will came to visit us when we got married?"

Henry was nodding vigorously. "Is he coming to visit us again? I love Little Will!"

JJ took over. "No, Henry, he's not. But how would you like to have a baby brother or sister who could live here together with us, in our house, all the time?"

"And I could play with them?"

"When they get big enough, sure. And you can help us take care of them when they're little. What do you think, Henry?"

"Yay! Can we go and get them today?"

His parents laughed. "Henry, don't you remember where babies come from?" JJ had taught him this before.

"Oh. The baby is in the mommy's belly?"

"The baby is in  _your_  mommy's belly, buddy. We're going to have a baby!" Reid was pointing at JJ's baby bump.

Henry's eyes went wide. "There's a baby in there?"

JJ was cradling her abdomen with her hands. "Yep, a baby brother or sister. Just like when you were inside Mommy's belly. We don't know yet whether it's a boy or a girl. But either way, Henry, you get to be a big brother again."

"Yay!"

* * *

"JJ, did you know that pregnant women have a heightened sense of smell in the second trimester?"

"Is that why I've been following my nose to the computer room whenever Garcia bakes chocolate chip cookies?"

"And did you know that babies get fingerprints at the age of three months?"

"Ending their life of crime after the first trimester?"

"And did you know…."

"Spence." JJ prided herself In having found the surest way to shut him up. She covered his lips with hers.

"Mmmmm." He smiled at her, on to her wiles, and wanting more.

"And did you know…" He got what he wanted.

* * *

JJ remembered Reid's fear of fetal movement during her pregnancy with Henry. She almost wished he'd not gotten over it. At every opportunity, he had his hand on her abdomen, offering commentary.

"JJ, did you know the baby can feel our touch, and can hear us, and even see us a little bit?"

"Spence, don't you remember me piping music in to Henry so he wouldn't hear our case discussions?"

It was coming back to him. "That's right, I do. Maybe you should put a blanket over your belly when Garcia has the photos up on the case board."

"How about I just face away, and turn my head around?"

"Great idea! Did you feel that kick just now? This baby is strong. And I think it's a Democrat. There was a lot of kicking when I clicked by that one news channel this morning."

* * *

The final trimester was the most difficult for JJ. She was carrying lower this pregnancy, and was feeling like she could barely move the lower half of her body.

"That's perfectly understandable, you know. The average uterus expands up to five hundred times its normal size by the end of pregnancy. So there's a lot of pressure on your lower extremities. But did you know that's not the only reason your feet are getting bigger?"

She tried to stare him down. "No, Spence, I didn't.  _Please_  tell me exactly why my feet are getting bigger."

When he was on a roll, sarcasm was lost on her husband.

"Well, your body produces more of a hormone called relaxin and that loosens the ligaments in your foot. It's why you can't go back to your original shoe size."

"Thank you, Spencer dear, for that enlightening tidbit."

Sarcasm may have been lost on Reid, but he was still able to pick up on annoyance.

"Sorry, JJ, I was rambling again. I promise, I'll stop. I'm just excited. And I can't go through the pregnancy with you, or for you, so…..I'm trying to learn as much about what you're going through as I can."

"I know, Spence, and I appreciate it. But since I'm the one stuck with the swollen feet, and the ginormous belly, you help me the most by taking some of my load off. You know, around the house, and with Henry?"

She had to admit, he'd been really good about that. He couldn't do enough for her. They'd converted the guest room to a nursery, and he had been extraordinarily patient with trying out paint colors and furniture arrangements. He and Henry had taken male bonding to a new frontier, finding ways to absent themselves from the house every time they could, to give JJ the opportunity for a nap. And she hadn't had to cook a meal or wash a dish for months.

And now, Reid proved once again that he was, indeed, a genius. He got up from the sofa and pulled JJ's legs up to stretch them out. Kneeling beside her, he massaged her feet.

"How's that?"

"Heavenly."

He sat her up and leaned her forward, massaging her lower back. "And that?"

"Ooh…..divine."

He started to kiss her neck. Of all that he had done for her, the way he made her still feel desirable even when she felt like a whale was the most ingratiating. "And that?"

They'd found ways to make love throughout most of the pregnancy. But the gravid belly made things very difficult at this point. Which didn't mean he couldn't make her feel extraordinarily good….

"And that?"

She could only purr.

* * *

"JJ, did you know that fewer than ten percent of babies are born on their due date?" They were three days away. "But ninety percent are born within two weeks of it."

"Two weeks! Spence, I don't think I can last two more weeks." JJ was exhausted, and hormonal, and crying. Her feet fit only into flip-flops, and wide-widths at that.

He came to her and held her, as close as he could, given her size. She'd gained twenty pounds of fluid with Henry, and probably more than that with this baby. She felt like she was swollen all over.

"It will happen when it's the right time, JJ, I'm sure of it. It will be all right." Some part of his brain was remarking on how easily he comforted a crying woman now, when once he would have fled at the first hint of upset.

That evening, finding JJ unable to find a comfortable position for sleep, Reid pulled her out of bed and slipped her robe on. He brought her out to the patio and settled her on a chair, then covered her with a thick blanket. It was was November, and the nights were cold…..but the skies were clear, and crisp.

Reid settled himself into the seat behind her, so he could hold her.

"Look at that night sky, JJ. Isn't it exquisite?"

She leaned back into him, relishing his presence, and his warmth. "It's beautiful, Spence."

"I come out here almost every night. It's where I feel closest to God, even though it makes me feel so small and inconsequential."

She turned her head to look at him at that.  _Why would you want to feel inconsequential?_  She thought, but did not say.

Almost as if she'd said it aloud, he responded. "But I realize that I'm not. Not a single one of us is. No matter who we are, no matter what we do, we matter. Every one of us. Every one who's come before. Everyone who walks the earth with us. And everyone who comes after. We all matter."

She'd settled back into his arms, melting in the warmth of his embrace. She felt like she could stay like that forever.

"And I realize that this baby….our baby….matters too. He, or she, will make a difference. Even if only by being alive. And loving someone. And being loved by someone. Just by being human." He was silent a moment. "It's awesome, JJ. And I'm in awe."

She was crying again. She couldn't tell now if it was the hormones, or the eloquent speech of her baby's father. She only knew that she would forever remember….and many times relive….the night he'd held her and told her about how precious their baby would be.

It was the first night of the Leonids. Stars started shooting through the night sky.

"Do you believe in signs, Spence?" JJ was relaxed against him, eyes focused heavenward.

He thought for a moment. "Not signs, I guess. But I've come to believe in synergy. Like maybe this night, and these meteors, and our being out here to see them, and our baby being able to look through you to see them….I can believe it was all meant to be."

She was willing to go along with him. "And does that mean our baby has a special mission in life?"

He squeezed her. "I don't know about that. But maybe it means she has the mission to appreciate the heavens, and nights like this one."

JJ caught it. "She? Do you know something I don't know?"

He laughed at himself. "I don't know why I said that. He or she, I guess _." But….yes….'she'._

* * *

JJ stayed home from what turned out to be the final two away cases before her due date, not wanting to take a chance. The nursery was ready, a now six year old Henry was beside himself in anticipation, and JJ was exhausted. Reid was just returning from a troubling case in Indiana.

JJ was massaging  _his_  shoulders this time.

"Is Rossi okay?"

Their avuncular friend had taken a beating from the unsub before the others could pull the offender off.

"He says he's fine, but he looks pretty beat up to me. I think what he means is that it felt good to go hand to hand with someone who could do that to those kids."

"God, Spence, sometimes I wonder what we're doing, bringing a baby into a world like this."

He turned a little, so he could look at her. "I know what you mean, JJ, but then I remember that our world also has people like Rossi, and Hotch, and Morgan, and Emily, and Garcia….even you and me….and then I think…..here's one more for the good guys."

She couldn't quite fit behind him anymore, but from her place at his side, JJ stopped massaging Reid's shoulders and hugged him. She kissed his back….and then hissed.

"Oh, my God."

He was instantly alert. "What?"

She looked down. "Spence, my water just broke."

He looked down as well. "Oh, my God."

He rose. "I'll get the car. And the bag. You get  _in_  the car."

"Spence, we'll have some time, I'm not even feeling contractions yet." Which, of course, precipitated the first one.

He waited her out, impatient. "Come on, JJ, we need to get to the hospital."

"Spence, we have Henry. We need to call Garcia to come and stay with him." They'd already arranged it with their son's godmother.

Reid was already on his cell. "Garcia? It's time." It was all he said. They could both hear her through the speaker.

"Oh, my God! I'm on my way! Don't do anything ! Don't go anywhere! I'll be right there!"

Twenty minutes later Reid interrupted his pacing to open the door.

"Henry's asleep, the dog's already been out. We need to get going."

Garcia hugged JJ and then Reid. "Good luck, my precious duo! Call me the very minute you have any news!"

* * *

JJ kept Reid from breaking land speed records on his way to the hospital. She would have offered to drive, but she couldn't fit behind the wheel anymore.

"Spence, slow down! The baby and I would like to get there intact."

Those were the words she said. The ones she thought were  _Oh, my God, these contractions are closer together than I thought! I think I feel something…._

"Spence, stop!"

He looked at her, not understanding. "I'm not speeding anymore, JJ. Don't worry."

As he read the distress in her face, his eyes began to widen.

"JJ?"

"Spence, pull over! I think it's happening?"

Even as he obeyed, he offered his denial. "What do you mean 'it's happening'? It can't happen yet, JJ, we're not at the hospital yet!"

"It's happening. Oh, my God, I can't have my baby by the side of the road. Please, God…"

By now Reid had pulled off and run around the car to the passenger side. He reached in and swung JJ's legs out.

There was never a husband, save an ob/gyn, who was more prepared for labor and delivery than was Spencer Reid. He'd read every article, every text, every legitimate on-line source of information. He'd almost been expelled from Lamaze class (but instead offered private lessons) for asking too many question. He was prepared for every eventuality. Except this one.

"JJ, the baby's crowning! It's coming!"

JJ was suppressing a grunt. "Yes, I can tell that, thank you."

Reid's voice was rising in pitch, a sure sign of his growing panic.

Using his last reserve of calm, Reid punched 911 into his phone and virtually shouted their predicament at the operator. And then lost the signal.

He later told JJ he'd been having a nonstop conversation in prayer throughout the experience.

_All right, You need to help me here. You need to help all of us. This baby did nothing but get conceived. You need to give her..or him… a chance, okay? What do I do next? Oh, that's right, a blanket. And I should keep the heat on in the car, right. Get her into the back seat? Okay. Keep her calm? Not a chance, that's Your job._

Reid accomplished all of the tasks he'd laid out for himself. JJ was remarkably calm, perhaps because she was so focused on the pain of her contractions, and the need to push.

Reid was having a mental argument with himself about whether second babies could possibly have such short labors. He won, and he lost _. It shouldn't be happening, but it is._

"Spence, I need to push!"

Reid frantically tried his phone a few more times, then took the biggest breath of his life and came down with a reassuring hand on her abdomen. That sense of peace he'd felt so long ago, when she was near death in the hospital, came down on him again.

"It's all right, JJ, go ahead and push. I'm ready to help us meet our baby. And the ambulance will be here any second." They could hear a siren in the distance.

"Spence….mmphmm…..mmphmm…." She'd reached for his hands, used them to help push off.

"I love you, JJ, you're doing great."

"Mmphmm….mmphmm…" Her eyes, scrunched in her pushes, opened wide when he let go of her hands.

He'd reached for the baby's head. "It's coming, JJ, the head is coming."

He applied the gentle downward traction he'd read about. She could barely hear him through her effort. She felt, and gave, one final, tremendous push. "Mmmphmmmm!"

"It's out! The baby's out! " He grabbed a blanket from JJ's hospital bag and began to wrap the newborn. The contact elicited the baby's first wail.

JJ fell back in relief. She joined Reid in an unspoken  _Thank You, God_.

Finally she caught her breath and found her voice. "Spence," she got out, "what is it?"

He'd forgotten to notice! Partially unwrapping the infant, he reported, "We have a daughter, JJ. It's a girl!"

* * *

The newpapers called her 'The Beltway Baby', but the Reids had a different name in mind. The ambulance arrived shortly after delivery and deposited mother and child at the hospital, while a kind patrol officer drove a now very shaky Reid. Once JJ and the baby had been given a clean bill of health, Reid notified all of the interested parties.

"Your parents will be here tomorrow. I thought your mother was going to leap through the phone."

"And Dad was calm and collected?"

"He played at it, but I think I heard a tear in his voice." Reid smiled at the image of the sometimes gruff Charles Jareau melting in the presence of his infant granddaughter.

"And Garcia?"

"You mean you didn't hear her?" Reid had been down the hall at the time, but was convinced that Garcia's excited response could be heard everywhere. "She'll tell the others."

"Did you tell Henry?"

"He was already asleep. Garcia and I decided to just have him come tomorrow. I don't think he'll really understand until he meets her anyway."

"Even then, until he realizes she's coming home with us." They shared a laugh over the reaction of the new big brother.

Reid pulled up a chair and sat next to JJ in the bed. He reached out a hand and palmed her face. "You were amazing, you know. You never panicked, you never faltered. You just did what you had to do for our daughter. Thank you, JJ."

She caught the one hand and reached for his other one as well. "Our daughter has a pretty amazing dad, too. I can't wait to tell her someday about how you delivered her by the side of the road."

"I think we all had a lot of help with that, didn't we?"

She returned a knowing smile. "We did, indeed."

* * *

A little blond bullet penetrated the room at 10:30 the following morning.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Henry gave hugs all around. He didn't notice the baby crib next to the bed until a sound came out of it.

"There's a baby!"

His parents laughed. "That's  _our_  baby, Henry," Reid explained as he lifted her out of the crib. JJ reached down and pulled Henry up to sit on the bed beside her.

"This is your baby sister, Henry," Reid announced as he placed the infant into Henry's arms. The boy held her gently, staring, stroking her face.

"Hi….baby." Henry looked at his parents.

"What's her name?"

JJ told him. "Her name is Diana Rose Reid."

"Rosie!"

And thus she was ever called.

* * *

JJ closed her journal without writing a word. She was exhausted, and would take advantage of Reid's being home to get a full, uninterrupted night's sleep. Reid came in to kiss her goodnight after he'd gotten Henry down.

"Sweet dreams. I have a date with a younger woman." Rosie was in the habit of going down late but, blissfully, sleeping through most of the night.

JJ was virtually talking in her sleep. "I'd be jealous…but I'm too tired."

He sat next to her for a little while, watching as she fell into a sound sleep in a matter of minutes. He still managed to find himself entranced by her, by her beauty, by her intelligence, by her character. He gently stroked her hair without waking her.  _I love everything about you, Jennifer Jareau Reid. And I will be thankful to the end of my days that you are in my life._

Reid went out to the living room and found Rosie wide awake in her infant seat. She was a bundle of personality these days, happy and interactive and babbling. All four limbs were waving in excitement as her father approached and gently lifted her into his arms.

"You know, Rosie, I'm used to snuggling with someone else here on the couch. I think your mother might be jealous if she saw us." He had her sitting on his lap, looking up at him, laughing at him.

"I'm so glad you got your mother's eyes and hair. Mine would be lost on a beautiful baby girl. But I think I'm gonna have to fight off the guys in another fifteen years or so." He thought again. "Make that twenty-five."

Rosie was an all-in, all-out kind of girl. She went from wide awake to out cold after a bottle. Reid gently put her down in her crib and turned on the monitor. He took the speaker with him when he retreated out to sit under the night sky again.

_I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that this moment is precious. Thank You. I've never known true joy before, but I do now._

He remembered the famous quote from Teilhard de Chardin, "Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God."

_So maybe now You're really introducing Yourself to me. And I can just bet I know who's up there making it happen._

He remembered JJ telling him what she'd said to Charlene, about Will choosing Little Will for her. If it worked that way, he knew who'd chosen Rosie. They'd decided on her name for a reason.

He thought back again to that final earthly communication from the person who had given him life, who'd sacrificed so much for him, who'd recognized his soul mate even before he had, who'd encouraged him to believe that the fullness of life just might be found in stepping out into the unknown.

_"Be engaged with life. Read the great stories. Gaze upon fine art. Listen to beautiful music. Explore the night sky. My adventure is coming to an end. Yours is still being written. Enjoy your life, my heart. Be happy._

_With love eternal,_

_Mom"_

I am forever grateful. _  
_

FINIS


End file.
